Relationship question

tri10806

Anyone ever ended a relationship because the other person just didn't get your fitness obsession and/or gave you crap about how much time you spend working out or your focus on eating right?

Lone_Wolf70

so what you are asking is if it is ok to break up with your woman because you got in shape and she is still all gnarly?

tri10806

so what you are asking is if it is ok to break up with your woman because you got in shape and she is still all gnarly?

Not a bad guess. :laugh:

No, just seemed to be a lot of relationship threads popping up. Thought I'd throw that one out there! I've found that it's really hard to date someone that just don't get it.

heyitsadam

Yes... and that's why Little Debbie and I stopped seeing each other.......




.......total *kitten*, by the way.

MiCool90

Yes... and that's why Little Debbie and I stopped seeing each other.......




.......total *kitten*, by the way.

great line haha

olee67

Yep. Most of us have chosen a lifestyle. Having someone in your life that "doesn't get it" or even resents it doesn't fit. Would you maintain a relationship with a drug addict if you weren't one?

stillthesamegirl

I think this is more an issue of you both having a different focus right now. I wouldn't break off the relationship before trying to work through it or maybe trying to get them involved in your fitness goals. But I don't think this reason alone is enough to call off a relationship. I think it's a surface issue of something deeper.

supertracylynn

Let's not forget to mention the resentment they have for you because you're strong and fit... yet they keep complaining about the same 20# they're gaining/losing.

StarIsMoving

Ok... going to take a stab it this one and attempt to keep it politically correct (yes, it's good to try something new everyday, lol).
So in life people grow - that's fact
Longevity of a relationship is basically how much do you grow together as well as separately. Sometimes the separately goes at a more rapid pace leaving one behind.
That being said... it sounds like you have grown a bit faster (or shrank, got more fit, lol).
Is it ok? I have seen people break up over less.
Is it "right"... if you no longer seem to have a commonality thread of a major component in your life... fix it.
*on a side note... can you tell I was just giving one of my kids the "if you don't like something, then fix it, don't bi7ch" talk?? LOL!*

Tristalee08

Totally loved this. So true.

conservativek

Seems like a relationship that's held together by true love would evoke enough self sacrifice- from both people involved- to allow for differences like this.

ashlinmarie

I guess it depends on how long you've been together. If she is resentful and b*tching and you aren't totally blowing her off for the gym all the time then she just might not be ready to take the commitment. If she's not into fitness, but supports you for the most part, then you need another reason to get rid of her.

For us, I had trouble staying on track because my husband refused to get on board with my fitness. I figured if he was happy with me, I'd stay fat. But then he left for basic training and I knew he'd be getting fit and I wasn't able to keep up with him so I started working out and losing weight. Now that we're both on the same page, it is going a lot easier than last time because we have a common goal. I wouldn't leave him over it but this is much better.

trevpimp

Haa naa but I like a gurl that gets mad at my workouts. Ha

kmhenry84

It is hard enough to do this with someone on your side... when you are in a relationship with someone who is unsupportive or jealous of you, it just makes it that much harder.

And if you're someone who doesn't have kids, but wants kids, it makes it hard if you want to raise your kids to be healthy and fit and to make good solid choices when your partner is not on board.

Food for thought.

Alex_is_Hawks

My last relationship walked out on me as he said these words

"If you hadn't lost the weight we would still be together"

after I picked my jaw up off the ground, I felt blessed and relieved that he beat me to the punch.

But I've also decided that my next relationship has to be with someone that is on the same fitness crusade as I am...he doesn't have to be perfect, I'm not...but he has to be dedicated and active and have fitness goals...

I think that's fair.

amberlongsine

Is her health affecting yours?

What about your fitness is she not understanding?

How does she feel about your fitness journey?

Why does it matter if shes NOT on your fitness level?

Do you think maybe she just needs a little motivation to get on board?

erinliz

I think the best relationships are the ones in which both individuals support the other's goals and those things which make them stronger, healthier and happier. My husband and I decided from the beginning that we would always encourage and support each other in all things that make us better as individuals and as a couple.

