need to vent

thingal12

Generally, and in the past, I have been an optimistic person. However, I do have the occasional moments where all I do is remember and talk about the "bad" in my life. All in all, I've just had "bad luck" and not such good times. I don't know where my optimism ever came from- probably always wished I'd have a better life. But, whenever reality sets in, I realize how bad I have it. Of course not everyone's life is the exact same, there are a lot of other people who have it worse than me. I'm just stuck in a rut right now. I feel really sad and depressed about my life. Almost everyone around me always seems tobe 'moving on' with their life while I am still stuck in the same position I was in years ago (although just a little better than I used to be). What I dont like about myself mostly is my looks: Sometimes I really hate the way that my butt is so round and my stomach pouch won't go away! :noway: :grumble: Yes, I'm 144 pounds, but everyone around me (from a size 0 to a size 4) is a lot thinner and leaner than me. No one has a gut popping out, not even the married with children girls. No matter what I do, and even if I get to a size 4 like I used to be, I always seem to get back to being a size 8 or 10. I get depressed about other things and I feel my life isn't going anywhere so I get back to eating too much (3-4k calories a day). Not kidding. I can scarf down a lot of food in one day and still be ready to eat the next day. I went to the dentist last Saturday, after a hiatus of 1.5 years. I hate dentists. Ever since I was a very young kid I used to cry and be scared of them. My parents got rid of their dental insurance when I was about 7, so from that age until 22 years old I never saw a dentist. So, of course I have major dental issues. My dentist told me this past saturday that I have to have some gum thing done.. in two appointments. Forgot to mention, at 22 years old I paid over $7k for dental fixings. That's what I get for growing up in a poor family where my parents never put focus or emphasis on good dental hygiene. Who ever heard about flossing? Not us! Third, let me not get started about my acne and scarring. I look so ugly that no one ever looks at me. [trying not to cry @ work] Seriously though. A lot of other chubby girls seem to find someone to care for them, someone to love them. Not me! I don't know where all the good guys are at. I'm only around the married or the one's who look at thin girls that flaunt their bodies. One of my co workers got someone to look at her after having plastic surgery. Her ex-husband cheated on her after she had their son. They're getting married soon. Where's my prince charming? Only poor men that have no teeth and are 10+ yrs older than me [I'm 32] seem to want anything to do with me. Am I that ugly ?!?! I do pray to God about this stuff. Almost every day. I wonder if He just hates me or if He's testing me? I have done some mistakes in my life, in my late teens early 20s. I wonder if the good I've tried to do since then isn't good enough for Him? I mean, seriously though, He's the only one who could make a difference for me in my life. I can only do so much! I am human, and He did create me. I wonder..:ohwell: :frown:

corn63

Someone needs to learn a little self love. I hope you do. Your life will be much improved.

LilMissSunshine_

Are paragraphs a thing of the past? ::uncrosseseyeballs::

cobracars

Would it be fair to say you are looking for someone who will love you for who you are, and not a man who is focused on the 'skinny girls' or the younger girls, the girls with nicer skin? A man who will really learn to appreciate the true person you are on the inside?

If the answer is 'yes', then you need to be willing to do the same. Perhaps those guys who are 10 years older and may have some of their own dental issues (just like you did), well perhaps on the inside they are the sweetest guys you'll ever have the privilege to know.

If you prefer to be superficial and keep praying to God for better skin, nicer body, etc., so you can attract a man, just keep in mind that the kind of man you attract will probably be just as superficial.

thingal12

Would it be fair to say you are looking for someone who will love you for who you are, and not a man who is focused on the 'skinny girls' or the younger girls, the girls with nicer skin? A man who will really learn to appreciate the true person you are on the inside?

If the answer is 'yes', then you need to be willing to do the same. Perhaps those guys who are 10 years older and may have some of their own dental issues (just like you did), well perhaps on the inside they are the sweetest guys you'll ever have the privilege to know.

