How do you know when its time to break it off?

iFeelBrandNew

At what point do you stop trying to fix your relationship?

corn63

I'm going to do an Evil Kinevel leap here and say that you need to end your relationship since you're posting this.

Personal experience: When you feel like you don't want to make it work, end it.

ninerbuff

Agree with poster above. If you're asking about it, then it's time to break it off.

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vim_n_vigor

Agree with poster above. If you're asking about it, then it's time to break it off.

hbrittingham

I think it depends on what you have invested in it.

I was ready to end my 20 year marriage earlier this year. My husband asked me to go to marriage counseling and I agreed, even though I had no desire to work things out. Over a couple of months some things came to light and I realized that I had 22 years invested in the relationship and that I really did love him even though we had gone through some really bad times. So we worked (and are working) things out.

fcp1234

If a relationship needs that much work, its not worth fixing

SVCat

Fly away lil' bird...fly away.

iFeelBrandNew

i guess its way more complicated than that. its been 3 years of greatness (with little downs of course) but to make a long story short, things are about to change, drastically.

i have 2 children of my own. he has none. my sister is going to prison for 10 years and that leaves me with her children (7 and 5).

he told me the other day that he never wanted that many kids, and doesnt even have any of his own yet. he confessed he wanted 3. he accepted my children, but now 2 more?

ive been an insecure wreck (basically thinking that hes already gone) just because he TOLD me that he didnt want the brady bunch. so the last two weeks have been hell.

now, any advice for that?

iFeelBrandNew

Fly away lil' bird...fly away.

LOL! i truly needed that laugh. undershirt is at the ready.

SVCat

Just remember...if you truly love someone, let them go. If they don't come back, go find them and kill 'em.

iFeelBrandNew

im totally capable of that right now... lol

SVCat

Send your sister...she's already going to jail anyway.

rml_16

i guess its way more complicated than that. its been 3 years of greatness (with little downs of course) but to make a long story short, things are about to change, drastically.

i have 2 children of my own. he has none. my sister is going to prison for 10 years and that leaves me with her children (7 and 5).

he told me the other day that he never wanted that many kids, and doesnt even have any of his own yet. he confessed he wanted 3. he accepted my children, but now 2 more?

ive been an insecure wreck (basically thinking that hes already gone) just because he TOLD me that he didnt want the brady bunch. so the last two weeks have been hell.

now, any advice for that?

It sounds like you need to have a serious talk. If this is new and a shock to him, his initial reaction is not going to be pretty, but that doesn't mean he won't change his mind given some time to think about it, he may come around.

I wouldn't end things just yet, but you both definitely have to have a serious discussion and figure out if there's a future. That's a LOT to take on!

fcp1234

i guess its way more complicated than that. its been 3 years of greatness (with little downs of course) but to make a long story short, things are about to change, drastically.

i have 2 children of my own. he has none. my sister is going to prison for 10 years and that leaves me with her children (7 and 5).

he told me the other day that he never wanted that many kids, and doesnt even have any of his own yet. he confessed he wanted 3. he accepted my children, but now 2 more?

ive been an insecure wreck (basically thinking that hes already gone) just because he TOLD me that he didnt want the brady bunch. so the last two weeks have been hell.

now, any advice for that?

Well, I wouldnt like that situation if I was him either, but if I really was into the person, I would stay and make it work. Those kids need you, men come and go. just my 2c

iFeelBrandNew

he says he respects me because i am the only woman in my family that hasnt chosen a man over her kids. so he knows that if it comes down to me having to choose, its the kids. end of discussion.

i understand that men come and go, but its also really scary to think that i could be a 27 year old single mother of four. how attractive is that?

i love him, i do... and i want to make it work... but hes blaming EVERYTHING thats happened within the last 2 weeks on ME ALONE. when i feel betrayed in the first place because leaving would NEVER cross my mind if the tables were turned. im pretty supportive...

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

no one, but you can answer that question. How much it is worth to you? How much does the bad outweigh the good or vice versa? Could you see yourself without this person for the rest of your life? Could you see yourself with them for the rest of your life? Is there any room for compromises from both parties, etc.? Have you flat out asked him if he is gone once the other 2 children move in or are you making assumptions?

Dub_D

Just break up.

iFeelBrandNew

no one, but you can answer that question. How much it is worth to you? How much does the bad outweigh the good or vice versa? Could you see yourself without this person for the rest of your life? Could you see yourself with them for the rest of your life? Is there any room for compromises from both parties, etc.? Have you flat out asked him if he is gone once the other 2 children move in or are you making assumptions?

i assume he'll be gone. he says he wants to see how it goes, but im such a pessimist that i only see what could potentially happen on the negative side of things. plus, my attitude lately totally sucks since ive put my walls back up upon hearing that he 50/50 supports me. i understand that in a relationship, although it is a partnership you have to do whats best for yourself. and im not thinking that whats best for him is me anymore. i guess i feel like i would be holding him back now.

Fox_n_sox

I would not end it. I would talk to him about it. If he is really that upset about it, then there is nothing that you can do. He should support you and your decision to take care of your sister's children. I understand that it will be a struggle going from 2 to 4 kids.

My boyfriend has 3 kids with his ex. I have 1 child. I want at least 1 more. And that would make 5 kids. I would go from having 1 child, to 4 then to 5 down the road. But I have always wanted a big family.

But if he wants to be with you, he will compromise. A family is a family.

fcp1234

Im sorry you are going through this.

If i was you, I would just tell him how you feel and let him make his own decision if he wants to stay or not. If he really really love you, he will stay and make the best of it. If he doesnt, he is not worth it. Sh** happens, if you love somebody you make it work.

At the end of the day you go no choice, you are taking care of these kids. If he wants to be with you, he will. Not much you can do here. All you can do is provide a safe and loving household for those kids.

rml_16

he says he respects me because i am the only woman in my family that hasnt chosen a man over her kids. so he knows that if it comes down to me having to choose, its the kids. end of discussion.

i understand that men come and go, but its also really scary to think that i could be a 27 year old single mother of four. how attractive is that?

i love him, i do... and i want to make it work... but hes blaming EVERYTHING thats happened within the last 2 weeks on ME ALONE. when i feel betrayed in the first place because leaving would NEVER cross my mind if the tables were turned. im pretty supportive...

You guys need to take some time and calm down and then have a rational discussion. If he wants to work it out, maybe seek counseling. Those kids are going to need it, anyway.

As for being a single mom with four kids ... you'd be surprised!