I'm having a hard time with "Never again"

elyelyse

I'm just here to agree that losing weight doesn't require you to say never again. This week, my treat was pizza, last week, half a cupcake, the week before, birthday dinner at my mother's house. I can understand that some people might need to say never again, because they can't have a reasonable amount, once they start it's too hard to stop. Or that you might need to start out that way and be strict until things get under control. But for most people... yes, we can have those things in moderation.

Here is how I handle it: I plan it. I don't eat those things on impulse. I was going out with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time. I gave myself permission for day, to have something special. My sister's birthday, I decided that I was going to eat a reasonable portion of whatever my mother made, and I would have a piece of birthday cake and milk & sugar in my coffee. I was craving pizza for 2 weeks before I found the right time to indulge, and I planned it 3 days ahead. Planning it, and making a decision to eat it, and logging it even allows me to have it without guilt. What I don't do is drive past a fast food restaurant and decide that right now is the time I want to have something indulgent.

Jacwhite22

I had a Baconator........with fries and a frosty for lunch.....I will work out hard at the gym and easy a sensible dinner..........hope that helps.

crimsoncat

The rules I live by:

1. I will not bring it home unless it is a single serving.
2. I will allow myself to eat one special treat once a week EVEN if I go over my calorie count for that day.
3. I will slow down and savor it because it's good.
4. I will say to myself "Is this good enough to be my one for the week?"
5. I allow myself binge days about 3-5 times a year. I wouldn't want to live in a world where I can't binge eat on thanksgiving and enjoy birthday cake without guilt on my birthday.
6. I will get over my anxiety if I fall off the wagon and get back on. So I overate one day, big whoop. Nobody is going to flog me. I know I did wrong, now I need to do right.
7. I will work out at the gym if I want a special treat more than once a week and EARN a second special treat (while keeping my MPF cals left above zero).
8. I routinely find treats that I love and eat them in moderation on all other nights. I bumped my cal count up 100 a day to make sure I could enjoy a Popsicle before I binged and ate the whole box.

gibsy

One really helpful strategy is to find recipes for these things you love that are maybe a healther interpretation. I LOVE mac and cheese, but when I make it I use whole wheat rotini (surprisingly tasty, honest, but you could use regular if you wanted) and really key, I put 2 whole heads of broccoli in, and fresh parsley or kale or fresh green beans or whatever veg in there to help fill it out and provide nutrients. Making it yourself you can also decide how much and what kind of cheese to use. So you could use the reduced fat cheddar and skim milk instead of full fat stuff. That gives the leeway to use a bit more and you really won't notice a difference once it's cooked up. Homemade casserole style mac and cheese is a lot more tasty than the box stuff too, and you can input your recipe and see how many calories there are per portion, and if, say, splitting it in 4 means it's 750 per portion you could split it into 6 servings instead and have a side salad to complete the meal. You can totally enjoy the things you love, this just gives you the tools to control how many calories are in each serving.

I also really like one of Michael Pollan's tips - he suggests you allow yourself to eat whatever "junk" foods you want, but only if you cook them yourself. Maybe you don't have to always stick with this rule 100% of the time but it is a great general guideline. Like sure, make a batch of cookies and have several in one sitting, that can be OK if you're logging it all and trying your best to make it fit in with your calorie goals. Making it yourself lets you know exactly what's in there, make decisions and maybe substitutions, and it also means eating treats involves a bit of effort instead of just a trip half a block to the corner store.

MamaKeeks

...But every time I start to think about never having a big plate of mac and cheese or eating a big chunk of chocolate cake or things like that its like I panic. I binge....
...never in my life have had a little. I don't even know what that means. They say the cravings will go away but I still have them...

I read your post and the first thing I thought was "never say never, you don't have to!" But then I read it again, a little closer...

I think your issues with changing your food habits are more psychological than anything. I am guessing that food has brought you great comfort in the past, hence the panic when you think you can't enjoy those things again. It's not about being hungry, or mere indulgences -it's a sense of emotional deprivation, of not having what you need. I am (was?) very much the same way.

You can learn to let that little bit help you in the same way the big plate and big chunk did. You just have to let yourself try, and let your body learn.

