When is it okay to leave your newborn?

2

Replies

  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
    She stated it was for 6 days...


    The fact she's getting backlash over this is a bit appalling. She's not a first time mother...she knows her own kids and the people she is leaving them with, so not quite sure what has anyone up in arms over this. The fact is had she taken the kid with her, then people would still claim irresponsibility for taking such a young baby on a trip. You just can't win.


    If I want to take a vacation after giving birth, I'm going to too! And if anyone ever has a problem with that, they can keep it to themselves cuz their opinion of me is none of my business.
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
    I'm not a parent, so I can't say I know the felling, but here is my 2 cents.

    First, how long was she gone? I read it quickly and it doesn't say, just the he runs a tournament every summer. But didn't say how long she went for.

    If it was a week, or even 10 days, I'd say let her be.

    But if it was for the entire summer, then I would say she doesn't deserve that baby.

    I realize for me, when I hear parents complain about their kids or saying they need to get away from them, it bothers me because I never got that far and I think people shouldn't take for granted what a blessing they were given. But again, a simple week or so vacation isn't that bad IMO.
    You know what? I don't think it's up to you to decide who "deserves" their own baby.

    ^ This.
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
    the answer is to not have children.

    i leave my dog for a week every year and no one thinks i'm a monster.
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    the answer is to not have children.

    i leave my dog for a week every year and no one thinks i'm a monster.
    Where the hell were you with this advice 2 years ago?....I'm off to buy more damn diapers.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    the answer is to not have children.

    i leave my dog for a week every year and no one thinks i'm a monster.

    FOR THE WINNNNNNNNNNNNNN
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
    I think couples' alone time is imperative for new parents, especially if it's a first child. It's a huge adjustment and a huge strain on the relationship. The woman did nothing wrong, and I don't even know why this is "news."
  • karabeara
    karabeara Posts: 19 Member
    To each their own... As long as the baby was left in the care of qualified people then I have no opinion on what those parents do.

    Personally I wouldn't go away from my child for 6 days at that age. Heck I can't fathom more than a weekend away from our 6 year old but that's just how my husband and I are.
  • TheUglyFriend
    TheUglyFriend Posts: 338
    MY OPINION ON THE MATTER: Some mothers tend to get postpartum depression once a baby is born and you cant really help that your hormones change after you have a baby. Going on a small vacation when the baby is 10 weeks would be way better than not having a healthy connection with your baby.
  • mmarcy7
    mmarcy7 Posts: 227 Member
    The people getting down on the mother are probably envious that they don't have anyone to leave their baby with or the money to go on a vacation. I was breastfeeding and couldn't take a vacation away from my kids for several years. Would I have liked to? You bet your *kitten*. Doesn't make anyone a bad mother. Moms really need to lay off other moms, these "Mommy wars" the media likes to stir up are just sad. Unless someone is actually abusing their kids, we should all support each other.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    Oh... I thought this was a discussion about when is it okay to leave your newborn in the car. Because that's just wrong. Unless you crack the windows and are really wasted.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Oh... I thought this was a discussion about when is it okay to leave your newborn in the car. Because that's just wrong. Unless you crack the windows and are really wasted.

    Well, if you're wasted especially because you don't want to be driving.
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
    Oh... I thought this was a discussion about when is it okay to leave your newborn in the car. Because that's just wrong. Unless you crack the windows and are really wasted.

    that's what I thought too. Psh! Vacation? Rookies....
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    Oh... I thought this was a discussion about when is it okay to leave your newborn in the car. Because that's just wrong. Unless you crack the windows and are really wasted.
    In that case, two weeks is sufficient.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    I would not have been ready at that point physically, mentally, or emotionally, but I had a c-section for both kids so I was recovering from major surgery too. The first time my kids spent any time with someone other than me or my husband was after they were several months old, but we had the resources to do that. I didn't want a vacation away from them. I am not going to judge another mother for her choice though. The baby wasn't exactly abandoned or neglected, she was well cared for. Why is this in the news anyway?
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    I see nothing wrong with what the mom did. The only time I've left my daughter for more than a day she was 2, and I left her with her dad. But I think that this mother did nothing wrong. It's exhausting to have a newborn and if you're given the opportunity to take a small vacay and get some rest, do it. Postpartum depression/psychosis rates would probably be reduced if every mom had the opportunity to take a break, sleep and refresh now and then.
  • maddymama
    maddymama Posts: 1,183 Member
    My OPINION::

