I just wish she had the same passion for healthy eating...
ls_66
Posts: 395 Member
DW idea of preparing meals is the following:
1) Roasted chicken from grocery store
2) Frozen meals
3) Semi-prepared foods
4) Pasta loaded with heavy cream sauce
5) Take out or dine in....
She is about 35 pounds overweight with multiple health issues due to poor eating habits and lack of physical activity I know she would be so much better if she would eat healthier... but nothing goes through her... she is in deep denial
Ladies what changed your mind? How did you turn your life around?
1) Roasted chicken from grocery store
2) Frozen meals
3) Semi-prepared foods
4) Pasta loaded with heavy cream sauce
5) Take out or dine in....
She is about 35 pounds overweight with multiple health issues due to poor eating habits and lack of physical activity I know she would be so much better if she would eat healthier... but nothing goes through her... she is in deep denial
Ladies what changed your mind? How did you turn your life around?
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Replies
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Honestly? I hated the way I felt and looked. I just got sick of feeling sluggish and the way I looked in the mirror. I finally woke up one day and realized enough was enough.0
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Honestly, I had to make the decision for myself. I'm not sure there's really anything you can do to get her to change (though leading by example might help).
What percentage of the time is DW in charge of preparing meals? If she's the main cook, remember that you aren't only asking her to eat better, but you are asking her to learn a whole new set of cooking skills and recipes, which is a pain for someone who isn't really into cooking in the first place, as I gather she is from what you're describing. In that case, your best bet is to take over the majority of the cooking duties.0 -
Same as above. But it's something no one could could decide for me...I had to do it myself. You need to let her decide for herself.0
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I wonder if her meal prep habits stem from:
-Not knowing how to cook
-Not having the time to cook
-Or simply being too tired to cook
I never really learned to cook so I ate much like your wife (minus the cream sauce). I'm still not much of a cook, but I'm trying out new things each week. I also just bought a slow cooker because it seems pretty idiot-proof. Even I can layer things in a big crockpot and turn it on without a problem! :laugh:0 -
I got tired of being overweight, and scared that my health was going to start falling apart. My husband was slower to get on board with the healthy eating, and it was frustrating for me too. I tried everything I could think of to 'encourage' him, but finally I realized that he had to decide to make the changes for himself. I backed off, and now he is making healthier choices. He has changed his eating and ifestyle slowly and much more gradually than I did, but he is doing much better. He has lost 16 pounds so far!
I think the best thing you can do is to continue trying to do what you know is best for you. She may just come around eventually.0 -
It was a picture that I saw of myself... with a group of my friends. I thought that I looked great and we were all having a great time while someone snapped some candid shots of us. The next day one of my friends printed off THE PIC that did it for me and posted it on the bulletin board at work... can't wait for the next event and the next picture ... because that catapulted my desire to regain control and everyday I get closer to my goal. The truth is that I never really understood how much I had put on until I saw the dreaded picture :S0
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You could sometimes offer to make the meal, and then prepare something healthy and tasty. I imagine most women would respond better to that than to being asked to make a healthy meal. And if she likes it, you can do it more often.0
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When I first decided I need to start eating healthier and working out regularly, it was for a multitude of reasons converging at once, about 4 years ago.. I had just finished law school and really didnt have a reason not to be healthy - I wasnt even working for a few months so I had a lot of free time. A year prior I had a cancer scare, and then six months after that I got bronchitis which turned into pneumonia because my body couldnt fight it off. On top of that, I was going into the Air Force and clearly needed to be in better shape. I just made the decision I was going to get in better shape and eat healthy. I hired a personal trainer, and then asked my brother (who is a chef) for advice on eating. It helped.
Last year I fell off the wagon after suffering a knee injury that took 9 months to recover (The first 5 months I had a terrible doctor who couldnt figure out what was wrong or how to fix it - then I got a new doctor and got better). But during those 9 months pretty much most exercise was off limits except upper body workouts. I felt miserable and started eating like crap. I have since gained 15lbs. I am really serious now about losing it (I think an impending deployment has driven that) but my boyfriend isnt so much determined. Of course he says he wants to lose weight and we need to take weight loss more seriously, but then he brews beer at his house, and he eats whatever you put in front of him (granted, he works out a ton, and I dont even think he needs to lose weight!) But basically, I just make sure that we cook more foods instead of eating out all of the time. If we eat out, I will choose something healthy which generally makes him choose something healthy too. When I decided I was going to stop eating cereal and replace it with different types of eggs for breakfast, that has forced him to do the same when we eat breakfast together...
