need to vent
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Not to be a jerk, but have you ever considered therapy? Sounds to me like you've got a lot of stuff going on in your head. It goes way beyond your physical appearance.0
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All I'm going to say is, until you learn to love yourself, you can't expect anyone else to love you.
^^This. Someone once told me, "If even you can't see the good in yourself, how do you expect others to see?" Learn to love yourself. Then, everything else will follow. I understand a lot of what you were venting about. I grew up poor as dirt. To make matter worse, I went to school with millionaire kids. So, yes, I had some pretty bad self-esteem issues. But, i got over it. Now, that I looked bad, I missed so damn much of all the things I used to have. But, hey tthat's the way life goes.
Love the life and body you have now. Find the things in you that are good and special. If you can see them, other people will too. Sometimes, they'll see things even you can't.
BTW, if you stop looking for a man, he will come to you. Just a thought, worked for me
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We all need a bit of a whine every rare once in a while. I hope you feel better. (((hugs)))0
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1. I agree with the above, look into getting the acne issues taken care of by seeing a competent dermatologist.
2. Stay on the dental issues, if the dentist scares you find one that will give you Nitrous oxide for work or can give you a referral to a hynotist.
3. If counseling isn't covered by your insurance, check to see what kind of free counseling there is is your area, get yourself into some counseling, sounds like life is weighing you down and if you don't have a church with a minister you can talk this out with then couseling is the best bet.
4. If your mom can't care for herself for even a day or two to give you a break get yourself into contact with Adult services if there is such a thing in your state, they can often arrange for a "respite care" weekend so you can get away and pamper yourself.
5. Look into some sort of social setting, (bowling, sporting events,concerts, theatre) get a sitter if you can't leave mom alone for a couple of hours. There is nothing like the old I am being martyred by my sucky sibs to get you down, you are the only one that can change that, if any of them live near by then tell them (dont' ask tell) to make arrangements to come and sit with mom so you can have some me time. Treasure your mom, my dad died many years ago, my mom died 9 years ago on her birthday, I spent the better part of 3 years getting in my car every weekend, driving 200 miles, do stuff for my mom, then drive home on Sunday.
You can be a care giver and have a life, so get with it missy.0 -
Live as if you were living for the second time and had acted as wrongly the first time as you are about to act now.
-Viktor Frankl (Man's Search for Meaning)0 -
It seems like you're really focused on complaining about other people 'contributing' to your 'hard life'. I think you need to start focusing more on yourself; find stuff you like to do alone, find yourself. Once you better yourself, you'll realize that you don't NEED someone else, and at that point, you'll be so irresistible to others because of confidence, that the right one will turn up when you weren't even looking.0
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Re: the men who have hurt you.
Phuck the *kitten* Phuckers.
Re: where you are in life:
Have a GOOD cry about your situation when things get bad. Everybody needs that. After your cry you are faced with a decision to ACT on the things you CAN control. Namely how you respond to your circumstances. Only YOU can be the boss of you.
Re: God and Creation.
When I was in 7th Grade my Dad sat me down and asked if I was interested in joining he and my mother in their diet program. I was 5'6" and 160lbs. Chubby to say the least. I was upset at hearing this from my dad and used this excuse "Dad, If GOD didn't want me FAT, he wouldn't have made me FAT!"
My Dad , God bless him, is a man of wisdom. My father said to me, gently and firmly something VERY close to this: "Son, I love you fat or skinny. So does God. God did NOT make you fat, Darin. God made you WHO you are - what you do with your body is completely your choice. God will still love you if you're overweight, but you will love yourself a LOT more if you were healthy. I've seen it. You are interested in girls - that's normal. You have been rejected and you don't have confidence. Son, take charge of you, okay? I won't make you diet with your mom and I (Yes, he said mom and I, when he should have used "mom and me..") - but don't let this control you - don't let your weight control you - you control IT."
I joined them on the diet, lost 20lbs. Then I grew 4" that summer.
5'10 and 160lbs isn't so bad.
So - With Regard to what you eat, how you eat and how your body is -
Be the Boss of You. You are not a victim. You are not stuck in your situation.
Cheers, and best of luck!
edit - as an aside, VERY interesting as I read and remember what my Father told me - how very TRUE those words are to me about 35 years later.0 -
You are only as miserable as you allow yourself to feel. You have 100% control over your body, your mind, your attitude -- regardless of what anyone else says to you or about you to anyone else.
Someone else gave the perfect piece of advice and I have to echo it here: be honest with yourself.
That's where it starts. Be honest and understand that you CHOOSE your path, your reaction, your perspective on EVERYTHING. In every thing "bad" that comes into our lives, there is a lesson we must learn. IF we refuse to learn it, it will keep coming back around until we DO. Once I came to that understanding, I realized that there truly is no "BAD" anything.. sure some of it may suck mud pies.. but somewhere in there, I'm learning something and becoming better for it... even if I don't see it right now. So I take everything in stride.. if it's difficult, I get my head down and get through it..
