No support at home or work?

theactionfigure

Are you married or have a significant other that is not supportive? What's up with that? I know in the past when I've worked out and taken my diet seriously I was almost mocked. It's not like I was having a crisis or anything I just want to take care of myself and look the best that I can. What's the harm in that? We all should. Am I the only one who has felt this way? The ones closest to you, including friends and coworkers should be the first ones to support you and reinforce positive changes. I know haters are going to hate, but those that love us most, should be supportive.

Moral of the story... love those around you, be supportive. Congratulate any and all achievements, no matter how big or small. Sow some love into others and reap the love you need. I have been through this more than once, I think that's what drew me to this site. Thank you all for your support and motivation!

Fozzi43

Yep..my family do not support me at all, they are always putting down what effort and healthy eating I happen to be doing... And say I'm silly to be eating better and exercise...why? I think because they are all about 3-4 stone overweight :grumble:

On the other hand my OH is really proud I want to look after myself

foxyforce

i think they just don't know what support looks like sometimes. they mean well though.

newyorklover91

I definately feel the same, my family just raise their eyebrows at me and think I'll fail (which is giving me motivation to push harder) and the people at work try and humiliate me and say nasty things behind my back. I am here for anyone who would like support, feel free to add me. I love seeing other people's success as it drives me a bit further in my weight loss. I know we all have off days, but I've learnt that you need to take this on board and not just try and ignore it, and use it as motivation to try harder the next day. I have gained some really supportive friends on here, and am so glad I have got a chance to talk with them and encourage them in what they do because they are always there for me :-) I think when we are all looking at the same goals then its easier to encourage people.

VanessaHeartsMasr

I totally, totally hear you!!! Here is my blog from the other day. It's infuriating.

Try to derail me, will ya?

I had no intention on starting a blog here but something happened to me today that hurt me to no end. Then I found out that I'm not the only one. There are lots of people here on MFP that have been going through the same thing I have and it's been eating me up inside. I thought maybe channeling my rage into words would help me.

I've been living my new lifestyle for almost 3 weeks now and in that time I have lost 6 pounds. Not a huge accomplishment by any means, but sorry everyone, I am PROUD of myself. Today someone I love said to me, "I'm just waiting for you to give up on this weight loss thing." I know when he said it he didn't mean to hurt me. I know I've given up on this "weight loss thing" 500 times before. I know I have lived a life of yo-yo for the last 30 freaking years. I know I have failed. But why, oh why, can't I get support anyway? Maybe this time I mean it. Maybe this time I'm "in it to win it." Maybe this time I am READY to live the way I want to live, instead of just dreaming the dream. So why on earth would someone crush me like that? Especially someone who loves me?

I know people will say not to let it bother me. But it does bother me!! How is saying something like that helping in any way? How is shoving food in one's face because you are "going to give up anyway" or "I love you how you are" help at all? How is saying something like, "I've been telling you for __ years that you should do this..." constructive? I freaking KNOW I've been heavy for a long time. I KNOW I should have passed on the cake and gotten my a** off the couch. But maybe, just MAYBE, I had to figure this out for myself. And maybe, just maybe, this time will be my last time.

I have learned something very valuable today. Don't knock anybody's dreams. No matter how far they have to go to achieve them, or how far-fetched they may seem. I'm going to be so very, very careful from now on. I hope I can convince my loved ones to do the same. If not, screw it. I'm doing this anyway! And THEN we will see who is eating cake, or humble pie!

Thundercat73

I understand what you are going through. I met my wife as he trainer. After a few years her workout priorities changed. I guess she thought mine would change also. They didn't and still haven’t. In her eyes as long as I was competing she was ok with my workout schedule. However, now it an issue. Wants to know who I am trying to look good for, apparently myself is not an acceptable answer. I am in the Army currently deployed and close to retirement. For me it is a pride thing to look the part in everything I do. When people act that way whether it be friends or family I have come to the conclusion that it is their own insecurities or jealous nature. If you want to get or stay in shape for you keep on pushing. I want to be around as long as I can for my children and if that involved me staying healthy and active sorry for everyone else.

trixiemou

Is it, do you think its because we can go on about it a bit too much. Thats why MFP some in good....haha?

theactionfigure

I have a quote on my page, that I've lived by since I was a young teenager. It says ' FORWARD EVER, BACKWARD NEVER '.

