Why do my parents not support me being healthy?
Replies
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move out...0
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you know I have problems with my family as well. they complain about how much weight i have gained and i need to lose it(which i agree). my issue is that when i go their houses for dinner or the weekend, its always WAY unhealthy food, especially since they have to go out to eat instead of eating something at home. its very frustrating. i will be doing so well with my diet and exercise program, and then i get derailed by going to their houses
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It sounds like you have an answer (excuse) for everyone's suggestion, so I won't make another one for you. Either accept your parents for who they are or distance yourself from them as much as possible.
What do you mean by the first part?
you have a very common malady. dont be offended...many people have it. Its called pleasefeelsorryforme
often associated with dontdisagreewithmeiamwhining syndrome.
take some control and get on with it
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Hi
I know you have alot of advice here, mine might not be the greatest but its from my experience. I love my parents, I wish I could be with them more than I am now, but once I was old enough to leave I left the house. My mother is a sweet lady and I would live with her any day as long as my dad did not live with her. I love him to pieces but its hard to love with him... He is very controlling and when I was younger he called me name and was very verbally abusive . We got beat every once in a while but we were not beat every day of our lives. just lived in fear.
I love my dad with all my heart, I understand that he has had his own demons and has been abused but there comes a point in ones life when you are an adult and you make adult decisions. My dad is responsible for his actions. My mom should not put up with the way he talks to her but that's her decision. I choose not to. Thank God I grew up and was able to get out. I go back and visit them when I can even stayed there for a few weeks with my kids when I needed to. But after a few weeks my dad seems to think he can talk to me like a kid again. And I have to remind him that he has no right to speak to me that way. I let him know how it is, if he cant take it. Adios. Ill see u next time.
You know my father is a good man but for whatever reason he does not know how to communicate. All his anger and all his stressed he takes our on his loved ones instead of talking and showing love.
I do not know your situation, but if you can leave your home, if you can, please do. Does not mean cut them off. Cause I would never suggest that. But their relationship is toxic. Sometimes you need distance from some people. obviously you can not live with them in peace. ( I have to say I can not say never, you may be able to live in peace, ANything is possible) Its just my experience and everyone is different. Like I said I can be with my dad for a bit, but after a while he reverts back to how he was when I was kid.
If you can go to therapist, psychologist. There should be someone you can speak to that will listen.
God bless you
I do hope things work out, I do hope you and your parents can learn to communicate and that they will be supportive. No one should be talked to the way you are spoken to. Draw strength from your circumstances and be the better person. Children can and do teach their parents. I am a parent and I realize daily that my children teach me about myself and help me be a better person. I learn from them, they do not even know it.0 -
This is a control thing with your parents. I have seen the same thing with a co-worker and her daughter. Her daughter is 19 and has moved out and has no contact with her. If you talk to my co-worker it is all her daughter's fault and she has no idea what she has done wrong. I have seen the way she has talked to her daughter at work in front of me and another co-worker. I can only imagine what it was like at home for this girl if it was that bad at work. I can't say I agree with the way her daughter always handled herself but I understood. People have told her this was mostly, if not all, her fault but she won't listen.
The best advice I can give you is to move on when you can. Until you can find someone you can talk to. It will get better when you can move on and not be around it every day.0 -
poor you.
Now that that is out of the way... What are you going to do with YOUR life? It isn't their life. Do the right thing and stick to your guns. Invest in a good pair of ear buds to tune them right out. You sound young enough to still be in school. Study hard, get a scholarship and get on with your great life.0 -
KFC (if it's mini fillets) isn't as bad as some things if you're taking in protein - pretty hideous for salt though.
What i'd do in that situation is get plenty of salad things. They buy KFC, you say "Can I just have a couple of mini-fillets please? I'll put it with some salad"
That way you're still eating with them, but at the same time kinda watching what you eat.
This is all about balance - not just in your own diet, but in general. Working out how to live around other people who don't want to diet is just one of those little challenges we all have to overcome.
Thankfully i'm the cook in our household so there's never a problem when i'm the one making it
Umm I live in australia...
kentucky fried chicken
one of the worst fast food restaurants
Don't give in and eat rubbish to make them feel better. Try and ignore their remarks as best you can, maybe just keep reiterating you want to live a healthier lifestyle....they should eventually give up on trying to force you to live like them when they realise their attempts are failing.
Good luck!0 -
It sounds like you have an answer (excuse) for everyone's suggestion, so I won't make another one for you. Either accept your parents for who they are or distance yourself from them as much as possible.
What do you mean by the first part?
you have a very common malady. dont be offended...many people have it. Its called pleasefeelsorryforme
often associated with dontdisagreewithmeiamwhining syndrome.
take some control and get on with it
Well, how about you just get over yourself because I was simply asking a question and trying to figure out what to do.
