Lost the weight...more lonely than ever

CookieGem

A few years ago i had a smoking hot body however I was incredibly lonely and dare I say suicidal (nothing to do with weight i want to add). I moved, changed jobs and made some more friends and also gained 3 stone. I was happier being that weight when I was a rake. I was 'well and truly' single for 3 years, do dates, no kisses no anything. I know just what you mean about wanting someone to share things with so I joined match.com.

You say that you are on dating sites already and have spoken to a few people but no dates yet, is this because your scared? The first few dates I was so nervous but after a while dates just became fun, even if i didn't fancy them I would be spending time with someone different and I might have a story to tell my friends the next day (Like the one guy who showed up drunk and actually got more and more p*ssed during the date OR the guy that raped my face in a carpark **Shudders at memory*** )

I have been on some DISASTROUS dates, some funny dates, some where I wanted to jump out of the bathroom window and leg it and I have also fallen in love. I have been with him for nearly 3 years now and I feel so lucky to have found him.

I get the feeling yours is a confidence thing. I once heard the saying do something everyday that scares you. Why dont you ask one of the girls you've been chatting to out for a coffee. You are a really really cute guy and im sure they would say yes.

Good luck.
Keep us posted

x_JT_x

Bro, you just got to do your thing. In my experience, the more you concentrate on trying to find a girl the harder it is to find one. My advice. Set some more personal goals and achieve them. People (women included) are attracted to determined individuals who know what they want out of life. Work at doing things for yourself and people will gravitate towards you.

Congrats on the weight loss by the way! Start thinking about what is next on the horizon.

^^^This! Live your life. Find something you are interested in and enjoy doing. Put yourself in situations where you're likely to meet women your age with your interests so you have something in common. Continue to strike up conversations and be friendly. Be confident and happy. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You're a handsome young man who's done himself a tremendous favor getting into shape. You look fantastic. Go out and have fun!

daylily2005

I can completely empathize. I haven't been on a date in 3 years! But I'm finding that being single has advantages. I don't have to worry about working with someone else's schedule, changing my plans suddenly, etc. Now yes, I am lonely a lot of times, but sometimes there's just nothing you can do but wait.

You are cute, and you seem to have a good personality! That girl will come around eventually...grab her when she does!

raverhayley

It will come when you aren't looking for it or least expect it. Don't force it. Wait for the magic. Don't laugh--it's true!

i totally agree, every past boyfriend i ever met was in the strangest place and when i was dong anything but looking keep positve

funkyspunky872

HELLO.

I'm legal now. :devil:

Keep your chin up. You'll find somebody. Just goes to show that weight and size really don't matter. You have to stick it out and find someone who loves you for your personality instead. :flowerforyou:

melissafaith24

you were/are adorable at both sizes, so i dont understand the vacancy either. give it time and enjoy yourself and the right one will come along soon enough

samblanken

Try meetup.com. You can join groups with people that have similar interests.

^^^
this. I joined groups when I moved to Virigina. I was only looking to meet friends and I met my husband too!

Woolooloo

Online dating... Give it a try if you haven't already. At least you are connecting with other people who are actively looking, and you get to assess some level of compatibility before you even talk to them. It's how I met my wife and I've got lots of other friends who have had success with it too.

Molly_Maguire

Coming from a girl: You are so dang cute, It won't be long before someone snaps you up, I am positive. In the meantime, don't be one of those people that defines themselves by or can't be happy without a relationship. You're only 23, right? You're still super young. Enjoy it! Do you, focus on what makes you happy. Travel! Pick up an extreme sport! When I was your age I voluntarily took myself out of the dating pool for TWO YEARS, and focused on myself, my family and my relationship with God. Magically, at the end of those two years I reconnected with my now-husband, and we've been married for two more years. It'll happen when you least expect it, so stop fighting so hard! Relax! Let it happen on it's own!

Jkmumma

Do the things you enjoy doing, then start talking to the people doing them around/with you. Some of them are bound to be women, unless what you really enjoy is peeing standing up...

