Why do my parents not support me being healthy?

BeautyFromPain

All my parents eat is junk food. Mcdonalds, kfc, you name it.
I don't say anything to them about it, it is their own choice.

But then today they took it one step further and started screaming at me it is rude to not eat the food which they have bought and I may as well stop eating healthy as I am still fat...

They always say **** like this..
Why do they not support me in my choice to live a healthier lifestyle?

foxyforce

because they are jerks. you should move out asap. if you already are moved out, try bringing food over that is healthy.
or offer to cook more often, that way it is healthy.

waronmyfat

Because your parents are down right jerks I'd move out and in with some friends or a place of your own where you can support your choice ... Never take **** for your parents

Tank_Girl

Buy your own food? And if they are going out for takeout make alternative plans, if they are planning on bringing takeout home
Go to the gym instead, if you are out with your parents shopping and they mention they are hungry... Make your excuses and meet up with them after they have eaten, be polite but firm about this.

AnaTheApple

My parents reacted similarly when they noticed I was cutting down on all the unhealthy snacks I used to eat, I think it's a mixture of worry (eating disorders and that) and also jealousy! I agree with the others though, don't let them force you to eat things you don't want to, but maybe try cooking (healthy) meals for the whole family, then they'll have nothing to complain about.
Good luck!

PapaDunx

Because they are not as educated about healthy eating as you are.
How about trying to get them as educated?
Are they overweight?
Tell them you are worried about them and their health, and could they consider your ideas on eating.

Its difficult to go against your parents when you live at home, and all this advice about moving out, some of it is just unrealistic.

If you cannot get out of the situation, then Ana's idea of cooking for the family is a good one. This way they will see that it isnt just a fad.

Good luck, Im sure if you try one parent at a time and be reasonable about it, they will talk to you.

paulaviki

Wow. That's terrible!

Maybe you need to sit them down and try and explain what you are doing and why. They need to respect your choices and should be trying to encourage you, not tell you not to try. I do think they are probably jealous because they'd probably like to be healthier but don't know how or don't want to put the effort in.

BeautyFromPain

Buy your own food? And if they are going out for takeout make alternative plans, if they are planning on bringing takeout home
Go to the gym instead, if you are out with your parents shopping and they mention they are hungry... Make your excuses and meet up with them after they have eaten, be polite but firm about this.

I do buy my own food and get called rude for eating that instead of kfc...

starrrjo

Remember, a parent naturally gets used to feeding and controlling their child. Just because you are grown up, don't expect them to just willingly hand over that control. Still to this day if I tell my mum I am going to get a tattoo she would say 'Over my dead body'...I would just say 'well thats unfortunate because I am definately getting it' lol.

It isnt the end of the world to dissappoint your parents. They still love you, you still love them, at the end of your journey you can laugh it over as they stuff their faces and you have a perfect bikini body. They might think it is some sort of faze which is what I get from my boyfriend quite a lot but just use this as an advantage. The more you resist, the more weight you lose and the more weight you lose the better you will feel in yourself. Go for it Shock them! xx

shyeban

I think you need to sit down and have an adult conversation with them about it. Tell them that you want their support, but are going to carry on regardless... And explain your choices.

Good luck.

pichurria

There's such thing as "sabotage" coming directly from the people who love you. I know a woman who was trying to lose weight with WW, and her husband was constantly trying to tempt her with junk food. It finally came out that he was reflecting his own insecurities; he was afraid of the attention she might receive from other men (this is a 30 year marriage, by the way, with no history of infidelity on either side). When she actually did lose weight, he saw how happy she was with herself and didn't mind the positive attention she got from others.
I think another issue going on was the fact that he didn't want to not be able to eat out at restaurants without her. He was afraid of losing her as a friend. I've heard a lot of times in families, because many families 'bond' over food, many don't want one family member to not participate. Maybe try cooking for your family (something healthy that they'd enjoy) to show them you still want to spend time with them.

Anyway, there might be some parallels there. Hope it helps.

BeautyFromPain

I think you need to sit down and have an adult conversation with them about it. Tell them that you want their support, but are going to carry on regardless... And explain your choices.

Good luck.