Everythin2Lose

My recent ex got jealous that I made working out and cooking healthy home-cooked meals a priority (finally got serious about this whole thing!) and he fought me with it the whole time ..... moaning about not spending time with him when I got home from work because I selfishly had chosen the gym and buying fast food at every opportunity.
He wanted to be the "successful" one of the relationship haha If you're not on the same team and supportive of each others goals it is more than alright to end it! Walk away find someone who is willing to be there and help you to succeed (plus it makes everything more fun if there is some healthy competition )!

mminor77

Yes... and that's why Little Debbie and I stopped seeing each other.......




.......total *kitten*, by the way.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :drinker:

avir8

Anyone ever ended a relationship because the other person just didn't get your fitness obsession and/or gave you crap about how much time you spend working out or your focus on eating right?

:flowerforyou:

ihateroses

My last relationship went a little bit like this:

Stage 1: I loved him with all my heart, his heart was not all in it, I was chubby he was fit. I was still very secure with my body but insecure with the relationship. He is a very confident guy.

Stage 2: I lost weight, started working out a lot, focused on myself more. He started saying I love you more often and became more attentive, but would start obsessing with going out to eat and insisting we do something (like go to the movies) when he knows i have a workout planned or that I'm trying to watch what I eat. Started saying things like "I'm getting fat" about himself....kind of becoming a doormat....this turned me off a lot, especially since pointing out his flaws made him become less and less attractive to me.

Stage 3: We broke up and he blamed my weight loss and newfound "shallowness".

I honestly think that a healthy lifestyle is something a couple has to at least try to have in common or the resentment kicks in and the other person starts feeling either guilty or just blame everything on you....

Me and my current boyfriend made a pact that we will always try to keep up with each other physically and not let ourselves go, and as "shallow" as that may be in a way its also motivating and nice to have the support.

txdahl

My ex-husband and I (stop laughing, it was the drugs he started doing not the weight situation that ended things lol), went through this. Even when we met I was a big girl and he was very big into body building. We did fine with it because we respected each other. If he got home before me he would cook what worked for him and I would either have that or fend for myself if it were something I didn't like, if I got home first I would cook for him since it was very important to him. I never nagged or gave him a hard time about his eating habits or hours in the gym and he was very good about not lecturing me or trying to change me. He was always very helpful when I would do the yo-yo thing as so many of us have done. That being said I have a hard time dating in this crazy single world now because I am a big girl (for now). While I understand why, it's hard not to get upset with the guys that won't bother to even look at me past my size.

ahavoc

My husband has always worked out. I have not. I had a back injury in my twenties, and a lot of health issues over the years. Now I'm working out more, and my husband is very happy about it. But relationships take work if you want them to last. I've been with my husband for 34 years, through fat and thin, and fat again... and for the past couple we've been working on fit.

A true partner is just that, a partner. They don't have to know where you are every minute of the day, and you don't have to reassure them all the time. There's an element of trust, and loyalty. Find the partner that will workout with you sometimes, and does their own thing others. Find the partner that understands you have to be true to yourself, and they have to be true to themselves, to be true to each other.

reenielovesthebeach

I think you have to ask yourself if this is a person that you'd like to spend your life with or maybe just a habit. Do you like her enough to accept her the way she is- in shape or not...You look fairly young. I will tell you that after you get older, looks don't matter as much and neither does some extra weight. Eventually, your kids will grow up and sex drive dwindles a bit and you better have some things in common and be able to like each other and be able to carry on conversations.Wrinkles will pop up, gravity takes its toll, men lose hair, etc... I'm not saying that just because you get older and are married that you should let yourself go. You still need to work on being attractive and be attracted to your significant other. Hopefully after years of being together, you see deeper qualities than just weight or looks. What I am saying is that as you reach middle age years- you just want to be healthy and have energy to get up and go to work and take care of you family. When couples are content and kids come, you tend to fall into a comfort zone and you lose focus on being healthy. Okay so now that I have probably freaked you out with all of this mother talk- I'd just say go with your heart. What you feel in your heart is nothing anyone can tell you. You will know if she's the right one. I knew from the beginning. It is good to listen to people who have been where you're headed though...That's what I always tell my kids.