Other than that.. I had that issue, weight not withstanding, and eventually quit looking, then it just kind of happened... And having met over one of my hobbies meant we have a lot in common!

rexzmumu

looks alone... i dont get it and hope you find the girl your looking for or... you know, just a friend whatever your looking for.

LvLite

I will have to say as a single.. When I am in that moment.. hearing "It will just happen" drives me batty (no offense to all you who said that .. I know it is true!) But .. if you are naturally shy or introverted then it is hard.

I am changing my lifestyle to include 5K's, trail running .. anything to get me out of my comfort zone and doing the things I love. I am finding that my circle of friends is growing and to not focus on that part helps a lot (don't want to just settle because of loneliness) Also part of a great ministry & dry spells just seem to happen now and again -

belgerian

Your 23 decent shape and to be honest go out and just enjoy I really did not get into a relationship (my wife now) until I was in my Late 20s just go out and enjoy life. Dont get me wrong I love my wife and kids but sometimes I wish I did not have that committment. Sometimes.

monicalosesweight

I would try Meetups.com/ You can find groups that share your interests like hiking, cooking, exercising...basically join a group and go out and have fun. That way you'll meet girls and might find someone you'd like to date through what you enjoy doing.

myofibril

and yet I haven't been on a date in 9 months.

How many women have you actually asked out on a date in the last 9 months?

You see, here's the thing. You're a good looking chap. You're possibly even better looking than I am (hard to imagine, I know.)

I would wager if you asked 20 women "hey, let's go out for a drink tomorrow night" you would get at least a couple of dates without question. I think the real issue here is your emotional strength and your ability to handle rejection. Just as you need to work on weight loss sometimes you need to work on emotional ability.

Don't be fooled by this "just wait" malarkey. Winners make their own luck. Take action. It's a beautiful thing...

daylily2005

I do agree with the last post---go ask! Just because a girl might say no....don't take it personally. You don't know what's going on in her life either. Move on and ask another girl that you find interesting!

DopeItUp

Hit on chicks at the gym. Preferably when they are in the middle of a heavy set of barbell squats.

kimad

Hi,
I can relate on some levels, but our stories are a bit different.
I also started dating thru this weight loss journey, I agree the loss has given me alot of self confidence, self esteem, and just a new zest for life. Did this help me get my dates, nah, I met my boyfriend 8 months ago and I was 25 lbs heavier. But I quickly realized that my new body wasn't going to keep my boyfriend, I needed more. I have read relationship book, upon relationship book, upon relationship book. I needed to realize I had a great life and was happy WITHOUT someone. That a boyfriend, for me, was only a compliment to my already great life.

I know this might not be it for you, but it was for me. I didn't know how to date - I had been with my ex for 9 years and realized I had always had needy relationships.

I have alot to learn, but I have come along way. So not really the same, but I feel your pain.
Friend me if you like.

And I agree - when you are least looking for it, it can happen. The least I force anything, the least I 'care' the more I get from my current relationship. It seems SOOOO odd but it's true.

skinnyinnotime

:noway: You can't get a date??! Man, the women you're meeting must be blind and/or dumb, I know plenty of girls that would be queuing up to date you!!

Chin up mate, it WILL happen....come back and let us know how it all goes!

jennifermaffei17

You're soooo young. There is someone looking for you too but maybe she is still in her relationship and it hasn't ended? I believe in fate and sometimes you have to let it work its magic and be patient. Things fall into place more than you know.

Steph_135

Visualize what you want often, and only in positive ways. Try affirmations. I've been feeling a million times better these past 2 weeks with affirmations than I have all summer. Stay positive, and try and find out what fears might be getting in your way. Then deal with them, or try to replace them with positive, opposite statements. Good luck!

arcticfox04

Try some online like match or plentyoffish. Just try messaging around and see what works online. Never know you might find someone to have that cup of coffee with.

That or act like a jerk.