anyone negative reaction from people after weight loss?

katielouhoo

This has been an interesting question and has certainly raised some thoughtful answers. I've checked back a couple of times to read.

I think your weight loss is amazing- and it is the journey i just got started on 14 weeks ago. I know that as some folks have suggested some of my relationships involve food. We seem to have food &/or wine everytime we get together to do anything (whether at home or out) I'm seeing that i may be placing some changes in these relationships, and i hope they survive.

Since i just got started, i have told very few people about my diet. In fact, I told my daughter that as large as I am I will probably have to lose about 50 lbs. before people even start to really notice. (and they may not get the nerve to actually ask until it is 60-75 lbs.)

Part of my reluctance to bring it up is i am doing this for myself and with my own determination. i do not need or want everyone i know to "help" me diet. Second guessing what I eat and asking every time they see me if i've lost weight in the last two days. i also do not want to be the person who's conversation has become only about one topic and is therefore avoided by others.

That's part of why i'm here at mfp. i need a safe place to discuss questions, and to talk with others who are not tired of the subjects of diet or exercise.

I am headed forward with determination, but i admit as i read about some of the experiences folks have had with friends and family, it makes me a bit nervous. thank you all for sharing. Although i hope not to have to deal with this, i do hope i am soon in a position to know if it will be an issue. I am fortune to have a supportive husband. Relationships grow and change that is their nature, and I admit I'm the one forcing change, hopefully mine will grow.

Best wishes as you continue to deal with your family's response to the beautiful new you. :flowerforyou: -katie

shinybonnie

Friday night I came home from the gym and My hubby had ordered pizza, he ordered THIN CRUST, with extra pepperoni ! What the heck? when I said something to him about the pepperoni he said " I got you thin crust" lol he does not get how many calories are in pepperoni! needless to say, I didnt eat it.

Aww that was sweet of him...! It would be a huge show of support by me if I got thin crust for my husband instead of my regular pan crust or cheese-stuffed crust! And he probably thought you could just pick off the pepperonis. He's trying!

SHBoss1673

When I first lost my weight, my wife and I went through a very difficult time. My wife had been attempting to lose the same 50 or so lbs for almost a decade, and I come along, and in 8 months, I lose 55 lbs and change my lifestyle, my eating habits, and my exercise.

Not only did this make her jealous, it also made her feel like I was usurping one of the only areas where she was the "expert" I.E. diet and exercise. For a long time she would snap at me, angry for little or no reason (ok there were ALWAYS reasons, but usually they were small things that shouldn't cause someone to blow up over). Eventually we talked it out, she admitted her jealousy, and I completely understand. I imagine if she suddenly became a computer expert and started actively doing tons of computer stuff better than me (not bloody likely, lol!) then I'd be bothered by it too. Add in all the underlying issues that come with being overweight since youth or early adulthood, (parental issues, teasing, self esteem) and you have a powder keg in my case. Luckily we went to counceling and was able to (at least partially) resolve it. She still gets jealous sometimes (I can see it physically in her demeanor), but I have learned to change the subject or walk away and give her time if that happens. It sucks sometimes because I REALLY want to tell her about my day and what I've done today...etc. but sometimes you gotta take one for the team. For a time period she even hated this site! Hated that I had an aspect of my life that didn't involve her, something that I was passionate about, so that's part of the reason I dialed back my usage of the site.

Not that my issue is the same as yours, but it's probably close in some respects, so no you're not alone, and yes, it gets better, but in my experience, it becomes far easier if you talk about it, let them voice their jealousy without reprisal, and work through it.

And congrats T, you look great.
-Banks

KZOsMommy

Congratulations on your wonderful success!!! You look amazing!

You are not a lone at all! I get a lot of support from my family and friends the one person I do not get it from is husband. He is obese and does not care. He is 32 and his blood work is not good and I can't get him to do a thing about it. I cook healthy and he eats it but he eats most of what I cook and then eats cereal or chips and salsa (and I am talking a half or whole bag of chips) at 11pm. I can't send him shopping for fear of what else he would bring home. I work hard at getting my kids to eat healthy and he ruins it by bringing home crap. We do order pizza but if it was up to him it would be ever day instead of every two weeks or once a month.