    When a mother goes back to work, it is usually for a workday or a shift, and she still sees and interacts with her newborn within a 24 hour period. And it is because she *has* to go to work and leave her baby, or she recognizes she is a better part-time mother when she is working outside the home. It is not usually a separation by choice, for relaxation. Most new moms or moms of newborns need a break in the first few weeks, but for me an hour or two was sufficient. A nap on my own, a dinner date with my spouse, a movie, a walk alone, were all enough to get me back on track for parenting. I didn't need a 6 day vacation, and I didn't want to be away from my babies for that long. For the record, my oldest is 6 and my youngest is 3 and I've only spend one night away from them which was for my husband's work. Not by my choice.


    Someone somewhere (on the TV clip linked in the first post?) mentioned that no one would care if Dad went away for work. Usually if that happens, the mother is still there caring for the child, not both parents gone together. Yes, her fiance's mother and a nanny watched the baby, but it still made me sad that both parents were willing to leave the baby alone for a week at such a young age. Fostering independence in a 10 week old seems ridiculous to me. This is when you should be fostering a connection, an attachment, trust.

    Personally, I wouldn't leave my newborn for any more than a few hours unless I couldn't absolutely help it (i.e. hospital stay). But that is how I roll..........
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Personally, I wouldn't leave my newborn for any more than a few hours unless I couldn't absolutely help it (i.e. hospital stay). But that is how I roll..........
    Then don't. :flowerforyou:
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 846 Member
    just another way for the media to slag off women. no ones business, not newsworthy at all & just another subliminal method of trying to enforce right wing "family values" (haha) on the general public.

    This vilifying of women really does piss me off.
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
    I can't give a sane response to this. I still get stabby if my kids are gone for even a few hours. They are 5 & 4. Both did stints in NICU, and I threatened to sleep in the lobby if they didn't find a bed for me. I stayed in a makeshift closet with a cot for a few days and used the public restroom in the waiting area.

    Love brings out my crazy. But that doesn't mean that my way is the only way to parent. Why don't people get that concept?
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    Love brings out my crazy. But that doesn't mean that my way is the only way to parent. Why don't people get that concept?
    (emphasis added)
    Because a lot of people don't have the capacity (or willingness) to think outside of their circle of judgment, experience and values.
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
    We left our first kid for a few days when she was 4 months.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I can't give a sane response to this. I still get stabby if my kids are gone for even a few hours. They are 5 & 4. Both did stints in NICU, and I threatened to sleep in the lobby if they didn't find a bed for me. I stayed in a makeshift closet with a cot for a few days and used the public restroom in the waiting area.

    Love brings out my crazy. But that doesn't mean that my way is the only way to parent. Why don't people get that concept?

    I think if my infant were in NICU, I would do the same thing. There's a difference between a baby who needs serious medical attention and a baby who's healthy and fine. If the baby in the story were very sick, I probably would have trouble understanding how either parent could leave for six days on vacation. Extenuating circumstances would change my response. But with everything fine, I would do it myself so I couldn't be upset with this woman! lol
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
    I couldnt go on vacation without my baby, not at 10 weeks, not now that he is over 1 year old. Im not saying I will never go on vacation without him, but not now that he is so young, and not for a whole week vacation. Next month we are going away for a weekend cause we have a wedding to go to, and I have started being nervous already, but then again, thats me..
    Thats me though, I got a friend who went away for a week when her Lo was a month old. And she is a great mom.
    It all depends..
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
    I can't give a sane response to this. I still get stabby if my kids are gone for even a few hours. They are 5 & 4. Both did stints in NICU, and I threatened to sleep in the lobby if they didn't find a bed for me. I stayed in a makeshift closet with a cot for a few days and used the public restroom in the waiting area.

