Females...are you the MAN in your relationship?

MinnieInMaine

Regardless of whether or not his behavior is "normal" (there's no such thing IMHO, everyone's different, that's what makes the world interesting), this is a horrid relationship the needs to end. You need to be the one to break up with him and do not allow him to manipulate you in to taking him back. If he truly loved you, he'd accept you for the person you are, not try to form you in to whatever his ideal woman is.

ETA: I also want to add that everyone has their choice as to what kind of relationship they can live with. If you love the person enough to put up with a lot of drama, good for you. I just couldn't deal with something like that.

Relationships have their challenges but you have to recognize the difference between minor usual issues (like how much it bugs me when hubby leaves his socks in the living room) and when you're so imcompatible that you struggle to coexist.

My best friend was in a relationship like this a while back and it just killed me to hear her go through the emotional rollercoaster of him breaking up with her and then begging to take her back. Look, I get it, it's a great ego boost to be begged to stay in someone's life but really? You're both just hurting each other over and over and it's totally not worth it.

ChrisRS87

You sound normal and chill, he sounds like a p*ssy. Unless you aren't attracted to masculinity, you should go out and meet someone who can be "the man", radiates confidence, awesomeness, stability, etc. Guys like me, basically.

Does he wear your underwear or jeans, or trim his eye brows too?

JustJennie1

I'm sorry, why are you with him again?

You say you "break up all the time" and yet. . . . . you keep getting back together. Makes zero sense to me.

This is not a dress rehearsal. You don't get a second go around at life so you need to make the most out of it and be happy. If you're ok with a relationship that is full of arguments, attitude and just horribleness then by all means stay.

HeatherLeahxx

I'm sorry, why are you with him again?

Your guess is as good as mine.....changing my number tomorrow.......

just hope he won't come near my work or home.....and hopefully I don't give in and get lonely and go back...thank you for all of yer replies.....honestly I though I was going mad

HeatherLeahxx

I know this sounds harsh, but leave him. It won't get better. All I have done is date guys EXACTLY like this. I am "heartless" "cold" whatever...

Sounds like my partner, he says I am heartless. Do you know that song jar of hearts, he says thats my song.
" You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul" he said it jokingly but I think kdeep down thats how he sees me thats why he said it.

I was always being accused of cheating if I didn't pick up the phone on the first ring.

He doesn't accuse me of cheating but he gets the **** if I miss his call, when I ring back he is so moody and says well why do you even have a mobile if you never answer it.
With this issue I feel like I am the male cause you know how girls ( well all my friends do it) they always ringing their partners all day long, even when they are at work, my partner rings me all day while he is at work it's not even important stuff most of it can wait until he gets home.

Just run! You'll feel bad the first week but then you will feel this amazing weight being let off your shoulders and you can move on

If you want to leave hun then do it now while you can, I should have left after our first major fight we had been together 3 months and I thought it was a one time thing we were both so stressed at the time etc but 12 years later and 5 kids it's still the same and harder to leave.

But it can also be hard to move on when they are constantly begging to try work things out and telling how much they love and miss you and you can see the sadness in their eyes, he also says he will never let me move on and if I ever got a new boy friend he will bash him.

I hope I am not taking over your thread hun, I just feel a bit relieved that there is other people who know who I feel xx

I feel like he loves me more than I love him, I do care about him and I don't want to hurt him but I don't feel I love him well not in the way that he loves me.

You are not taking over anything ......thank you for answering my post...a.t least I know I'm not alone xx

corn63

Get rid of him. People that are emotionally draining on you are stealing your life away from you. Life is too short to be coddling a man child.

There are plenty of men out there that wear pants. It took me many years, but I found one and my relationship with him has never been better.

JustJennie1

I'm sorry, why are you with him again?

Your guess is as good as mine.....changing my number tomorrow.......

just hope he won't come near my work or home.....and hopefully I don't give in and get lonely and go back...thank you for all of yer replies.....honestly I though I was going mad

Lonely or not you're obviously not happy in that relationship. I get that you've been with him for two years but it doesn't sound like it's a happy two years. Would you rather find someone who can make you happy, that you don't argue with and that you want to be with or would you rather stay with this guy and say ten years down the road look back and say "Damn. If only . . ."

Seriously, you're not going to get another chance at life or happiness so you need to do what you can now.:flowerforyou:

HeatherLeahxx

You sound normal and chill, he sounds like a p*ssy. Unless you aren't attracted to masculinity, you should go out and meet someone who can be "the man", radiates confidence, awesomeness, stability, etc. Guys like me, basically.

Does he wear your underwear or jeans, or trim his eye brows too?

:drinker:

Bentley2718

I thought this thread was going to be something completely different (and not in a sexual way)...

Your boyfriend sounds like a class Mr. Sensitive, by which I mean a man who is overly-sensitive to everything you do, and a inconsiderate jerk to you. Move on with your life.

vypeters

Sounds like depression/anxiety. My hubs struggles with depression though he's doing well after therapy and medication.

I kind of cringe at your post which effectively buys into the meme that struggling with depression/anxiety is somehow "unmanly". It's a hidden epidemic in men because so many people believe that.

I also note that it sounds like a lot of insecurity there. Again, not a gender related trait.

JustJennie1

Sounds like depression/anxiety. My hubs struggles with depression though he's doing well after therapy and medication.

