anyone negative reaction from people after weight loss?
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I do have to say I lost a friend over this. Mainly when I talk about MFP, my online friends and logging my food. She thinks this is rather rediculous and has told me so.
She informed me she is athletic and knows how to lose weight. That she doesn't need my help and that logging all of your food borders on obsessive and is completely unneccessary.
Well, I have lost 36 pounds and she has gained more. I really feel sad, because I feel like I have the magic pill and she refuses to accept the gift. When she made me feel stupid for using this site, and 'obsessing', I stopped calling.
My health is very important to me. If you love me, love me as I am.0 -
thank you guys all, everyone has had some good points, I enjoyed reading what everyone had to say .
I wont be talking to my sister, its not like we ever had that kind of relationship to begin with and now its just one more thing to add to the mix. I have talked to my husband and I will leave it alone for now.
Thanks again!
Tami0 -
It's definately interesting to see the different reactions to weight loss. When I started gaining weight I had one friend whose eyeballs seemed to be a living scale weighing me in everytime I saw her. She was not very gracious about her reactions to my weight gain. It's also ironic that she is the only one who hasn't commented on my weight loss. I've also noticed that people tend to forget that most of my life I've been thin and they don't seem to remember the thin me. I've heard the comment, "I didn't even recognize you" more times than I can count. I accept it as a compliment but I'm thinking-this is my pre-baby weight and I've actually weighed less than this most of my life. smile: I've also had people tell me that I don't need to lose anymore weight. I'm 5'6 and 143 pounds. My BMI is 23.1 and in the healthy range but I could lose more body fat and still be within a healthy weight and I'm by no means "too thin." I think most people mean well when they make comments about your weight loss. Those that are insecure about themselves are the ones who have negative reactions and I wouldn't take it personal.0
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I mean people who were your friends, and even your family? I have people who I thought were my friends not be my friends anymore, or are just not interested in being my friend, ( cause so much of our friendship use to revolve around food) .
I have my oldest sister, who was always the average sister in weight, I was the fattest, middle sis was the thinnest, oldest was in between , average, she is about a 12 or a 14. Now she is about to be the bigger one, and she does not say one word to me about how I look. I bought size 12 jeans the other day ( I wouldnt leave the bedroom with them on, but they will fit soon) and I showed her, and she didnt say a thing, in fact she has only said one thing to me and that was in June. I KNOW she is jealous, I just never thought my own sister would act this way.
People ask me all the time " what does your husband say about your weight loss" the truth is , NOT MUCH. In fact, I dont think he likes it one bit.
People who mean the most to me are the least supportive about my journey. People who should be so happy for me, are negative. I get the most support from my gym friends , my co workers , and you all. WHY IS THAT?
the reason is because we are all on the same journey. We are all working hard to improve every day. We all know how much better our changes are making us feel day by day and we want others to feel it.. It is obvious from your sister and husbands reactions that the changes you are making are making them uncomfortable..They are having to look in the mirror and I guess they are not all that happy with some of what they see.
Its how people feel about themselves that is the reason why they act negatively torwards your accomplishments. Don't let it influence how you feel or how you treat them. Nothing worth while will come from it..The best thing to do is stay positive and respectfull. In time people tend to come around and they eventually let down their guard.. And hopefully in time your positive progress can inspire them to make some of their own..0 -
I'm sorry to hear about their negative reactions. I can honestly say though, from personal experience, it's because they are jealous. It's okay for you to feel good about yourself, and you should! But try to be considerate of their feelings and not rub it in their faces, especially if they are bigger than you. A talk might also help. Communication opens many doors, and the only way to know why they are acting this way, is to ask them. Good luck. I hope they come around!0
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:smooched: My husband goes almost too far the other way if you know what I mean. He tells everyone, including the guy at the gas station who we barely know. It seems almost like he is 'taking credit' for it even though he has done nothing to change how he is eating or getting any extra activity in his day. He even tried to get me to take money that we needed for the house payment and go on a shopping spree for new clothes. (not that I didn't appreciate the gesture, but we really need to pay the house payment EVERY month).
Your husband sounds awesome! Seriously. He's obviously very proud of you...enjoy it. Maybe he's "taking credit" in a way because he's proud to have such a hot wife.
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I've found that large weight losses freak people out in a way...even me. Doesn't your draw drop when you see the transformations on Biggest Loser, and inevitably, you always think...he/she looks like a different person. It can be a little unnerving. Not everyone is lucky enough (lol) to have large amounts of weight to lose and get to make that transformation. << How's that for a silver lining!0
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I haven't lost much to date, but am already noticing that even my mother and my boyfriends who I keep updated one my progress flip back and forth between encouraging and downright neutral, if not a bit discouraging.
Boyfriend and family both seem to be irritated that I'm not thrilled to be eating at McDonald's or using the deep fryer. Boyfriend has stated that I worry too much ("it's just juice! it's good for you, don't measure it out!" and also the slightly comical "pizza is totally healthy! there's veggies in the sauce and dairy in the cheese!").