    Love brings out my crazy. But that doesn't mean that my way is the only way to parent. Why don't people get that concept?

    I think if my infant were in NICU, I would do the same thing. There's a difference between a baby who needs serious medical attention and a baby who's healthy and fine. If the baby in the story were very sick, I probably would have trouble understanding how either parent could leave for six days on vacation. Extenuating circumstances would change my response. But with everything fine, I would do it myself so I couldn't be upset with this woman! lol

    I'm not upset with her either. My point was that even if I wouldn't do it myself, there is no reason for me to be judging her. She's done nothing wrong, just something different. My guys were fine long before 10 months of age, but the experience colored my decisions. Different doesn't mean wrong, and people have difficulty with that concept sometimes.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I can't give a sane response to this. I still get stabby if my kids are gone for even a few hours. They are 5 & 4. Both did stints in NICU, and I threatened to sleep in the lobby if they didn't find a bed for me. I stayed in a makeshift closet with a cot for a few days and used the public restroom in the waiting area.

    Love brings out my crazy. But that doesn't mean that my way is the only way to parent. Why don't people get that concept?

    I think if my infant were in NICU, I would do the same thing. There's a difference between a baby who needs serious medical attention and a baby who's healthy and fine. If the baby in the story were very sick, I probably would have trouble understanding how either parent could leave for six days on vacation. Extenuating circumstances would change my response. But with everything fine, I would do it myself so I couldn't be upset with this woman! lol

    I'm not upset with her either. My point was that even if I wouldn't do it myself, there is no reason for me to be judging her. She's done nothing wrong, just something different. My guys were fine long before 10 months of age, but the experience colored my decisions. Different doesn't mean wrong, and people have difficulty with that concept sometimes.

    I didn't think you were. I just picked up on the NICU thing, and I can see how different that it. Even most of us who would leave for vacation with kids that young probably wouldn't under those circumstances.
  • BabyLeila23
    BabyLeila23 Posts: 410
    Definitely thought you meant leave them completely alone...I was like uh, NEVER? hahaha.

    As for the topic at hand I think that depends on the mother really. Then again, I don't have kids.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I think people need to live and let live. She arranged for absolutely qualified care givers. Why is it anyone else's business?

    Exactly. It's not like she left the kid with her crack dealer.

    And why isn't anyone upset with her husband, who also left the baby?

    ummm because the political landscape of this country wants to go back to the 1950s..

    i blame mad men..
    hO2EW.gif

    I want to tear his clothes off with my teeth,
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    Wait until they become teenagers...you'll be running for the hills to get away from them M-F#@er's!!! :wink:

    I'm just saying!
  • gimpy117
    gimpy117 Posts: 75 Member
    I do, you are supposed to raise your child, not a nanny.

    I mean yeesh, my parents never did that. When you have a kid your life changes...and it's time to accept that
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
    I can't give a sane response to this. I still get stabby if my kids are gone for even a few hours. They are 5 & 4. Both did stints in NICU, and I threatened to sleep in the lobby if they didn't find a bed for me. I stayed in a makeshift closet with a cot for a few days and used the public restroom in the waiting area.

    Love brings out my crazy. But that doesn't mean that my way is the only way to parent. Why don't people get that concept?

    I think if my infant were in NICU, I would do the same thing. There's a difference between a baby who needs serious medical attention and a baby who's healthy and fine. If the baby in the story were very sick, I probably would have trouble understanding how either parent could leave for six days on vacation. Extenuating circumstances would change my response. But with everything fine, I would do it myself so I couldn't be upset with this woman! lol

    I'm not upset with her either. My point was that even if I wouldn't do it myself, there is no reason for me to be judging her. She's done nothing wrong, just something different. My guys were fine long before 10 months of age, but the experience colored my decisions. Different doesn't mean wrong, and people have difficulty with that concept sometimes.

    I didn't think you were. I just picked up on the NICU thing, and I can see how different that it. Even most of us who would leave for vacation with kids that young probably wouldn't under those circumstances.

    Oh, okay...good! I thought that's where you were coming from, but you never can tell out here in Forum Land. Yay for a rational discussion! :laugh:

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