It doesn't matter what we've done in the PAST! Everything we do in life starts with a CHOICE. Choose to start a healthy lifestyle, choose to log EVERYTHING whether you stay under your calorie intake or not, choose to eat healthy snacks, choose to drink LOTS of water, choose to be fitness minded. Be honest with yourself, be accountable, and prove FIRST to yourself that you can do this. Then the ones around you can get fat eating CROW. hahahahaa

texasfred

It is a personal motivation thing I believe more than a non support thing. I think mostly others haven't come to a spot in their life where weight lose or good health is important to them. I think each of us have a personal motivation or we wouldn't be here, but I do feel your pain, it is always nice when someone visits with you about what you are, or trying to, accomplish. When we have become conscious of what we want in our lives it isn't always easy for others to understand or even be interested in our change of life style, eating habits or new exercise schedule. It hurts for us but I know their are others out there working for similar goals as mine. I am always encouraged to read the successes that others are having and try to encourage those who are in the jaws of a struggle. Together we can all do this!

Tickateeboo

We often project our own failures on to other people, so it is probably something to do with them feeling bad about themselves that they are not doing the same as you are when they feel that they should.

But family and (true) friends should rise above this.

You'll find lots of support here.

Robin1117

interesting question. Well, my family is supportive, but they don't really understand. I have been maintaining, and my husband just thinks I shouldn't have to work so hard because I'm at the weight I need to be already. The hard thing for others to realize is that it isn't easy. if you stop, old habits come back.

one thing I have realized that worries me a little is that people on a healthy lifestyle like we all are are kind of threatening to others. I have found I just can't talk about it w/friends because they get defensive about their lack of effort in this area, or they just find it a turn off, or roll their eyes. So I just don't talk about it anymore, keeping my discussion to my friends here on the site and one brother of mine who is into it...... it bothered me at first, because it's a big part of my life and I like talking about it, but I have found my outlet here so I don't go crazy keeping it in anymore....

theactionfigure

I completely agree Robin . . .

Bless you all on your fitness journey!

theactionfigure

I have a few good friends that have some extreme stories to tell. Feelings of rejection, from ridicule and sarcasm from those closest to them. Some have led to break ups, separation, and divorce.

dittmarml

I have a few good friends that have some extreme stories to tell. Feelings of rejection, from ridicule and sarcasm from those closest to them. Some have led to break ups, separation, and divorce.

In these cases, the problem was there to begin with; it just focused on the diet/attempt to become fit.

My own 2 cents is that we live in a food-addicted culture, with a marketing system geared to convince people that they "deserve" instant gratification and whatever "tastes good". When someone comes along and says "not so fast, I'm going a different way", I've seen alot of behavior that looks EXACTLY - and I mean EXACTLY - like what happens in marriages or friendships when everyone was drinking and then one person stops.

EXACTLY.

Take from it what you will; what I'm taking from it is that there are extremely unhealthy feelings and behaviors that are broadly reinforced about eating, and some people have become "behaviorally addicted" with all the of the emotional illness that goes with it.

It's hearbreaking. But just like getting sober, you can only heal yourself. And if others really persist in undermining you, those relationships cannot (or at least, should not) be allowed to to continue, because at that point they are simply abusive.

AlphamaleBAMF

The ones closest to you, including friends and coworkers should be the first ones to support you and reinforce positive changes.

I don't know where you ever got the idea that any of those people were meant to be supportive. Maybe you've been watching to much My Little Pony or Smurfs or something or listening to Communist propaganda.

The way the world really is, is unfortunately you are completely on your own and it's very dog eat dog. Learn to be your own support. Set goals, follow them through. Do it for yourself. Don't ever expect support or help or validation from others. If you get it, sure that's fine. But don't ever expect it.

What you should be expecting is a knife in the back from any or all of those people, and if it doesn't come. Then you can be pleasantly surprised.

Kiris2

I am in a similar situation, my hub doesn't think I can do it (this time, either ), and it hurts terribly when he tells me this MFP isn't important....and all that other stuff y'all have heard said to you. I thought no one else experienced this....and it's not good y'all do experience it, but I am kinda relieved to know I m not alone. I was thinking it was just because I had failed so much before. Thank you all for commenting and sharing. Sometimes it does help just to share it. Good luck to all of you!!

