Where does looking after yourself become selfish?

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Replies

  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    If your husband has to fly to work every week, does it really matter where you live?
    I also have put my "life on hold" to be a SAHM, and not by choice. It took awhile, but I eventually made friends here after 2 years.
    As soon as the kids are done with school, we're gone. Neither of us like living here, we're both from much warmer climates than Pennsylvania and it's cold winters. However, we have 3-4 years left and you have what?12? 13 years?

    Push for a move, but do research first. Since he's never home, why should he care? I don't think I could handle a relationship with kids with the husband gone all week, every week, year round. When we first moved here, my husband had to spend a week every month in GA. for now, it's every other week to Illinois for about 2 months. we're not happy, but it's in the best interest of the family.

    when the kids start school, it doesn't sound unreasonable for you to go back to work/school. Maybe give music lessons? go to school to be a music teacher? If you go to church, maybe join the choir? I think you'll be much happier if you can somehow utelize your talents.

    **and I don't think it's selfish. My 1st husband didn't care much for my happiness, and my life goals. hence the divorce.
  • FabMrFox
    FabMrFox Posts: 259 Member
    What ever happened to "for better or for worse"? you've reached this snapping point that you feel big change is needed due to not being honest about your needs at some point in the relationship
  • tigerblue
    tigerblue Posts: 1,526 Member
    It's not selfish to take an hour or so a day for yourself. Even our marriage counselor agreed with that. (we had a little of this issue when I started exercising daily)

    Look carefully at your schedule and communicate your needs to your family. It may be challenging, but you should be able to find several hours a week that will work.

    Also, consider a compromise on some days--use an exercise video at home while your kids play in the room with you, etc.

    Maybe, also, get them exercising with you--bikes, walks, swimming, etc. This will only help the kids in the future.

    My husband finally came around and started exercising regularly after I did. Now he looks better than ever, too, and is so proud of himself!
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
    Search the topic "what weightloss DOES to a person" its an eloquently written answer to your question. Written by an mfp member yoovie. Find this topic!!!

    It was that thread that got me thinking, actually. I'm afraid I disagreed with it, because I don't think looking after yourself more generally leads you to become a better person. I think it often leads to self-absorption.

    It can if taken too far. But it doesn't have to be so extreme.
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
    I have gone a bit past making little changes. I want to move. I want a completely different lifestyle and a different childhood for my children. I don't want them in full time school, and I want land for them to be able to roam, and have proper childhoods, not cooped up in a small house with a small garden next to a busy road and in school 8am-6pm 6 days a week. But am I being selfish dragging them away from their friends?

    Have you asked your children how they feel about where they live? Maybe they are happy where they are.

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