Parents at fault for overweight children?

2

Replies

  • angelcurry130
    angelcurry130 Posts: 265 Member
    It is NOT always the parents' fault. In some cases, especially with eating disorders, the parents are not the issue. When I was younger, my parents provided me with very nutritious meals. Sadly, I found comfort in food and I felt the need to eat more, and did so without their knowledge. And it showed. I was obese my entire life. None of my siblings were. My parents didn't shove sugar and fat down my throat. Even when they tried to help by pushing me to be more active, I would put out the least amount of effort. I didn't try. They can hardly be blamed for that.
    It is true that in this day and age, parents that are inattentive to their childrens' needs or ill-educated in nutrition can destroy their childrens' health. Those people are usually just as unhealthy as their offspring and aren't doing anything to change that. But please don't be judgemental of ALL parents. Some of them really do try. :-)
  • subcult
    subcult Posts: 262 Member
    My mom watched the kids for three hours last week. My wife drops them off since my mother loves to see them a on her day off. She gave all three of them two eight packs of mini donuts. A whole thing of oreos pretzles each a pack of mentors and the three yearolds a few tums just because they like them. Also each had at least a vitamin water needless to say nobody did good at dinner. My oldest is almost seven he ate everything she gave him, he's under weight and so is one of his little sister's so other than bad eating I'm not worried about them ever being obese. His other sister is built like me she is currently at ideal weight but I know she will struggle if my wife and I don't teach good habits. My mom has always been like that and its at least part of the reason I was 275 at 16 and not fully grown. That's when I finally started to take control of my own life. I've had a lot of respectful talks with her about the kids and she did make an effort. She started bringing fruit when she watched them but fed them so much of it they all threw up. She shows love through food just like her mother but neither knew how to cook so it kind of double backfires. Other than giving the kids medicine they don't need and ruining dinners she cant do any harm once a week that we can't undo atleast.
  • kmshred
    kmshred Posts: 393 Member
    sometimes. i was fat at around eight. not my fault.
  • kritterxx
    kritterxx Posts: 100 Member
    I think parents have the responsibility of instilling correct and healthy eating habits in their children. When I see overweight kids I get legitimately sad, and then sometimes angry - young kids shouldn't be overweight. They should be running around, having fun in the park, or so I believe. They're too young to know best, it's up to the parents to not only advise their kids and cook them good meals (and also allow them treats!), but also to set a good example themselves.

    It works both ways though, I know I do partially blame my eating disorder on my mom and the way I grew up with food. My mom is has supposedly recovered from her mental illness, but I grew up in the waiting room of a gym - she'd work out, and still does, for three to four hours a day, and I can't say she eats much. I grew up eating alone, dad at work and my mom eating her own meals (curried peas, plain peanuts, or peanut butter sandwiches: basically her diet, all in minimal amounts). Parents need to lead by example. I love my mom to death, and I know how hard she tried; always cooking new things for me to try, and meat even though she's a serious vegetarian.. But yeah. Oh well.

    Edited to add:
    I grew up in a house that never had cookies/fast food/juice/carbonated drinks/any kind of candy etc. My mother hates fast food with a passion. I think I've done okay, but I know kids who've grown up with those kind of restrictions and boom, as soon as they move out - that's all they eat, everything they 'missed out' on, which of course negatively impacts their weight and health.
  • barackobamamama
    barackobamamama Posts: 21
    I blame parents 100% for their children's lifestyle choices, because they are the ones that make the decisions for them. If their kid prefers pizza and video games over veggies and regular exercise, that's the parents' wrong-doing.
  • barackobamamama
    barackobamamama Posts: 21
    It is NOT always the parents' fault. In some cases, especially with eating disorders, the parents are not the issue. When I was younger, my parents provided me with very nutritious meals. Sadly, I found comfort in food and I felt the need to eat more, and did so without their knowledge. And it showed. I was obese my entire life. None of my siblings were. My parents didn't shove sugar and fat down my throat. Even when they tried to help by pushing me to be more active, I would put out the least amount of effort. I didn't try. They can hardly be blamed for that.
    It is true that in this day and age, parents that are inattentive to their childrens' needs or ill-educated in nutrition can destroy their childrens' health. Those people are usually just as unhealthy as their offspring and aren't doing anything to change that. But please don't be judgemental of ALL parents. Some of them really do try. :-)

    Your parents should have been more attentive and placed restrictions on your access to the food. They should have taken responsibility for their child's health and replaced the junk you binged on with healthy choices and monitored your eating habits more closely. Obviously if their kid is overweight/obese, things needed to change.
  • carebear7951
    carebear7951 Posts: 404 Member
    I see both sides...I want me kids to eat there dinner...even a healthy snack will ruin there apetites.