Point is - your wife isnt going to start getting healthy, until she really feels like she is ready. She has to really be in that zone. But what you can do to help out is try to get her to engage in healthy activities with you. If you are concerned about the foods she prepares, then offer to cook sometimes. Dont push her out of the kitchen and put up a "do not enter" sign or anything like that because that would clearly be insulting! But, offer like once or twice a week to cook something for her, or tell her you found a new recipe and you want to try to make it together! Healthy cooking can be really fun! And if she doesnt have the cooking skills as it seems like she might not, this can also help her to develop them.
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Honestly? I hated the way I felt and looked. I just got sick of feeling sluggish and the way I looked in the mirror. I finally woke up one day and realized enough was enough.
This was me too. I was thin and active when I was younger. I'm 44 now and still 14lbs over my ideal weight.
Maybe you could offer to cook a couple times a week?0 -
DW idea of preparing meals is the following:
1) Roasted chicken from grocery store
2) Frozen meals
3) Semi-prepared foods
4) Pasta loaded with heavy cream sauce
5) Take out or dine in....
She is about 35 pounds overweight with multiple health issues due to poor eating habits and lack of physical activity I know she would be so much better if she would eat healthier... but nothing goes through her... she is in deep denial
Ladies what changed your mind? How did you turn your life around?
Does she know how to cook? Or does she just don't want to cook?
Why don't you try to cook her a nice simple healthy but TASTY dish? She might change her mind. Help her make small changes so she doesn't freak out and be overwhelmed. Small steps over time can do wonder.
As for me, I'm not a good example. I've always been at a healthy weight and fairly active. (Tomboy right here.) But desk job, depression, non weight related health issues made me sedentary n coupled with eating as if I still run around on my feet 5hrs a day made me gain weight
So, as soon as I was allow to move around again, I joined a gym. I hated lying around all day.0 -
She has to make the decision, not you. Nagging never got anyone to lose weight, stop smoking, quit drinking, or lose any other bad habit.
If her idea of cooking doesn't match yours, why don't you take over some of the cooking duties? If she has more free time than you, then maybe you take over cooking on weekends, or X amount of times a week. Set a good example and hope she follows.0 -
Seeing pitctures of myself!!!0
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THIS!You could sometimes offer to make the meal, and then prepare something healthy and tasty. I imagine most women would respond better to that than to being asked to make a healthy meal. And if she likes it, you can do it more often.
She has the want to change. Until then, just be a good role model, let her see you eating good and feling great... And start cooking a few meals of super duper yummy (healthy) things for her.
My husband (of 21 years) rarely eats healthy. He's , I guess what you call "skinny-fat".. Always been skinny, but has a gut on him and is tired and headachy more and more often. He thinks because he is skinny he can eat how he wants. He seriously blames his gut on gravity having pulled all his internal organs down to his belly area. (he sure sounds serious when he blames it on that). When he says something about me looking good or having energy, I smile and say " thank! I exercise."
Hopefully soon that wil be enough to get him to join in the healthy living. Obviously the heartbattackmwhen he was 39 didn't have an impact. ( it was a bloodclot, not cholesterol, but exercise and proper diet would have reduced his chances of the blood clot in the first place, he has Renaulds)
He has decided to order iced tea instead of soda recently, and no longer uses about 4 packis of sugar in a small coffee.. And that took 20.5 years of marriage to get here.0 -
Your list sounds like she's too tired to cook and want quick fixes.
Are you able to cook for her?
Seriously though.. you could encourage her to do more exercise with you.. walk more, run, challenging computer games (New generation consoles with moving games).. those sorts of things. Then maybe she might want to lose it.
Otherwise it's just a waiting game.
I've known all my life I needed to do something, but never really bothered until I had children. Then I knew I needed to do it for them.0 -
For me, my son changed my outlook on life. After I gave birth I figured I would drop the weight easily. I had only gained 30 lbs with my pregnancy. Almost a year later and I realized I hadn't lost any, in fact I may have gained a couple pounds. But when I saw that scale hit 200 lbs I flipped out. I knew I had to make the change. I knew there wasn't some magic pill and that it was going to take hard work and dedication. So I just made a change in myself. And for once I kept a new years resolution! Weightloss has been slow, but its been steady. And now I've added lifting in and I feel strong, confident, energetic and plain and simple... wonderful!! It's just got to be a wake up call for herself. If she is happy the way she is, then she will see no reason to change. Because the changes are not easy!
