I'd rather stay home than let them see how fat I am

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  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
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    I know exactly how you feel. In my case its my own family who nit picks over every little thing. If i gain an oz they're all over me about it. YEt they're all much bigger than I ever was. DH says its because I was always the skinny one in the family that they enjoy rubbing it in my face that I've put on weight. My true friends don't judge or say anything negative so I stick with them. In general I "used" to avoid all gatherings for the past couple years because of my weight. Not anymore! Now I want to say to my family...IN YOUR FACE! I plan on wearing my pencil skirt and a pretty blouse to the next gathering. Inside my head I'll be saying "bite me!" lol
  • bestbassist
    bestbassist Posts: 177 Member
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    I know exactly how you feel. I'm just now starting to come out of my shell again after my weight jumped significantly. I've turned down many social dates as well as gigs because I was so disgusted with myself. It gets better. If you really need and want to change, you will do it.
  • teinepalagi
    teinepalagi Posts: 86 Member
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    My husband had invited old friends from out of town to visit us and the last time they saw me was 2 kids and 70 pounds ago. I was a size 18-20. I didn't want to see them. We were all big salsa dancers in the day and I knew they would want to go out. They were nothing but nice to me and OF COURSE didn't mention me weight.

    But, when I got the pictures back....I decided that that was enough. I am now almost 70 pounds down (total...some not on MFP) and I will see them again this New Years. Now I'm a size 4. I didn't want to miss out on life because I was embarassed by my size.
  • AbbsyBabbsy
    AbbsyBabbsy Posts: 184 Member
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    I know exactly where you are coming from. I avoided people for years because I couldn't stand for people to know how fat I'd gotten. No one was ever unkind to me, but it was embarrassing nonetheless. The good news is that losing weight, even though I'm still fat, has given me amazing confidence. You have that to look forward to! Next time you see these people think of how great they'll think you look! Definitely take a before picture today. Feel free to add me as a friend if you need some additional support.
  • KettydeDios
    KettydeDios Posts: 125 Member
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    Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!

    Love this idea, and also keep in mind a few will talk and probably gossip behind your back, but don't let that defeat you, instead, convert that into your fuel and turn on that engine and take control of your weight!!! You can do it!!!!
  • autumnk921
    autumnk921 Posts: 1,376 Member
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    You are the only person that can change what you are eating and what you are doing. You joined MFP 8 months ago....what have you been doing? Its always difficult to get going at first, but beating yourself up on the message boards doesn't help you any; it sounds more like you are looking for attention. Make a decision and get moving! You CAN do it! The alternative is living like you are living now which doesn't sound like much fun......


    Negativity helps NO ONE...Tons of people on here vent for anything, she is just trying to get some confidence & motivation to get out there and have fun tonight & not feel ashamed. Isn't that what we are on MFP for in some ways, to have friends to help motivate us and encourage us to be strong!!! I just had to get that out there!! NEGATIVITY is what causes INSECURITY!!

    ETA: I am sure she appreciates your vote of confidence!!:grumble:
  • autumnk921
    autumnk921 Posts: 1,376 Member
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    I know exactly how you feel. In my case its my own family who nit picks over every little thing. If i gain an oz they're all over me about it. YEt they're all much bigger than I ever was. DH says its because I was always the skinny one in the family that they enjoy rubbing it in my face that I've put on weight. My true friends don't judge or say anything negative so I stick with them. In general I "used" to avoid all gatherings for the past couple years because of my weight. Not anymore! Now I want to say to my family...IN YOUR FACE! I plan on wearing my pencil skirt and a pretty blouse to the next gathering. Inside my head I'll be saying "bite me!" lol


    WOW!!! Awesome attitude!! Love it!! I can't wait to be able to do the same with my family...They like to make jokes b/c I 'used' to be the smallest in the family but not anymore & they don't realize that it hurts to be the butt of their jokes. So ROCK ON girl!!! You are doing Amazing!! :)
  • Feisty_Red
    Feisty_Red Posts: 982 Member
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    Aww...sweetie.. I've felt the same way...cancelled trips etc to see family and friends because of weight..

    You gotta remember..even though you are currently trying to improve your outward appearance...the people you know..love you for you...and not what size you currently are...

    Go out and enjoy life!! :heart: :heart:
  • oceansablue
    oceansablue Posts: 53
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    I understand how you feel. My boyfriend's job requires him to bring in clients so there's a lot of social outings for the two of us. One way I get around feeling to bad is to literally not think just act. For example when i get there and I make eye contact with someone I immediately step forward to say hello before my mind can process how embarrassing this maybe. Lot of smiling and compliments help, too.
    And just remember: we're all here because we're concerned with our weight. We'll all be glad to help keep each other motivated towards a longer, healthier lifestyle!
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
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    Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!

    ^ This is excellent.

