anyone negative reaction from people after weight loss?

Tamishumate

I mean people who were your friends, and even your family? I have people who I thought were my friends not be my friends anymore, or are just not interested in being my friend, ( cause so much of our friendship use to revolve around food) .

I have my oldest sister, who was always the average sister in weight, I was the fattest, middle sis was the thinnest, oldest was in between , average, she is about a 12 or a 14. Now she is about to be the bigger one, and she does not say one word to me about how I look. I bought size 12 jeans the other day ( I wouldnt leave the bedroom with them on, but they will fit soon) and I showed her, and she didnt say a thing, in fact she has only said one thing to me and that was in June. I KNOW she is jealous, I just never thought my own sister would act this way.

People ask me all the time " what does your husband say about your weight loss" the truth is , NOT MUCH. In fact, I dont think he likes it one bit.

People who mean the most to me are the least supportive about my journey. People who should be so happy for me, are negative. I get the most support from my gym friends , my co workers , and you all. WHY IS THAT?

sngnyrslp

I think people don't handle change well, especially when it makes them look bad in comparison. Turn it around and make it a compliment - these people are jealous of you because you're looking GREAT and they wish they could do what you've done. You definitely shouldn't feel ashamed for your weight loss, and don't let them get to you, they'll come around and if they don't, maybe they just need a good talking to. Either way, you should definitely not let them diminish your successes, you are doing something wonderful, so don't forget that!

jzbaby626

Sorry to hear that. This should be nothing but a happy time in your life. I don't really know why they are acting like that. I think your right that your sister is jealous. And maybe your husband is just nervous because your starting to look TOO good & he might be scared your gonna lose the weight & leave him or that he's gonna have some competition from other men now...just a thought? I don't know. Cant think of any other reason he wouldn't be super excited for you. Besides i looked at your pics & i think u look GREAT!!!!! keep it up girl!!!

vhuber

I am sorry for their inconsideration and insecurities! That is just what it is! They feel threatened and actually left out. You are not sharing their joy of eating and lack of physical activity and you no longer are putting them before your needs, so this is their response! They will eventually get use to the new YOU, just do NOT give them the old back! I hear from one my sisters "don't lose anymore weight it is starting to show in your face" she use to say before I lost weight was " Oh she's about as big as you" Now I wear smaller than her, but I still love her and encourage her because no matter our size she has raised two awesome children and they really love their parents! i can not say that for my children, we will not even go into that topic! We at MFP are your family for encouragement and compliments so do not ever forget that! I TRULY wish you success!
Verda

frogtoestoo

:drinker: First of all, you look awesome, and keep up the good work! I would suggest seing a therapist who specializes in relationships. It doesn't really sound like you are the big problem, but it would be helpful for you to have professional insight as to why those around you are acting as they are. There may be jealousy and insecurity involved, and a counselor might be able to help you understand and reassure your negative relatives. Mostly though, it will help you to stay strong and not let their negativity jeopardize undoing the terrific job you've done. GOOD LUCK!

Tamishumate

Thanks guys.
It hurts that they act the way they do, and yes, I need to remember that they are just jealous, or as in my husbands case, doesnt like change. I know I cant be the only one who has gone thru this!?

BrendaLee

I don't know what your history is, but I always think it's because I've lost and gained the weight so many times in my life, that they withhold the comments now because they've lost faith in my weight loss ability, and weight loss in general...since they too have tried for years to lose the weight and keep it off. For your situation...it would be hard being the smaller sister and suddenly on the verge of becoming the bigger...hopefully she'll come around. Ya never know what people have going on under the surface...it could be a deeper issue than either of us can think of. Have you talked to her about it? Tried to involve her in your journey? Hubby may be scared of losing you- that's pretty common. I mean, you are gorgeous. I'd say lots of positive reinforcement might work with him...

People rarely act how we want them to...and often if they're doing exactly what we want, it's not always 100% genuine. I want those positive comments so badly myself, and I'm just not getting that many this time around. I force them out of people. lol

Tamishumate

I don't know what your history is, but I always think it's because I've lost and gained the weight so many times in my life, that they withhold the comments now because they've lost faith in my weight loss ability, and weight loss in general...since they too have tried for years to lose the weight and keep it off. For your situation...it would be hard being the smaller sister and suddenly on the verge of becoming the bigger...hopefully she'll come around. Ya never know what people have going on under the surface..