You CAN do this, yes little by little. Don't panic. You are strong, and eating healthy and believing in yourself will only make you stronger! :flowerforyou:

rainwalkerSK

I think more people than you realize started in the exact same place that you are right now. I know I did. Many a diet was thwarted by the panic that set in when I realized that never again would I be able to split a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts with my husband, never again would I be able to eat an entire plate of cheese fries drenched in ranch, washed down with a couple of beers. Like everyone is saying, you don't have to give up any food forever, but you do have to give up overindulgence. For some reason, that was very difficult for me. I can't tell you what will work for you, but my biggest hurdle was learning to accept that I have total control over what I eat. A craving is just a craving, it's just a thought, it only has the power that I give it. Taking that control and that responsibility was a big step forward for me. I also learned that I make better decisions when I'm not super hungry. I had to set my alarm to remember to eat lunch at a reasonable hour: if I put it off until 2pm, I end up in the drive-thru at Wendy's, every time.

Figure out what you have the willpower to do. I do not have the willpower to sit down to a large bowl of macaroni and cheese and only eat half. I DO have the willpower to measure out a reasonably sized portion of macaroni and cheese, package up the rest of it and stick it in the fridge before I ever take a bite. I will ask for a box as soon as I get my food at a restaurant, and just box up half of it.

And of course, all of this is moot if you're not ready. And it's okay if you're not. At the beginning, it's really hard. I look back at all of those times that I failed, and I realize that I really wasn't ready. I wanted to be healthy, but not as much as I wanted to eat whatever I liked. Then I hit a point when something in my head clicked, and those two priorities shifted, just a little, so that for the first time, I wanted to be healthy just a teeny, tiny bit more than I wanted to eat a bag of Oreos in one sitting. It was a turning point, to be able to say "a large part of me wants to eat a slice of cake the size of my head, but a slightly larger part of me doesn't want to live like this any more."

If you're ready, or you're not sure that you're ready but you want to be, find things that motivate you. Pinterest is a good place to go for inspiration. Clothes you know you'll look great in at your goal weight, vacations that you'd love to take when you can rock a bikini, cheesy inspirational sayings, whatever keeps you moving. And good luck. It's not easy, but nothing worth having comes easy.

tismyhardbody

One day you wont want those things. Just stay on track and keep doing what you know is right!

Marll

Sounds like addiction to me. I binge on certain types of foods and avoid them completely. They are bad for me anyway (sweets and wheat and corn products)

redscylla

My solution to some foods is what I call "dinner helper." If I want mac n cheese, I invite a friend over to help me eat dinner. That way, I can cook a whole box of my favorite (Annie's Deluxe Shells N Cheese!!!), but then I measure out and eat only one serving. My dinner helper eats the rest! Usually with a nice salad on the side and maybe a veggie burger. Sure, it's still a bit decadent, but it's not terrible. If somebody told me I could never have mac n cheese again, I think I would punch that person.

blueroses_78

Never again never worked for me, either. I love food and I know that I will never be able to give up what I want. I decided to make it healthier.

Like you mentioned the mac and cheese - I make my own with low carb elbow macaroni, and a couple of different cheeses. It makes 6 servings, and it's around 388 calories per serving (I make it with ground turkey in there, too, but you could omit it and cut the calories even more).

It's all about choices and amount. The surest way to fail (for me anyway) is to say "I can't have this" - because it eventually becomes all you think about, then you end up binging on it. I changed my thinking to "I DON'T" instead of "I can't" - I don't eat processed macaroni and cheese in a box, I make my own. I don't eat storebought chocolate bars (with a rare exception) - I make my own semisweet bars. I don't eat a lot of processed foods, I make a lot of stuff from scratch, (including spaghetti sauces and soups - no canned sodium for me, with rare exceptions).

Lesa_Sass

I am a recovering alcoholic coming upon 5 years sober. When I first got sober this whole " I can never drink again" thing blew my mind and freaked me out. They kept telling me "one day at a time, thats all you have to do, is not drink today" I hated hearing that until I started believing it.

Now, I can honestly say that drinking is not something that even crosses my mind now. The thought of drinking makes me kinda sick. I know, for a fact, there is no such thing as one drink, no way, no how, so I totally get where you are coming from.

We have to grieve our lovers when we lose them. Whether it is food, alcohol or drugs and so on. We mourn the loss and we accept it and move on. For me it was vodka, for you it is cake. Acceptance is the key.

All you have to do is tell yourself, I WILL NOT BINGE TODAY and then let tomorrow take care of itself. If you believe in any type of God at all, saying a prayer to ask the God of your understanding to help you is always a good thing.