    I don't quite understand this whole "keep the kid hungry so they can eat when *I* say they can eat", and that feeding when they are hungry is somehow "ruining" their appetite? hmmmm, this part was supposed to be quoted also!?

    True! I have told my children that I will almost NEVER say no to fresh fruit. So, ask away. :) I think it's the parents' fault. I live in a "fat city" and I so often see a fat little hand with a candy bar that is being put on the conveyor belt at the grocery store. :( My kids get treats (more than their fair share I'm sure) but I try to encourage healthy eating by providing fruits and veggies and making them appealing. Very rarely I would say is it caused by a health condition in very young children. (not never, just rare!) and my kids NEVER have to clean their plates. Never. We just tell them "no snacks if you don't finish your dinner" (In other words, don't come ask for dessert!)

    I wonder, if it's healthy to feed on demand when you breastfeed your child, why is it unhealthy to let their appetite (w/in reason) dictate when they eat when they're older!? I breastfed all 4 of my children on demand and all were very healthy during that time...hmmm. Something to think about when I'm tempted to make them wait til meal time to have something healthy. :)
    Definition of appetite: "A natural desire to satisfy a bodily need, esp. for food"

    So....we don't want to "ruin" this uncomfortable, hungry feeling for them? We want them to keep feeling hungry?


    I just don't get it.
  • sds76
    sds76 Posts: 215 Member
    I would never judge another parent but I know that I am responsible for my oldest daughter(13) being overweight. That is one of the big things that finally made me start getting healthier. I grew up very poor and we didn't get special treats, soda, mcdonalds, etc, we stll ate like crap but it's because it's what my dad could afford or all he knew. When I had kids and had money to provide food etc, I felt like a good mom because they could have treats, eat out, etc. I had it all backwards.
    I've only been at this for about 10 weeks but we are eating so much healthier. We are sooooo much more active as a famiy. The kids love it(even my oldest). They haven't complained about any of the healthier meals I've made. They haven't complained about drinking water. We still have treats and special snacks, but now they are smaller portions and/or I change ingredients to make them healthier.
    I don't want to teach them about diets, and restricting foods etc. So I am working on just providing healthier options, teaching that all things are fine...in moderation and encouraging more activity. My daughter has lost 8lbs, with no major effort on her part, just the new things we have changed in our life.

    So yes, for me.... I as a mom, my husband as a dad, the responsible parents to our children are to blame for our children being overweight or un-healthy. Even my tiny little 8yr old, skinny as she may be, wasn't healthy. We are changing that.
  • TyFit08
    TyFit08 Posts: 799 Member
    Yes parents can be to blame for their children being overweight, but I was a chubby kid and an extremely picky eater. I wouldn't eat food because I didn't like the way it looked and while my mother tried to force me to eat healthy foods, I refused. She wouldn't allow me to leave the table until I ate my food and I would sit there all night. I would refuse food for days yet I was chubby. Eventually she started cooking separate meals for me and somehow I got into the habit of making my carbs my entree, barely touching my meat. Something I'm still trying to break to this day.

    The doctor said it was baby fat and he was right because by the time I hit puberty I was super skinny. Now I wasn't very active, maybe that was part of it. But my mother faced a lot of judgement from family members because of my size, didn't get any better when I was thin because then people said she wasn't feeding me enough. Honestly I don't know what she could have done differently since I know I must have drove her crazy when I was a kid.
  • TyFit08
    TyFit08 Posts: 799 Member
    I see both sides...I want me kids to eat there dinner...even a healthy snack will ruin there apetites.