I honestly don't think that they know what an adult conversation is..

BeautyFromPain

There's such thing as "sabotage" coming directly from the people who love you. I know a woman who was trying to lose weight with WW, and her husband was constantly trying to tempt her with junk food. It finally came out that he was reflecting his own insecurities; he was afraid of the attention she might receive from other men (this is a 30 year marriage, by the way, with no history of infidelity on either side). When she actually did lose weight, he saw how happy she was with herself and didn't mind the positive attention she got from others.
I think another issue going on was the fact that he didn't want to not be able to eat out at restaurants without her. He was afraid of losing her as a friend. I've heard a lot of times in families, because many families 'bond' over food, many don't want one family member to not participate. Maybe try cooking for your family (something healthy that they'd enjoy) to show them you still want to spend time with them.

Anyway, there might be some parallels there. Hope it helps.

Only time we ever eat together is christmas and easter, that's it...

Pebble321

Don't waste energy wondering WHY they behave the way they do - it's better to put that energy into planning how you can eat well with or without their support.
That might mean buying groceries and cooking your own meals, or asking them to buy you specific healthier choices when they buy fast food.
You're a grown up, you need to do what is best for you now.

Ahhh, just noticed you already buy your own food. In that case, keep up the good work. And if they behave like toddlers, treat them like toddlers. Ignore the tantrums, don't discuss food or dieting.
Good luck!

foxyforce

There's such thing as "sabotage" coming directly from the people who love you. I know a woman who was trying to lose weight with WW, and her husband was constantly trying to tempt her with junk food. It finally came out that he was reflecting his own insecurities; he was afraid of the attention she might receive from other men (this is a 30 year marriage, by the way, with no history of infidelity on either side). When she actually did lose weight, he saw how happy she was with herself and didn't mind the positive attention she got from others.
I think another issue going on was the fact that he didn't want to not be able to eat out at restaurants without her. He was afraid of losing her as a friend. I've heard a lot of times in families, because many families 'bond' over food, many don't want one family member to not participate. Maybe try cooking for your family (something healthy that they'd enjoy) to show them you still want to spend time with them.

Anyway, there might be some parallels there. Hope it helps.

Only time we ever eat together is christmas and easter, that's it...

oh, two meals a year should be nothing to worry about. just eat it, chew slowly and don't finish it!

foxyforce

Don't waste energy wondering WHY they behave the way they do - it's better to put that energy into planning how you can eat well with or without their support.
That might mean buying groceries and cooking your own meals, or asking them to buy you specific healthier choices when they buy fast food.
You're a grown up, you need to do what is best for you now.

thank you

cleanandlean2012

I have been in difficult situations over the last few years, with bouts of either me living in my parents house or the other way around. Up until now I have always been pressured into eating whatever they cook / fancy. All of the food is great, just my mum and dad should have cows they eat that much butter and cream! Chocolate is another constant in our household.

Then recently something clicked - I determined to eat well, regardless. Even if that means cooking multiple meals at each mealtime, I will do so.

I feel it is disrespectful to criticise your parents, but it is about arming yourself with the tools, support circle and foods you need to be successful. Always try to explain in a non confrontational way about your desire to improve your health and that it is a lifestyle choice you are making.

I wish you all the best and hope that it works out for you. But remember, this is about your future, your health and being the best that you can be.

SkinMim

All my parents eat is junk food. Mcdonalds, kfc, you name it.
I don't say anything to them about it, it is their own choice.

But then today they took it one step further and started screaming at me it is rude to not eat the food which they have bought and I may as well stop eating healthy as I am still fat...

They always say **** like this..
Why do they not support me in my choice to live a healthier lifestyle?

.


This is the same problem i have with my parents . It even grew bigger when they heard I was intending to start a diet , they started screaming at me all day non-stop. So I decided I will diet from behind their backs . I wish you good luck anyways.

