Unfair Trainer
Replies
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He's a douche, she's a bitch....
tell them both to GTFO and go it on your own.
You're better than that, you don't need them.
Love this!0 -
I definitely appreciate the honesty everyone!
To answer a few questions:
My training partner is a very close friend, but we may as well be married by the way we act sometimes. (Let's just say looking at another woman is a bad idea in her presence.) I do support her endeavors (like going back to school to become a nurse), and she is supportive of my endeavors as well, including my weight loss goal -- the reason we joined the gym together in the first place.
We are splitting the cost for the training sessions. In conjunction with not getting a benefit from the trainer that I cannot get along with, I agree that it is best to stop paying for the services.
There's been several times that I couldn't focus for that reason. I do need another gym partner.
Are you sure you need a gym partner first of all?
I agree that you shouldn't pay for a service if you're not benefiting from the service. But, one method COULD be to chat with the trainer, or your partner, or both.
Also, it sounds to me like your partner first hired the trainer so that you guys would learn the proper way to use the machines and proper lifting technique. But it sounds like the trainer isn't providing that? Are you actually spending time learning what you wanted to learn, or are you spending half your session on ab training (lol).
To be honest, I probably don't need a gym partner. I'm focused enough to do what I need to in order to reach my goals. It makes a workout go by quicker and more smoothly when you have a good partner. But as I'm learning, the workouts go painfully slower when there are issues.
Already tried talking to the partner, but "ruined her day" by doing so.
It does seem like I'm spending half my session on "ab training". Rather just burn on the treadmill/elliptical/stair climber, and do my weight training, alternating areas based on the day (upper body, core, lower body). When my upper body strength improves, then I will attempt the hardcore stuff.
For the abs, most exercises, I can do, provided that the balance doesn't involve my arms.0 -
I definitely appreciate the honesty everyone!
To answer a few questions:
My training partner is a very close friend, but we may as well be married by the way we act sometimes. (Let's just say looking at another woman is a bad idea in her presence.) I do support her endeavors (like going back to school to become a nurse), and she is supportive of my endeavors as well, including my weight loss goal -- the reason we joined the gym together in the first place.
We are splitting the cost for the training sessions. In conjunction with not getting a benefit from the trainer that I cannot get along with, I agree that it is best to stop paying for the services.
There's been several times that I couldn't focus for that reason. I do need another gym partner.
Are you sure you need a gym partner first of all?
I agree that you shouldn't pay for a service if you're not benefiting from the service. But, one method COULD be to chat with the trainer, or your partner, or both.
Also, it sounds to me like your partner first hired the trainer so that you guys would learn the proper way to use the machines and proper lifting technique. But it sounds like the trainer isn't providing that? Are you actually spending time learning what you wanted to learn, or are you spending half your session on ab training (lol).
To be honest, I probably don't need a gym partner. I'm focused enough to do what I need to in order to reach my goals. It makes a workout go by quicker and more smoothly when you have a good partner. But as I'm learning, the workouts go painfully slower when there are issues.
Already tried talking to the partner, but "ruined her day" by doing so.
It does seem like I'm spending half my session on "ab training". Rather just burn on the treadmill/elliptical/stair climber, and do my weight training, alternating areas based on the day (upper body, core, lower body). When my upper body strength improves, then I will attempt the hardcore stuff.
For the abs, most exercises, I can do, provided that the balance doesn't involve my arms.
Core training has it's place but if you're spending full workouts on your core, or spending half of your session sitting on a bosu ball or doing planks, your trainer is not doing you any services and you could just go get a video with some chick in spandex and accomplish pretty much the same waste of time that you are in the gym, only with a video you'd at least get hot chicks in spandex.
Seriously though, you should be lifting, heavy. Your trainer should be showing you how to do this.
