I'd rather stay home than let them see how fat I am

smokinjackd

I used to feel that way about taking my shirt off at the beach, that was until I gave away my giveafu#%, I realized that the only person I was hurting was me. It was tainting my enjoyment of the beach and water, and I've always been a water baby. So, just give away your giveafu#% and be yourself, loud and proud. You are not your weight.

dchannelle

story of my life, I keep thinking "I'll just lose the weight and then I can socialise again". At the same time it's kinda motivation to look good just so I can stop worrying about how I look and who will see me. I even quit the gym because of it (which is stupid, I know) but now we have exercise equipment at home so I'm hiding out until I feel confident enough to make plans.

zoe1945

Good to know I am not the only one that feels this way (thank you MFP). I have always been the biggest one in the room at all family get togethers and avoid friends. But we are making the change! If you really look around everyone has their own issues ours just happen to be obvious.

carebear7951

Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!

What an awesome idea!!!!!! Just go and be friendly and you never know, you might have fun! Good for you for doing this for your husband--it will also be good for you I think.

NatashaRuz

Boy can I relate. I haven't seen any of my old friends from 10 years ago in person because I hate how I look so much.
A friend of mine has encouraged me to take lots of pics of myself *now* so have a good gauge of how my body's changing as I move through the process.
It's so painful and hard to think of people seeing you 'fat' when the last time they saw you, you were 'fit'.
One of the toughest things I'm facing right now, is learning to love my body, and love it enough to make it healthy and happy again.

Good luck you you, and keep moving forward. May you be happy to socialize and be seen in public soon!

Fannyannefeisty

Hi,

I've read your post but not the other replies. So this might already have been said. But time to read it again, if so!

You've got to own it. Its your body, just the frame in which your brain, personality and soul (if you believe all that) resides. Most people will get past the shell and enjoy you as a person - if you let them.

But take that feeling of uncomfortableness and use it to help you lose weight. Use it for motivation to never want to feel this way again.

One thing I know for sure is that life is short. You can't put off living it until you are thin/pretty/size 10 *delete as applicable. Its a journey, it took a lot to get you where you are now. Find out how and why you got there and retrace your steps back to happy and healthy.

Good luck! x

waisttodiefor

lets look at it this way-today they might think you fat,but when you have lost it for good(i m sure u will)it will be fun to see their jaws drop when u meet them next time:)if they dont get to see u now,how will they admire you later on?...this is the way i face life...but one day,it will be a different story...

2Bgoddess

Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!

awesome idea. I used to hate things like that, and worse, if it involved food because if I a) ate what I want ,I felt people would think 'no wonder she's heavy' b) ate a small amount just from the veggie tray I felt people would think "who is she kidding, obviously she never eats like that". I always felt it was a no win situation. so I just had a little of this and a little of that, every food group, and just one desert. then i didn't feel deprived, or fake.

Also, another tip, don't try the silly thing that I did all the time, squeezing into spanx that were 2 sizes too small. I thought I could trick everyone, that no one would notice what I looked like. all i did was give myself a stomach ache!

Smile and talk to people, even if you have to force it at first. you will soon see that they will see past the (temporary) packaging to the person inside. (((hugs)))

RhonndaJ

Ah, I've been there as well. Worse when I'm a naturally quiet person who doesn't want to socialise at the best of times.

But really there's no point pretending that you're not where you are, and the best way to take the next step is to step up and own it.

Yes, this is where you are now, now take every ounce of that embarrassment and turn it in to determination to not let yourself stay here, or get worse, and use it to move yourself in the right direction.

Everyone on this plant makes bad mistakes, a lot do it day in and day out, we're just the ones who wear our mistakes as a fat suit so everyone else can see. It sucks. But boy does it make us strong.

Jules2Be

You are the only person that can change what you are eating and what you are doing. You joined MFP 8 months ago....what have you been doing? Its always difficult to get going at first, but beating yourself up on the message boards doesn't help you any; it sounds more like you are looking for attention. Make a decision and get moving! You CAN do it! The alternative is living like you are living now which doesn't sound like much fun......

Negativity helps NO ONE...Tons of people on here vent for anything, she is just trying to get some confidence & motivation to get out there and have fun tonight & not feel ashamed. Isn't that what we are on MFP for in some ways, to have friends to help motivate us and encourage us to be strong!!! I just had to get that out there!! NEGATIVITY is what causes INSECURITY!!

ETA: I am sure she appreciates your vote of confidence!!:grumble:

srsly! judgmental much???

I did avoid many fun things and social events last year. I felt so unlovable. My friends missed me and thought I was not interested in them anymore. I regret doing this. I am so glad these people are encouraging you to go. TAKE PICTURES from every angle. I wish had... and have a great time.

Jules:flowerforyou:

KimWW

Like many others who have posted, I have been exactly where you are. I still am in some ways. Last month I visited the city I had lived in 30 years ago, but didn't go see any of my childhood friends. I could not bear the thought of seeing someone who had not seen me since I was a child. Some college friends have invited me to come visit them, but even that is too much, even though I was obese when they knew me.

Fear is a big motivator. Just make sure that you only let it motivate you in the right direction. Change what you are afraid of!
Letting the fear cage you in your home is not helping anyone, not you, not your husband, not the the people you would see if you went out.

MonicaT1972

Until you are ready to change for yourself you wont....plain and simple.

From what you posted you are not ready to make any changes at all unfortunately.

Have you thought about getting professional help to change your can't attitude to can?

Naomipal

Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!

GREAT IDEA!!

I third that!

angeldove85

I hope you had a nice time at the party! The first time I did that- didn't let myself go out with my husband because of how I looked- that was one my moments that have gotten me to stick to exercising and dieting. Remember even when you are working really hard to exercise and eat right, it will take months before a person reaches his or her goal. I can't honestly imagine myself at 160 lbs, BUT what I can handle is TODAY.