If you prefer to be superficial and keep praying to God for better skin, nicer body, etc., so you can attract a man, just keep in mind that the kind of man you attract will probably be just as superficial.

You're right. And I have been in a relationship where the man was 19 years older, but he went off to marry someone else. More recently, the men 10 years older aren't so good in the inside or the outside. I have never looked for a superficial man, I always knew I want to be with someone just like myself: a little bit of ugly, and a little bit of nice.

thingal12

Are paragraphs a thing of the past? ::uncrosseseyeballs::

Sorry. I was venting, not checking my grammar or spelling. :blushing:

sammi402

It's all about the attitude. If you carry around a bad one, that's all people will see. It doesn't matter how skinny you are or how pretty you are, that all fades with time and gravity. But if what you have on the inside is positive (to yourself and others) then that comes through and that is what people will notice.

Sharyn913

It's all about the attitude. If you carry around a bad one, that's all people will see. It doesn't matter how skinny you are or how pretty you are, that all fades with time and gravity. But if what you have on the inside is positive (to yourself and others) then that comes through and that is what people will notice.

I agree with this!

JustJennie1

You say that you're a positive person however that's just on the outside. Everything that you posted is how you really feel and I'm sorry to say it but that is showing through to other people.

You have the ability to fix every single "problem" that you listed in your post you are just choosing to wallow in your situation and play the "poor me" card.

celb500

I really don't mean to sound rude but perhaps you should bring yourself back to sheer basics here - are you breathing? are you healthy? do you have all your limbs?

I know this sounds stupid but sometimes you have to evaluate how much worse things could be right now. I used to think like you - I was over weight, my partner cheated on me and my confidence and life was in tatters. I then started a new job working with disabled children. Every day I see children blighted by illness, who will never live a normal life. They are just bodies functioning and breathing and sometimes not even then. I see young lives destroyed by pain and suffering.

It made me realise that just because I was over weight, alone and hurt, life has been kind to me. I am not living the life those poor children have to live and their families. They make the best of the bad card they have been dealt so why couldn't I do that either?

I know this is not much help to you but if it gives you just a second of perspective that will hopefully make you feel just a little bit better then it has worked. Perhaps you need something to take your mind off your problems and give you a different perspective?

I wish you all the happiness in the world and the confidence to not let things get you down

Peace and Love x

LilMissSunshine_

Are paragraphs a thing of the past? ::uncrosseseyeballs::

Sorry. I was venting, not checking my grammar or spelling. :blushing:

It's ok. I tried to read it but I had to stop so I have no advice.

Fred4point0

Don't give up on yourself and what ever you do...Don't give up on the LORD! People in your life and on MFP will come and go...believe me. BUT HE SAID I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU. You are not forgotten. You're just going to have an awesome testimony. Keep you head up and try to focus on the positives in your life. For every negative thing write down two positive aspects of your life. Then began to praise God for those and watch Him turn things around for you. Be Blessed.

AnninStPaul

It's all about the attitude. If you carry around a bad one, that's all people will see. It doesn't matter how skinny you are or how pretty you are, that all fades with time and gravity. But if what you have on the inside is positive (to yourself and others) then that comes through and that is what people will notice.

I agree with this!

Agree wholeheartedly!!

Shara126

Honey you are in the perfect place to turn around the whole weight thing! Utilize this site, be honest with your self about what you are eating and you can accomplish your weight loss goals. You've got this.

In regard to your skin, the best advice I can give is to go and get a topical retinoid. I used to have fairly bad acne when I was a teenager. I went on Accutane and had beautiful skin for years. Then I had my daughter 2 years ago and my skin changed and I started getting acne again:( The easiest fix is a topical retinoid. They help combat current acne, increase collagen and cell turnover and will help tremendously with acne scarring. Win Win in my book. Beyond that, there are chemical peals and microdermabrasion. Look into it...

