I'd rather stay home than let them see how fat I am

ItsFinallyHappening
ItsFinallyHappening Posts: 65 Member
in Motivation and Support
Why is it easier for me to decline invites than attend and let them see how much weight I've gained? Today I will attend a party where I will see people I haven't seen in a couple of years. They are nice enough people - friends of friends.

My natural instinct is to decline the invite. I'd rather not go than have to show up at 298 lbs. I look like crap and feel like crap.

I'm ONLY attending because my husband wants to and his social life has deteriorated significantly as I keep declining invites and hole myself up with a good book while eating non stop. I feel bad for him so I am forcing myself to put on a smile (and some big *kitten* clothes) and attend. I am dreading it, I feel like I have nothing to say to them.

Ok, here I go, lets get on with the day, get it started and get it over with. Hopefully it wont be as bad as I am imaging it. I don't think everyone will drop their plates, have their mouths drop open in horror as I waddle in the door. I've always been overweight, but not 298.
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Replies

  • ColoradoRobin
    ColoradoRobin Posts: 510 Member
    Try to not worry about what other people think. If they are good people, they will soon stop noticing your weight, and just accept you as you. I know it's tough to just give over worrying about it, but self confidence will make you more attractive at any weight. You deserve to have a great social life and be with your friends! Trust in yourself and don't let your doubts limit your ability to live your life!
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
    Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!
  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
    I think almost everyone here can relate to feeling this way at one time or another. So you're definitely not alone in that.

    Good for you that you decided to go! It's almost never as bad as we imagine it. Most people are far too busy worrying about themselves to worry about us. Just keep them talking about themselves and they'll be thrilled to see you! And your husband is pleased to have you on his arm!:flowerforyou:
  • randysbombshellgirl
    randysbombshellgirl Posts: 338 Member
    We can all relate to what you are feeling. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. It may seem overwhelming. right now but look to Mfp for inspiration you will find ut. Today just hold your head up high and enjoy your time with hubby.
  • ItsFinallyHappening
    ItsFinallyHappening Posts: 65 Member
    Thank you everyone! I'm grateful for the encouraging words. I'm wiping the tears away and going to go get this over with. I'm sure you are all right - it won't be as bad as I think.
  • ItsFinallyHappening
    ItsFinallyHappening Posts: 65 Member
    Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!

    GREAT IDEA!!
  • Raylea00
    Raylea00 Posts: 37
    I definitely agree with ColoradoRobin, accept yourself. I have definitely been in your situation before, so I understand. My fear has always been is someone saying, "why is he with her". But I have realized we all, skinny or fluffy, have insecurities. So as long as you walk with your head held high, maintain a great personality and exude confidence, those people will look less at your size and more at the kind of person you really are. Those who judge by size are not worth wasting energy on anyways. Look at today as the last time these people will see you where you are today and can witness the beginning of your journey. Keep your chin up! :)
  • sherisse69
    sherisse69 Posts: 795 Member
    Hey! I have been there so many times over the years. I feel your pain. My best advise, is to really try and put yourself out there. I learned, time and time again, my FRIENDS - THE TRUE ONES - were always just happy to see me, looking to have a great night. No judgement. It is soley in our heads that everyone is judging us constantly. Go out, have fun, and try not to stress. Staying home in our own "self pity and embarrassment (my thoughts in my head)" only leads to more destructive behaviour.

    Add me if you like. We can support and motivate each other, and try to talk each other out of stressful mind games that we play on ourselves, when the need is there!

    Best of luck! Keep smiling - and get your butt to the PARTY! :D
  • Sarah_Wins
    Sarah_Wins Posts: 936 Member
    I completely get this. I've spent most of my adult life avoiding social situations, and now that I'm out of my cocoon, I feel like I've missed out on so much!!

    Once you get a few more lbs off, you'll notice a difference in your attitude and confidence, and it will only skyrocket from there. Use it as another form of motivation!
  • Irish_eyes75
    Irish_eyes75 Posts: 475
    I can totally relate to this. I am already dreading Christmas and that's months away and I'll probably (hopefully) be down 30lbs by then.
  • GuruOnAMountain
    GuruOnAMountain Posts: 489 Member
    *raises hand* I've been there, too. I've been there trying on outfits in front of the mirror, every one of them making me look huge and just not wanting to go but life is too short. You are on this site making changes to your body and your lifestyle and so you might be 298 at this moment but it is only temporary and you WONT be there this time next year, or even next month.