    I don't quite understand this whole "keep the kid hungry so they can eat when *I* say they can eat", and that feeding when they are hungry is somehow "ruining" their appetite? hmmmm, this part was supposed to be quoted also!?

    True! I have told my children that I will almost NEVER say no to fresh fruit. So, ask away. :) I think it's the parents' fault. I live in a "fat city" and I so often see a fat little hand with a candy bar that is being put on the conveyor belt at the grocery store. :( My kids get treats (more than their fair share I'm sure) but I try to encourage healthy eating by providing fruits and veggies and making them appealing. Very rarely I would say is it caused by a health condition in very young children. (not never, just rare!) and my kids NEVER have to clean their plates. Never. We just tell them "no snacks if you don't finish your dinner" (In other words, don't come ask for dessert!)

    I wonder, if it's healthy to feed on demand when you breastfeed your child, why is it unhealthy to let their appetite (w/in reason) dictate when they eat when they're older!? I breastfed all 4 of my children on demand and all were very healthy during that time...hmmm. Something to think about when I'm tempted to make them wait til meal time to have something healthy. :)
    Definition of appetite: "A natural desire to satisfy a bodily need, esp. for food"

    So....we don't want to "ruin" this uncomfortable, hungry feeling for them? We want them to keep feeling hungry?


    I just don't get it.

    Babies eat when they are hungry because they are babies, the concept of dinner time and lunch time is lost on them. But I don't think children should get to eat whenever they want to. If your family has dinner together every night, if your child snacks and ruins his appetite for dinner than that affects the family dynamic. Also children should learn that they can't have everything they want when they want it. Feeding your children on demand is not going to teach them that. What are you going to do when they go to school and the teacher says they have to wait for lunch, no eating in the class. Giving in to their natural desires could get in them in trouble. Meal times exist for a reason.
  • nonafit
    nonafit Posts: 582 Member
    I am a parent for my overweight 9 yo son. :ohwell: And just scrolled and seems everyone here is blaming the parents for the childrens overweight issues.:grumble: :cry:

    The truth is ...it's true. I screwed up and along the way I screwed up my son's well being too. :brokenheart:

    I am correcting it now. Or at least die trying!!!

    I had got him to start his own food and games journal. He writes down what he eats and the games he played and its duration.
    We had agreed to sit and look at it every end of the week and see how it goes - when, where and how the improvement can be made?

    His punishment use to include no playing time in the park. But I had removed that from punishment category to necessity category. He needs the park...CRAZY MUCH to burn off whatever his consuming.

    I had changed the weekdays are academic days as it literally means no comp and tv - only homework, tuitions etc with exception to play in the park which had been made a must. I am asian..err we are tiger moms . :flowerforyou: And weekends are physical days - games, long walks, trails and 'zumba'ing and (of course movies, tv and comp - at lesser degree).

    I had stopped the ban on ice cream and pizza (his fav) which had caused him to eat those at school. So after a short discussion - he pledged to stop all sneaking on ice cream and pizza at school with condition -
    1. ice cream time with me once a week
    2. pizza everytime I complete a race
    I am so good to that. Totally agreeable to that.

    Its going all right so far. But with kids need to be more dynamic to get them stay focused.

    I can't undo the last 5 years of messing up my baby's life. But I hope with all the changes and examples that I am trying to set he is set for a great life ahead.
  • naivenitara
    naivenitara Posts: 32
    Parents set the nutritional blueprint for their children's life. Yes, at some point they will be independent, but it's essential to teach them how good nutrition affects them and helps keep them healthy so they can take those lessons with them into adulthood. Breaks my heart to see parents who pander to their extremely overweight child just to pacify them. There's a reason why so many children are obese and inactive and I hope that will change some day.
  • splashangel
    splashangel Posts: 494 Member
    Yea.
  • naivenitara
    naivenitara Posts: 32
    I am a parent for my overweight 9 yo son. :ohwell: And just scrolled and seems everyone here is blaming the parents for the childrens overweight issues.:grumble: :cry:

    The truth is ...it's true. I screwed up and along the way I screwed up my son's well being too. :brokenheart:

    I am correcting it now. Or at least die trying!!!