It is really hard when the people we love the most don't care or if nothing else care but don't show it. I do talk to him a lot about it and he gets upset so I have stopped talking. Sometimes he watches me work out while he eats his crap. But I think to myself maybe one day he will join me!

Just remember you are doing a GREAT thing for yourself and whether you know or not you are inspiring people!!!

Keep up the great work!
Amanda

havingitall

My husband and I are doing this together. We praise each other and we kick each other's butts. We do the grocery shopping together and when one of us strays down the wrong aisle, the other will say NO. We have been doing this since New Years and I am so glad that we are doing this together. I know I wouldn't have the same success fi I was doing this alone.

Tamishumate

Friday night I came home from the gym and My hubby had ordered pizza, he ordered THIN CRUST, with extra pepperoni ! What the heck? when I said something to him about the pepperoni he said " I got you thin crust" lol he does not get how many calories are in pepperoni! needless to say, I didnt eat it.

Aww that was sweet of him...! It would be a huge show of support by me if I got thin crust for my husband instead of my regular pan crust or cheese-stuffed crust! And he probably thought you could just pick off the pepperonis. He's trying!

He was trying. and I didnt let him see that I didnt eat the pizza, I put it away and that was that. Had I said something he would have had a fit, so I didnt bother. All this comes on the heals of Thanksgiving morning , where I had gone to the gym so I could eat guilt free for the day, I had a great workout that morning, and he knew how much I wanted to enjoy the day. Well I was in the kitchen having a bite of the banana bread I had made and he walked in and said " AHH HAA!! I caught ya" I said " doing what? " he said eating, " how many calories are in that "? that made me so mad, only cause I really wanted the guilt free day and he knew it.
I told him Saturday that I was upset about what he said, and that I thought it was very insensitive of him to make that comment. He said he was sorry.

foxyforce

you look like a bombshell!! i'm sorry that it isn't workin for ya in terms of support from your husband, but you look absolutely fabulous, and when he stops being selfish, hell see that.

PureAndHealthy

If I knew how to put pictures in a thread, i would, but check out my profile. My husband married a 19-year-old 235 pound girl with weird hair and poor makeup skills who would do *anything* to avoid confrontation. I grew up, got a respectable position with an investment firm, lost 85 pounds, straightened my hair, and learned to be assertive. That's INTIMIDATING! :noway: We've been able to get back on our feet but as far as your husband is concerned, he's surely realized you have become incredibly hot and could replace him in a heartbeat. He's going to need a lot of reassurance that he can and does make you happy and he is the one you want to be with.

Also, my niece hit puberty and lost weight and just in growing up looked COMPLETELY different from one year to the next. She went from a quirky kid to a GORGEOUS young woman. And people treated her differently because they thought maybe she would ACT like a gorgeous young woman and be full of herself and stuck up. They weren't sure that the silly fun girl they once knew was still inside that beautiful teenager's body. I think intimidation is more part of the equation than jealousy with most people. When we don't feel beautiful and we see someone who is, we feel like they look down on us or think they're better than us. I've done it myself but I realize it's SO WRONG and JUDGING them unfairly. Then, when *I* was the one people made remarks to like "Oh you don't know what it's like to struggle with weight, you're probably one of these people who thinks they're huge at 150 pounds" and leaving me out of "fat people topics" because I was thinner, or "you're getting TOO thin... like sickly looking" (when I was 150 pounds and size 8/10:grumble: ), etc, I experienced the other side of this. It makes me more aware of how I treat people - large or small - and I try to be sure I'm EXTRA friendly and don't come off as offensive, *especially* when weight issues are up for discussion.

LJCannon

Boyfriend and family both seem to be irritated that I'm not thrilled to be eating at McDonald's or using the deep fryer. Boyfriend has stated that I worry too much ("it's just juice! it's good for you, don't measure it out!" and also the slightly comical "pizza is totally healthy! there's veggies in the sauce and dairy in the cheese!").

This is exactly the kind of things my sister says and does when we are together. :laugh: :noway: I feel your pain.

toots99

*saving to read more thoroughly later*

SHBoss1673

If I knew how to put pictures in a thread, i would, but check out my profile. My husband married a 19-year-old 235 pound girl with weird hair and poor makeup skills who would do *anything* to avoid confrontation. I grew up, got a respectable position with an investment firm, lost 85 pounds, straightened my hair, and learned to be assertive. That's INTIMIDATING! :noway: We've been able to get back on our feet but as far as your husband is concerned, he's surely realized you have become incredibly hot and could replace him in a heartbeat. He's going to need a lot of reassurance that he can and does make you happy and he is the one you want to be with.