Debbe2

Fortunately I have the support I need or want this time around but I think it may be cause I am so serious and committed. Feeling lucky to have my own support and focus plus those I love around me. Difficult enough without people doubting and mocking our efforts. Which reminds me that i need to tell my husband what a great job he's doing for the last two weeks on the Wii.

zestyzaftig

Learn to be your own support. Set goals, follow them through. Do it for yourself. Don't ever expect support or help or validation from others. If you get it, sure that's fine. But don't ever expect it.

This. I've lived my adult life by remaining very emotionally independent, and I've found I'm far more content with life than my peers since I'm somewhat detached from their supportive OR unsupportive attitudes.

urloved33

Agreed!

hedgiie

that's why we have these

Tank_Girl

I dont understand this desire to need to use people around you as a crutch, ive only told 2 people that im close to that im dieting and have started kickboxing again... (apart from folk on this forum) i want people to be shocked by my fab figure when I attain my goals, I wish to make it appear effortless when in fact its the opposite...

MFPBrandy

The ones closest to you, including friends and coworkers should be the first ones to support you and reinforce positive changes.

I don't know where you ever got the idea that any of those people were meant to be supportive. Maybe you've been watching to much My Little Pony or Smurfs or something or listening to Communist propaganda.

The way the world really is, is unfortunately you are completely on your own and it's very dog eat dog. Learn to be your own support. Set goals, follow them through. Do it for yourself. Don't ever expect support or help or validation from others. If you get it, sure that's fine. But don't ever expect it.

What you should be expecting is a knife in the back from any or all of those people, and if it doesn't come. Then you can be pleasantly surprised.

Wow. That's really...sad. Friends ARE supposed to be supportive--that's what being a true friend is about, caring for each other. I'm sorry you don't expect that from the people you choose to surround yourself with.

MFPBrandy

I dont understand this desire to need to use people around you as a crutch, ive only told 2 people that im close to that im dieting and have started kickboxing again... (apart from folk on this forum) i want people to be shocked by my fab figure when I attain my goals, I wish to make it appear effortless when in fact its the opposite...

There's a big difference between using other people's validation as a crutch and not wanting to be mocked by your friends and family.

Scott277

Hahahaha, look at my post from last night...

"Hate my friends sometimes, not only did i have to sit and watch them eating my favourite pizza they also got stuck into my healthy eating saying it was stupid etc. talk about motivation? But im staying strong, its time to move on from drinking beer and eating pizza haha. Healthy Healthy Healthy! It wont be that when im ****ing shredded and they sit there being unhealthy and fat."

......sounds familiar, glad to know im not the only one!!!

urloved33

So sorry to hear this has happened to you but please understand we have all started something and fell off the wagon often (even if its a vow to stop insulting other people) Please try and remember its not how many times we fail its all about getting back up, especially when it comes to our own health and well being. Please do not let this deter you even though it hurts so much (have had the same experience)

I totally, totally hear you!!! Here is my blog from the other day. It's infuriating.

Try to derail me, will ya?

I had no intention on starting a blog here but something happened to me today that hurt me to no end. Then I found out that I'm not the only one. There are lots of people here on MFP that have been going through the same thing I have and it's been eating me up inside. I thought maybe channeling my rage into words would help me.

I've been living my new lifestyle for almost 3 weeks now and in that time I have lost 6 pounds. Not a huge accomplishment by any means, but sorry everyone, I am PROUD of myself. Today someone I love said to me, "I'm just waiting for you to give up on this weight loss thing." I know when he said it he didn't mean to hurt me. I know I've given up on this "weight loss thing" 500 times before. I know I have lived a life of yo-yo for the last 30 freaking years. I know I have failed. But why, oh why, can't I get support anyway? Maybe this time I mean it. Maybe this time I'm "in it to win it." Maybe this time I am READY to live the way I want to live, instead of just dreaming the dream. So why on earth would someone crush me like that? Especially someone who loves me?

I know people will say not to let it bother me. But it does bother me!! How is saying something like that helping in any way? How is shoving food in one's face because you are "going to give up anyway" or "I love you how you are" help at all? How is saying something like, "I've been telling you for __ years that you should do this..." constructive? I freaking KNOW I've been heavy for a long time. I KNOW I should have passed on the cake and gotten my a** off the couch. But maybe, just MAYBE, I had to figure this out for myself. And maybe, just maybe, this time will be my last time.