Your right Benda, Thank you . She is not a happy person, I know that. She has so much wonderfulness in her life and she just doesnt see it. She is a very negative person in general, but only her family sees it.
I have never really lost weight before, not BIG amounts like now, so I dont think its that. I think it is just her, and her unhappiness with her self.

rascheer

You lost 137 lbs they should be asking you for advise. You can not control peoples actions or re-actions, maybe they think that you will stop being who you were, and if the old you was unhappy and closed off. Too bad for them. You Rock ! Stay beautiful !

LJCannon

:ohwell: No, you are NOT th only one going thru it. My younger sister and my Father NEVER say anything unless my husband or I bring up my Loss. The funny thing is she is very supportive and says all the right hings about it when I post something on FaceBook about it. But in person? Fuhgetaboutit!!! I'm sure a lot of her reaction is frustration and jealousy because we have both tried so many different diets and fads over the years and nothing has worked before. If anything, we just kept getting heavier and more unhealthy.
:smooched: My husband goes almost too far the other way if you know what I mean. He tells everyone, including the guy at the gas station who we barely know. It seems almost like he is 'taking credit' for it even though he has done nothing to change how he is eating or getting any extra activity in his day. He even tried to get me to take money that we needed for the house payment and go on a shopping spree for new clothes. (not that I didn't appreciate the gesture, but we really need to pay the house payment EVERY month).
I don't have any answers for you--maybe the poster who suggestd counseling had the best advice, if you can afford it. Personnally, I am just glad that I seldom see my Dad or Sister, and my Hubby has always been this way soo I'm used to it.
:flowerforyou: Just remember we are doing this for ourselves, not anyone else. Keep your co-workers and friends at the gym close. They are Priceless and will make this Journey easier for you.

a00link

This might not count but my cousin has been getting real snippy with me because of my new banter about my weight. When we were out at the bar tonight for instance, I had asked how many ounces of water he thought was in my glass, and he gave me a stink eye because I was bringing up numbers again with my diet. He knows I'm working on my health and it's bad enough he thinks I'm crazy for only getting the one 16oz beer I told myself I'd get, but if I mention anything about food that isn't "pass the pizza slice" then I get crap for it. He's a bit chubby as well, and he'll down four beers a night minimum usually and doesn't try to exercise much although it's in the back of his head. I can only imagine that the fact that I, normally the pudgier one who gave into cravings easier, is now losing the weight, toning and building muscle, and all around making him look like the pudgy alcoholic in comparison. I'm not doing it intentionally, I'm just trying to do what I'm doing. It's a bit annoying though when he has to act like he does when all I'm doing is trying to have a good time but responsibly.

arewethereyet

My husband doesn't say a word. Not one. The other day I came out in my new jeans and posed....booty side out....and proclaimed : You WILL look at my butt!!

He laughed and said............I look at your butt all the time, should I text you?? :laugh:

Remember gals, these are the same guys that didn't notice you cut 12 inches off your hair and changed from brown to bright blonde! I painted the entire living room with out so much as a raised eyebrow:huh:

As far as friends and family. I have a few ppl at work that avoid me when we eat, but I know it is guilt because they should be eating better. I try to remember how I felt back then............when I was knawing on a KFC drumstick and my friend had a salad.
I felt disgust with myself and the choices I was making.
I felt sad that I had STILL not made any changes, although I KNEW what I had to do.
I felt that the other person was judging me.
I felt nasty, gross, fat, unloved.

Wow, I didnt know all that was in there!!

Can you talk frankly to your sister? Tell her you love her and want her to join in the joy you feel for being a healthier person? Tell her how much you love her and that her words of encouragment would make your day?

You are such a special person Tami, I hope you can work all this out. What the other people are missing is sad....just really sad!:flowerforyou:

silvertears

I was the smaller sister out of 3 girls most of my life (unfortunately, smaller doesn't mean small - we were all pretty big). My younger sister has lost 45 lbs and blew way past me and is the "smaller sister". To be perfectly honest, I'm crazy jealous and it frustrates me because I've been struggling to stay on track for over a year. So I can relate to why your sister isn't very supportive. because I could very easily not be supportive of my sister. I just choose to not be like that and to see it as more of a challenge to catch up with her. :laugh:

lotusfromthemud

I lost friends after a lost the weight. I made new ones, but it took a while.