Normally I would say this is harsh. However, I live with my husband's family right below me. They are judgmental, critical and what I would consider a family of lower life forms. Sounds harsh doesn't it? But you can't have conversations with them, they don't want to live in a clean environment or eat healthy. They whine, make excuses and basically wallow in their own self pity. And they scream and blame the world for everything.
So you see, I do understand. Okay I don't live right with them and I can hide in my own upstairs apartment. But thing is. You know it sucks and yes you do have the right to vent and get it out of you. But I hear you victimizing yourself. That is the problem. YOU need to take control of your own destiny. You're starting to by eating healthier, but it's more than that. You asked about something you obviously know the answer to. You know what you should do. But you feel helpless.
I hear you contradicting everyone who is trying to give you advice, and that means that no matter what, you aren't going to do anything about it. You'll just go on, taking it and whining about it. Never stepping up to stop it or change it.
My only advise is that first thing is you need to stop the cycle of victimization. Complaining doesn't cure the problem and thinking that the world is out to get you will keep you weak forever.
Please understand. But I know you probably won't. I hope one day you will find the truth inside of yourself. Because no one can do this but you.0 -
The next time they scream at you, leave the room. If they follow you, go to a room where you can lock the door. Tell them in no uncertain terms, "I will talk to you when you speak to me in a civilized manner" and shut that door and lock it. If they start screaming again, turn on the TV if there is one in there, or you could actually tell them to shut up, if you dare.
Your parents are toxic. You don't need to have to deal with this kind of negativity. If you're working, start saving your money so you can move out ASAP.
This is the kind of situation I know all too well. I come from a family of screamers. Thank God, now there's only myself and my mother left in the family house. Pure bliss. A peaceful quiet house.0 -
I think it makes them angry because they know they should change their own bad diet. Also they might see it as a rejection of their values or the way they brought you up.0
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Constant screaming and insults are a form of abuse. Ask a friend or relative if you can stay with them for a set amount of time, and try to get a place of your own or with some responsible roommates.
It's too bad this wasn't addressed as a child so you didn't have to live with it for so long.0 -
Let me start by saying I am SO SORRY your parents are being so unsupportive. Good for you for going on this journey even without the support most people have...
Unfortunately, our parents are still people. People have baggage and issues beyond what we know as their children. And people suck sometimes and do/say crappy things. This is a crappy moment for your parents. It stings because it's your mom and dad and no one expect anything but awesomeness from their parental units... but that's just not how it works sometimes. :-/
You keep doing what you're doing and take care of YOU. We ALL know that eating healthy doesn't just make the weight melt off. It takes time, so that comment about "why eat healthy if you're still heavy" is insane. YOU ARE DOING RIGHT BY YOU.
I hope this helps. Again, I am sorry you're parents are being *kitten*.
Only problem is.. this is how they have been my whole life.
Calling me every name under the moon, plus everything is always my fault. I think that answers your first question they sound like the exact opposite of my mother and inlaws. I've always had their support in everything and your situation sounds horrible to me.0 -
I think some people are intimidated when they see a person trying to improve themselves. I think it's a form of jealousy. Stay strong, explain to them that you are trying to make a change in your life for the better and ask them for their support. They may surprise you. Good luck!!!0
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I'm sorry for your parents' behaviors, but if this is the way they've always treated you, it's illogical to expect them to be different with food. I can't relate to abusive parents. I suggest you stand your ground respectfully. Adding bad behavior to bad behavior never solves anything; it just escalates it. I don't know how old you are or your finances, but I would suggest saving to move out as soon as possible. Best wishes.0
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they don't support your dieting/healthy lifestyle changes cos it isn't what they do. Change is scary for some people, and your change may make them feel inadiquate or like you will judge them. Who knows, but you can find supportive peeps and be gentle with your family.0
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Because they want you to be as miserable as they are. Misery enjoys company.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
OP...I may have missed it, but what is your age?
I agree with most that your parents' behavior is beyond just sabotage of your efforts. It IS abusive. If you are of legal age, consider moving into your own place, even with some friends who WILL be supportive. If you are not of legal age, seek some assistance to see what your options are (move to a relative's home, emancipation, etc) based on the abuse you are facing at home.
It sucks because they are your parents, and they should truly have your best interests at heart. This doesn't seem to be the case. As much as it might break your heart, you may want to consider severing ties with them until they see and realize that you won't stand for it. I didn't go through anything like this with my parents, but with a smaller issue. I decided to remove myself from them for a few months, to let them know that I was asserting my independence, and while I love them, it was what I had to do for ME to get through what I was going through.
Best wishes to you, and I do hope things work out for you!!0 -
That's terrible Maybe they know they're not living a healthy lifestyle and they're jealous you've taken the steps to help your own life because they don't have the will to do it themselves? I don't know. But lean on us here...we're all here for you.
