No support at home or work?

MFPBrandy

The ones closest to you, including friends and coworkers should be the first ones to support you and reinforce positive changes.

I don't know where you ever got the idea that any of those people were meant to be supportive. Maybe you've been watching to much My Little Pony or Smurfs or something or listening to Communist propaganda.

The way the world really is, is unfortunately you are completely on your own and it's very dog eat dog. Learn to be your own support. Set goals, follow them through. Do it for yourself. Don't ever expect support or help or validation from others. If you get it, sure that's fine. But don't ever expect it.

What you should be expecting is a knife in the back from any or all of those people, and if it doesn't come. Then you can be pleasantly surprised.

Wow. That's really...sad. Friends ARE supposed to be supportive--that's what being a true friend is about, caring for each other. I'm sorry you don't expect that from the people you choose to surround yourself with.

MFPBrandy

I dont understand this desire to need to use people around you as a crutch, ive only told 2 people that im close to that im dieting and have started kickboxing again... (apart from folk on this forum) i want people to be shocked by my fab figure when I attain my goals, I wish to make it appear effortless when in fact its the opposite...

There's a big difference between using other people's validation as a crutch and not wanting to be mocked by your friends and family.

Scott277

Hahahaha, look at my post from last night...

"Hate my friends sometimes, not only did i have to sit and watch them eating my favourite pizza they also got stuck into my healthy eating saying it was stupid etc. talk about motivation? But im staying strong, its time to move on from drinking beer and eating pizza haha. Healthy Healthy Healthy! It wont be that when im ****ing shredded and they sit there being unhealthy and fat."

......sounds familiar, glad to know im not the only one!!!

urloved33

So sorry to hear this has happened to you but please understand we have all started something and fell off the wagon often (even if its a vow to stop insulting other people) Please try and remember its not how many times we fail its all about getting back up, especially when it comes to our own health and well being. Please do not let this deter you even though it hurts so much (have had the same experience)

I totally, totally hear you!!! Here is my blog from the other day. It's infuriating.

Try to derail me, will ya?

I had no intention on starting a blog here but something happened to me today that hurt me to no end. Then I found out that I'm not the only one. There are lots of people here on MFP that have been going through the same thing I have and it's been eating me up inside. I thought maybe channeling my rage into words would help me.

I've been living my new lifestyle for almost 3 weeks now and in that time I have lost 6 pounds. Not a huge accomplishment by any means, but sorry everyone, I am PROUD of myself. Today someone I love said to me, "I'm just waiting for you to give up on this weight loss thing." I know when he said it he didn't mean to hurt me. I know I've given up on this "weight loss thing" 500 times before. I know I have lived a life of yo-yo for the last 30 freaking years. I know I have failed. But why, oh why, can't I get support anyway? Maybe this time I mean it. Maybe this time I'm "in it to win it." Maybe this time I am READY to live the way I want to live, instead of just dreaming the dream. So why on earth would someone crush me like that? Especially someone who loves me?

I know people will say not to let it bother me. But it does bother me!! How is saying something like that helping in any way? How is shoving food in one's face because you are "going to give up anyway" or "I love you how you are" help at all? How is saying something like, "I've been telling you for __ years that you should do this..." constructive? I freaking KNOW I've been heavy for a long time. I KNOW I should have passed on the cake and gotten my a** off the couch. But maybe, just MAYBE, I had to figure this out for myself. And maybe, just maybe, this time will be my last time.

I have learned something very valuable today. Don't knock anybody's dreams. No matter how far they have to go to achieve them, or how far-fetched they may seem. I'm going to be so very, very careful from now on. I hope I can convince my loved ones to do the same. If not, screw it. I'm doing this anyway! And THEN we will see who is eating cake, or humble pie!

AliciaStinger

I've been living my new lifestyle for almost 3 weeks now and in that time I have lost 6 pounds. Not a huge accomplishment by any means, but sorry everyone, I am PROUD of myself. Today someone I love said to me, "I'm just waiting for you to give up on this weight loss thing." I know when he said it he didn't mean to hurt me. I know I've given up on this "weight loss thing" 500 times before. I know I have lived a life of yo-yo for the last 30 freaking years. I know I have failed. But why, oh why, can't I get support anyway? Maybe this time I mean it. Maybe this time I'm "in it to win it." Maybe this time I am READY to live the way I want to live, instead of just dreaming the dream. So why on earth would someone crush me like that? Especially someone who loves me?

