Taking things personally.
Replies
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Tell your husband to get his bony @$$ in the gym and lift some weights. Looks to me like HE is the one who could use the exercise.
Oh hai.
Marry me? Kthx.0 -
How does one look "rounder?"
Don't answer that... I don't really want to know. /sigh
Is this correcting my grammar? I should have said "more round than usual", although I'm pretty sure he used the term "rounder". Thank you, though. Usually I am the grammar police...
i seriously think she just mean, how does your body or "person" look rounder...0 -
I'll say this as nicely as possible.
Quit being such a girl and go workout.
"As nicely as possible" appears to not be nice at all. The words "quit being such a girl" are rarely spoken positively. It is not exclusively girlish to have the OP's reaction to her husband's words; it is also very poor of anyone to assign so much negativity to being a girl (as if having emotions and feelings is somehow bad or wrong).
To the OP: the best solution to this is to simply communicate to your husband how you feel. Though he did not explicitly say "you have gotten fatter", it's certainly within your rights (and sanity) to tell him that his words made you feel uncomfortable around him. If he insists that he was not calling you fat, you have him at his word that he was not calling you fat, and honestly, all any of us can do is take people at their word; guessing or assuming or postulating what goes on in another's mind is useless and a waste of energy.
It also might be a good idea to examine what prompted this reaction from you: did you dislike him telling you what to do/how to eat? Would you rather that he not make comments on your physique unless asked? Consider also whether or not you might be able to change your own mindset on this matter (since your mind and body are the only things within your control). Try not to internalize another person's opinion of you (even someone as important to you as your husband undoubtedly is). Do your own thing, work toward your own goals, and remain blissfully oblivious to outside opinion or influence. Good luck! :flowerforyou:
i like you. what a positive and well thought out answer.
Thank you!
That's very kind.
I'll say this as nicely as possible.
Quit being such a girl and go workout.
"As nicely as possible" appears to not be nice at all. The words "quit being such a girl" are rarely spoken positively. It is not exclusively girlish to have the OP's reaction to her husband's words; it is also very poor of anyone to assign so much negativity to being a girl (as if having emotions and feelings is somehow bad or wrong).
Thank you for this. I am very gratified to see some of the pervasive misogyny addressed.
You're very welcome. I live to address the pervasive misogyny. :laugh:0 -
oh ladies ladies ladies.
It if weren't for the sex I'd so be gay so I don't have to put up with the crazy
Millions of men's thoughts exactly!!! :drinker:0 -
I probably would have been offended too, but that's because I already pretty much hate my body so whenever anybody else points something like that out, it really hurts. So you're not just "being a girl"...what a stupid thing to say. I guess I find it hard to believe that a noticeable roundness could occur in just 3 weeks, but who knows.0
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First off, I find it unlikely that you really were any more 'round' than you were previously. So, for some reason his perceptions are off. Perceptions are fueled by what's going on in your brain. Conclusion: he's a ****, and you should tell him so.0
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Pick one:
1. Accept that your husband will be honest with you, even if it means sometimes hurting your feelings.
2. Ask him to not talk to you about weight/appearance/etc.
Either choice is fine. Just be honest with yourself about which one you really want.
I pick honesty.0 -
How does one look "rounder?"
Don't answer that... I don't really want to know. /sigh
Is this correcting my grammar? I should have said "more round than usual", although I'm pretty sure he used the term "rounder". Thank you, though. Usually I am the grammar police...
i seriously think she just mean, how does your body or "person" look rounder...
Correct... I have never thought "round" when looking at a a person (not to mention, a clearly thin woman such as yourself), and find the comment simply... odd.
And for the record, if I came home from holiday and my SO said... "Eat some extra cheese, honey?", "You look rounder", or "You must not have exercised over there..." I'd have taken a ridge hand right to the trachea, thrown him in my car, and dropped him off at the gym demanding he not come home until he looked like SideSteel or Brett.
And then I would have gotten on MFP to discuss it will all of you, b/c that's how I roll... HOLLA!
But that's just me.0 -
I bet that was a hard to swallow. However, I wish my husband would've said something to encourage me to be more healthy - I honestly couldn't see it. Gotta give him some credit, your husband tried to say it gently. I would take it as motivation and encouragement.0
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"like a SAWWWNA up in here"0
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How does one look "rounder?"
Don't answer that... I don't really want to know. /sigh
Is this correcting my grammar? I should have said "more round than usual", although I'm pretty sure he used the term "rounder". Thank you, though. Usually I am the grammar police...
i seriously think she just mean, how does your body or "person" look rounder...
Correct... I have never thought "round" when looking at a a person (not to mention, a clearly thin woman such as yourself), and find the comment simply... odd.