I myself feel better though and that is what truly counts. I think in the long run both my boyfriend and my mother will be pleased with my results and my stepping back into the healthy/ sexy (for boyfriend) weight range.0 -
I haven't lost much to date, but am already noticing that even my mother and my boyfriends who I keep updated one my progress flip back and forth between encouraging and downright neutral, if not a bit discouraging.
Boyfriend and family both seem to be irritated that I'm not thrilled to be eating at McDonald's or using the deep fryer. Boyfriend has stated that I worry too much ("it's just juice! it's good for you, don't measure it out!" and also the slightly comical "pizza is totally healthy! there's veggies in the sauce and dairy in the cheese!").
I myself feel better though and that is what truly counts. I think in the long run both my boyfriend and my mother will be pleased with my results and my stepping back into the healthy/ sexy (for boyfriend) weight range.
Friday night I came home from the gym and My hubby had ordered pizza, he ordered THIN CRUST, with extra pepperoni ! What the heck? when I said something to him about the pepperoni he said " I got you thin crust" lol he does not get how many calories are in pepperoni! needless to say, I didnt eat it.0 -
I've found that large weight losses freak people out in a way...even me. Doesn't your draw drop when you see the transformations on Biggest Loser, and inevitably, you always think...he/she looks like a different person. It can be a little unnerving. Not everyone is lucky enough (lol) to have large amounts of weight to lose and get to make that transformation. << How's that for a silver lining!
well that is a good way to look at it! lol0 -
This has been an interesting question and has certainly raised some thoughtful answers. I've checked back a couple of times to read.
I think your weight loss is amazing- and it is the journey i just got started on 14 weeks ago. I know that as some folks have suggested some of my relationships involve food. We seem to have food &/or wine everytime we get together to do anything (whether at home or out) I'm seeing that i may be placing some changes in these relationships, and i hope they survive.
Since i just got started, i have told very few people about my diet. In fact, I told my daughter that as large as I am I will probably have to lose about 50 lbs. before people even start to really notice. (and they may not get the nerve to actually ask until it is 60-75 lbs.)
Part of my reluctance to bring it up is i am doing this for myself and with my own determination. i do not need or want everyone i know to "help" me diet. Second guessing what I eat and asking every time they see me if i've lost weight in the last two days. i also do not want to be the person who's conversation has become only about one topic and is therefore avoided by others.
That's part of why i'm here at mfp. i need a safe place to discuss questions, and to talk with others who are not tired of the subjects of diet or exercise.
I am headed forward with determination, but i admit as i read about some of the experiences folks have had with friends and family, it makes me a bit nervous. thank you all for sharing. Although i hope not to have to deal with this, i do hope i am soon in a position to know if it will be an issue. I am fortune to have a supportive husband. Relationships grow and change that is their nature, and I admit I'm the one forcing change, hopefully mine will grow.
Best wishes as you continue to deal with your family's response to the beautiful new you. :flowerforyou: -katie0 -
Friday night I came home from the gym and My hubby had ordered pizza, he ordered THIN CRUST, with extra pepperoni ! What the heck? when I said something to him about the pepperoni he said " I got you thin crust" lol he does not get how many calories are in pepperoni! needless to say, I didnt eat it.
Aww that was sweet of him...! It would be a huge show of support by me if I got thin crust for my husband instead of my regular pan crust or cheese-stuffed crust! And he probably thought you could just pick off the pepperonis. He's trying!0 -
When I first lost my weight, my wife and I went through a very difficult time. My wife had been attempting to lose the same 50 or so lbs for almost a decade, and I come along, and in 8 months, I lose 55 lbs and change my lifestyle, my eating habits, and my exercise.
Not only did this make her jealous, it also made her feel like I was usurping one of the only areas where she was the "expert" I.E. diet and exercise. For a long time she would snap at me, angry for little or no reason (ok there were ALWAYS reasons, but usually they were small things that shouldn't cause someone to blow up over). Eventually we talked it out, she admitted her jealousy, and I completely understand. I imagine if she suddenly became a computer expert and started actively doing tons of computer stuff better than me (not bloody likely, lol!) then I'd be bothered by it too. Add in all the underlying issues that come with being overweight since youth or early adulthood, (parental issues, teasing, self esteem) and you have a powder keg in my case. Luckily we went to counceling and was able to (at least partially) resolve it. She still gets jealous sometimes (I can see it physically in her demeanor), but I have learned to change the subject or walk away and give her time if that happens. It sucks sometimes because I REALLY want to tell her about my day and what I've done today...etc. but sometimes you gotta take one for the team. For a time period she even hated this site! Hated that I had an aspect of my life that didn't involve her, something that I was passionate about, so that's part of the reason I dialed back my usage of the site.