Good luck and YOU CAN DO THIS! Trust me, if Little Miss Martini can get sober, you can eat healthy. I actually got my life together and did both. LIFE IS GOOD.

Memma526

Never, say never. It's not that you will never be able to eat certain foods...everything is in moderation. As you lose weight and begin to make better food choices, you will find that you will not desire to eat a big plate of food or a large piece of that chocolate cake. A small piece might do just fine. After all your hard work and dedication, you will be making better choices without even thinking about it.

SoDamnHungry

Why would I never have it again? I'll just eat less of it most of the time. And sometimes, I'll eat a ton of it because I want to.

californiagirl2012

There is the problem. You can't deny yourself the food you love, whatever it is. Have it on occasion so you can keep sane. We are designed to enjoy food. I believe the key to losing weight as well as maintaining is eating as healthy as you can while still allowing yourself to enjoy anything you love. Do an internet search for "Anything Goes Diet" and if you make that investment it will change your life in a good way and help you here on MFP. Basically you need to plan to have your treats, enter them in the diary, and then work around it and keep yourself within your calorie budget.

"Diets" don't work because they are not sustainable. You can eat what ever you want, just not all at once, and usually not every day!

UpEarly

My very first day on MFP, I had full-fat ice cream, a handful of jellybeans, a glass of full-sugar grape soda and Chicken Divan made with heavy cream and gruyere cheese. I also had lots of leafy greens, a peach, oatmeal, boneless skinless chicken breast.

There has not been a single day on here that I haven't had something indulgent - whether it's pizza, a cheeseburger, fries, cake, ice cream, wine, a big plate of mac & cheese or a couple cookies with hot cocoa. I lost the weight I wanted to lose easily and right on schedule. (and I'm 40 - so I don't have the speedy metabolism I did as a 20-something)

I focused on total calories, portion size and staying active. There were no forbidden foods at all! I've been successfully maintaining this way for almost six months now. (I'm 5'9", 137 lbs, 20% body fat)

You definitely don't have to say "never again" in order to be successful!

brandawn

I was just like you. It hasn't been long since I changed the way I look at food. I got tired of having NO energy. I started researching and found that a lot of the crap they put in foods causes you to want more (buy more) and makes you feel yuck and lazy because a lot its man made stuff and your body doesn't handle it well. I REBELLED! I refuse to live an unhealthy life and continue to line their pockets! I'm not saying I will never ever eat those foods again but it sure isn't as appealing now. If I want mac and cheese I have it...whole grain pasta and real cheese. If I want pizza I make it...whole grain and fresh veggies. it takes a little time to get used to whole wheat when you've lived your whole life on white but you can do it! There are so many healthy and yummy recipes out there....check out the gracious pantry blog for a start. I changed the way my whole family eats, kids included, and no one has complained a bit. The other thing that helps me is knowing if I work out I get to eat more

kfdunn

I don't think of food that way at all. I can have ice cream ANY time I want, BUT I would rather have the feeling of healthy control 99 times out of 100 more than I'd like the ice cream. Every so often, I decide a treat is worth the calories.

Never is a long time to give up something. Look at these situations as choosing something you'd rather have than the treat!

Amber82479

Like you, I have never experienced eating just a little. There are certain foods that trigger a binge every single time and I know if I get one bite, it's all over. I don't tell myself I can never have it again. I just avoid having it regularly and I try to indulge ONLY if I'm in a position to account for the calories. Not that I'm always successful, but all you can do is try!

EWilliamson

You deserve a treat! Don't have it in front of you and temptation is soo much easier to ignore! Promise after awhile you won't even think about it...sometimes a few bites is just as good! Hang in there It really is worth it!

RealWomenLovePitbulls

you are just going to have to learn to have a little, just because it's not how u did it before, doesnt mean u can't start doing it now. if u cut out foods you love completely, it is going to be harder to stick with, you will have to figure out how you can do smaller portions

nataliexxxx

You can still have it again just as a treat not as option or smaller portions

ovege

When I was first starting, I asked myself every time I wanted to eat if the food I was about to eat would help me reach my goals. I didn't say "never again" I just said "not today" and as the weight came off, the choices got easier. Things will start to taste different too. I prefer a homemade treat over store bought ones because I know what went into the homemade one.

derpina88

My solution to some foods is what I call "dinner helper." If I want mac n cheese, I invite a friend over to help me eat dinner. That way, I can cook a whole box of my favorite (Annie's Deluxe Shells N Cheese!!!), but then I measure out and eat only one serving. My dinner helper eats the rest! Usually with a nice salad on the side and maybe a veggie burger. Sure, it's still a bit decadent, but it's not terrible. If somebody told me I could never have mac n cheese again, I think I would punch that person.

