Taking things personally.
JennMarieFitz
Posts: 73 Member
in Chit-Chat
For the entire beginning of summer, I was doing a great job at taking care of myself. I worked out 5 days a week and stayed at my calorie goal basically every day. I was doing a competition with some friends to see who could eat/ be the healthiest over the summer.
About halfway through, 3 pounds down, I visited my family and stopped logging my food intake. While I still went for jogs, I just didn't log anymore. I got back home after two weeks and had terrible jet lag for about a week (9 hour time difference). I think I only got one good workout in that whole week. Having seen very little of my husband for about 3 weeks, we spent the weekend together after I was a little over my jet lag. He mentioned that I am rounder and have lost a lot of definition over the past three weeks and that I should start eating healthy and exercising again. While I agreed, this totally wiped out what little self confidence I had, even though the scale shows I actually lost 2 pounds over my "vacation".
I'm still a little upset that he said that. While I've started exercising again, and just recently started logging again, I'm now very uncomfortable around my husband. I feel unattractive to him and want to hide. He insists that he was just saying what he did so that I knew that healthy eating really was good for me, but I feel as though he was calling me fat.
About halfway through, 3 pounds down, I visited my family and stopped logging my food intake. While I still went for jogs, I just didn't log anymore. I got back home after two weeks and had terrible jet lag for about a week (9 hour time difference). I think I only got one good workout in that whole week. Having seen very little of my husband for about 3 weeks, we spent the weekend together after I was a little over my jet lag. He mentioned that I am rounder and have lost a lot of definition over the past three weeks and that I should start eating healthy and exercising again. While I agreed, this totally wiped out what little self confidence I had, even though the scale shows I actually lost 2 pounds over my "vacation".
I'm still a little upset that he said that. While I've started exercising again, and just recently started logging again, I'm now very uncomfortable around my husband. I feel unattractive to him and want to hide. He insists that he was just saying what he did so that I knew that healthy eating really was good for me, but I feel as though he was calling me fat.
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Replies
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I'll say this as nicely as possible.
Quit being such a girl and go workout.0 -
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For the entire beginning of summer, I was doing a great job at taking care of myself. I worked out 5 days a week and stayed at my calorie goal basically every day. I was doing a competition with some friends to see who could eat/ be the healthiest over the summer.
About halfway through, 3 pounds down, I visited my family and stopped logging my food intake. While I still went for jogs, I just didn't log anymore. I got back home after two weeks and had terrible jet lag for about a week (9 hour time difference). I think I only got one good workout in that whole week. Having seen very little of my husband for about 3 weeks, we spent the weekend together after I was a little over my jet lag. He mentioned that I am rounder and have lost a lot of definition over the past three weeks and that I should start eating healthy and exercising again. While I agreed, this totally wiped out what little self confidence I had, even though the scale shows I actually lost 2 pounds over my "vacation".
I'm still a little upset that he said that. While I've started exercising again, and just recently started logging again, I'm now very uncomfortable around my husband. I feel unattractive to him and want to hide. He insists that he was just saying what he did so that I knew that healthy eating really was good for me, but I feel as though he was calling me fat.
Ho boy. I will stay silent on this one.0 -
Do you want your husband to be honest with you? Or not?
Sometimes the truth can be hard to swallow, so just get on out there and do what you know you need to do.0 -
He was being honest, and he said that he was not being malicious. Damned if you do, damned if you don't, you know.... Unless he says, "you're fat, and I don't love you any more" you shouldn't let his words hurt you so much.0
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How does one look "rounder?"
Don't answer that... I don't really want to know. /sigh0 -
Pick one:
1. Accept that your husband will be honest with you, even if it means sometimes hurting your feelings.
2. Ask him to not talk to you about weight/appearance/etc.
Either choice is fine. Just be honest with yourself about which one you really want.0 -
I guess he had a point. I'd rather he tell me when it's just a little definition lost than a whole pant size up or something.0
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A little rounder and a little loss of definition doesn't mean "unattractive" to someone you love.0
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How does one look "rounder?"
Don't answer that... I don't really want to know. /sigh
Is this correcting my grammar? I should have said "more round than usual", although I'm pretty sure he used the term "rounder". Thank you, though. Usually I am the grammar police...0 -
I guess i will have to disagree with some. I dont see why he really had the need to say anything unless you asked him...it was a few weeks.
Do you criticize HIS appearance?
seriously.
Jules:flowerforyou:0 -
I'll say this as nicely as possible.
Quit being such a girl and go workout.
This.0 -
I'll say this as nicely as possible.
Quit being such a girl and go workout.
"As nicely as possible" appears to not be nice at all. The words "quit being such a girl" are rarely spoken positively. It is not exclusively girlish to have the OP's reaction to her husband's words; it is also very poor of anyone to assign so much negativity to being a girl (as if having emotions and feelings is somehow bad or wrong).
To the OP: the best solution to this is to simply communicate to your husband how you feel. Though he did not explicitly say "you have gotten fatter", it's certainly within your rights (and sanity) to tell him that his words made you feel uncomfortable around him. If he insists that he was not calling you fat, you have him at his word that he was not calling you fat, and honestly, all any of us can do is take people at their word; guessing or assuming or postulating what goes on in another's mind is useless and a waste of energy.