Also, my niece hit puberty and lost weight and just in growing up looked COMPLETELY different from one year to the next. She went from a quirky kid to a GORGEOUS young woman. And people treated her differently because they thought maybe she would ACT like a gorgeous young woman and be full of herself and stuck up. They weren't sure that the silly fun girl they once knew was still inside that beautiful teenager's body. I think intimidation is more part of the equation than jealousy with most people. When we don't feel beautiful and we see someone who is, we feel like they look down on us or think they're better than us. I've done it myself but I realize it's SO WRONG and JUDGING them unfairly. Then, when *I* was the one people made remarks to like "Oh you don't know what it's like to struggle with weight, you're probably one of these people who thinks they're huge at 150 pounds" and leaving me out of "fat people topics" because I was thinner, or "you're getting TOO thin... like sickly looking" (when I was 150 pounds and size 8/10:grumble: ), etc, I experienced the other side of this. It makes me more aware of how I treat people - large or small - and I try to be sure I'm EXTRA friendly and don't come off as offensive, *especially* when weight issues are up for discussion.

to put a picture in the thread, it has to be an actual url to a picture like http://www.whatever.com/mypic.jpg
if you know you have that, then you do just insert an img tag in front and a /img tag after the picture like my image below




note the lower case img, it HAS to be lower case.

Shannon023

I don't think it's jealousy. I think people envy you now. They wish they had your motivation, determination, and finally success. It's their problem and not yours.

I think you should win the lottery now, just to really pi$$ them off.

:laugh: :laugh:

klybarger

I don't think it's jealousy. I think people envy you now. They wish they had your motivation, determination, and finally success. It's their problem and not yours.

I think you should win the lottery now, just to really pi$$ them off.

Totally agree

toots99

My husband doesn't say a word. Not one. The other day I came out in my new jeans and posed....booty side out....and proclaimed : You WILL look at my butt!!

He laughed and said............I look at your butt all the time, should I text you?? :laugh:

Remember gals, these are the same guys that didn't notice you cut 12 inches off your hair and changed from brown to bright blonde! I painted the entire living room with out so much as a raised eyebrow:huh:

As far as friends and family. I have a few ppl at work that avoid me when we eat, but I know it is guilt because they should be eating better. I try to remember how I felt back then............when I was knawing on a KFC drumstick and my friend had a salad.
I felt disgust with myself and the choices I was making.
I felt sad that I had STILL not made any changes, although I KNEW what I had to do.
I felt that the other person was judging me.
I felt nasty, gross, fat, unloved.

Wow, I didnt know all that was in there!!

Can you talk frankly to your sister? Tell her you love her and want her to join in the joy you feel for being a healthier person? Tell her how much you love her and that her words of encouragment would make your day?

You are such a special person Tami, I hope you can work all this out. What the other people are missing is sad....just really sad!:flowerforyou:

AWTY always seems to have th perfect answer, the answer I'd give if the words would come to me. :flowerforyou:

CrystalT

I was the smaller sister out of 3 girls most of my life (unfortunately, smaller doesn't mean small - we were all pretty big). My younger sister has lost 45 lbs and blew way past me and is the "smaller sister". To be perfectly honest, I'm crazy jealous and it frustrates me because I've been struggling to stay on track for over a year. So I can relate to why your sister isn't very supportive. because I could very easily not be supportive of my sister. I just choose to not be like that and to see it as more of a challenge to catch up with her. :laugh:

And she greatly appreciates that you have that attitude, too!!! :happy: Can't wait until you catch up!!!

mommyskis

Congratulations on your wonderful success!!! You look amazing!

You are not a lone at all! I get a lot of support from my family and friends the one person I do not get it from is husband. He is obese and does not care. He is 32 and his blood work is not good and I can't get him to do a thing about it. I cook healthy and he eats it but he eats most of what I cook and then eats cereal or chips and salsa (and I am talking a half or whole bag of chips) at 11pm. I can't send him shopping for fear of what else he would bring home. I work hard at getting my kids to eat healthy and he ruins it by bringing home crap. We do order pizza but if it was up to him it would be ever day instead of every two weeks or once a month.