I kind of cringe at your post which effectively buys into the meme that struggling with depression/anxiety is somehow "unmanly". It's a hidden epidemic in men because so many people believe that.

I also note that it sounds like a lot of insecurity there. Again, not a gender related trait.

Did your husband snap at you, get mad if you didn't do what he wanted to do and nag you about it for weeks on end? Did he pick random fights with you?

I'm not being snarky it's just that she stated that he picks arguments and gets mad when she doesn't do what he wants to do. IMO he sounds manipulative, not depressed.

MTBrob

A 20 year old shouldn't be worrying about this.. You haven't lived your life and neither has he.. Sounds like he needs to go out and learn how to become a man .. You two together sounds like it is toxic for both of you .. I may not be easy but its time t end it ... In the long run you and him will be happier.....

If you don't I predict you will get pregnant by accident.. You two will marry and eventually get a divorce scaring your child and more than likely raising he/she to be like the father and rinse and repeat the cycle.....

Do you want that ? I doubt it..


No one says you two can't get back together.. But you all have some growing to do.. The physical growing is done.. now time mental and emotional growing to happen...

fcp1234

You are both very young.

To answer your question, No Im not the man in my relationship. I could never be with an emotional guy, I only like the manly kind. Like I told my husband last night we needed to talk, he goes " If its not about sex or food I would rather not tonight, I gotta a headache"..I would rather take that than a sensitive guy.

Its all about what you are attracted to, if thats not your type, move on. There are a lot of women that like sensitive guys. He deserves one.

DontStopB_Leakin

My husband's dad died 7 months ago. He has yet to ask for love poetry or flowers.


Yea, your boyfriend isn't acting anywhere close to normal.

PantalaNagaPampa

Seriously, everyone here is pretty much on the same page.

This guy has emational and control issues. There is nothing wrong with a guy being in otuch with his emotions but not to the point where he becomes manipulative like a soap opera bizzatch.

Youa re only 20, you should be out having fun with the girls and dating different guys to actually find what you truy want in a guy. Obviously it is not a whiny manipualtive mama' s boy who makes you cut ties with all male firends.

My wife has male firends, she goes and has girl days at the spa etc and I am happy that she has her own life and does not rely on me to validate her existence.

Simply put, cut bait and run away as fast as you can.

rocksyraeis

Your both young, he is only 23 and you have to understand some people do not deal with death very well. It sounds like he is lost, and afraid tocget close to someone he obviously is exhibiting emotional distress about abandonment probably steming from his father passing away; i know you are frustrated and i know its hard but what he needs right now is support either from you or a therapist.

He is trying to regain control of his life, death is something that is not able to be controlled and so if someone close to you passes away this may brig out any underlying control issues. I do not think your relationship is unsaveable and i do not think you should be takin advice from strangers online. You should sit down with him and talk to him about the way he is pushing you away, his father passed away, im guessing they were close and he has taken a very emotional beating because of it. He wants the security of knowing you love him but he fears you leaving him so he leaves you first in an effort to control the situation.

You should let him know you know what he is doing, you should consider couples counciling or at least bringing therapy up to him bottom line is put yourself in his shoes how would you react if your father died? Goodlucl.

wolfpack77

... he sounds like a p*ssy.

Going to have to agree with Chris here.

And since Im also not one to sugarcoat things or make excuses by saying he needs "therapy" or whatever... Im just going to say he's massively insecure and lacks confidence. Its that simple.

Il_DaniD_lI

Just break up.

Cliffslosinit

These are major RED FLAGS!!! RUN LITTLE GIRL RUN!!!!!!

magj0y

He is manipulating and controlling you. You said you have stopped talking to your male friends? Hhhhmmmm... . Let me show you the path -

He gets mad and jealous of you talking to other guys. It starts a fight, and you end up apologizing for this behavior (you were wrong, afterall!)

After a while, your 'girlfriends' are a bad influence, and he doesnt see why you would want to hang out with them over him. He pressures you and tells you they hate him, and are trying to split you up. You feel guilty and start cancelling plans and stop hanging out with them.

Now, you have no friends - he has control. He can degrade and verbally / emotionally abuse you, and there are no witnesses to his bad behavior - no one to step up and tell you soething is wrong.

Soon, he is controlling every aspect of your life - ten minutes late coming home from work? Well, you MUST be screwing around wiht someone on the way home - traffic couldnt have made you THAT late!! Didnt call him on your break at work? Well, you must be having sex in the stairwell with someone.

I have lived this life - and survived. It took me years to get out, but I did. Even after we split up, he would try to control me. I broke free, and am living a happier life. Its not perfect, but I am happier.

My ex husband's mother died, and that is when all of this drama started. I made the mistake of allowing it to happen. Take my advice - if he wont get help, there is nothing you can do to help him. Break up, change your phone number, and move on. Tell him if he harrasses you that you will get a restraining order. Let his family know as well.

Be safe and good luck.

^^^
Yes, this is classic controlling and manipulative behavior that will only escalate. I highly suggest ending the relationship and not going back, just forward. It isn't easy, especially when your heart is ruling your head. In the end, your heart will be shattered and your head will be left spinning and confused.

Good luck, it won't be easy. Expect those reams of paper to be thrown in your face as emotional blackmail. Change your number and if you live with him... when you move, try and get a roommate.