    I had got him to start his own food and games journal. He writes down what he eats and the games he played and its duration.
    We had agreed to sit and look at it every end of the week and see how it goes - when, where and how the improvement can be made?

    His punishment use to include no playing time in the park. But I had removed that from punishment category to necessity category. He needs the park...CRAZY MUCH to burn off whatever his consuming.

    I had changed the weekdays are academic days as it literally means no comp and tv - only homework, tuitions etc with exception to play in the park which had been made a must. I am asian..err we are tiger moms . :flowerforyou: And weekends are physical days - games, long walks, trails and 'zumba'ing and (of course movies, tv and comp - at lesser degree).

    I had stopped the ban on ice cream and pizza (his fav) which had caused him to eat those at school. So after a short discussion - he pledged to stop all sneaking on ice cream and pizza at school with condition -
    1. ice cream time with me once a week
    2. pizza everytime I complete a race
    I am so good to that. Totally agreeable to that.

    Its going all right so far. But with kids need to be more dynamic to get them stay focused.

    I can't undo the last 5 years of messing up my baby's life. But I hope with all the changes and examples that I am trying to set he is set for a great life ahead.

    Good for you for taking positive steps towards your sons health. As parents, we all make mistakes, but it's good that you're doing all you can for your family. Thank you for sharing your insight and what you are doing! :)
  • Tashmayes
    Tashmayes Posts: 244 Member
    I am a parent for my overweight 9 yo son. :ohwell: And just scrolled and seems everyone here is blaming the parents for the childrens overweight issues.:grumble: :cry:

    The truth is ...it's true. I screwed up and along the way I screwed up my son's well being too. :brokenheart:

    I am correcting it now. Or at least die trying!!!

    I had got him to start his own food and games journal. He writes down what he eats and the games he played and its duration.
    We had agreed to sit and look at it every end of the week and see how it goes - when, where and how the improvement can be made?

    His punishment use to include no playing time in the park. But I had removed that from punishment category to necessity category. He needs the park...CRAZY MUCH to burn off whatever his consuming.

    I had changed the weekdays are academic days as it literally means no comp and tv - only homework, tuitions etc with exception to play in the park which had been made a must. I am asian..err we are tiger moms . :flowerforyou: And weekends are physical days - games, long walks, trails and 'zumba'ing and (of course movies, tv and comp - at lesser degree).

    I had stopped the ban on ice cream and pizza (his fav) which had caused him to eat those at school. So after a short discussion - he pledged to stop all sneaking on ice cream and pizza at school with condition -
    1. ice cream time with me once a week
    2. pizza everytime I complete a race
    I am so good to that. Totally agreeable to that.

    Its going all right so far. But with kids need to be more dynamic to get them stay focused.

    I can't undo the last 5 years of messing up my baby's life. But I hope with all the changes and examples that I am trying to set he is set for a great life ahead.

    Good for you for taking the steps to get him along the right path to health. I was an overweight child and my mom was a single mom...bought what was cheap (processed foods) and as a result, I was overweight. I wish she would have taken a stand like you are... Your son will thank you for it one day!
  • sophie_wr
    sophie_wr Posts: 194 Member
    THAT (hopefully I answer the good point).
    in my 20s, my father has been SOOOO mean with my weight, like he "offered" me once a scale as a Christmas gift, and it made me cry sooooo much :((((
    And now that I'm working on loosing it, now that everybody is super nice & helpful etc, he's still bull****ting about my weight....

    so that's another parent's fault I would say....
  • sophie_wr
    sophie_wr Posts: 194 Member
    I was going to write out about how I don't think my parents were to blame for me gaining weight, then I realised that I started to pudge out after they got divorced! Yeah they taught me proper nutrition, too bad they couldn't have taught me how to deal with feelings in ways other than eating!!!

    But its hard. I know my mom struggled walking the fine line between encouraging me to eat better but not harming my self esteem. My mother and grandmother both struggle with their weight. My Grandma is in her 90s and STILL carries baggage about how her mother crippled her self esteem for being heavy (she got her figure from her dad's side, and passed it right along lol).