First of all, that is a huge accomplishment. For me, it wasn't until I had lost 10 pounds that I got a taste of how amazing it was to see a lower number on my scale. For some it's bigger, and for some it's smaller, but six pounds in three weeks IS impressive and inspiring! (In fact, six pounds in three weeks is exactly what I'm trying to do now.)

Second, if you're up to it, point out to this person that if he were more supportive, perhaps you would have had more success in the past. I know, guilt-tripping someone is mean, but so is saying "I'm just waiting for you to give up on this weight loss thing." That's the kind of thing I'd expect from my brother -- but my brother's purpose in life is to take cheap shots at me, 'cause he's my brother. (He's actually a really good brother, too, and only says this stuff to be annoying. Mr. Emotionless probably doesn't even realize that it might hurt me.) If it's coming from a coworker or a friend, it's totally inappropriate, and if it's coming from within your family, it's even harder to hear, as if they're setting you up/rooting for failure. It doesn't mean that you will fail though - in fact, your response to your loved one's comment (with your "I'll show you" attitude) is probably going to keep you as motivated as if this person had supported you. Keep it up! He will be eating his words, and undoubtedly also proud of you when you reach your goal...

KimWW

It is very possible he feels threatened, either by feelings of inadequacy for not trying to get healthier himself, or fears that if you lose weight things will be different. I have heard of similar things happening sometimes with alcoholics, family not wanting them to get better because the family dynamic has settled as it is and no one wants change, even good change.

If he says it again, that he is waiting for you to fail, tell him it would really help if he would hold his breath until it happened.
Well, maybe not; that sounds nasty. I am just infuriated that anyone would treat someone like that. Your best weapon is to not do what he expects. Don't prove him right.

I have inner demons that tell me I will fail, luckily I am not married to them.

theactionfigure

Come to think of it . . . this common problem has led to the topic of my latest thread, entitled T.R.O.U.B.L.E.

Have my MFPeeps . . . and stay outta trouble!

PierdoPeso

I'm not a psychologist, nor do I play one on TV, but here goes anyway. I think people who are not supportive, or seem to always want to sabotage what you're doing, do so because of something that they fear or feel inadequate about themselves. For instance, if those people are overweight or have an unhealthy lifestyle, they're afraid that you're accomplishing something that they feel they wouldn't be able to do. And if you did, they're afraid that they would lose you as part of their comfort zone. On the other hand, if you're the only one that is overweight or unhealthy, when you become healthy, they won't have anyone to feel superior to, whether it's consciously or subconsciously. So, in my mind, they need the crutch, I don't. Additionally, I can totally relate to the poster who said that his wife was asking who he's trying to get into shape for. Many wives, husbands, significant others, whatever, are insecure like that. Bottom line, if a person feels that he/she has to depend on or be supported by others to get where they want to be with fitness and health, they're possibly setting themselves up to be sorely disappointed. If a person wants something badly enough, he'll find the motivation from within and won't need the support of others.

theactionfigure

Here's to ya.

Agator82

Is it, do you think its because we can go on about it a bit too much. Thats why MFP some in good....haha?

This is me, but I have a bit of an obsessive personality on just about anything I do; right now I am putting all that obsessiveness into losing weight.

lala26105

whats harder is when you sweetie buys snacks and makes ur plate full or buys ice cream its like ugh seriously buy veggies !!!!

theactionfigure

whats harder is when you sweetie buys snacks and makes ur plate full or buys ice cream its like ugh seriously buy veggies !!!!

Yeah that is definitely tough. . . or when there's a special occasion and lots of yummo food! My buddies want to cook out a lot or go out for Mexican food. I ALWAYS eat too much when I eat Mexican!

mjones2618

I really can't believe you said that.

mjones2618

I understand what you are going through. I met my wife as he trainer. After a few years her workout priorities changed. I guess she thought mine would change also. They didn't and still haven’t. In her eyes as long as I was competing she was ok with my workout schedule. However, now it an issue. Wants to know who I am trying to look good for, apparently myself is not an acceptable answer. I am in the Army currently deployed and close to retirement. For me it is a pride thing to look the part in everything I do. When people act that way whether it be friends or family I have come to the conclusion that it is their own insecurities or jealous nature. If you want to get or stay in shape for you keep on pushing. I want to be around as long as I can for my children and if that involved me staying healthy and active sorry for everyone else.

I really can't believe you said that.