I am also single and caring for my mother -- and my only sibling has abdicated all responsibility. I have no privacy, I feel guilty about doing things with my friends and for myself because my mom is in her situation.. but I have to remind myself that there is something to learn here and nothing is forever. I also believe in Karma and that DOING good BRINGS good.. maybe not right away but it DOES COME.
Worry less about LOSING your pooch or the shape of your butt right now.. worry only fueling your body with healthy, fresh foods.. learn to love caring for yourself in that way.. then loving other things about yourself will follow.. but take ONE step at a time.
About men.. well. there is no cover that will tell us what is in any book... what's more if you LOOK for a good book, you seldom find one. WRITE YOUR OWN BOOK. concentrate on YOUR story.. I guarantee you, your light will begin to shine and HE WILL FIND YOU.. when you begin to love yourself, your confidence will increase and the RIGHT men find that INCREDIBLY attractive.. the WRONG men are terrified of it and will scurry away into the shadows like the cockroaches they are.
Bottom line: stop being who you are for anyone except yourself. Find who you are supposed to be.. even with all the excess "baggage" you think you have.. find who you are. Love who you are. Celebrate who you are. Your happiness will surely follow.
Stef0 -
confidence is a huge factor in how we feel. I understand how you feel. I suffer from acne and always struggled with my weight and still have days when I hate the way I look, and thats a huge issue for me. I al the luckiest girl in the world because I have a bf who loves me through and through no matter what and he is a blessing that I dont deserve. But, men are attracted to confident women. Those skinny girls that flaunt their bodies have confidence. Men sense it and they like that. That is what I think you need.
No, its not as easy as it sounds. No, it doesnt happen over night. It is something that you have to work towards, just like the working towards a healthier lifestyle change. Concentrate on discovering ways to love yourself. Eat right and excersise and it will give you energy and confidence. Set nutritional goals and physical goals for yourself so you have something to focus on thats not just about looks. Find a new hobby and surround yourself with positive people and influences. I would also consider counseling and seeing a dermatologist for professional advice and help.
And I am a girly girl at heart, so to boost my confidence and make myself happy, I go shopping. I buy some new makeup that really makes me feel beautiful, or a sexy new top or dress. But thats just me
:) 0 -
You are only as miserable as you allow yourself to feel. You have 100% control over your body, your mind, your attitude -- regardless of what anyone else says to you or about you to anyone else.
Someone else gave the perfect piece of advice and I have to echo it here: be honest with yourself.
That's where it starts. Be honest and understand that you CHOOSE your path, your reaction, your perspective on EVERYTHING. In every thing "bad" that comes into our lives, there is a lesson we must learn. IF we refuse to learn it, it will keep coming back around until we DO. Once I came to that understanding, I realized that there truly is no "BAD" anything.. sure some of it may suck mud pies.. but somewhere in there, I'm learning something and becoming better for it... even if I don't see it right now. So I take everything in stride.. if it's difficult, I get my head down and get through it..
I am also single and caring for my mother -- and my only sibling has abdicated all responsibility. I have no privacy, I feel guilty about doing things with my friends and for myself because my mom is in her situation.. but I have to remind myself that there is something to learn here and nothing is forever. I also believe in Karma and that DOING good BRINGS good.. maybe not right away but it DOES COME.
Worry less about LOSING your pooch or the shape of your butt right now.. worry only fueling your body with healthy, fresh foods.. learn to love caring for yourself in that way.. then loving other things about yourself will follow.. but take ONE step at a time.
About men.. well. there is no cover that will tell us what is in any book... what's more if you LOOK for a good book, you seldom find one. WRITE YOUR OWN BOOK. concentrate on YOUR story.. I guarantee you, your light will begin to shine and HE WILL FIND YOU.. when you begin to love yourself, your confidence will increase and the RIGHT men find that INCREDIBLY attractive.. the WRONG men are terrified of it and will scurry away into the shadows like the cockroaches they are.
Bottom line: stop being who you are for anyone except yourself. Find who you are supposed to be.. even with all the excess "baggage" you think you have.. find who you are. Love who you are. Celebrate who you are. Your happiness will surely follow.
Stef
This is absolutely ME .. every single day! -> "I have no privacy, I feel guilty about doing things with my friends and for myself because my mom is in her situation." Thank you for your words, for your advice. :flowerforyou:0 -
You're getting alot of good advice here. Main one: learn to love yourself. If you weren't brought up in a home where it was taught to you (and I wasn't either), you have to learn to do it. It's hard, I know this. I struggle everyday with self esteem issues and don't really ever feel beautiful often. I doubt you're "ugly". No one is. Everyone has something beautiful about themselves physically.