    THAT (hopefully I answer the good point).
    in my 20s, my father has been SOOOO mean with my weight, like he "offered" me once a scale as a Christmas gift, and it made me cry sooooo much :((((
    And now that I'm working on loosing it, now that everybody is super nice & helpful etc, he's still bull****ting about my weight....

    so that's another parent's fault I would say....
  • Goonygugu
    Goonygugu Posts: 114
    Yes parents are to blame if a child is fat!! They are the ones who influence what the kid eats. (unless there is a medical problem).

    If children are taught good eating habits and food choices when they are young, they won't become overweight teenagers.

    allowing a child an apple won't ruin their appetite - if is at least an hour before dinner.
  • kidcole11
    kidcole11 Posts: 98 Member
    Maybe the mom thought they were poisoned apples (Iike in snow white) and she didn't want anyone to know she knew so she told her daughter no to save her!
  • CynthiasChoice
    CynthiasChoice Posts: 1,047 Member
    I wonder...Do all of you live in houses where parents lock all the cabinets and the refrigerator?

    I was a little bit heavy as a child because I'd want to snack between meals. I'd eat crackers or cereal or bread or cookies - anything I could get my hands on without getting caught. It wasn't my parents fault that I found a way to snack between meals.

    This pattern of eating continued into adulthood for me, and I eventually weighed twice what I should be. No amount of shame or self loathing seemed to motivate me to change for any length of time. At mid-life, I finally discovered I have a sensitivity to sugar and empty carbs that results in eating compulsively. If I stay away from sugar, I don't feel compelled to eat when I'm not hungry.

    I don't know many nutritionists that would advise parents to withhold all treats from their kids, but that's exactly what would have worked for me as a child. Sometimes a child will defy conventional wisdom. It's not always the parent's fault.
  • KXanthos
    KXanthos Posts: 189 Member
    Let's not all jump on the "blame the parents" bandwagon. Yes, parents are to blame in SOME cases, perhaps many cases, but there is also a thing called GENETICS that can be a huge factor. Also, it doesn't help any that healthy foods are often more expensive than junk food. A $0.69 cheeseburger and $1.50 fries at McDonald's costs less than it would to prepare a chicken breast and fresh veggies, so we also have to look at the fact that healthy living is expensive and perhaps not something a big family can always afford. I'm not by any means trying to defend anyone, but I do seek to understand before I lay blame.
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
    Apple 100% correct.... mother 100% wrong. Should be classed as child abuse in cases like that.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,956 Member
    Kids emulate what they see. Kids don't buy the food they eat at home. Parents are responsible for setting the example and using common sense when feeding their kids.

    So kids see a parent eating junk all the time, they are likely to follow. Kids eat what's in the house. Parents who don't teach their kids about exercise, eating a balanced meal, and limiting high calorie low nutrition snacks set the wrong example.

    Yes, it's the parents fault. Even worse IMO if they were a picked on overweight kid and then end up setting up their kid for the same abuse.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • dygitalgirl
    dygitalgirl Posts: 20 Member
    I blame parents for unhealthy over weight kids. Obviously there may be some medical issues, understandable. However, it is still the parents JOB to make the wisest choices for their kids, medical conditions or not. If your child was allergic to peanuts you wouldn't go shoving peanut butter down their throat! Same with unhealthy eating habits. It would be a parents fault if a child always came to school in dirty clothes and unbathed, so why would it not be a parent fault if that child was unhealthy and heavy? Parents now days, not all, by a longs hot, but many, don't want to be the bad guy. They want to be buds with their kids, pals. IT's not how it works.

    I blame my mom for some of my eating habits, not all of them, but some. Pure laziness is most of my cause but my mom was always there when I was down, bothered, or upset with my favorite cake, cookies, or meal and a tall glass of milk. If she could still cook by herself she would still be doing it. It was her way of showing me love, I understand that. But it's hard to say no to mom's home cooking.
  • SFBarbear
    SFBarbear Posts: 146
    100% Parents fault. When you make the choice to propagate you take the responsibility to supervise, care and nurture the result of that decision. There is no excuse in this day and age for the mistreatment and faulty care of a child.
    You are the adult.
    You need to take responsibility.
    You need to take control.
    You need to educate.
    You need to be an ADULT
    if you cant you should not complain or try to pass the responsibility on to others or society in general.
  • TyFit08
    TyFit08 Posts: 799 Member
    I wonder...Do all of you live in houses where parents lock all the cabinets and the refrigerator?