BeautyFromPain

There's such thing as "sabotage" coming directly from the people who love you. I know a woman who was trying to lose weight with WW, and her husband was constantly trying to tempt her with junk food. It finally came out that he was reflecting his own insecurities; he was afraid of the attention she might receive from other men (this is a 30 year marriage, by the way, with no history of infidelity on either side). When she actually did lose weight, he saw how happy she was with herself and didn't mind the positive attention she got from others.
I think another issue going on was the fact that he didn't want to not be able to eat out at restaurants without her. He was afraid of losing her as a friend. I've heard a lot of times in families, because many families 'bond' over food, many don't want one family member to not participate. Maybe try cooking for your family (something healthy that they'd enjoy) to show them you still want to spend time with them.

Anyway, there might be some parallels there. Hope it helps.

Only time we ever eat together is christmas and easter, that's it...

oh, two meals a year should be nothing to worry about. just eat it, chew slowly and don't finish it!

That's when we eat together - doesn't mean they don't try to force me to eat it other days.

Shadowsan

KFC (if it's mini fillets) isn't as bad as some things if you're taking in protein - pretty hideous for salt though.

What i'd do in that situation is get plenty of salad things. They buy KFC, you say "Can I just have a couple of mini-fillets please? I'll put it with some salad"

That way you're still eating with them, but at the same time kinda watching what you eat.

This is all about balance - not just in your own diet, but in general. Working out how to live around other people who don't want to diet is just one of those little challenges we all have to overcome.

Thankfully i'm the cook in our household so there's never a problem when i'm the one making it

opuntia

I agree it would be good to sit down with them and have an adult conversation. Tell them that while you really appreciate their desire to share their food with you, you're actually going to buy your own food separately from theirs, as you have very specific goals for your health and body - not because you don't care about them, or appreciate their kindness, but because this is what you need to do right now. Thank them for their concern, and for the fact that they have raised you and taken care of you and continue to let you live with them. Explain to them that this is a step of independence you need to take, as an adult. Maybe see your doctor beforehand and get a recommendation from him regarding what sorts of food you should be eating - then you can also tell your parents it's what the doctor has recommended for you.

They may not accept it at first, but if they see you continuing to buy your own food and eating it, and politely declining their offers of fast food (once you've had the conversation, you can just say 'Remember I told you I don't eat that any more - I've got my own food, as I explained to you') they'll have to get used to it. I think often with parents, it's a control thing - it can be hard for them to see their children make choices that are different from theirs, and to need them less. But it's a stage they have to go through.

BeautyFromPain

KFC (if it's mini fillets) isn't as bad as some things if you're taking in protein - pretty hideous for salt though.

What i'd do in that situation is get plenty of salad things. They buy KFC, you say "Can I just have a couple of mini-fillets please? I'll put it with some salad"

That way you're still eating with them, but at the same time kinda watching what you eat.

This is all about balance - not just in your own diet, but in general. Working out how to live around other people who don't want to diet is just one of those little challenges we all have to overcome.

Thankfully i'm the cook in our household so there's never a problem when i'm the one making it

Umm I live in australia...
kentucky fried chicken
one of the worst fast food restaurants

BmoreGinger

Let me start by saying I am SO SORRY your parents are being so unsupportive. Good for you for going on this journey even without the support most people have...

Unfortunately, our parents are still people. People have baggage and issues beyond what we know as their children. And people suck sometimes and do/say crappy things. This is a crappy moment for your parents. It stings because it's your mom and dad and no one expect anything but awesomeness from their parental units... but that's just not how it works sometimes. :-/

You keep doing what you're doing and take care of YOU. We ALL know that eating healthy doesn't just make the weight melt off. It takes time, so that comment about "why eat healthy if you're still heavy" is insane. YOU ARE DOING RIGHT BY YOU.

I hope this helps. Again, I am sorry you're parents are being *kitten*.

PNJB796

Not being a religious zealot, I am still minded to respond "Forgive them, for they know not what they do!"

Be grateful you have the wisdom to recognise the hazards and the wish to take action in your own right.

I am pleased that your self-esteem cannot be driven by their lack of knowledge or understanding.

Stay tuned to your own desires and current thinking, and a swan from a duckling will emerge, I am sure!

BeautyFromPain

Let me start by saying I am SO SORRY your parents are being so unsupportive. Good for you for going on this journey even without the support most people have...