Good luck to you and your DW 0 -
the movie, "fathead" really changed my whole outlook on eating.
but the real propellant: the day after my fiance proposed to me, we were going to his cousin's wedding and i put on a dress that used to be so loose on me once upon a time and he couldn't zip it up...
i don't want to be a fat bride :sad:0 -
You know what? She probably knows she's unhealthy and feels bad about it, but maybe doesn't believe she can do anything about it. That's where I was for years. And when my husband would try to bring it up, I reacted by getting RED HOT ANGRY, mostly because I was really embarrassed and ashamed.
About the cooking: start preparing good meals that are healthy for you two. When she likes, them, you can mention that they are healthily prepared and that you're happy about that.
The thing that eventually changed my mind was getting to exercise. starting with small things (like taking evening walks together) could be a good start. Those endorphins eventually start working their magic.0 -
I made new friends with three women who are all older than I, with children, are absolutely beautiful inside and out. I'm average size, (er, was..) and I was the biggest girl in the room for the first time in my life. I watched them throw back cocktails and talk about the half marathons they were running, all while wearing short and sexy dresses. They threw their arms around me and told me I could do it, too! It wasn't that hard! Just start running! So I did.
So for me it was inspirational women in my life who believed in me. Perhaps she has a healthy friend that can inspire her? You are an inspiration to her, too! Tell her you love her and she's beautiful no matter what, but you want to support her to be the very best she can be. Offer to do it together with her! I know I couldn't have done it without my Army husband showing me how to begin.
Best of luck!0 -
One of the biggest issues is she HATES cooking.... absolutely.... hates it, I love to cook and if I had more time I would probably do it, right now I try to cook my own meals since I'm trying to be mostly vegetarian, everything I cook is deemed weird by both DW and my 2 kids...0
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i know when my husban would pressure me about me being over weight i would not listen to him he would say lets eat better and exercise i was rebelling against him but once he backed off i was good i had to think about my goals and say i cant accoplish what i want out of life if i dont lose weight and get healthy i have to lose weight if i want to have kids and be healthy to do those things and life long so i can watch my kids grow up!!!!! so just back off alittle and maybe she will come around good luck!!0
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For me, it was when i started asthma attacks while i slept and eating out all the time after my mom passed. I was 243 for two years, and then once I found out I was pregnant, i started dropping weight (I was active throughout my pregnancy) and still ahve been, though I didn't rejoin MFP until Feb after I couldn't breastfeed. I have always been overweight and when I started college i was 214.
My husband eats a lot of fast food, still to this very day, but he finally started working out again on my 24th birthday (he finally admitted that because of him getting winded from going upstairs and his chest hurting, along with his heart condition) and we are slowly trying to change his eating habits.
I do the majority of the cooking, and it is a work in progress, but you encourage your wife. One thing we bought for my birthday was a ddr 2 for the wii, and its the thing my husband loves doing, other then putting the baby in the stroller. He is going to be 26 next month, and I am proud that he wants the change, especially because of our son, whom we are trying to teach great eating habits (we make his baby food, not the store bought jar food), but it took a few thing for him to want it.
Just try and encourage her, but nagging won't work.0 -
Same way at my house. Last night I cooked him stuffed cornish game hen with pan fried potatoes and I cooked salmon for me. Super annoying to cook 2 meals and the dishes are twice as much..blahh
I changed my eating habits when i gained weight after having 3 kids and my husband said he was no longer attracted to me. That will make you about-face in a hurry!0 -
My husbands ideal meal was the ever-so-convenient "Let's just hit up drive through on the way home"
After hearing that sooo many times, I took over. I just began cooking, and let him know when dinner was -- busy lives or not. It doesn't take much to look in a pantry and fridge and get creative. Does it help to have a recipe? Sure. Should that be an excuse? No. Even low on funds, I still find something.0 -
She might not realize how easy it really is to eat healthy. I often used to think of it as a chore too.
As far as the motivation, mine came from within myself. Although I give my husb. crap all the time for "not telling me" how heavy I was getting. As if it's his job! lol0 -
Honestly? I hated the way I felt and looked. I just got sick of feeling sluggish and the way I looked in the mirror. I finally woke up one day and realized enough was enough.
This was me too. And seeing pictures of myself from high school (when I was at my lowest weight and in my best shape) as compared to Christmas 2011 (when I was at my heaviest and worst shape). I got disgusted and embarassed that I had actually thought I looked okay, much less good.