I have learned something very valuable today. Don't knock anybody's dreams. No matter how far they have to go to achieve them, or how far-fetched they may seem. I'm going to be so very, very careful from now on. I hope I can convince my loved ones to do the same. If not, screw it. I'm doing this anyway! And THEN we will see who is eating cake, or humble pie!

AliciaStinger

I've been living my new lifestyle for almost 3 weeks now and in that time I have lost 6 pounds. Not a huge accomplishment by any means, but sorry everyone, I am PROUD of myself. Today someone I love said to me, "I'm just waiting for you to give up on this weight loss thing." I know when he said it he didn't mean to hurt me. I know I've given up on this "weight loss thing" 500 times before. I know I have lived a life of yo-yo for the last 30 freaking years. I know I have failed. But why, oh why, can't I get support anyway? Maybe this time I mean it. Maybe this time I'm "in it to win it." Maybe this time I am READY to live the way I want to live, instead of just dreaming the dream. So why on earth would someone crush me like that? Especially someone who loves me?

First of all, that is a huge accomplishment. For me, it wasn't until I had lost 10 pounds that I got a taste of how amazing it was to see a lower number on my scale. For some it's bigger, and for some it's smaller, but six pounds in three weeks IS impressive and inspiring! (In fact, six pounds in three weeks is exactly what I'm trying to do now.)

Second, if you're up to it, point out to this person that if he were more supportive, perhaps you would have had more success in the past. I know, guilt-tripping someone is mean, but so is saying "I'm just waiting for you to give up on this weight loss thing." That's the kind of thing I'd expect from my brother -- but my brother's purpose in life is to take cheap shots at me, 'cause he's my brother. (He's actually a really good brother, too, and only says this stuff to be annoying. Mr. Emotionless probably doesn't even realize that it might hurt me.) If it's coming from a coworker or a friend, it's totally inappropriate, and if it's coming from within your family, it's even harder to hear, as if they're setting you up/rooting for failure. It doesn't mean that you will fail though - in fact, your response to your loved one's comment (with your "I'll show you" attitude) is probably going to keep you as motivated as if this person had supported you. Keep it up! He will be eating his words, and undoubtedly also proud of you when you reach your goal...

KimWW

It is very possible he feels threatened, either by feelings of inadequacy for not trying to get healthier himself, or fears that if you lose weight things will be different. I have heard of similar things happening sometimes with alcoholics, family not wanting them to get better because the family dynamic has settled as it is and no one wants change, even good change.

If he says it again, that he is waiting for you to fail, tell him it would really help if he would hold his breath until it happened.
Well, maybe not; that sounds nasty. I am just infuriated that anyone would treat someone like that. Your best weapon is to not do what he expects. Don't prove him right.

I have inner demons that tell me I will fail, luckily I am not married to them.

theactionfigure

Come to think of it . . . this common problem has led to the topic of my latest thread, entitled T.R.O.U.B.L.E.

Have my MFPeeps . . . and stay outta trouble!

PierdoPeso

I'm not a psychologist, nor do I play one on TV, but here goes anyway. I think people who are not supportive, or seem to always want to sabotage what you're doing, do so because of something that they fear or feel inadequate about themselves. For instance, if those people are overweight or have an unhealthy lifestyle, they're afraid that you're accomplishing something that they feel they wouldn't be able to do. And if you did, they're afraid that they would lose you as part of their comfort zone. On the other hand, if you're the only one that is overweight or unhealthy, when you become healthy, they won't have anyone to feel superior to, whether it's consciously or subconsciously. So, in my mind, they need the crutch, I don't. Additionally, I can totally relate to the poster who said that his wife was asking who he's trying to get into shape for. Many wives, husbands, significant others, whatever, are insecure like that. Bottom line, if a person feels that he/she has to depend on or be supported by others to get where they want to be with fitness and health, they're possibly setting themselves up to be sorely disappointed. If a person wants something badly enough, he'll find the motivation from within and won't need the support of others.

theactionfigure

Here's to ya.

Agator82

Is it, do you think its because we can go on about it a bit too much. Thats why MFP some in good....haha?

This is me, but I have a bit of an obsessive personality on just about anything I do; right now I am putting all that obsessiveness into losing weight.