Unfortunately, our parents are still people. People have baggage and issues beyond what we know as their children. And people suck sometimes and do/say crappy things. This is a crappy moment for your parents. It stings because it's your mom and dad and no one expect anything but awesomeness from their parental units... but that's just not how it works sometimes. :-/

You keep doing what you're doing and take care of YOU. We ALL know that eating healthy doesn't just make the weight melt off. It takes time, so that comment about "why eat healthy if you're still heavy" is insane. YOU ARE DOING RIGHT BY YOU.

I hope this helps. Again, I am sorry you're parents are being *kitten*.

Only problem is.. this is how they have been my whole life.
Calling me every name under the moon, plus everything is always my fault.

openairhealth

sometimes being around someone trying to be healthy can make members of a family feel crap because deep down they know what they are eating is crap and they don't want to face it... it's much easier to be rude then really think about your actions and accept that, "yes, perhaps my diet isn't the best."

i don't think they should ever tell you to stop eating... i think it just shows they are defensive about their diet but that's okay. it's human nature.,. just persist but don't make them feel bad for eating unhealthy.

if it is a money issue, i can understand it because healthy shopping can appear expensive to the untrained eye. so haha give them a break but don't give yourself one. keep going!

jenbenefit

I can so relate to this, my grandparenta don't sound quite as bad but alot of it is just plain ignorance. So sorry to hear you're having a hard time though!

Like last night, they have meat pie and chips and moaned that I didnt want any because "meat is goof for you"....
Or when I load my plate up -on SALAD - "Youll never lose weight with those big portions"

So I really do feel your pain it's sooo fustrating! Just remember you are doing this for you. And it's not about what you look like now, remember what you are going to look like if you put the time and effort into this and prove them wrong.

I can't remember who wrote about it reflecting their own insecurities but I think that's true as well, they know they should be eating what you are, but for whatever reason feel like they can't.

Just stay strong, girl. Add me if you like

BeautyFromPain

sometimes being around someone trying to be healthy can make members of a family feel crap because deep down they know what they are eating is crap and they don't want to face it... it's much easier to be rude then really think about your actions and accept that, "yes, perhaps my diet isn't the best."

i don't think they should ever tell you to stop eating... i think it just shows they are defensive about their diet but that's okay. it's human nature.,. just persist but don't make them feel bad for eating unhealthy.

if it is a money issue, i can understand it because healthy shopping can appear expensive to the untrained eye. so haha give them a break but don't give yourself one. keep going!

That's the thing - they have healthy food lying around the house, but still they get take out almost every night :S

BeautyFromPain

Because they are not as educated about healthy eating as you are.
How about trying to get them as educated?
Are they overweight?
Tell them you are worried about them and their health, and could they consider your ideas on eating.

Its difficult to go against your parents when you live at home, and all this advice about moving out, some of it is just unrealistic.

If you cannot get out of the situation, then Ana's idea of cooking for the family is a good one. This way they will see that it isnt just a fad.

Good luck, Im sure if you try one parent at a time and be reasonable about it, they will talk to you.

I have tried talking to them about it, trust me...
Plus, I don't know how it's a fad since this has been the past 18 months :S

Velum_cado

They see you making a change that they can't/don't want to make and it's hard for them to deal with. Maybe it's jealousy, maybe they think you see yourself as better than them, who knows. You know your parents better than I do... I think if I were in your situation, I'd explain that I'm an adult trying to make healthy choices for myself. I don't think I'm better than them, just doing my best to get healthy.

I used to be a fast food addict, so I know I can't let myself even consider those bad habits. But I also know how hard it can be to overcome.

BeautyFromPain

They see you making a change that they can't/don't want to make and it's hard for them to deal with. Maybe it's jealousy, maybe they think you see yourself as better than them, who knows. You know your parents better than I do... I think if I were in your situation, I'd explain that I'm an adult trying to make healthy choices for myself. I don't think I'm better than them, just doing my best to get healthy.

I used to be a fast food addict, so I know I can't let myself even consider those bad habits. But I also know how hard it can be to overcome.

That's the problem though,
I used to have McDonald's 4-5 times a day, every day and I get feelings with certain foods where if I have just one thing I won't be able to stop.