    So go, have fun, spend time with your other half and smile knowing that this is the last party you'll ever go to at that weight. :)
  • autumnk921
    autumnk921 Posts: 1,374 Member
    I am so glad to see this topic....I am the same way. I avoid phone calls from old friends b/c I know they want to meet up or go out & I am so ashamed of the way I look now that I would rather stay in the house...I am wasting my life away I know, but I know once I lose this weight I will start getting out again. But there are times when I HAVE TO GET OUT for different reasons & once I get out there I am usually fine & don't stress, it's just while I am home that I try to get out of going anywhere but once I get there (if ever) it's not so bad!! :happy:

    Enough of my pity party...Sorry, just had to get that off my chest. To the OP - I really DO think that you should get out there with your husband & have a great time. He loves you just the way you are & that is really what matters. IMHO.

    So get out there & have fun mingling & like one person above said - take a photo & that can be your motivation & the next time you see them you will be a slimmer & more confident you!!!:flowerforyou:

    ETA: Even though the comments aren't meant for me, just reading them makes me feel better about trying to get out more & I am sure it helps the OP as well!!! :)
  • McMehu
    McMehu Posts: 103 Member
    I'm sorry!
    I felt the same way this summer. I was invited to a wedding of a friend I havent seen in a few years and I gained like 40 pounds...I considered skipping. I spent like 2 whole days in stores looking for something slimming. When I went there people said they didnt recognize me and that I looked "different".

    Grr.
  • Restybaby2012
    Restybaby2012 Posts: 568 Member
    First off..........what other people think about us is none of our business. They'll always find something about one another that they dont like and usually the one who isnt present is the one that gets talked about

    ........and none of us is so almighty important in the grand scheme of things that we should think for even one minute that "they're all" talking about us or whispering about us. Most times others dont even notice.


    go
    have fun
    .............and remember this day and how crappy you feel and let THAT be the motivation you need to fix the issue
  • jroselive2012
    jroselive2012 Posts: 129
    Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!

    ^^^^good idea
  • julimonster
    julimonster Posts: 243 Member
    We can all relate to what you are feeling. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. It may seem overwhelming. right now but look to Mfp for inspiration you will find ut. Today just hold your head up high and enjoy your time with hubby.

    Exactly, if today is the day you begin then hats off to you, and welcome!
  • jlzslp1
    jlzslp1 Posts: 4
    I am supposed to go with my husband to an event tonight that I was dreading, and these are people I have never met, much less ones I knew when I was thinner! I'm inspired by your attitude, and will stand a little straighter when I go tonight. Thank you!
  • AlphamaleBAMF
    AlphamaleBAMF Posts: 373 Member
    My natural instinct is to decline the invite. I'd rather not go than have to show up at 298 lbs. I look like crap and feel like crap.

    I used to be like that.
  • MrsBlobs
    MrsBlobs Posts: 310 Member
    I've been there and it becomes a very negative cycle - you feel bad, so withdraw which makes you feel worse, eat to comfort and then continue to feel worse, the weight piles on...and round and round it goes.

    As well as seeing today as your before, see it as breaking the cycle!
  • ccadroz93
    ccadroz93 Posts: 136 Member
    You are the only person that can change what you are eating and what you are doing. You joined MFP 8 months ago....what have you been doing? Its always difficult to get going at first, but beating yourself up on the message boards doesn't help you any; it sounds more like you are looking for attention. Make a decision and get moving! You CAN do it! The alternative is living like you are living now which doesn't sound like much fun......
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
    I know exactly how you feel. In my case its my own family who nit picks over every little thing. If i gain an oz they're all over me about it. YEt they're all much bigger than I ever was. DH says its because I was always the skinny one in the family that they enjoy rubbing it in my face that I've put on weight. My true friends don't judge or say anything negative so I stick with them. In general I "used" to avoid all gatherings for the past couple years because of my weight. Not anymore! Now I want to say to my family...IN YOUR FACE! I plan on wearing my pencil skirt and a pretty blouse to the next gathering. Inside my head I'll be saying "bite me!" lol
  • bestbassist
    bestbassist Posts: 177 Member
    I know exactly how you feel. I'm just now starting to come out of my shell again after my weight jumped significantly. I've turned down many social dates as well as gigs because I was so disgusted with myself. It gets better. If you really need and want to change, you will do it.
  • teinepalagi
    teinepalagi Posts: 86 Member
    My husband had invited old friends from out of town to visit us and the last time they saw me was 2 kids and 70 pounds ago. I was a size 18-20. I didn't want to see them. We were all big salsa dancers in the day and I knew they would want to go out. They were nothing but nice to me and OF COURSE didn't mention me weight.

