I just wish she had the same passion for healthy eating...
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For me, it was when i started asthma attacks while i slept and eating out all the time after my mom passed. I was 243 for two years, and then once I found out I was pregnant, i started dropping weight (I was active throughout my pregnancy) and still ahve been, though I didn't rejoin MFP until Feb after I couldn't breastfeed. I have always been overweight and when I started college i was 214.
My husband eats a lot of fast food, still to this very day, but he finally started working out again on my 24th birthday (he finally admitted that because of him getting winded from going upstairs and his chest hurting, along with his heart condition) and we are slowly trying to change his eating habits.
I do the majority of the cooking, and it is a work in progress, but you encourage your wife. One thing we bought for my birthday was a ddr 2 for the wii, and its the thing my husband loves doing, other then putting the baby in the stroller. He is going to be 26 next month, and I am proud that he wants the change, especially because of our son, whom we are trying to teach great eating habits (we make his baby food, not the store bought jar food), but it took a few thing for him to want it.
Just try and encourage her, but nagging won't work.0 -
Same way at my house. Last night I cooked him stuffed cornish game hen with pan fried potatoes and I cooked salmon for me. Super annoying to cook 2 meals and the dishes are twice as much..blahh
I changed my eating habits when i gained weight after having 3 kids and my husband said he was no longer attracted to me. That will make you about-face in a hurry!0 -
My husbands ideal meal was the ever-so-convenient "Let's just hit up drive through on the way home"
After hearing that sooo many times, I took over. I just began cooking, and let him know when dinner was -- busy lives or not. It doesn't take much to look in a pantry and fridge and get creative. Does it help to have a recipe? Sure. Should that be an excuse? No. Even low on funds, I still find something.0 -
She might not realize how easy it really is to eat healthy. I often used to think of it as a chore too.
As far as the motivation, mine came from within myself. Although I give my husb. crap all the time for "not telling me" how heavy I was getting. As if it's his job! lol0 -
Honestly? I hated the way I felt and looked. I just got sick of feeling sluggish and the way I looked in the mirror. I finally woke up one day and realized enough was enough.
This was me too. And seeing pictures of myself from high school (when I was at my lowest weight and in my best shape) as compared to Christmas 2011 (when I was at my heaviest and worst shape). I got disgusted and embarassed that I had actually thought I looked okay, much less good.
And a reason I'm not proud of, but will admit is that I look a lot like my mom and she is really overweight and not happy with herself. I saw myself going down the path that she was and always saying I was fat and needed to lose weight and never doing anything about it. On top of that, it digusts me to look at her. She knows she is overweight and she knows she needs to do something about it, but she won't and that makes it worse in my mind. I refuse to end up like her. Thus, I took control of my life and decided to lose the weight, get in shape, and get happy.
Another thing (main reason) was that my boyfriend had decided that he was going to lose weight as he had done the same thing as me (lowest weight in high school, highest Christmas 2011). Since he was going to try out a diet and weight loss plan, I decided I should too. Heaven forbid I be left out! Or that he lose weight and get to being healthy and looking good while I sat there and did nothing. I have always been super competitive so that was (is) a main driver for me. Now that we're both living at home again (were away at school), it's harder as we don't always eat together but we do make a point to rock climb (our new found passion after losing initial weight) at least three times a week. Having his support and him doing it with me made it a lot easier to get started, stay motivated, and stick with it. I honestly don't think I could have done if it I had been on my own.0 -
One of the biggest issues is she HATES cooking.... absolutely.... hates it, I love to cook and if I had more time I would probably do it, right now I try to cook my own meals since I'm trying to be mostly vegetarian, everything I cook is deemed weird by both DW and my 2 kids...
I feel for your wife. Cooking is not my favorite thing!
I changed because I was divorced and I gained weight in my marriage.
1. Open, honest conversations about dinner would help. Maybe you could pick out recipies together that you could make. If you want to be mainly vegetarian and she wants to eat meat, she can still eat veggies and then add some chicken or fish. Make something in bulk that can be easily split up during the week to save time.
2. Find an activity you can do together.
3. Don't pressure her! Women are so sensitive
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This may or may not work in your situation, but this is what worked for me. First of all I started exercising to lose weight on my own, but I still ate CRAP. I thought it was healthy, but it was things like fat free hotdogs, baked lays and sugar free pudding packs. Ugh. Then I watched the movie Food Inc on Netflix and decided to take a 30 day no meat challenge, which helped me to get adventurous in the kitchen with new fruits, veggies, etc. Then I watched the movie Forks Over Knives and that really got me thinking about the nutritional content of my food besides just the calories and now I feel like I eat a very healthy balance of foods, most of the time.
Maybe just asking her to watch a movie with you like Forks Over Knives, or make it fun like a challenge ... "lets explore some new healthy foods and ways of cooking". Maybe make a family challenge to try 5 new healthy recipes in a month and help by picking them out.0 -
Honestly, I had to make the decision for myself. I'm not sure there's really anything you can do to get her to change (though leading by example might help).
What percentage of the time is DW in charge of preparing meals? If she's the main cook, remember that you aren't only asking her to eat better, but you are asking her to learn a whole new set of cooking skills and recipes, which is a pain for someone who isn't really into cooking in the first place, as I gather she is from what you're describing. In that case, your best bet is to take over the majority of the cooking duties.
I agree with this, unless she comes to that point herself you cant force it. I have always had issues with my image but abt 6 months ago i broke down in tears with my SO he joined the gym with me and agreed to eat healthy with me (he has a pretty high metabolism so he can eat anything and not gain a lb) after a couple of months i was good with cooking a meal for him and one healthy one for me.. He still gets his delicious home cooked meals everyday and i get my healthy ones, but it has to start with her and she has to be ready for the commitment, unless she's there no matter what you say things will not change for the long run. You said you cant cook bc of time, someone said open a discussion abt it, or ask her to go on a walk with you maybe that will get things started? Good luck!