The thing is, when you lose a significant amount of weight, and go through the changes that make that possible, and commit to them, you are a different person on some levels than when you started.

I discovered that a lot of my friends (and definitely my family) thought that eating together (usually too much) was "bonding". They were offended when I didn't want to bond this way with them anymore. Add to that the fact that some of them were downright jealous of and embittered by my success (since they didn't see all the really hard work I put into it, just the results) and there were definitely some bumps in my relationship life. Whenever I go to visit my family, even though I ask them nicely not too, they still prepare food for the "old" me. (there are certain things I've discovered I shouldn't have due to intolerance/allergy. . .and they still make them)

I think what arewethereyet says about having a frank discussion with your sister is really good advice.

HTH.:flowerforyou:

AnneElise

confront them. Let them know that you are trying to be healthy and happy and that they mean very much to you. That their support is important and that you are dissapointed. Tell them if they are interested in loosing weight you will support them 100%. That is what I would do. Maybe they don't realize that you notice their jealousy.

YOU ARE ROCKING IT! WE ARE PROUD OF YOU HERE AT MFP.

shinybonnie

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on so much weight lost!!! Your accomplishments are amazing!

In thinking about your problem, I tried to put myself in your husband's position. My husband and I enjoyed getting fat together. We'd load up on junk and sit in front of our computers all night. We'd look for new recipes and giggle while chowing down on lots of yummy food. There were a few times one or the other of us would say, "dang, we are getting fat, we gotta do something!" But we both gained like 50 pounds in the 5 years we have been married. Whenever HE would say, "I'm gonna get back to eating healthy!" I would secretly panic inside, thinking he might actually do this crazy thing and then he would lose the weight and get back in shape and I would LOSE HIM. I really didn't want him to lose weight when I wasn't ready to do it also.

Based on this, my thought is that your husband may be panicking inside, thinking, "omg, my wife is so hot now, why would she want to keep hanging around ME? Other guys are going to notice her, and pay attention to her, and she may be drawn to them!" I disagree with those saying you should confront them and drag all this weight loss talk out onto the table. Instead, you have already shown that you are the one with more strength, perserverence, and wisdom by being able to do this. Now is the time to love on them and show what a wonderful person you are with or without the weight. Don't talk about weight loss anymore. If you count your calories in front of them, or talk about your exercise program, drop it. They're probably sick to death of hearing about it because it is a condemnation to them. Instead, love them apart from food / weight issues. Does your husband like to watch a certain tv show? Watch it with him and get into it. Send your sister a gift that SHE will like (hint: not a heart rate monitor!); take up one of HER interests. Take the focus OFF of food and don't confront them about their insecurities. That will only add to the division. Move over to their side and take up their interests. This way they see that there is more than one side of you.

sorry for the book...

shinybonnie

I guess my point is: by losing all this weight, all of us have shown that we have more Strength, Determination, Perserverence, and Wisdom than those who (like we used to be) are still giving in to their unhealthy desires. I'm not meaning this in a cocky way, but we are the "bigger" people (so to speak). Therefore, in dealing with others, WE need to take care that we are not hurting them or coming across as judgmental or too good for them. We need to be encouraging without being preachy, be sensitive and considerate, show them different sides of yourself than just the "I'm-so-holy-i'm-counting-calories-and-working-out-10-times-a-day" side.

Those with heavier spouses: imagine if your spouse lost all the weight and you were still fat. You'd probably be scared/resentful/alone, etc. So reach out to them in a way that means something to THEM. We've all been focused on ourselves for a long time to come this far. We've probably spent a lot of time talking about OUR weightloss and OUR success. Time to turn your attention to those you love.

iplayoutside19

Everyone in my immediate family has been real supportive. In fact between my wife, father, mother and sister we've lost over 200 lbs. Because of that even the family dinners have got a lot more healthy. We're trying to bring my younger brother along, he get's the mentality and knows what he needs to do, but it's the execution part with him.

The only negative vibes I've got from people are co-workers. The biggest offender is just a negative miserable person so I disregard most of what she says anyway.