Today I can exercise for 35 minutes and get some strength training in for my arms. Today I can avoid foods that I would eat too much of and aren't healthy for me at least for breakfast and lunch. Today I know I can go to bed without over-stuffing myself with food in order to be comfortable feeling. Today I know I can go out with my husband to a party and I can nibble a little bit of something I enjoy- and that I can tell myself to stop and know I will stop. Today i can make the choice to enjoy spending time with family and friends

I can only handle today- not tomorrow, next week, or next month. And nobody can take away today from me.

ohmariposa

Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!

GREAT IDEA!!

I third that!

I also agree with that. I actually have my yucky pre MFP days photo on here from a bday party last year to remind me NEVER again. Go and have fun and take the BEFORE pic!

Spartan_Maker

Think what their reaction will be, next time, when you lose that 130; that'll be fun.

I'm rooting for you.

KellyR72

As someone who has been a yo-yo dieter all my life, I can absolutely relate to this. I have often wondered if people who hadn't seen me in awhile wondered how I would look. It gets old. I got tired of it and decided to take control and make positive changes...one day at a time. Good luck to you!

chammich

I know how you feel. I am the same way. I basically anti social since I have gained weight..and it's not healthy for my kids to see.

Ralphrabbit

Guessing that you are here to change that feeling! However, I remember it all too well so I will cheer you on & say that it is more important that you do this for yourself and everyone else will benefit from a happier you..........
Friend me if you need some support!

SoDamnHungry

You can do it! Remember, just let them see you now, and they'll be so impressed with your weight loss next time you see them! If they're nice enough people, they won't care that you've gained weight.

opuntia

If it helps, whenever I attend such get-togethers, nearly everyone has gained weight. You're unlikely to be the only one.

lauralkinnan

I truly admire your courage!! First of all to be honest with yourself and to be brave enough to share your struggles with others is commendable. Thank you for that. I find this happening to me more and more. Second, to see that I am not the only one going through this is more helpful than anything up to this point!

Lipstickcherry

I totally relate. I recently didn't go to my latest highschool reunion get-together because of my weight-gain. I should have gone and taken before pictures. It's hard when I hear back things like people I used to go to church with saying "Melissa looks like she lost some weight!" coming to me through the grapevine since I know they were probably noticing the weight gain. (I have yo-yo'd up and down, hopefully that is now a thing of the past with this new eating plan I am on that seems to be working). Great thread and advice in here.

DangerSass

You brave, brave woman. Remember this day and when you reach goal, which you absolutely will, remember this day again and hold your head up knowing YOU made a change. Each day wake up making a change, those changes add up and pay back big time.


, Sass

caslyn3

I have been there! I have always started diets and stopped.. because I felt like I wasn't losing weight and I had no encouragement at all. Then one day I seen my friends Before and After blog - 1 year later success pics.. I thought, OMG.. she is a totally different person.. and on that day.. I said I want to be a totally different person.. I am tired of these "diets".. I need to make a lifestyle change.. I won't lie, it is hard as hell! But, 22 lbs and 80 days later.. I already feel amazing :-) More confident in myself, more energy, more motivation to get to that next 10 lbs.. and then some.. I can't wait until I can post my success stories on here.. I recently ran across someone else profile.. and I had to jack his quote.. But I want you to live by this.. I promise you, it helps and tell yourself everyday..

"no more.... this is it... this is as bad as it gets... this is as big as I get "

Good luck with your journey! And go kick *kitten* tonight - You can do it!!!

jenniferedwards123

Thank you everyone! I'm grateful for the encouraging words. I'm wiping the tears away and going to go get this over with. I'm sure you are all right - it won't be as bad as I think.

Go in with a positive attitude! The people if they are true friends will not care how much you weigh. And I agree with the above poster, take this as the first step to a new you!

marijasmin

I would like to tell a rather amusing tale.
I had cancer and lost most of my hair. I felt I looked awful with my chenobyl look So...
I bought wigs, red ones, blond ones, dark ones, short ones, long ones, tatty ones, bobbed ones. In total rang the changes with almost a dozen different wigs. Even had a sparkly purple one.

Every day I wore a different wig. And do you know- some people didn't even notice such major changes every day!!
Ask any guy who has shaved off his beard or a lass who has new glasses or hair cut.

People are too involved in what people think of them to worry about what they think of others. They will have put on weight, got wrinles, cankles, bad dresses, lost teeth, droopy boobs, had babies, too much sun, divorced, bags under the eyes, car crashes, scars, bad marriages etc. They will be worried that they haven't achieved, have become alcoholics, gamblers, got fleas, twenty kids and have no money. Yours is only weight and can be changed as you are proving, right here and right now.
fantastic....

MJ

TropicalFlowerz

Hold yur head up Mama!!! and smile! most folks are too busey worring bout themselves!! You go to this thing,and walk in there like you are at yur goal weight,besides what they think does not matter! have a great time!

rhettafaye

I wanted to reply to your post because I feel like I could have written the exact same post!! You are not alone in how you feel!! I too have not gone to bbqs or gatherings because of how much weight I have gained. But only just recently have I decided I will attend my husbands company picnics and the such. I am embarrassed for sure but I try to do a little something that makes me feel pretty. I might put on a little makeup or some pretty lip gloss or something that makes me feel pretty even though I am embarrassed by my size. I just wanted to let you know that there are others who are going through the exact same feelings you are and you can reach out to us for support!! We have obvioulsy made a decision to better ourselves by joining MFP. We can do this!!!!

inraptorswetrust

If you don't want to go, then don't go. it's as simple as that. But don't punish your husband and keep him from going out and seeing his friends.