I laughed so hard at this i spit up the tea I was drinking. Love it.

MamaKeeks

I am a recovering alcoholic coming upon 5 years sober. When I first got sober this whole " I can never drink again" thing blew my mind and freaked me out. They kept telling me "one day at a time, thats all you have to do, is not drink today" I hated hearing that until I started believing it.

Now, I can honestly say that drinking is not something that even crosses my mind now. The thought of drinking makes me kinda sick. I know, for a fact, there is no such thing as one drink, no way, no how, so I totally get where you are coming from.

We have to grieve our lovers when we lose them. Whether it is food, alcohol or drugs and so on. We mourn the loss and we accept it and move on. For me it was vodka, for you it is cake. Acceptance is the key.

All you have to do is tell yourself, I WILL NOT BINGE TODAY and then let tomorrow take care of itself. If you believe in any type of God at all, saying a prayer to ask the God of your understanding to help you is always a good thing.

Good luck and YOU CAN DO THIS! Trust me, if Little Miss Martini can get sober, you can eat healthy. I actually got my life together and did both. LIFE IS GOOD.

THIS!!!^^^^^ AWESOME POST!!!!

danabromley

I agree with what allot of others are saying, but I'll put in my 2 cents. You can't deprive yourself of what you love. You will fail that .way, you just can't eat the whole carten of ice cream lol. It's hard I know but you can do it you're a strong capable woman and we're all here for you. Instead of binging talk to us message us we'll be happy to talk to you till the craving passess and it will. Best of luck on you journey. Add me if you like, as soon as I see your post or message I'll get back to you.

elisa123gal

See..that is what I like about mfp. It teaches you that you can have mac 'n cheese..just log it and exercise it off..or eat salad and grileld shrimp the rest of the day. I teaches you how to balance things out and live your life.

You just have to tell yourslef.."I can have that" you just can't pig out on it... you can manage that..anyone can. but no one can manage "never again."

Krisstah

Its hard.. people go into new diet lifestyles convinced that it must be the pizza, cake or mac and cheese thats making them over weight, and if they just stop eating what they enjoy and be miserable, they will lose weight. I have my cheat day set aside once a week, sometimes its friday or sometimes its saturday, sometimes i will go the whole week and not cheat at all but that in the end is my own choice, and you get to choose what makes you happy.

For me, 100 calorie snack packs of chocolate everything are keeping me sane through the transition of diet changes, and yeah, im struggling with my brain to stick to the 1530 calories MFP has put me on to lose 2lbs a week. 99% of the time i am under my calorie goal. But that doesn't mean i have given up anything. I still have ice cream, i still have cookies, i still have chinese food, Donairs, pizza, pasta, but i make sure that when it comes to eating these things, my portion sizes are controlled, i preplan to, sometimes preplanning helps...

If i knew that we were ordering pizza tonight, when i woke up, and i knew id want more pizza, then its up to me to decide what my breakfast and lunch should be, maybe breakfast is a 120 calorie meal replacement today instead of oatmeal or toast and egg or something i eat other days.. and maybe lunch is a big healthy salad with a very low calorie salad dressing, then i know i can have a couple slices of pizza and its not going to really make a big dent into my calorie deficit and im still gonna lose weight by the end of the week when i do my weigh in.

jazee11

What if you plan a piece of chocolate whatever into your daily menu? What if you plan mac and cheese into your daily or every other day menu?

It's not all or nothing...

AmyJMadison

Just yesterday I had a big ole slab of chocolate pie... it was wonderful... but I knew I was going to have to eat a catered lunch at work so I had a lite meal bar for breakfast and some peaches... and a reasonable dinner. Stayed "near" my goal and I don't feel bad at all now about indulging. Did it and posted about it the other day with peanuts too and ya know I am smiling, eating thinking posative and still on track!!!

megsmom2

I never tell myself that! Nothing is off limits. I may not choose to eat something today, but I might well do so tomorrow , and there's nothing I cant enjoy in reasonable and planned amounts. Telling yourself "never" is just setting yourself up yo fail.