It also might be a good idea to examine what prompted this reaction from you: did you dislike him telling you what to do/how to eat? Would you rather that he not make comments on your physique unless asked? Consider also whether or not you might be able to change your own mindset on this matter (since your mind and body are the only things within your control). Try not to internalize another person's opinion of you (even someone as important to you as your husband undoubtedly is). Do your own thing, work toward your own goals, and remain blissfully oblivious to outside opinion or influence. Good luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
Its very easy to take things about your weight personally especially when you have been working hard to feel better/slimmer/more fit. And from someone you love it makes it even harder. But I am sure he wasnt saying that to make you feel like you should hide from him or so you think he doesnt love you anymore. I am sure he was only trying to motivate you in his own way
The best thing to do if you didnt take any good from his comment is to just keep on working out and eating healthy and things will start to happen for you!0 -
Just break up.0
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He was being honest. It's natural to feel hurt, but I'm sure he doesn't find you unattractive or love you any less.0
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I understand where you're coming from. He didn't mean that you were fat. You know in your head that he didn't mean that you were fat. But there's still that feeling that wonders.
It's probably just some confidence issues. You were a bit self conscious about something. When he noticed, you got more self conscious of it. Just keep working on it I'm know he still thinks you're beautiful!! 0 -
You will recover from this. You and your husband will talk about it, the feelings will smooth out. You will not take it as deeply, he will compliment you and show his attraction for you. You will even get fitter. Things happen. This is all part of life. You two are young!
p.s. your husband does look very thin, so maybe he has some issues with fear of weight gain. Guys can have issues too, sometimes it can be traced back to a specific experience, maybe ask him about that gently.0 -
Methinks I heart joo.I guess i will have to disagree with some. I dont see why he really had the need to say anything unless you asked him...it was a few weeks.
Do you criticize HIS appearance?
seriously.
Jules:flowerforyou:0 -
Like they say " PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES" and get to working out!!!0
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I'll say this as nicely as possible.
Quit being such a girl and go workout.
"As nicely as possible" appears to not be nice at all. The words "quit being such a girl" are rarely spoken positively. It is not exclusively girlish to have the OP's reaction to her husband's words; it is also very poor of anyone to assign so much negativity to being a girl (as if having emotions and feelings is somehow bad or wrong).
To the OP: the best solution to this is to simply communicate to your husband how you feel. Though he did not explicitly say "you have gotten fatter", it's certainly within your rights (and sanity) to tell him that his words made you feel uncomfortable around him. If he insists that he was not calling you fat, you have him at his word that he was not calling you fat, and honestly, all any of us can do is take people at their word; guessing or assuming or postulating what goes on in another's mind is useless and a waste of energy.
It also might be a good idea to examine what prompted this reaction from you: did you dislike him telling you what to do/how to eat? Would you rather that he not make comments on your physique unless asked? Consider also whether or not you might be able to change your own mindset on this matter (since your mind and body are the only things within your control). Try not to internalize another person's opinion of you (even someone as important to you as your husband undoubtedly is). Do your own thing, work toward your own goals, and remain blissfully oblivious to outside opinion or influence. Good luck! :flowerforyou:
i like you. what a positive and well thought out answer.0 -
How does one look "rounder?"
Don't answer that... I don't really want to know. /sigh
Is this correcting my grammar? I should have said "more round than usual", although I'm pretty sure he used the term "rounder". Thank you, though. Usually I am the grammar police...
No, actually, nothing to do with your grammar.0 -
Maybe its watter puffing maybe its muscle loss, whatever, the end is the same. Get back into your routine and you'll be feeling great and loving yourself in no time. ... Since the dawn of time women have been reading too much into their husbands' comments. He's your husband and loves you and only wants the same things you want for yourself :-) so do it.
My fiance told me I need to learn to harness the power of my big *kitten* like Cartman. If I let him live, you can forgive your husband and keep loving yourself :-)0 -
Don't take it personally. Deep down your husband is probably generally concerned for you knowing you want to lose wgt and noticing a difference that is unfavorable. He probably should have approched it different but that's something guys learn with age I think... to be more tactfull then aproaching that subject with a woman.
It's hard to believe 2 lbs would make such a difference though.. but girl stay strong and let it roll off your back.0 -
Tell your husband to get his bony @$$ in the gym and lift some weights. Looks to me like HE is the one who could use the exercise.0
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oh ladies ladies ladies.
It if weren't for the sex I'd so be gay so I don't have to put up with the crazy0 -
Honestly, I effing hate it when my husband critiques my physique (he's one to talk...:huh:), and I have gotten into arguments with him about what is appropriate and inappropriate to say to me about my weight; but if he said this to me, I don't think I would take too much offense. It sounds like he was really happy for you, with what you achieved prior to vacation. If my husband said this to me after a vacation, I dont think I would be hurt by it, I would use it as motivation to get back to looking like that and go further. You were on vacation, it's bound to happen.0
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I'll say this as nicely as possible.
Quit being such a girl and go workout.
"As nicely as possible" appears to not be nice at all. The words "quit being such a girl" are rarely spoken positively. It is not exclusively girlish to have the OP's reaction to her husband's words; it is also very poor of anyone to assign so much negativity to being a girl (as if having emotions and feelings is somehow bad or wrong).
Thank you for this. I am very gratified to see some of the pervasive misogyny addressed.0 -
How does one look "rounder?"
Don't answer that... I don't really want to know. /sigh
Is this correcting my grammar? I should have said "more round than usual", although I'm pretty sure he used the term "rounder". Thank you, though. Usually I am the grammar police...
They weren't correcting your grammar, it was a question of how can you physically look more round to someone. Usually people say "you look a bit bigger", but the fact he used the word round made it seem like an odd thing to say.
Personally, if that's all he said I wouldn't take it as badly. If he knew you were aiming to lose and be healthy then if you fall off the wagon chances are he's going to say something, a lot of guys will. Unless he outright refuses intimacy with you or claims you're no longer attractive, then he still loves you just the same, he only made a statement.
However if it bothers you that much, talk to him about it. You're not going to get anywhere bemoaning the comment to strangers who might actually make the situation worse. If he made the problem, you go to him about the problem.0
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