    I would do this in a literal sense to. Take a photo of yourself today, before going. Keep that photo.
  • smokinjackd
    smokinjackd Posts: 341
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    I used to feel that way about taking my shirt off at the beach, that was until I gave away my giveafu#%, I realized that the only person I was hurting was me. It was tainting my enjoyment of the beach and water, and I've always been a water baby. So, just give away your giveafu#% and be yourself, loud and proud. You are not your weight.
  • dchannelle
    dchannelle Posts: 3
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    story of my life, I keep thinking "I'll just lose the weight and then I can socialise again". At the same time it's kinda motivation to look good just so I can stop worrying about how I look and who will see me. I even quit the gym because of it (which is stupid, I know) but now we have exercise equipment at home so I'm hiding out until I feel confident enough to make plans.
  • zoe1945
    zoe1945 Posts: 21
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    Good to know I am not the only one that feels this way (thank you MFP). I have always been the biggest one in the room at all family get togethers and avoid friends. But we are making the change! If you really look around everyone has their own issues ours just happen to be obvious.
  • carebear7951
    carebear7951 Posts: 404 Member
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    Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!

    What an awesome idea!!!!!! Just go and be friendly and you never know, you might have fun! Good for you for doing this for your husband--it will also be good for you I think.
  • NatashaRuz
    NatashaRuz Posts: 223
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    Boy can I relate. I haven't seen any of my old friends from 10 years ago in person because I hate how I look so much.
    A friend of mine has encouraged me to take lots of pics of myself *now* so have a good gauge of how my body's changing as I move through the process.
    It's so painful and hard to think of people seeing you 'fat' when the last time they saw you, you were 'fit'.
    One of the toughest things I'm facing right now, is learning to love my body, and love it enough to make it healthy and happy again.

    Good luck you you, and keep moving forward. May you be happy to socialize and be seen in public soon! :)
  • Fannyannefeisty
    Fannyannefeisty Posts: 53
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    Hi,

    I've read your post but not the other replies. So this might already have been said. But time to read it again, if so!

    You've got to own it. Its your body, just the frame in which your brain, personality and soul (if you believe all that) resides. Most people will get past the shell and enjoy you as a person - if you let them.

    But take that feeling of uncomfortableness and use it to help you lose weight. Use it for motivation to never want to feel this way again.

    One thing I know for sure is that life is short. You can't put off living it until you are thin/pretty/size 10 *delete as applicable. Its a journey, it took a lot to get you where you are now. Find out how and why you got there and retrace your steps back to happy and healthy.

    Good luck! x
  • waisttodiefor
    waisttodiefor Posts: 4
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    lets look at it this way-today they might think you fat,but when you have lost it for good(i m sure u will)it will be fun to see their jaws drop when u meet them next time:)if they dont get to see u now,how will they admire you later on?...this is the way i face life...but one day,it will be a different story...
  • 2Bgoddess
    2Bgoddess Posts: 1,096 Member
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    Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!

    awesome idea. I used to hate things like that, and worse, if it involved food because if I a) ate what I want ,I felt people would think 'no wonder she's heavy' b) ate a small amount just from the veggie tray I felt people would think "who is she kidding, obviously she never eats like that". I always felt it was a no win situation. so I just had a little of this and a little of that, every food group, and just one desert. then i didn't feel deprived, or fake.

    Also, another tip, don't try the silly thing that I did all the time, squeezing into spanx that were 2 sizes too small. I thought I could trick everyone, that no one would notice what I looked like. all i did was give myself a stomach ache!

    Smile and talk to people, even if you have to force it at first. you will soon see that they will see past the (temporary) packaging to the person inside. (((hugs)))
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
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    Ah, I've been there as well. Worse when I'm a naturally quiet person who doesn't want to socialise at the best of times.

    But really there's no point pretending that you're not where you are, and the best way to take the next step is to step up and own it.

    Yes, this is where you are now, now take every ounce of that embarrassment and turn it in to determination to not let yourself stay here, or get worse, and use it to move yourself in the right direction.

    Everyone on this plant makes bad mistakes, a lot do it day in and day out, we're just the ones who wear our mistakes as a fat suit so everyone else can see. It sucks. But boy does it make us strong.
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,267 Member
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    You are the only person that can change what you are eating and what you are doing. You joined MFP 8 months ago....what have you been doing? Its always difficult to get going at first, but beating yourself up on the message boards doesn't help you any; it sounds more like you are looking for attention. Make a decision and get moving! You CAN do it! The alternative is living like you are living now which doesn't sound like much fun......


    Negativity helps NO ONE...Tons of people on here vent for anything, she is just trying to get some confidence & motivation to get out there and have fun tonight & not feel ashamed. Isn't that what we are on MFP for in some ways, to have friends to help motivate us and encourage us to be strong!!! I just had to get that out there!! NEGATIVITY is what causes INSECURITY!!

    ETA: I am sure she appreciates your vote of confidence!!:grumble:

    srsly! judgmental much???

    I did avoid many fun things and social events last year. I felt so unlovable. My friends missed me and thought I was not interested in them anymore. I regret doing this. I am so glad these people are encouraging you to go. TAKE PICTURES from every angle. I wish had... and have a great time.

    Jules:flowerforyou:

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