    But, when I got the pictures back....I decided that that was enough. I am now almost 70 pounds down (total...some not on MFP) and I will see them again this New Years. Now I'm a size 4. I didn't want to miss out on life because I was embarassed by my size.
  • AbbsyBabbsy
    AbbsyBabbsy Posts: 184 Member
    I know exactly where you are coming from. I avoided people for years because I couldn't stand for people to know how fat I'd gotten. No one was ever unkind to me, but it was embarrassing nonetheless. The good news is that losing weight, even though I'm still fat, has given me amazing confidence. You have that to look forward to! Next time you see these people think of how great they'll think you look! Definitely take a before picture today. Feel free to add me as a friend if you need some additional support.
  • KettydeDios
    KettydeDios Posts: 125 Member
    Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!

    Love this idea, and also keep in mind a few will talk and probably gossip behind your back, but don't let that defeat you, instead, convert that into your fuel and turn on that engine and take control of your weight!!! You can do it!!!!
  • autumnk921
    autumnk921 Posts: 1,374 Member
    You are the only person that can change what you are eating and what you are doing. You joined MFP 8 months ago....what have you been doing? Its always difficult to get going at first, but beating yourself up on the message boards doesn't help you any; it sounds more like you are looking for attention. Make a decision and get moving! You CAN do it! The alternative is living like you are living now which doesn't sound like much fun......


    Negativity helps NO ONE...Tons of people on here vent for anything, she is just trying to get some confidence & motivation to get out there and have fun tonight & not feel ashamed. Isn't that what we are on MFP for in some ways, to have friends to help motivate us and encourage us to be strong!!! I just had to get that out there!! NEGATIVITY is what causes INSECURITY!!

    ETA: I am sure she appreciates your vote of confidence!!:grumble:
  • autumnk921
    autumnk921 Posts: 1,374 Member
    I know exactly how you feel. In my case its my own family who nit picks over every little thing. If i gain an oz they're all over me about it. YEt they're all much bigger than I ever was. DH says its because I was always the skinny one in the family that they enjoy rubbing it in my face that I've put on weight. My true friends don't judge or say anything negative so I stick with them. In general I "used" to avoid all gatherings for the past couple years because of my weight. Not anymore! Now I want to say to my family...IN YOUR FACE! I plan on wearing my pencil skirt and a pretty blouse to the next gathering. Inside my head I'll be saying "bite me!" lol


    WOW!!! Awesome attitude!! Love it!! I can't wait to be able to do the same with my family...They like to make jokes b/c I 'used' to be the smallest in the family but not anymore & they don't realize that it hurts to be the butt of their jokes. So ROCK ON girl!!! You are doing Amazing!! :)
  • Feisty_Red
    Feisty_Red Posts: 982 Member
    Aww...sweetie.. I've felt the same way...cancelled trips etc to see family and friends because of weight..

    You gotta remember..even though you are currently trying to improve your outward appearance...the people you know..love you for you...and not what size you currently are...

    Go out and enjoy life!! :heart: :heart:
  • oceansablue
    oceansablue Posts: 53
    I understand how you feel. My boyfriend's job requires him to bring in clients so there's a lot of social outings for the two of us. One way I get around feeling to bad is to literally not think just act. For example when i get there and I make eye contact with someone I immediately step forward to say hello before my mind can process how embarrassing this maybe. Lot of smiling and compliments help, too.
    And just remember: we're all here because we're concerned with our weight. We'll all be glad to help keep each other motivated towards a longer, healthier lifestyle!
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
    Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!

    ^ This is excellent.

    I would do this in a literal sense to. Take a photo of yourself today, before going. Keep that photo.

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