    I was a little bit heavy as a child because I'd want to snack between meals. I'd eat crackers or cereal or bread or cookies - anything I could get my hands on without getting caught. It wasn't my parents fault that I found a way to snack between meals.

    This pattern of eating continued into adulthood for me, and I eventually weighed twice what I should be. No amount of shame or self loathing seemed to motivate me to change for any length of time. At mid-life, I finally discovered I have a sensitivity to sugar and empty carbs that results in eating compulsively. If I stay away from sugar, I don't feel compelled to eat when I'm not hungry.

    I don't know many nutritionists that would advise parents to withhold all treats from their kids, but that's exactly what would have worked for me as a child. Sometimes a child will defy conventional wisdom. It's not always the parent's fault.

    Great Point!!! I remember getting spoonfuls of sugar when my mother wasn't looking. Kids even at a young age can sneak snacks and junk. And school age children have a great deal of temptation because a dollar is all you need to buy junk food. My obsession with honey buns started in elementary school, getting them from the bodega (convenience store for non-new yorkers) on the way home from school.

    And before we judge this mom that turned down the apple, we don't know what this child's eating habits are. Maybe she had good reason.
  • PatrissiaLu
    PatrissiaLu Posts: 37
    I don't blame my parents because I truly believe they were not educated on what "healthy eating" actually was when I was growing up. My parents both grew up in very poor homes, where their diets were limited to foods that were grown at home. Beans and tortillas made up their daily diet when they couldn't afford meats or dairy or it wasn't immediately available at home. So when I was growing up, they could afford any kind of food they wanted, and they felt like they didn't want their children to be deprived of "good" eating like they were when they were growing up. So we were allowed to have whatever we wanted, including burgers and pizza and junkfood. We mostly ate at home because my mom cooked daily, but even then when we ate homecooked meals, vegetables were not part of our dialy diet and we consumed large portions, and a lot of fried foods or foods high in fat. My parents thought "eating a lot" was equal to "eating well." They also had such physically demanding jobs where they were active all day long, so by the time they would come home, they were so exhausted that family physical activity was not part of our daily routine either. So no, I don't blame my parents. They've come a long way now and see things differently and I'm helping them understand my new lifestyle as well.
    So now that I know differently than my parents did back when I was growing up, I would be completely to blame if my child became obese due to unhealthy eating and lack of physical activity.
  • Barbellerella
    Barbellerella Posts: 1,838 Member
    This is the dumbest thing I ever heard! How do you not know that the kid had an apple a little bit earlier??
    My son would eat apples ALL DAY if I let him. But what kind of a balanced diet would that be! I know how important protein is, so if she has her child avoid the apple, to make sure he has a big enough appetite to get his protein requirements, that is HER choice. My 9 year old son can't fit a lot of food in his stomach, he grazes all day long. An apple would fill him up for quite awhile before he could have room for a meal. Judgmental people sheesh.
  • sds76
    sds76 Posts: 215 Member
    This is the dumbest thing I ever heard! How do you not know that the kid had an apple a little bit earlier??
    My son would eat apples ALL DAY if I let him. But what kind of a balanced diet would that be! I know how important protein is, so if she has her child avoid the apple, to make sure he has a big enough appetite to get his protein requirements, that is HER choice. My 9 year old son can't fit a lot of food in his stomach, he grazes all day long. An apple would fill him up for quite awhile before he could have room for a meal. Judgmental people sheesh.

    my kids would also eat apples all day if I let them, but ya know what happens if they eat more than one apple(especially green ones), they get the ****s and a belly ache. I already posted my answer to the original question as to whether or not parents are at fault but I do agree that it is not our place to judge. Seldom does the person doing the judging know the whole story. A 5 min. peak into someone's life is not an ample amt of time to make accurate judgements.
  • LupaNera
    LupaNera Posts: 170
    My experience... A big YES.... My definitely got me here. Their daughter was the work and to keep me nice and quiet there was the food...

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