Need help convincing wife to join in weight loss/fitness

jfontanna
jfontanna Posts: 24 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi all,
Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how I can get my wife to join me on my weight loss and fitness lifestyle adjustment.

I started mine in May 2012, and I was hoping to lead by example and that she would join in once she started seeing my results. Unluckily, my loss and fitness lifestyle change has added animosity (hostility) towards me for doing something about my weight. She gets annoyed when I'm logging my food intake and my exercising. She rolls her eyes anytime I bring up how much I've lost ("Lost 2 pounds this week...", etc) She says that she wants to do something, but that's about as far as it goes.

Any suggestions?
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Replies

  • AlphamaleBAMF
    AlphamaleBAMF Posts: 373 Member
    Hi all,
    Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how I can get my wife to join me on my weight loss and fitness lifestyle adjustment.

    Don't.

    It's like trying to get smokers to quit. If they want to, they'll do it. It's a personal journey people have to decide to take on their own. Like they say."You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."

    Making someone lose weight or do something they really don't want to do is ill advised and just about impossible. Forget it, concentrate on yourself. If she decides she wants to do something, like really wants to do something. Then let her find her own way and take her own weight loss journey.
  • doggiesnot
    doggiesnot Posts: 334 Member
    Maybe you can tell her that you want to be healthy, and you want her to be healthy, too! Also, you should probably mention that you could use her encouragement and support.
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
    Hi all,
    Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how I can get my wife to join me on my weight loss and fitness lifestyle adjustment.

    Don't.


    ^ That.
  • ahmommy
    ahmommy Posts: 316 Member
    You can't make her do it, she will when she decides it's worth the effort. She sees what you're doing and either it will click or it won't.

    I would, however, have a heart to heart about the hostility you feel from her. You deserve her support whether she wants to join you in your effort or not.
  • dinosnopro
    dinosnopro Posts: 2,177 Member
    If you do test out how comfy the couch is first.
  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
    just dont keep telling her what your doing! its like throwing it in her face that shes not ready to commit to a healthy lifestyle. I figured that out when I joined and hub said he was ready. he wasnt. let her do it in her own time. just keep doing what your doing. dont worry about her. if she is tired of what shes doing she will eventually do it. after six months on here and seeing all the attention I was getting, he finally got on and lost a bunch! more than me!
  • natachan
    natachan Posts: 149
    Don't.

    Really, making that decision is incredibly personal and only she can make that choice for herself. If she doesn't really want to then any action of yours won't be to her benefit. If she is happy about her food choices and her weight, then that's her choice. I have to respect people who know that bad eating habits will lead to weight gain but choose to eat what makes them happy and not care what others think.

    There's also unintended consequences. If you pressure her to lose weight she might think you don't find her attractive. She might feel like you are pressuring her into something that she isn't comfortable with and resent you for it. You have her best interests in mind, but that's not how SHE will see it.
  • Lina4Lina
    Lina4Lina Posts: 712 Member
    Don't.

    Model healthy behaviors and even offer to cook some meals, focusing on healthier options. But weight loss is really a personal choice. I'd also avoid telling her how many pounds you have lost, it'll be obvious as you lose weight. Men lose weight faster than women so even if she does start, her expectations may be unrealistic based on your weight loss.
  • rileysowner
    rileysowner Posts: 8,337 Member
    If you do test out how comfy the couch is first.

    Or the dog house if you have one.
  • NikkiSmo
    NikkiSmo Posts: 180 Member
    Sorry to say your not going to have any luck getting her to join until she makes that decision. My huband had tried for years - honestly 10+ to get me to work out with him and eat better and I would try for a while and then quit. Which caused a lot of tension in our marriage becasue I also would get agnry towards him when he would say anything about it. Just one day truly out of the blue something inside of me clicked and here I am 40lbs lighter running 12-16 miles a week. My husband still askes me what made me do it and I can't pin point it it just clicked. He is by my side every step and I'm so thankful he never gave up on me. Just continue to lead by example and maybe one day she will follow but like others have said you can't make or convience her to do it she has to decide on her own. Good luck with your journey! Stay strong.
  • alanrosez
    alanrosez Posts: 53
    I have the same problem with my bf. I cook healthy, he eats fast food. I exercise, he watches t.v. He thinks I am out of control and it causes tension. I am going to continue to do what I am doing and hope he jumps on board.
  • STEELMAN47
    STEELMAN47 Posts: 28
    Don't.