BTW- this comes from a 43 year old woman, who has been content for say the past fifteen years and has gotten out of shape. I married my wonderful husband at 20 years old (married for almost 23 years now), we have a 19 year old daughter and a 22 year old son, two grandchildren and we are empty-nesters now for two years. I wouldn't change a thing about my life. I am thankful we jived and both worked hard to keep our marriage strong, even after getting married so young. Practically everyone that I know has been divorced. I'm proud to say that I am not one of those statistics. I am VERY attracted to my handsome husband after all these years. We both got a bit chubby and are now working on this together, trying to make a lifestyle of being healthy. We go to the gym together and LOVE spending every moment together that we can. My weight goal is to lose 45 more pounds by Christmas and I will be close to my actual goal. We just got home from the gym. We did 50 minutes on the treadmill. My husband started this at the beginning of summer and I wasn't on board with it. I love food and I love to cook. After I saw my husband lose weight, it inspired me to get healthy and here I am. I have lost 17 pounds this month be eating no junk food, no pop, cutting my calories and working out. You may just inspire your girlfriend before it's over...I wish you the best...GOOD LUCK.

reenielovesthebeach

WOW! I just noticed after all the advice I jut gave you that you're actually five years older than I am. You seriously look like a 20-something year old.

DMZ_1

No

mjtull

When I started running 10 years ago my wife did not object. If I ran for 3 hours on rare occasion she would say where were you. My kids didn't want to run.. at first. Then as they got older they all started running and we had fun doing races together. Now all but the youngest one exercise regularly on there own. I made the right choice set the right example for them even though at first they didn't get it. Even my wife now walks and bikes regularly.One of my sons is a Marine officer.

SmexAppeal

I have never ended a relationship for this reason, but that's because I wasn't with anyone since I've started my transformation. I have actually decided against dating certain people because they would give me grief about my calorie counting and obssession with exercising 6 days a week. I have a schedule, and anyone who wants to be with me, will have to respect that schedule. This is why I would like to find someone who is also health conscious and would exercise with me! That would be ideal lol.

As for ending a relationship because of this. I would say if you feel you would want to, it would end regardless. I think for people like us, we need that support here and outside of MFP.

piexcore

Actually this was a huge reason I broke up with my last boyfriend. Just one of many unhealthy issues that relationship had, but in the end it was the only one that I absolutely couldn't ignore.

He would make me guilty about going to the gym instead of lying around watching tv with him, constantly want to go out to eat, analyze my food choices and make me feel bad about them, tell me that I was never going to attain my goals anyway, accuse me of being shallow and basically disregarded that fitness was important to me, and trivialized the fact that I was doing something to make myself happier with my body.

I was much more attractive than him to begin with, and I think most of his reaction stemmed from insecurity but still- if there are people in your life that are unwilling to support you in the lifestyle that you want to pursue, they're toxic and you need to drop them as soon as possible.

If the person you're with supports you, but has no interest in pursuing a fitness lifestyle I don't see any reason to dump them. If your not attracted to them anymore, that's a conversation that has to be had as delicately as possible, but has to be had. And before you have that conversation you have to really decide if looks are a deal breaker.

carriempls

Wanting to be healthier and changing some habits is one thing, an obsession is another. I'd wonder where it came from.

I've never been attracted to the body-builder type because that's simply not me - we'd have little in common.

I already support my bf in his efforts to become healthier but I'd find it weird if he started spending 3 hours in the gym every day and suddenly wanted to get all ripped. Bleh. Not my style. I'd rather we go for bike rides or hikes together.

That said, I doubt it would be the end of things. Unless he expected me to spend 3 hours in the gym every day and adopt those habits also.

All that said, living a healthy lifestyle is important to me. Choosing to be healthy the vast majority of the time is an expectation of mine, so I couldn't work with a couch potato either.

Dub_D

Just break up.