Not that my issue is the same as yours, but it's probably close in some respects, so no you're not alone, and yes, it gets better, but in my experience, it becomes far easier if you talk about it, let them voice their jealousy without reprisal, and work through it.
And congrats T, you look great.
-Banks0 -
Congratulations on your wonderful success!!! You look amazing!
You are not a lone at all! I get a lot of support from my family and friends the one person I do not get it from is husband. He is obese and does not care. He is 32 and his blood work is not good and I can't get him to do a thing about it. I cook healthy and he eats it but he eats most of what I cook and then eats cereal or chips and salsa (and I am talking a half or whole bag of chips) at 11pm. I can't send him shopping for fear of what else he would bring home. I work hard at getting my kids to eat healthy and he ruins it by bringing home crap. We do order pizza but if it was up to him it would be ever day instead of every two weeks or once a month.
It is really hard when the people we love the most don't care or if nothing else care but don't show it. I do talk to him a lot about it and he gets upset so I have stopped talking. Sometimes he watches me work out while he eats his crap. But I think to myself maybe one day he will join me!
Just remember you are doing a GREAT thing for yourself and whether you know or not you are inspiring people!!!
Keep up the great work!
Amanda0 -
My husband and I are doing this together. We praise each other and we kick each other's butts. We do the grocery shopping together and when one of us strays down the wrong aisle, the other will say NO. We have been doing this since New Years and I am so glad that we are doing this together. I know I wouldn't have the same success fi I was doing this alone.0
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Friday night I came home from the gym and My hubby had ordered pizza, he ordered THIN CRUST, with extra pepperoni ! What the heck? when I said something to him about the pepperoni he said " I got you thin crust" lol he does not get how many calories are in pepperoni! needless to say, I didnt eat it.
Aww that was sweet of him...! It would be a huge show of support by me if I got thin crust for my husband instead of my regular pan crust or cheese-stuffed crust! And he probably thought you could just pick off the pepperonis. He's trying!
He was trying. and I didnt let him see that I didnt eat the pizza, I put it away and that was that. Had I said something he would have had a fit, so I didnt bother. All this comes on the heals of Thanksgiving morning , where I had gone to the gym so I could eat guilt free for the day, I had a great workout that morning, and he knew how much I wanted to enjoy the day. Well I was in the kitchen having a bite of the banana bread I had made and he walked in and said " AHH HAA!! I caught ya" I said " doing what? " he said eating, " how many calories are in that "? that made me so mad, only cause I really wanted the guilt free day and he knew it.
I told him Saturday that I was upset about what he said, and that I thought it was very insensitive of him to make that comment. He said he was sorry.0 -
you look like a bombshell!! i'm sorry that it isn't workin for ya in terms of support from your husband, but you look absolutely fabulous, and when he stops being selfish, hell see that.0
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If I knew how to put pictures in a thread, i would, but check out my profile. My husband married a 19-year-old 235 pound girl with weird hair and poor makeup skills who would do *anything* to avoid confrontation. I grew up, got a respectable position with an investment firm, lost 85 pounds, straightened my hair, and learned to be assertive. That's INTIMIDATING! :noway: We've been able to get back on our feet but as far as your husband is concerned, he's surely realized you have become incredibly hot and could replace him in a heartbeat. He's going to need a lot of reassurance that he can and does make you happy and he is the one you want to be with.
Also, my niece hit puberty and lost weight and just in growing up looked COMPLETELY different from one year to the next. She went from a quirky kid to a GORGEOUS young woman. And people treated her differently because they thought maybe she would ACT like a gorgeous young woman and be full of herself and stuck up. They weren't sure that the silly fun girl they once knew was still inside that beautiful teenager's body. I think intimidation is more part of the equation than jealousy with most people. When we don't feel beautiful and we see someone who is, we feel like they look down on us or think they're better than us. I've done it myself but I realize it's SO WRONG and JUDGING them unfairly. Then, when *I* was the one people made remarks to like "Oh you don't know what it's like to struggle with weight, you're probably one of these people who thinks they're huge at 150 pounds" and leaving me out of "fat people topics" because I was thinner, or "you're getting TOO thin... like sickly looking" (when I was 150 pounds and size 8/10:grumble: ), etc, I experienced the other side of this. It makes me more aware of how I treat people - large or small - and I try to be sure I'm EXTRA friendly and don't come off as offensive, *especially* when weight issues are up for discussion.0 -
Boyfriend and family both seem to be irritated that I'm not thrilled to be eating at McDonald's or using the deep fryer. Boyfriend has stated that I worry too much ("it's just juice! it's good for you, don't measure it out!" and also the slightly comical "pizza is totally healthy! there's veggies in the sauce and dairy in the cheese!").
This is exactly the kind of things my sister says and does when we are together. :laugh: :noway: I feel your pain.0 -
*saving to read more thoroughly later*0
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