    It's like trying to get smokers to quit. If they want to, they'll do it. It's a personal journey people have to decide to take on their own. Like they say."You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."

    Making someone lose weight or do something they really don't want to do is ill advised and just about impossible. Forget it, concentrate on yourself. If she decides she wants to do something, like really wants to do something. Then let her find her own way and take her own weight loss journey.

    this
  • ReclaimingSarah
    ReclaimingSarah Posts: 250 Member
    Don't do it, man. This is something you can't make anyone do. They have to decide it for themselves. It took my husband 9 months to come to the conclusion that he wanted to join me. Now, he's in MUCH better shape than I am!
  • DoomCakes
    DoomCakes Posts: 806 Member
    Lead by example. Show her how easy it is, how fun it is, show her the motivating people and community. After that, just keep doing it yourself, and leave the ball in her court. After you lose weight and feel better, maybe she will be curious to try it. But you can't make her do it.
  • umer76
    umer76 Posts: 1,272 Member
    Hi all,
    Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how I can get my wife to join me on my weight loss and fitness lifestyle adjustment.

    I started mine in May 2012, and I was hoping to lead by example and that she would join in once she started seeing my results. Unluckily, my loss and fitness lifestyle change has added animosity (hostility) towards me for doing something about my weight. She gets annoyed when I'm logging my food intake and my exercising. She rolls her eyes anytime I bring up how much I've lost ("Lost 2 pounds this week...", etc) She says that she wants to do something, but that's about as far as it goes.

    Any suggestions?

    I am facing the same issue. I have been on diet since April 2012 and joined MFP in May. We joined together but then my wife lost interest. She talks about weight loss and she is happy that I am losing weight but she dont want to use MFP herself. I am really surprised. My colleagues from the office and my sister has started already considering my 30 lbs weight loss as an example. But she is not consistent in doing that. Her last log in was may be more than a month ago.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    If you do test out how comfy the couch is first.
    lol!
    Um, this.
    I would work on just loving and adoring her.
  • Lift_hard_eat_big
    Lift_hard_eat_big Posts: 2,278 Member
    You're pissing in the wind
  • MissNations
    MissNations Posts: 513 Member
    Sorry to say your not going to have any luck getting her to join until she makes that decision. My huband had tried for years - honestly 10+ to get me to work out with him and eat better and I would try for a while and then quit. Which caused a lot of tension in our marriage becasue I also would get agnry towards him when he would say anything about it. Just one day truly out of the blue something inside of me clicked and here I am 40lbs lighter running 12-16 miles a week. My husband still askes me what made me do it and I can't pin point it it just clicked. He is by my side every step and I'm so thankful he never gave up on me. Just continue to lead by example and maybe one day she will follow but like others have said you can't make or convience her to do it she has to decide on her own. Good luck with your journey! Stay strong.

    Cheers to you! :flowerforyou:
  • TravisBurns
    TravisBurns Posts: 353 Member
    I tried that once in my last relationship. Thought i'd better had a chance having the wall tag along for a run
  • jenichenny
    jenichenny Posts: 73 Member
    Have you tried telling her how you feel? Tell you wish she would be more supportive. If she doesn't join in at least not belittle you for your success. Maybe she doesn't realize it bothers you .
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    She rolls her eyes anytime I bring up how much I've lost ("Lost 2 pounds this week...", etc) She says that she wants to do something, but that's about as far as it goes.

    If she meant that, she would do something. She's saying it to appease you.

    Leave her alone.
  • BrazenHarpy
    BrazenHarpy Posts: 81 Member
    Count me in the "don't" group. I had this problem with my ex-husband. While I was busting my *kitten* working out, he was pigging out on fast food and reveling in his inactivity. I tried EVERY approach to motivate him, and only succeeded in creating more animosity in our relationship.