Honestly, though, you're going to feel exactly the way you do right now about yourself unless you get moving to change what you don't like. If you don't like your skin...change it. There are products and procedures that assist with bad skin and scars. If you aren't happy about your midsection, start on some exercises that will tighten it up. (If you don't start today, you'll be in the same position tomorrow as you are right now).
Do something to make you feel good (start with counseling). Good luck!!0 -
Thank YOu everyone for your advice & suggestions :flowerforyou: . I do need to work on building my confidence and doing things for myself. BTW, I've seen a dermatologist for years and nothing has ever helped. My mom had acne until she was in her 50s, so maybe it's just genetics with me. :ohwell: Also, I just wanted to make clear that I've taken care of my parents since I was 22 yrs old, 10 years now. Just me and my parents. As a kid I always wanted to do just that- I remember staying up in bed thinking, "I'd love to take care of mom and dad when they get older!" Wow, I guess my wish came true! It's b/c I noticed how hard they both worked (inside and outside the house) and how little they took care of themselves.
@DetroitDarin : Interestingly enough, my parents used to (mom still does) say the same thing your dad said! Not the exact words, but pretty much.
@ aqm22: I too went to a private school with a bunch of rich girls. We went for free b/c my mom begged the principle and told her our home situation. My mom used to be a teacher and even a middle school principle at one time, but after 7 kids and health issues she couldnt work any longer.0 -
One suggestion for the acne, it may be hormone related, if you are on any type of birth control pill (or not on it) you may want to speak to your primary care doctor or OB/GYN about your pills as a hormone imbalance can cause acne (I take BCP because of migraines and when a doctor changed the type of BCP hormone because she was concerned with my system adapting to the dose I was taking and the hormone type, I broke out worse than a teenager, my regular doc changed me back to what I was taking before and I cleared right up)Thank YOu everyone for your advice & suggestions :flowerforyou: . I do need to work on building my confidence and doing things for myself. BTW, I've seen a dermatologist for years and nothing has ever helped. My mom had acne until she was in her 50s, so maybe it's just genetics with me. :ohwell: Also, I just wanted to make clear that I've taken care of my parents since I was 22 yrs old, 10 years now. Just me and my parents. As a kid I always wanted to do just that- I remember staying up in bed thinking, "I'd love to take care of mom and dad when they get older!" Wow, I guess my wish came true! It's b/c I noticed how hard they both worked (inside and outside the house) and how little they took care of themselves.
@DetroitDarin : Interestingly enough, my parents used to (mom still does) say the same thing your dad said! Not the exact words, but pretty much.
@ aqm22: I too went to a private school with a bunch of rich girls. We went for free b/c my mom begged the principle and told her our home situation. My mom used to be a teacher and even a middle school principle at one time, but after 7 kids and health issues she couldnt work any longer.0 -
PRAY!!! You gotta focus on God. Take time out to appreciate you and love yourself. Everything can be fixed. If you dont like your skin.....se a dermatologist and get a system going.... if you dont like your weight and are having trouble getting it off on your own....get a trainer or do some research on work out systems. Dont give up on yourself...God put you hear for a reason. Thank him every chance you get, for he saw you so important and useful that he took time out to create you!!0
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Love this!!Don't give up on yourself and what ever you do...Don't give up on the LORD! People in your life and on MFP will come and go...believe me. BUT HE SAID I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU. You are not forgotten. You're just going to have an awesome testimony. Keep you head up and try to focus on the positives in your life. For every negative thing write down two positive aspects of your life. Then began to praise God for those and watch Him turn things around for you. Be Blessed.0 -
Great advice Darin's Dad!
) And good for you Darin
Pretty much everyone is giving similar advice...take one or two areas and work on it...don't overwhelm yourself with being perfect or getting everything right in your life, right away...
What you put out there is what you tend to attract to you - keep that in mind..start turning your focus on what you'd 'prefer' in all the seemingly negative instances you are talking about - I even make a list sometimes...of all the stuff that seems to 'suck' at the moment ;o) and then next to each one write the opposite of that. So for you:
Current issue: What I'd prefer:
My skin is always broken out - I love waking up with hardly any breakouts!
I hate being overweight - I'm so excited that my clothes are getting loose on me!
I'll never meet any decent guys. - Funny how more guys are just talking to me and being sincere!
long and short..start focusing and feeling more of what you want instead of what you don't. Things will start changing and you'll feel the difference. Good book with basics..: Why Your LIfe Sucks (and what you can do about it) by Alan Cohen. Lots more books like that out there but this is a fun yet helpful start! Good luck and just start somewhere0
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