It is really hard when the people we love the most don't care or if nothing else care but don't show it. I do talk to him a lot about it and he gets upset so I have stopped talking. Sometimes he watches me work out while he eats his crap. But I think to myself maybe one day he will join me!

Just remember you are doing a GREAT thing for yourself and whether you know or not you are inspiring people!!!

Keep up the great work!
Amanda

I had the same deal with my husband. He lost 25 lbs with me when we both started this 2 years ago but slipped back to old habits lately. Heart disease is a huge problem in his family and me nagging didn't help. A few weeks ago I asked him to please tell me all about our finances, investments, etc, (he's a banker and I get bored with financial stuff, so he takes care of this, he's not a caveman!). He was very surprised and asked me why I wanted to know. I told him I figured he was going to have a heart attack someday and since we now have 2 kids I can't be stupid, I need to know what is going on so I can take care of things if he dies. He was shocked and I think a little scared. He has been exercising 4 times a week ever since. We also joke about me having fun with his life insurance money and my "second" husband.

ImGoinDown

Well, I've been on the other side of this thing. In 2007 me and my mom both lost alot of weight. I lost 60 pounds, she lost over 100. Even though we had both lost weight, I was a bit uncomfortable with her. First off, she had always been my big mom. She was warm and soft and cushy... Then all of the sudden, she had bones! My "totally devoted and obsessed with me" mom, became "on the market" and she was dating... she was sassy and everything I just wasn't used to... I didn't like it one bit. It's not that I wasn't happy for her, it just made me uncomfortable. I had to get used to this new person when I loved the old her so much, I didn't know if she'd ever go back to being my same old mommy, lol.

And then their are some people who are so cautious not to offend you, they don't bring up your weight at all. I have seen people before and thought they'd lost weight, but I wouldn't comment because A. If I did, they might think I was implying that they were once fat and that they needed to lose weight. And some people get downright embarrassed when you comment on their weight loss or gain.

Give your family time.

MercuryBlue

I can totally understand this, on the other end of the scale. My best friend, who has always been (a little bit) bigger than me, started eating well and exercising, and lost a lot of weight. She looks FABULOUS. She still has another 15 pounds or so she would like to lose, but she looks HOT. I look like a tub of poop next to her, so as happy as I am for her loss, I'm also a little bitter about it (I'll admit it!).

I would by lying if I said (a small part) of my inspiration to get smaller was driven out of the fact that I'm super-competative, lol.

That being said, I figured there were two ways I could take her success- I could get mad at her for it (irrational and silly), or I could use that jealousy to fuel my own weight loss quest. And here I am. She joined MFP, too, but doesn't use it much from what I can tell. Now I'm trying to make getting healthy into something we can do together. We can exercise together, eat right together, etc. When we're at a party together, I won't be the only one not eating the goodies! And when she slips up and has a double-large slice of cake, I can feel that much more proud of myself for not giving into temptation. Sure, she's a bit ahead of me in the weight-loss/healthy lifestyle game, but I can always catch up!

So yes, I can understand where youre sister is coming from... and yet, I think she's being childish. Because your new lifestyle is a great opportunity for her not only to get in shape herself, but also to bond with you.

Don't take it personally. Your success is amazing!

People ask me all the time " what does your husband say about your weight loss" the truth is , NOT MUCH. In fact, I dont think he likes it one bit.

I can relate to this, too. My husband makes comments all the time about how he's worried I'll find someone else when I 'get looking hot again'. It's a self-esteem thing. He's COMFORTABLE with me being big because he knows I'd have a harder time meeting someone new to replace him. Which is ridiculous, but explains why he's always offering me treats he knows I can't have.

BamaRose0107

My group of friends in high school was made up of all chubby girls me being the biggest, when I started to lose weight they would just roll their eyes at me and even started rumors about me. By the end of senior year all but a few had turned their backs on me. Probably one big reason I don't let females get close to me. It hurt then but now I don't care if someone does not like me thats there problem not mine. Sounds harsh I know but I feel If I spend time trying to please everyone else or be like everyone else I will lose who I really am, and I kind of like me.