I have to agree with the other posters on here, playing the pity card will get you nowhere. Take steps to improve what you can and adopt a healthier attitude and you will be so much better off!!! How can you expect anyone to see your value and worth as a potential partner when you view yourself as so subpar?

DontStopB_Leakin

All I'm going to say is, until you learn to love yourself, you can't expect anyone else to love you.

thingal12

It's all about the attitude. If you carry around a bad one, that's all people will see. It doesn't matter how skinny you are or how pretty you are, that all fades with time and gravity. But if what you have on the inside is positive (to yourself and others) then that comes through and that is what people will notice.

I agree. I used to be extremely positive and optimistic.. almost delusional. Then, life just went bad for me. I had and still have no control over certain aspects: my dad got sick for 4.5 years w/cancer and passed away, and I had to stay living with my mom b/c she can't care for herself. My siblings are absolutely no help whatsoever [I'm sick of asking them to chip in when they have no care but for themself]. I feel stuck and not able to live for myself. The one thing I can do is 'wait', i guess?!

thingal12

Don't give up on yourself and what ever you do...Don't give up on the LORD! People in your life and on MFP will come and go...believe me. BUT HE SAID I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU. You are not forgotten. You're just going to have an awesome testimony. Keep you head up and try to focus on the positives in your life. For every negative thing write down two positive aspects of your life. Then began to praise God for those and watch Him turn things around for you. Be Blessed.

Thanks. I won't & I can't. :flowerforyou:

thingal12

I really don't mean to sound rude but perhaps you should bring yourself back to sheer basics here - are you breathing? are you healthy? do you have all your limbs?

I know this sounds stupid but sometimes you have to evaluate how much worse things could be right now. I used to think like you - I was over weight, my partner cheated on me and my confidence and life was in tatters. I then started a new job working with disabled children. Every day I see children blighted by illness, who will never live a normal life. They are just bodies functioning and breathing and sometimes not even then. I see young lives destroyed by pain and suffering.

It made me realise that just because I was over weight, alone and hurt, life has been kind to me. I am not living the life those poor children have to live and their families. They make the best of the bad card they have been dealt so why couldn't I do that either?

I know this is not much help to you but if it gives you just a second of perspective that will hopefully make you feel just a little bit better then it has worked. Perhaps you need something to take your mind off your problems and give you a different perspective?

I wish you all the happiness in the world and the confidence to not let things get you down

Peace and Love x

You're right. Things could be a lot worse (like it once was). My life has gotten better than it was 8 years ago. I want to move on, but nothing seems to be moving. I have lost some confidence, and when my own family looks at me and talks about me behind my back (very negatively, when all I've ever done is help them) it really brings me down.

Cliffslosinit

All I'm going to say is, until you learn to love yourself, you can't expect anyone else to love you.

^^This is true....remember the lil man in the boat. *kitten* *kitten*:flowerforyou:

Iceman1800

Well, men aren't looking to date a pair a beach shoes. That's your first problem but seriously, the first step is addressing the person in the mirror. I went to my 10 year high school reunion (20 years ago) and had zero friends from then. I looked at myself and figured out why. Not my body or looks, but me. I was a jerk. I was rude, insulting and arrogant. I made a decision to find something nice to say to everyone. Said good morning and smiled at total strangers. Made it so I was a positive person to be around. My life changed drastically for the better. Start fixing you and maybe you'll find that right guy

scapez

You can't change the past but you can change your present and future! Confidence won't take over your life the day that you reach a certain size, that can only come from within. If you're unhappy with yourself that will show - this is most likely the reason you haven't yet met your "prince charming".

A size won't make you content with your life or yourself, and neither will a man.

Learn to love yourself! If this is something you can't do on your own, consider talking with a counselor - it might be beneficial to learn the reasons behind why you feel like you do, and they will be able to equip you with the tools that you need to get to a healthier (mentally) place.

Good luck - only YOU can do this and...you can!