And for the record, if I came home from holiday and my SO said... "Eat some extra cheese, honey?", "You look rounder", or "You must not have exercised over there..." I'd have taken a ridge hand right to the trachea, thrown him in my car, and dropped him off at the gym demanding he not come home until he looked like SideSteel or Brett.
And then I would have gotten on MFP to discuss it will all of you, b/c that's how I roll... HOLLA!
But that's just me.
i seriously want to toss you over my shoulder and take you home.0 -
While I do not think you husband was being intentionally mean, this would have hurt me too. Honestly, he shouldn't have said it. Doesn't he realize that you already know you haven't been on your A-game? Don't be mad at him, but I do understand where you are coming from.
I bet you will seriously get back on track now though, haha! 0 -
How does one look "rounder?"
Don't answer that... I don't really want to know. /sigh
Is this correcting my grammar? I should have said "more round than usual", although I'm pretty sure he used the term "rounder". Thank you, though. Usually I am the grammar police...
i seriously think she just mean, how does your body or "person" look rounder...
Correct... I have never thought "round" when looking at a a person (not to mention, a clearly thin woman such as yourself), and find the comment simply... odd.
And for the record, if I came home from holiday and my SO said... "Eat some extra cheese, honey?", "You look rounder", or "You must not have exercised over there..." I'd have taken a ridge hand right to the trachea, thrown him in my car, and dropped him off at the gym demanding he not come home until he looked like SideSteel or Brett.
And then I would have gotten on MFP to discuss it will all of you, b/c that's how I roll... HOLLA!
But that's just me.
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Divorce him for being honest, DUH0
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Let's face it.
Men can be pretty thoughtless. Mostly we mean no harm.
Try to educate him. Try to forgive him.0 -
While it would totally hurt my feelings also, I know deep down it is better to have the kind of open and honest relationship where your husband can tell you that. Would you honestly prefer he stay silent and just be less attracted to you than he used to be?
Take that as an excellent source of motivation to get back on ttrack with what you need to do, because honestly (and I mean this with the sort of anoynomous love you can only find on the internet), your OP is full of excuses as to why you haven't been doing what you know you should. There will always be excuses for why you haven't worked out or blah blah. Some of them will even be damn good excuses, but they are still just that. Just go back to what you were doing and kick the gym's *kitten*.0 -
I guess i will have to disagree with some. I dont see why he really had the need to say anything unless you asked him...it was a few weeks.
Do you criticize HIS appearance?
seriously.
Jules:flowerforyou:
Sometimes guys just say stuff that pops into their heads without running through a "do I need to say this?" filter. Some guys don't even have one of those filters. It's taken me all of my 40+ years to consistently use my filter, and at best, I get the right answer maybe half of the time.0 -
Tell your husband to get his bony @$$ in the gym and lift some weights. Looks to me like HE is the one who could use the exercise.
^^ I like this guy!0 -
How does one look "rounder?"
Don't answer that... I don't really want to know. /sigh
Is this correcting my grammar? I should have said "more round than usual", although I'm pretty sure he used the term "rounder". Thank you, though. Usually I am the grammar police...
i seriously think she just mean, how does your body or "person" look rounder...
Correct... I have never thought "round" when looking at a a person (not to mention, a clearly thin woman such as yourself), and find the comment simply... odd.
And for the record, if I came home from holiday and my SO said... "Eat some extra cheese, honey?", "You look rounder", or "You must not have exercised over there..." I'd have taken a ridge hand right to the trachea, thrown him in my car, and dropped him off at the gym demanding he not come home until he looked like SideSteel or Brett.
And then I would have gotten on MFP to discuss it will all of you, b/c that's how I roll... HOLLA!
But that's just me.
OMG I
you so bad!!! 0 -
oh girl, thats a tuff situation to chime in on. Before my wife and I started to be fit TOGETHER, we gave each other permission to motivate each other and call the other out if we werent "pulling our weight". its still a very thin line as women are very emtional and men tend to be straight to the point. Hes your husband and I assume He loves you and whats love if you cant trust that love! Yall should work out together so then you can call him out when hes being a baby!!! haha keep going!!!0
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I would hairy eyeball him to death, tell him to "go eff himself", then take his advice and go workout.
And pretend like your super pissed at him till he buys you a present.0 -
In my experience, men mean well, they just don't think the same way women do, so when they say something to us it's going to sound different to them than what we end up hearing.
He's your husband. He loves you. Try to focus on what he meant, not how it sounded to you.
This is something I still work on, even after 14 years of marriage.0 -
is that your husband in the pic with you? b/c you're hotter than him anyway.0
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I'll say this as nicely as possible.
Quit being such a girl and go workout.
