Unfair Trainer

NobleSpirit11

Need an opinion to understand if my exasperation and frustration in this situation is justified, or if I am being too melodramatic.

I am supposed to work out with my gym partner together. There was one time she became irate because I started a workout a few minutes before her. That is understandable to an extent. We are supposed to be a team, and I stepped out of bounds by doing that.

Eventually, she opts to get a trainer to work with both of us, so we use the machines properly. Naturally, there are too many problems for my own liking.

First, instead of working with us equally, the trainer (a male) focuses more on my partner. The trainer asks about how many calories she burned, how her heart rate is. Me? Nowhere near as often. If the trainer has to ask her about how I am doing, he is not doing his job! Plus there are many times where I am left exercising on my own.

Second, my partner and the trainer constantly talk to each other in Spanish, which makes me feel like an outsider. Close friends or relatives speak Spanish in front of me – no problem. Chances are it is not my concern. It is not okay when someone is providing a paid service to two people, one who is not a native speaker. That is unprofessional!

Third, the trainer suggests exercises that are not a good fit. It is clear from tests that my upper body strength cannot support half my weight, yet I am planking and side planking, which require upper body support! It is difficult to focus on the core and the abdominals to keep balance, when my arms are collapsing! I can do other core exercises more effectively, (and that burn) while I continue to build the upper body strength.

Fourth, there was a time when that the trainer told me to use arm machines, then run on the treadmill and focused all the attention on my partner. My partner berated me for not working out together and that the trainer said I left on my own. This one leaves me wanting to curse a lot.

Then yesterday, my partner is too sick to work out. Yet, she made the drive to the gym so I can work out. She and the trainer spoke near the entrance for over an hour while I was working out. You would think the trainer or her would at least check on me to see how I am doing. Not even once, and considering that she *****ed about us working as a team.

I flat out asked my gym partner if I am a third wheel. Based on the above thoughts, I believe that is a legit question. That question "ruined her day" and put me in the doghouse, while I do not want to talk to her, because she refused to listen to my thoughts above.

So do I have a right to be exasperated, or am I being melodramatic?

SideSteel

So do I have a right to be exasperated, or am I being melodramatic?

Yes, and yes.


How good of friends are you with this training partner and what benefit are you both getting from this relationship?

Are you also paying the trainer?

nz_deevaa

Is your training partner your girlfriend? Or someone you want to be your girlfriend?

kr3851

If she's got a trainer... I'd be leaving her alone with him and going it on my own. Explain that the trainer doesn't seem a good fit for you, but that she seems to be benefiting so you think she should stay with the trainer. Continue to go to that gym, but find a new training partner (if you feel you need to be accountable to someone) or your own trainer. There's no point paying someone to be your trainer if you don't get along!!

hiddenaudacity

Yes, there is definitely something going on between the two of them.

dad106

This is why I'd never do group training... way to may issues like you are having can come up!

I'd say, ditch the trainer and your friend... and find someone who will work with you and you alone!

ironanimal

You shouldn't be paying for that for sure. I can see how you'd feel left out in that arrangement, and honestly were I you, I'd tell her to stick it and go on my own. What is she to you, a friend? Or more?

StrawberrySprinkles

If you're both paying for the trainer, you should make your concerns heard. It sounds to me she's getting more than her fair share out of the trainer. (Sounds like she has no qualms about that at all either.)

Again, if you're paying for it too, you're not getting your money's worth. :ohwell:

In this day and age, it should be a sin to waste money on something you're not seeing any value from.

If it were me, I would be dropping them both.

Getting to know yourself and your body isn't supposed to be a fight and it sounds like this is (ie, more complicated than it should be, thus in the long run not going to be as successful because it's always going to be a fight).

It's taking away from the pleasure that you need this to be. Just me....but it's rude to speak in another language in front of someone who doesn't understand.

tjk71

If she's got a trainer... I'd be leaving her alone with him and going it on my own. Explain that the trainer doesn't seem a good fit for you, but that she seems to be benefiting so you think she should stay with the trainer. Continue to go to that gym, but find a new training partner (if you feel you need to be accountable to someone) or your own trainer. There's no point paying someone to be your trainer if you don't get along!!

^^^^This.......Find a new partner & trainer! Working out can be hard enough sometimes. Why do it w/ someone who isn't supportive or only has their own interests.