    I say lead by example. Lose weight, get healthy, and hopefully she'll eventually be motivated to do the same when she sees how well it worked out for you.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    I tend to agree with the other posters, it has to be HER decision to do.
    Just keep on doing what you are doing, and hopefully she will jump on the wagon with you when she sees how well you are doing.

    On another point, I feel for you though that your efforts aren't being applauded by your wife. It would be very hard to be excited for your changes and the successes that come with same, and your wife only rolls her eyes, etc. Sounds like she has some issues she needs to work on first - but don't give up your goals over this. I do feel for you though - support in this journey is paramount.
  • hmanley66
    hmanley66 Posts: 57
    Other than finding an active hobby like hiking or biking or tennis that you could do together, there is no way to force her to take action. Yes, it stinks when your significant other doesn't value their health the same way you do, but all you can do is love them anyways and keep encouraging. By encouraging, I don't mean suggesting. She needs to know she is beautiful the way she is. If you need to express your concern, make it about health, not weight.
  • cheryl5115
    cheryl5115 Posts: 154 Member
    You have to do it for yourself and the same goes for her. But she doesn't need to be hostile to you.
  • RubyWare
    RubyWare Posts: 51 Member
    You can't make her do it, she will when she decides it's worth the effort. She sees what you're doing and either it will click or it won't.

    I would, however, have a heart to heart about the hostility you feel from her. You deserve her support whether she wants to join you in your effort or not.

    ^^^^^ agree
  • Avandel
    Avandel Posts: 283 Member
    Hi all,
    Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how I can get my wife to join me on my weight loss and fitness lifestyle adjustment.

    Don't.

    It's like trying to get smokers to quit. If they want to, they'll do it. It's a personal journey people have to decide to take on their own. Like they say."You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."

    Making someone lose weight or do something they really don't want to do is ill advised and just about impossible. Forget it, concentrate on yourself. If she decides she wants to do something, like really wants to do something. Then let her find her own way and take her own weight loss journey.

    Ditto!
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
    Hi all,
    Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how I can get my wife to join me on my weight loss and fitness lifestyle adjustment.

    I started mine in May 2012, and I was hoping to lead by example and that she would join in once she started seeing my results. Unluckily, my loss and fitness lifestyle change has added animosity (hostility) towards me for doing something about my weight. She gets annoyed when I'm logging my food intake and my exercising. She rolls her eyes anytime I bring up how much I've lost ("Lost 2 pounds this week...", etc) She says that she wants to do something, but that's about as far as it goes.

    Any suggestions?

    Hell no - dont.... you would be opening Pandora's box by thinking you can convince her.

    You simply cant do that.... how would you like it if your wife pestered you, and you reacted to her the way she is reacting?

    People have to be ready on their own.

    If your wife is getting angry or hostile over your choosing to do this for yourself, then you need to sit with her and ask her "why are you getting mad over my wanting to lose weight for myself?".... She may not like the fact you keep mentioning your weight loss and take it as a personal attack against her and perhaps even one step further: it might come off as rubbing it in.

    She has to do it when she is ready - not when you think she is ready. Dont push this otherwise that couch (like others have mentioned) may become your bed as a way to teach a lesson about how you are approaching this.
  • KittieLea
    KittieLea Posts: 1,156 Member
    Keep doing well and focusing on you, but don't fill her in on any details. When she's ready, she'll make the move.
  • Krys_140
    Krys_140 Posts: 648 Member
    Yeah, just don't do it.

    My guess is that every time you log, tell her how much you've lost, and generally focus on weight, she's taking that as some kind of "dig" at her. If she's already feeling bad about her weight, and you appear so focused on weight, then she probably thinks you're ripping on her lack of commitment to do better.

    Try not to make such a big show of it. Take it down a notch at home, and love on her as much as you can. Refrain from saying that you think she should lose weight too. That much is already obvious. Remind her how much you love her, just as she is.

    She'll get on board eventually, all on her own, and THAT is how you convince someone to lose weight. Just let them get there on their own.

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