I found a couple links to stories on That Other Site that might actually help a little. Hope they help:
http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_articles.asp?id=1325
http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_articles.asp?id=3710 -
That is an easy one to answer my dear. They struggle themselves and probably always have. Misery loves company. They don't want to have to change what they are doing, they love the bad stuff too much. Don't let it get you down. Look at your ticker. You are doing well. There will be a point where people will come up to you and ask you about your success and want to know how you are doing it. And yes.....your parents and family will eventually come around too when the see how happy and healthy you are becoming. You are becoming and will become a role model for others.
I do speaking engagements all around the country about leadership in business. Fortune 500 Companies and associations are always chasing me to give speeches about business. Now people are starting to ask me about health and what I have done. I find myself talking to groups of people in more of an ad hoc way. Now people are starting to ask me to talk to groups.
As you can see from my experience, your accomplishments start to spread virally if you remain focused and positive. Keep at it young lady and you will have an impact on the lives of many people beyond yours.
BB0 -
I'm sorry you have to endure their negative comments. Perhaps they lash out at you because you remind them of their lack of dedication to live a healthy life.0
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I think she has given up on this post.0
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I found what worked with my mom was simply writing down the calories of the food. If I were you, I'd go print out nutrition menu's and show your mom how many calories a simple meal from a fast food restaurant puts together and actually show her the quantity you're allowed to eat and make her see the difference. It's a matter of they really have no understanding. I had a similar (yet less confrontational meeting of minds) with my family at first when they said "but it's healthy" and then I put each item down one by one and pointed out the exact calorie counts. My mom was sorta stunned on seeing it. Sometimes there is a lack of knowledge out there. People really think that these meals aren't that bad. Heck, I told my mom the number of calories for my day and pointed out the calories in a sweet potato and she definitely was surprised. She watches me measure everything out and I even made her a cheat cheat for her fruit and cottage cheese salads. We sorta discovered she doesn't eat enough at times which is funny. Knowledge is power....put together something and make them see what you are doing and then you may get some different results.0
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Only problem is.. this is how they have been my whole life.
Calling me every name under the moon, plus everything is always my fault.
I recently heard of this book that you might be interested in checking out: Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Dr. Susan Forward.
http://www.webheights.net/GrowingbeyondEmotionalAbuse/sforward/sftp.htm
It sounds like your parents are definitely toxic and this book might be helpful for you to identify this behavior in them and reduce it's impact on your life. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. Parents shouldn't call their children names, unless they are names that make them feel good about themselves.0 -
you have a very common malady. dont be offended...many people have it. Its called pleasefeelsorryforme
i prefer to think of it as "this is a social forum, and I want to connect with people who can relate to what I'm going through"
I would have phrased it more sarcastically to keep with the tone, but I'm actually serious.0 -
OP...I may have missed it, but what is your age?
I agree with most that your parents' behavior is beyond just sabotage of your efforts. It IS abusive. If you are of legal age, consider moving into your own place, even with some friends who WILL be supportive. If you are not of legal age, seek some assistance to see what your options are (move to a relative's home, emancipation, etc) based on the abuse you are facing at home.
It sucks because they are your parents, and they should truly have your best interests at heart. This doesn't seem to be the case. As much as it might break your heart, you may want to consider severing ties with them until they see and realize that you won't stand for it. I didn't go through anything like this with my parents, but with a smaller issue. I decided to remove myself from them for a few months, to let them know that I was asserting my independence, and while I love them, it was what I had to do for ME to get through what I was going through.
Best wishes to you, and I do hope things work out for you!!
I'm 20, I have moved out once before but moved back when my guardian passed away and couldn't afford to live by myself. Now that I am back at school I am only earning 500ish a fortnight, that's all I have time for.. I am going to talk to centrelink today though..0 -
I think she has given up on this post.
I live in Australia, it was 2:40am at the time that you wrote this post... I was sleeping?0 -
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you have a very common malady. dont be offended...many people have it. Its called pleasefeelsorryforme
often associated with dontdisagreewithmeiamwhining syndrome.
take some control and get on with it
[/quote]
This.
Seriously Beauty. I took a few weeks off the forums, I went overseas, got engaged, became a qualified Group Exercise Leader, got a promotion and had a life. I'm sitting on the couch after running the 10km this morning at the Canberra Fun Run and wow, I can still smell your posts a mile away. Nothing has changed. You're still whining about the emotional abuse you get, still claiming your being bullied and still not doing anything about it. It's time you either did something, or acknowledged your stories are just lies. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with things. We've all got stories to tell, we've all gone through things to get to where we are today but do you see us sitting here crying foul week in, week out?! No.
Time to find another forum. Stop with the lies (the latest i saw - at my university my three professors worked out my BF% for example... You go to tafe which is not taught by professors, half the Australian universities aren't taught by professors..., but I'll never forget the one where you tried to tell everyone there was three inductions this month in your street!!!!.) Get a grip on reality! And if you can't do that, find another website with another forum to pedal your misery. I think most of us are over it.
Alternatively, you could just try changing your attitude and looking for the good in things, opportunities and people and if you can't, distance yourself from those situations.
Or not. Your call, we can't make it happen.0
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