But it does change your conversations with people. Before this transition I thought it was funny to joke about not getting any excersise or that what we were eating would bring on a heart attack. Not anymore. There's only so many times you NOT mention you got up at 530 and ran 5K. I get that people may not want to hear about it, but that's a big lifestyle change and I'm not going to forget to talk about because someone might have a problem with it.

linzismith

A lot of people on here have made some really good points. First, I think you should keep in mind that for a lot of people, food is a bonding experience just like alcohol can be. haven't you ever gotten "wasted" with someone one night and the next day you spent hours recapping the craziness of the night before. it's like, somehow that shared experience brought you closer together, in a very similar way that being on sports team with someone would.

What all of us are essentially trying to do now is "kick the habit." for our friends and family who wish they could kick the habit but don't think they are emotionally strong enough, we may seem a little holier-than-thou to them, especially if we constantly bring up calorie counts, exercising, and weight.

When we're single and in our 20s, it's very difficult for people to understand why we don't want to have "just one more drink" with them, and refusing a donut or a second helping is the same. people feel like if you don't eat as much as them, you might be judging them for what they are eating. (and let's be honest, we kind of are--not judging, but we notice and we worry about them if we know they are being destructive to their bodies).

in my opinion, you should be very proud of your success, and don't hesitate to post here if you need some shameless compliments, but try not to bring up weight loss and calories to your family too much. if they're already feeling like your weight loss is a slap in their faces or in some way making them feel abandoned, it will only strain the relationship more.

PanicAtTheBuffet

I don't think it's jealousy. I think people envy you now. They wish they had your motivation, determination, and finally success. It's their problem and not yours.

I think you should win the lottery now, just to really pi$$ them off.

LandBsdotingchauffeur

Everyone has been really receptive to my weight loss. My husband tells me I look great all the time, but on the flip side of that he's become really insecure about our relationship and jealous--so that part of it is getting really old! lol Hope he knocks that off soon!!

arewethereyet

I do have to say I lost a friend over this. Mainly when I talk about MFP, my online friends and logging my food. She thinks this is rather rediculous and has told me so.

She informed me she is athletic and knows how to lose weight. That she doesn't need my help and that logging all of your food borders on obsessive and is completely unneccessary.

Well, I have lost 36 pounds and she has gained more. I really feel sad, because I feel like I have the magic pill and she refuses to accept the gift. When she made me feel stupid for using this site, and 'obsessing', I stopped calling.

My health is very important to me. If you love me, love me as I am.

Tamishumate

thank you guys all, everyone has had some good points, I enjoyed reading what everyone had to say .
I wont be talking to my sister, its not like we ever had that kind of relationship to begin with and now its just one more thing to add to the mix. I have talked to my husband and I will leave it alone for now.
Thanks again!
Tami

ilike2moveit

It's definately interesting to see the different reactions to weight loss. When I started gaining weight I had one friend whose eyeballs seemed to be a living scale weighing me in everytime I saw her. She was not very gracious about her reactions to my weight gain. It's also ironic that she is the only one who hasn't commented on my weight loss. I've also noticed that people tend to forget that most of my life I've been thin and they don't seem to remember the thin me. I've heard the comment, "I didn't even recognize you" more times than I can count. I accept it as a compliment but I'm thinking-this is my pre-baby weight and I've actually weighed less than this most of my life. smile: I've also had people tell me that I don't need to lose anymore weight. I'm 5'6 and 143 pounds. My BMI is 23.1 and in the healthy range but I could lose more body fat and still be within a healthy weight and I'm by no means "too thin." I think most people mean well when they make comments about your weight loss. Those that are insecure about themselves are the ones who have negative reactions and I wouldn't take it personal.

musclebuilder

I mean people who were your friends, and even your family? I have people who I thought were my friends not be my friends anymore, or are just not interested in being my friend, ( cause so much of our friendship use to revolve around food) .

I have my oldest sister, who was always the average sister in weight, I was the fattest, middle sis was the thinnest, oldest was in between , average, she is about a 12 or a 14. Now she is about to be the bigger one, and she does not say one word to me about how I look. I bought size 12 jeans the other day ( I wouldnt leave the bedroom with them on, but they will fit soon) and I showed her, and she didnt say a thing, in fact she has only said one thing to me and that was in June. I KNOW she is jealous, I just never thought my own sister would act this way.