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She might not realize how easy it really is to eat healthy. I often used to think of it as a chore too.
I've found it's really easy to toss frozen skinless, boneless chicken breasts in the oven and dump a bag of salad greens in a bowl when the chicken is done! LOL! I'll eat that but my hubby and kids dress the chicken up with flour tortillas, cheese and other goodies so we all have something we can eat and it takes about as long as a frozen dinner would take!
You might try making meals over the weekend and freezing them too! She might be inclined to help cook on a Sat. if she knew all she had to do during the week was toss it in the oven!0 -
DW idea of preparing meals is the following:
1) Roasted chicken from grocery store
2) Frozen meals
3) Semi-prepared foods
4) Pasta loaded with heavy cream sauce
5) Take out or dine in....
She is about 35 pounds overweight with multiple health issues due to poor eating habits and lack of physical activity I know she would be so much better if she would eat healthier... but nothing goes through her... she is in deep denial
Ladies what changed your mind? How did you turn your life around?
My stomach kept getting in my way, and I had to "smoosh" into movie theatre seats.0 -
forks over knives? I have not seen it.. would it be appropriate to watch it with my 15 yo daughter?0
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Sadly she has to make that decision herself. The best way you can assist her is to -
You become the cook and cook healthy dinners for both of you
Or....plan a romantic or just fun dinner you two can cook together
help her in the kitchen, research healthy recipes
You should do the grocery shopping, stock up on healthy items
take walks, hikes and bike rides together
go the the gym together and grab a healthy meal out afterwards
Lead by example!0 -
If she hates cooking and you have no time to cook, check out your local whole foods/Healthfood store or Trader Joes for healthier pre-packaged, prepared foods.0
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One of the biggest things that turned me around was realizing how often I told my son who was 4/5 at the time "No." It was always because I didn't want to be on the floor playing with him or outside kicking a ball or whatever he wanted to do. I was flat out lazy. I realized how sad it was that my son was missing out on doing that stuff with me and essentially I was able, just too lazy, but on a potential track to be unable. Ugh. Now he sometimes runs a mile with me or we play soccer, tennis or volleyball! Fun stuff!
Edited to add: I realize I said nothing about cooking. I just mentioned what turned me around. That said, maybe get her a cool cookbook with 5 ingredient recipes. It's an easy place to start 0 -
You could sometimes offer to make the meal, and then prepare something healthy and tasty. I imagine most women would respond better to that than to being asked to make a healthy meal. And if she likes it, you can do it more often.
This.
Asking her to change isn't going to do much other than annoy her. Helping her out by making a meal or two a week will show her that you care AND that food can be healthy and good.0 -
Sure, but she may be bored to tears. It was interesting to me, but I love documentaries and anything nutrition or food related.0
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Forgot to mention...since I do most of the cooking in my house, my husband was stuck with it when I started eating differently, BUT it took him about 9 months to follow my lead by adding exercise to his life...so she may come around if you just show her how important it is to you. I never once told/asked my husband to exercise. I also prepared meals, etc. but he still chose snacks or what he'd eat while at work, etc. When he was ready he really started paying attention!0
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My husband only recently (like 10 days ago!) got a bit of a health panic-attack so decided to cut out the crap food in order to lose some weight.
He has no interest in active exercise (he'd like to think golf counts) or cooking and leads a very busy stressed work life. If left to him (even with a fridge full of food) he'll dial up a Take-Away order. While I'm delighted that he's now ON A DIET he is not well educated on food nutrients. He equates healthy eating with being strict with yourself, having plain and boring meals etc much like your vegetarianism appears to your wife. So I've tried to help him, researching menus at his local breakfast/lunch/dinner restaurants that he uses and choosing the healthier option, because I don't see him, in the near future anyway, actually making that big a change to his work routines, maybe when he starts losing weight and feeling better about himself he'll start cooking aswell as exercise.
Let me tell you that I have been that nagging wife and I backed off a while ago cos I felt like I was bullying him albeit with good intentions. But when one of his closest friends wife got diagnosed with a life threatening illness recently I took the opportunity to tell him of my nightmare, that I leave him on the sofa to head up to bed for the night, but he dies of a heart-attack sitting up on the couch and our 9 year son discovers him the next morning, screaming the house down! Maybe both these brought on a bit of self-awareness and wanting to change. Maybe a heart to heart on her health and not weight is whats required.0 -
OP, it looks like you've just found some success in the weight loss department... first time dieting and you've lost 32 of 47 lbs you needed to lose? If that's correct, what made you change? Why do you expect she would change just because the time was right for you?
Your job is to love and support her no matter what. She's your wife and the mother of your children and she was loving you when you were 47 lbs overweight, no?
I have been thin and I have been fat and neither changes your identity, really. You are who you believe you are and your body is just part of the equation. I found success this time around only because I found a workout in this new town I moved to that I really enjoyed and was going regularly (a class)... then a friend challenged me to run a half marathon and I had done one years ago. I figured I had better start dropping pounds if I wanted to run faster and farther... so I started eating right to fuel my running.
We all find different routes to success. What do you do for exercise? Maybe she would like to join you? Maybe you would try a new activity or class she'd try with you? Since I started this, MrBigMack has joined on, started running and has lost a little over 15 lbs now and I sometimes join him on his walk/run just to spend time...
You sound angry at your wife for not moving at your pace. You obviously just recently discovered this new pace... give her time.0 -
it's just something that you have to decide to do and really want, no amount of words from others, encouraging or not can make someone want to change until they want it0
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