And a reason I'm not proud of, but will admit is that I look a lot like my mom and she is really overweight and not happy with herself. I saw myself going down the path that she was and always saying I was fat and needed to lose weight and never doing anything about it. On top of that, it digusts me to look at her. She knows she is overweight and she knows she needs to do something about it, but she won't and that makes it worse in my mind. I refuse to end up like her. Thus, I took control of my life and decided to lose the weight, get in shape, and get happy.
Another thing (main reason) was that my boyfriend had decided that he was going to lose weight as he had done the same thing as me (lowest weight in high school, highest Christmas 2011). Since he was going to try out a diet and weight loss plan, I decided I should too. Heaven forbid I be left out! Or that he lose weight and get to being healthy and looking good while I sat there and did nothing. I have always been super competitive so that was (is) a main driver for me. Now that we're both living at home again (were away at school), it's harder as we don't always eat together but we do make a point to rock climb (our new found passion after losing initial weight) at least three times a week. Having his support and him doing it with me made it a lot easier to get started, stay motivated, and stick with it. I honestly don't think I could have done if it I had been on my own.0 -
One of the biggest issues is she HATES cooking.... absolutely.... hates it, I love to cook and if I had more time I would probably do it, right now I try to cook my own meals since I'm trying to be mostly vegetarian, everything I cook is deemed weird by both DW and my 2 kids...
I feel for your wife. Cooking is not my favorite thing!
I changed because I was divorced and I gained weight in my marriage.
1. Open, honest conversations about dinner would help. Maybe you could pick out recipies together that you could make. If you want to be mainly vegetarian and she wants to eat meat, she can still eat veggies and then add some chicken or fish. Make something in bulk that can be easily split up during the week to save time.
2. Find an activity you can do together.
3. Don't pressure her! Women are so sensitive 0 -
This may or may not work in your situation, but this is what worked for me. First of all I started exercising to lose weight on my own, but I still ate CRAP. I thought it was healthy, but it was things like fat free hotdogs, baked lays and sugar free pudding packs. Ugh. Then I watched the movie Food Inc on Netflix and decided to take a 30 day no meat challenge, which helped me to get adventurous in the kitchen with new fruits, veggies, etc. Then I watched the movie Forks Over Knives and that really got me thinking about the nutritional content of my food besides just the calories and now I feel like I eat a very healthy balance of foods, most of the time.
Maybe just asking her to watch a movie with you like Forks Over Knives, or make it fun like a challenge ... "lets explore some new healthy foods and ways of cooking". Maybe make a family challenge to try 5 new healthy recipes in a month and help by picking them out.0 -
Honestly, I had to make the decision for myself. I'm not sure there's really anything you can do to get her to change (though leading by example might help).
What percentage of the time is DW in charge of preparing meals? If she's the main cook, remember that you aren't only asking her to eat better, but you are asking her to learn a whole new set of cooking skills and recipes, which is a pain for someone who isn't really into cooking in the first place, as I gather she is from what you're describing. In that case, your best bet is to take over the majority of the cooking duties.
I agree with this, unless she comes to that point herself you cant force it. I have always had issues with my image but abt 6 months ago i broke down in tears with my SO he joined the gym with me and agreed to eat healthy with me (he has a pretty high metabolism so he can eat anything and not gain a lb) after a couple of months i was good with cooking a meal for him and one healthy one for me.. He still gets his delicious home cooked meals everyday and i get my healthy ones, but it has to start with her and she has to be ready for the commitment, unless she's there no matter what you say things will not change for the long run. You said you cant cook bc of time, someone said open a discussion abt it, or ask her to go on a walk with you maybe that will get things started? Good luck! 0 -
She might not realize how easy it really is to eat healthy. I often used to think of it as a chore too.
I've found it's really easy to toss frozen skinless, boneless chicken breasts in the oven and dump a bag of salad greens in a bowl when the chicken is done! LOL! I'll eat that but my hubby and kids dress the chicken up with flour tortillas, cheese and other goodies so we all have something we can eat and it takes about as long as a frozen dinner would take!
You might try making meals over the weekend and freezing them too! She might be inclined to help cook on a Sat. if she knew all she had to do during the week was toss it in the oven!0 -
DW idea of preparing meals is the following:
1) Roasted chicken from grocery store
2) Frozen meals
3) Semi-prepared foods
4) Pasta loaded with heavy cream sauce
5) Take out or dine in....
She is about 35 pounds overweight with multiple health issues due to poor eating habits and lack of physical activity I know she would be so much better if she would eat healthier... but nothing goes through her... she is in deep denial
Ladies what changed your mind? How did you turn your life around?
My stomach kept getting in my way, and I had to "smoosh" into movie theatre seats.0
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