Laoch_Cailin

If you aren't getting what you've paid for terminate the service. Maybe just meet your friend after your seperate workouts if the friendship means something to you. But in all honesty I wouldn't bother with that either. She doesn't sound interested in being fair to you....seems a little self centred if truth be told.

Good luck on your journey, hope this doesn't hamper your progress xx

TheChangingMan

Bin the partner and the trainer.

Set things to meet your own needs.

AwesomeMoJo

Not sure what your reelatiopnship iswith this woman but I would ditch her for a workout partner atthe least. If she had your best interests as heart as well, she would have supported you for beginning before her for being so dedicated.

Next if they speak a different language than you do in front o youf, no matter what you are doing, that is just plain rude..especially if you are paying this trainer as well. If this trainer works at your gym, I would talk to the manager about that becaause odds are, you are not the only one he does it to.

Drop the girl (as a training patner), drop the trainer ESPECIALLY if you are paying him..and either go it alone at the gym or find someone who is on the same page as you...

you need to focus on taking care of yourself...not worry about someone else's feelings towards you while working out...

MyTime1207

Your trainer is clearly focused on your partner and not you. One, you should talk to your partner about your concerns and second, let that trainer know that his responsibility is for two clients, not one.
Best wishes.

osualex

Gonna echo the posters above and say get rid of the trainer. It's nothing but a waste of money now - if you can afford it, get your own trainer for one-on-one sessions and take the time to make sure they can help you achieve your specific goals, not every trainer is good for every person.

As for your friend? If she wants to work out with you, maybe suggest hiking or a bike ride or a fitness class together. Reclaim gym time as your time, and you'll feel much better.

mariagabriella

Ditch your training partner. you'd be better off on your own. or you could find another one at your gym.

I'd make a complaint against that trainer. 1. they're not training you so they're not doing their job properly. 2. they were talking in Spanish in front of you (unprofessional). 3. if there IS something going on between them - that's also unprofessional.

get yourself a good trainer as a good trainer is well worth the money spent! also make sure you're the only client they're training at the time! good luck.

gpoliver

yes, you have the right to be exasperated, because you feel like a third wheel. It does not matter what we think, it matters that you feel comfortable with your trainer!.. My suggestion to you is to get a trainer that you feel comfortable with and you both share the same goals. Do not share trainers because your goals are not your partners goals. I have been happily married for 21 years. My husband and I see the same trainer but do not work out with him together. For a lot of the reasons you mentioned above.... I demand more attention than my man when we are training so it just wouldnt be a good idea. I see the different perspective of both you and your partner HOWEVER, objectively speaking, working out and training is all about you.... so do it with YOU.... it sounds like your partner is focusing on her, so you focus on you. Discuss this with her, and tell her you only want to make sure you both reach your fitness goals, so for that half hour, or hour you are working out, you are going to focus on you and she should focus on her. As for the speaking spanish to each other while your there... sorry that is just plain rude, especially if you have articulated that you do not appreciate that.... best of luck to you.

TavistockToad

Keep ur friend as a friend, not a gym buddy, before you two seriously fall out, and ditch the trainer as he obviously isn't giving you your money's worth!

robin52077

He's a douche, she's a bitch....
tell them both to GTFO and go it on your own.
You're better than that, you don't need them.

Antlady69

I agree with what everybody else has said, even if you have a love interest in your friend. The more interested you are in her, the more tactfully your words should be, but split up your current arrangement, train on your own (why do you need a partner to train with anyway?), and find yourself a trainer that takes care of you.

You mentioned that you have no upper body strength, and the current trainer appears to be ignoring that fact. This is a good argument you can use for splitting up the arrangement. Try to avoid the issue of the trainer obviously being interested in her (and her enjoying his attention), as this might make her very mad. Instead, collect the facts why this trainer is not good for your fitness, explain those reasons to her and present the split-up as a fact, not a discussion point. "I value your friendship but I'd like to train on my own from now on because this training arrangement is not doing me any good." Then give her the factual reasons.

It might still create some bad feelings but nowhere as bad as if you accuse them both of ignoring you, as that might make you sound in their ears like a little baby crying for attention.

Best of luck!

PapaDunx

Sounds like faaaaaarrr too much drama for my liking.

Christ! I didnt put up with that crap from my g/f!

:grumble: probably why Im single :huh:

SmileyFaceGuy

Your relationship sounds more like a marriage than a gym partnership. If you have that level of complexity in what should be a very simple relationship, maybe you should work out on your own and find a new dedicated trainer and/or new partner.