Exactly. When a man says work out you do it. When a man says lose weight you do it. Remember this has nothing to do with your feelings - you only exist to please him
/sarcasm0 -
He is clearly inconsiderate and out of touch. The only answer is a divorce. Get a lawyer and take him for everything he has. This is way tooooooo much mental abuse for anyone to take. As it has been pointed out by others, he is a sexist pig! He is just waiting for the chance to brand you and treat you like cattle. You are a STRONG VIBRANT woman. you do not need to take his hateful words sitting down!
Are you fat? Maybe, but he does not have the right to tell you that! The wedding ring does not give him the right to say what he wants to you. From this moment on, he should get on his knees and request permission to speak to you. Further, he should be made to pee sitting down.
They said stop acting like a woman, and I say stop acting like a man! I think you need to stop holding this inside.... you need to TALK! Tell that low life penis owner what a hurtful bag of garbage he is. You do not have hold in the tears..... turn his man cave into a room to honor Hillary Clinton.
Whatever you do, please do NOT walk away thinking you are over reacting.0 -
How does one look "rounder?"
Don't answer that... I don't really want to know. /sigh
Is this correcting my grammar? I should have said "more round than usual", although I'm pretty sure he used the term "rounder". Thank you, though. Usually I am the grammar police...
i seriously think she just mean, how does your body or "person" look rounder...
Correct... I have never thought "round" when looking at a a person (not to mention, a clearly thin woman such as yourself), and find the comment simply... odd.
And for the record, if I came home from holiday and my SO said... "Eat some extra cheese, honey?", "You look rounder", or "You must not have exercised over there..." I'd have taken a ridge hand right to the trachea, thrown him in my car, and dropped him off at the gym demanding he not come home until he looked like SideSteel or Brett.
And then I would have gotten on MFP to discuss it will all of you, b/c that's how I roll... HOLLA!
But that's just me.
Haha! He was speaking about my hips, specifically. I think he said "they're rounder than they were when you left" I'm assuming this means my muffin top has started to come back? I'm not sure!
- To those who say "dump him", I'm not sure if you're being serious, but I'm married and love him very much. Even though this comment hurt my feelings. I'm not leaving him over something he said, especially when he could have had good intentions. I think my biggest problem is my shaken self confidence. He said this after I had gotten done goofing off (dancing around the kitchen while cooking in my yoga pants and sports bra, something I was never previously confident enough to do).
He is really thin, but has zero time to gain any muscle, and rarely gets time to eat his full lunch while at work. 12 hour shifts and sometimes no weekends. What little time he has, we ride bikes. Hitting the gym is hard because it is closed on weekends and we have a one year old. (We live on a teeny base in Italy, with only one gym that we could bring our son to)
And the person that said I'm hotter than him - I disagree, but thank you
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Yes, kick him in the balls, give him the silent treatment. Cut him off if you feel it is needed! He called you "rounder." If I were him, and if you got upset over that, I would be jumping ship!0
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He is clearly inconsiderate and out of touch. The only answer is a divorce. Get a lawyer and take him for everything he has. This is way tooooooo much mental abuse for anyone to take. As it has been pointed out by others, he is a sexist pig! He is just waiting for the chance to brand you and treat you like cattle. You are a STRONG VIBRANT woman. you do not need to take his hateful words sitting down!
Are you fat? Maybe, but he does not have the right to tell you that! The wedding ring does not give him the right to say what he wants to you. From this moment on, he should get on his knees and request permission to speak to you. Further, he should be made to pee sitting down.
They said stop acting like a woman, and I say stop acting like a man! I think you need to stop holding this inside.... you need to TALK! Tell that low life penis owner what a hurtful bag of garbage he is. You do not have hold in the tears..... turn his man cave into a room to honor Hillary Clinton.
Whatever you do, please do NOT walk away thinking you are over reacting.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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He is clearly inconsiderate and out of touch. The only answer is a divorce. Get a lawyer and take him for everything he has. This is way tooooooo much mental abuse for anyone to take. As it has been pointed out by others, he is a sexist pig! He is just waiting for the chance to brand you and treat you like cattle. You are a STRONG VIBRANT woman. you do not need to take his hateful words sitting down!
Are you fat? Maybe, but he does not have the right to tell you that! The wedding ring does not give him the right to say what he wants to you. From this moment on, he should get on his knees and request permission to speak to you. Further, he should be made to pee sitting down.
They said stop acting like a woman, and I say stop acting like a man! I think you need to stop holding this inside.... you need to TALK! Tell that low life penis owner what a hurtful bag of garbage he is. You do not have hold in the tears..... turn his man cave into a room to honor Hillary Clinton.
Whatever you do, please do NOT walk away thinking you are over reacting.
:drinker: :laugh:0
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