Really need unbiased opinions...

LuckyLeprechaun

What if he's working a lot of overtime so he can buy you a ring?

know_your_worth

Just break up.

You give the best relationship advice :laugh:

needadvice32

It's only been 2 months but you have a lot invested in this. The thing to consider is you have kids which consumes a lot of our time... doesn't sound like he has any other commitments other than work... and he probably uses that to keep himself and his mind busy.... as apposed to working and then spending the rest of his time watching TV or something un productive???

If you are comfortable enough yet I would just ask him about it. I would rather just ask than break up and wonder what the possibilities were. Be upfront- if he's really that awesome than he will understand. If not, you got your answer.

It is far less the actual number of hours that he works (I have kids, that keeps me plenty busy, too) than the fact that every time I talk to him he mentions how exhausted he is and how stressed work is making him.

It's not one job with OT, it's several different jobs with varying demands... he is as busy as he wants to be.

needadvice32

That's a tough one. Right before I was divorced, I met this really great guy. He is a musician and he teaches marching band, gives private lessons, does arrangements for bands and plays professionally. He had 7...count em....7 jobs at one time for awhile! I rarely saw him. He never apologized...he loved his work and I don't blame him one bit. But I had to move on...it was just crazy.

Years later we are still friends but he told me once that he regrets that he couldn't take the time to make me more of a priority in his life. He even proposed to me, but I turned him down. And now that I think back on it, I probably made the right decision for ME.

You have to decide if you can take second place to a man's work. Good luck!

I don't want him to give up his jobs... I just guess I don't see the point of working so much if you don't enjoy it, and don't seem to have specific goal in mind.

slkehl

I had a lot of doubts with my last bf when we started dating. But we ended up making it official, falling in love. It was a good run. I'm glad I didn't cut it off right away.

needadvice32

He's met your kids and you have no idea if you want anything long term with him?


Shame.

Oh and the fact that you needed to troll about this.... red flag.

I absolutely get what you are saying... I debated quite a bit about him meeting my kids, but they are older and knew I was talking to someone a lot - I know them and feel like they are big enough to handle whatever happens.

And yes, I will fully admit to posting this topic specifically to get answers... I really am that confused.

First of all... it's your perogative on whether your dates meet your kids or not. Period. I really can't stand it when other people judge others for letting the opposite sex meet their kids. Really? I don't judge you based on the fact that you don't. Sorry... this is just a pet peeve of mine.

I have let my kids meet men I'm dating and talking to... they are not harmed or ruined for life because of it... I need to know if they like him and he can get along with them before I invest too much time in him... that's MY perogative as a single mother... besides... I approach it as "this is my friend..." and it's not like I'm bringing dozens of guys over... but you know what... I really shouldn't have to explain myself to anyone... LOL... stepping off of my soapbox now...

And, what's wrong with posting on the forums and asking for advice? How is that being a troll? I thought a troll was more someone who was looking for trouble or trying to start it.

Thank you.

I thought about it a lot... and really didn't feel that them meeting my "friend" would damage them no matter what happens later.

This is the first guy I've dated since my divorce, so it's not a situation where I'm parading people in and out of their lives.

I really do feel he's a good guy... I just don't know if he's "the one".

Kat120285

I don't think you've given it enough time. I turned down my now fiancé when he first asked me out over 8 years ago. He has a job where he works 12 hours a day and 4 times a year for weeks at a time it's more than that .... well more. Sure by the time he gets home and works out we don't have much time together but he also is working so much now so that he can provide for when we have a family which is what he's told me. He also gave me the option to leave my job that was making me a miserable human being so that I could be a stay at home fiancé, take care of our house and 5 fur kids. He thought about leaving recently but after talking with one of our friends who's been at his job for the same amount of time that my fiancé has been at his and is barely making more than when he started my fiancé changed his mind. Our friend has a beautiful baby now and wants to make the money now so that his wife can leave her job and so they are comfortable.

I think you need to have a good talk with him and express your feelings but also listen to him and see what he says about the situation.

needadvice32

I don't think you've given it enough time. I turned down my now fiancé when he first asked me out over 8 years ago. He has a job where he works 12 hours a day and 4 times a year for weeks at a time it's more than that .... well more. Sure by the time he gets home and works out we don't have much time together but he also is working so much now so that he can provide for when we have a family which is what he's told me. He also gave me the option to leave my job that was making me a miserable human being so that I could be a stay at home fiancé, take care of our house and 5 fur kids. He thought about leaving recently but after talking with one of our friends who's been at his job for the same amount of time that my fiancé has been at his and is barely making more than when he started my fiancé changed his mind. Our friend has a beautiful baby now and wants to make the money now so that his wife can leave her job and so they are comfortable.

I think you need to have a good talk with him and express your feelings but also listen to him and see what he says about the situation.

See - right there is my problem. I don't want to make a quick decision that I later regret... but I also don't want to lead him on if my feelings don't end up changing.

I DO plan on talking with him about it, and soon... just don't want to hurt him.

childofArtemis24

I had the same problem with a guy I use to date. He was a diesel mechanic , and worked 2nd shift. The only time I got to spend with him was when we slept. And he would only get up an hour before work, shower and leave. I even took care of his son when he woke up at like 7am. I loved helping out, but It seemed like he didn't really appreciate all the work I did at his place and then I would leave for my job. Then we just stopped being together, I tried to make things work . But he said that he worked too much and didn't have time for a relationship. So we split.
So if your guy works all the time, and your having doubts..then LEAVE!!! Cause everyone else is right the doubt never goes away. And then you end up getting angry all the time cause he is never home, he starts missing family events, blah blah. Two months is long enough to decide weather you want him or not. Cause, nothing will change.
When I met my husband we dated for 3 months and were engaged. But we knew each other for 2years prior to that.

Kat120285

I don't think you've given it enough time. I turned down my now fiancé when he first asked me out over 8 years ago. He has a job where he works 12 hours a day and 4 times a year for weeks at a time it's more than that .... well more. Sure by the time he gets home and works out we don't have much time together but he also is working so much now so that he can provide for when we have a family which is what he's told me. He also gave me the option to leave my job that was making me a miserable human being so that I could be a stay at home fiancé, take care of our house and 5 fur kids. He thought about leaving recently but after talking with one of our friends who's been at his job for the same amount of time that my fiancé has been at his and is barely making more than when he started my fiancé changed his mind. Our friend has a beautiful baby now and wants to make the money now so that his wife can leave her job and so they are comfortable.

I think you need to have a good talk with him and express your feelings but also listen to him and see what he says about the situation.

See - right there is my problem. I don't want to make a quick decision that I later regret... but I also don't want to lead him on if my feelings don't end up changing.

I DO plan on talking with him about it, and soon... just don't want to hurt him.

Have a talk and see what he says then go from there. I am so thankful that I gave my relationship time because my now fiancé is the love of my life but also my best friend. After almost 9 years together we still make each other laugh and have a great relationship and I know he'll be a great dad. I know the thought of hurting someone you care about is rough but letting things go and having him fall more for you and then calling things off will just hurt him more.