People ask me all the time " what does your husband say about your weight loss" the truth is , NOT MUCH. In fact, I dont think he likes it one bit.

People who mean the most to me are the least supportive about my journey. People who should be so happy for me, are negative. I get the most support from my gym friends , my co workers , and you all. WHY IS THAT?

the reason is because we are all on the same journey. We are all working hard to improve every day. We all know how much better our changes are making us feel day by day and we want others to feel it.. It is obvious from your sister and husbands reactions that the changes you are making are making them uncomfortable..They are having to look in the mirror and I guess they are not all that happy with some of what they see.

Its how people feel about themselves that is the reason why they act negatively torwards your accomplishments. Don't let it influence how you feel or how you treat them. Nothing worth while will come from it..The best thing to do is stay positive and respectfull. In time people tend to come around and they eventually let down their guard.. And hopefully in time your positive progress can inspire them to make some of their own..

AdrienneLich

I'm sorry to hear about their negative reactions. I can honestly say though, from personal experience, it's because they are jealous. It's okay for you to feel good about yourself, and you should! But try to be considerate of their feelings and not rub it in their faces, especially if they are bigger than you. A talk might also help. Communication opens many doors, and the only way to know why they are acting this way, is to ask them. Good luck. I hope they come around!

BrendaLee

:smooched: My husband goes almost too far the other way if you know what I mean. He tells everyone, including the guy at the gas station who we barely know. It seems almost like he is 'taking credit' for it even though he has done nothing to change how he is eating or getting any extra activity in his day. He even tried to get me to take money that we needed for the house payment and go on a shopping spree for new clothes. (not that I didn't appreciate the gesture, but we really need to pay the house payment EVERY month).

Your husband sounds awesome! Seriously. He's obviously very proud of you...enjoy it. Maybe he's "taking credit" in a way because he's proud to have such a hot wife.

BrendaLee

I've found that large weight losses freak people out in a way...even me. Doesn't your draw drop when you see the transformations on Biggest Loser, and inevitably, you always think...he/she looks like a different person. It can be a little unnerving. Not everyone is lucky enough (lol) to have large amounts of weight to lose and get to make that transformation. << How's that for a silver lining!

crazyjkgirl

I haven't lost much to date, but am already noticing that even my mother and my boyfriends who I keep updated one my progress flip back and forth between encouraging and downright neutral, if not a bit discouraging.

Boyfriend and family both seem to be irritated that I'm not thrilled to be eating at McDonald's or using the deep fryer. Boyfriend has stated that I worry too much ("it's just juice! it's good for you, don't measure it out!" and also the slightly comical "pizza is totally healthy! there's veggies in the sauce and dairy in the cheese!").

I myself feel better though and that is what truly counts. I think in the long run both my boyfriend and my mother will be pleased with my results and my stepping back into the healthy/ sexy (for boyfriend) weight range.

Tamishumate

I haven't lost much to date, but am already noticing that even my mother and my boyfriends who I keep updated one my progress flip back and forth between encouraging and downright neutral, if not a bit discouraging.

Boyfriend and family both seem to be irritated that I'm not thrilled to be eating at McDonald's or using the deep fryer. Boyfriend has stated that I worry too much ("it's just juice! it's good for you, don't measure it out!" and also the slightly comical "pizza is totally healthy! there's veggies in the sauce and dairy in the cheese!").

I myself feel better though and that is what truly counts. I think in the long run both my boyfriend and my mother will be pleased with my results and my stepping back into the healthy/ sexy (for boyfriend) weight range.

Friday night I came home from the gym and My hubby had ordered pizza, he ordered THIN CRUST, with extra pepperoni ! What the heck? when I said something to him about the pepperoni he said " I got you thin crust" lol he does not get how many calories are in pepperoni! needless to say, I didnt eat it.

Tamishumate

I've found that large weight losses freak people out in a way...even me. Doesn't your draw drop when you see the transformations on Biggest Loser, and inevitably, you always think...he/she looks like a different person. It can be a little unnerving. Not everyone is lucky enough (lol) to have large amounts of weight to lose and get to make that transformation. << How's that for a silver lining!

well that is a good way to look at it! lol