Create a calorie deficit through diet and add in some cardio to help with this, but the gym session should be mostly about moving heavy *kitten*, if your goal is to look good naked.0 -
I think you already know what you want but it is how to do it that has you bothered because you know it will bother the 'friend'. I took a communication course a few years ago and in it was told men do not like confrontation. So, I do not think it is the fact of trying to figure out if you have grounds to dismiss this trainer...because you already know you want to do it, it is the how to do it with minimum damage to your friend. Just get it over with...you already seem to have an exercise plan in place that works for you. If she is really your friend, well she'll be there at the end of all of this no matter what decision you make. Ultimately, you have to do what is healthy for you. Best wishes!0
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Screw her. It's your body, youy health and your life. Take control of it on your own and ditch her.0
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Honestly, it sounds like you're being a little wimpy here. What's wrong with speaking up to your friend and/or trainer and tell them what you want. Maybe they think you're perfectly happy right now. They can't read your mind, so just speak up with confidence. If you can't do that, then perhaps you need to hire your own trainer and ditch the friend and go solo. Group- and partner-training isn't for everyone, so don't feel bad if it didn't work out.
Also, a usual, SideSteel is spot on (heavy lifting vs. spending a lot of time with core/cardio with your trainer).0 -
Just tell her that you've realized that as two different people with very different needs, you've realized trying to work out together and share a trainer just isn't working for you. Don't make it about her or what the trainer did, just tell her it isn't working.0
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Dump your "partner," pay for a trainer yourself if you can afford it, and get your own ride to the gym, or join a new gym.
Even with two people with the exact same fitness needs who get along a shared session would be tricky. The time goes by fast.0 -
This is why I'd never do group training... way to may issues like you are having can come up!
I'd say, ditch the trainer and your friend... and find someone who will work with you and you alone!
What she said..... annnnd~ think about being more assertive and setting boundaries with people. I hate to say it, and maybe I am not going to say this delicately enough, BUT, sounds like you are a doormat who, when he speaks up gets kicked around for being uppity.
Perhaps do some meditations on this.0 -
Was the trainer aware that you're splitting the costs? I mean...your partner hired the trainer as one person and then you showed up. Not saying it's your fault but it sounds like you guys tried to get a 2 for 1 deal without talking to the trainer. He is focusing on her probably because that's who he originally had the contract with.
I would say...if you still want a trainer fire this one and consult the new trainer together so you both get what you're looking for. IDK too many trainers that are ok with sideswiped 2 for 1 deals.
Take a few days and workout on your own. Good Luck! You Can do it!0 -
OMG Drama! Drop them both! This is not helping you and just sounds like a royal pain in the *kitten*. If I had to go through all that drama every time I wanted to work out I'd never go to the gym.
Plus sounds like you want to keep the friendship w/the girl (even if she is too much drama IMO). How long of this nonsense before it starts affecting that? If you want to keep her as a friend you need to drop her as a gym partner.0 -
Going to the gym shouldn't be about relationships between you and anyone else; it's about getting to know yourself and pushing your limits. You're getting so caught up in the drama that your workout partner and trainer are causing, that your own workouts are suffering.
I say ditch them both and get your own trainer that focuses on YOU. To leave you alone is ridiculous. You could get seriously hurt if you end up doing an exercise incorrectly, or you at least won't get the most out of your workout. I get mad at mine when he messes up counting my reps. He'd be b****ed out in the middle of the weight room if he told me to go work out on my own for a bit. :laugh:
^^ This..0 -
sounds to me like she just wanted to split the cost of a trainer....i'd dump them both0
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If you're both paying for the trainer, you should make your concerns heard. It sounds to me she's getting more than her fair share out of the trainer. (Sounds like she has no qualms about that at all either.)
Again, if you're paying for it too, you're not getting your money's worth. :ohwell:
In this day and age, it should be a sin to waste money on something you're not seeing any value from.
If it were me, I would be dropping them both.
Getting to know yourself and your body isn't supposed to be a fight and it sounds like this is (ie, more complicated than it should be, thus in the long run not going to be as successful because it's always going to be a fight).
It's taking away from the pleasure that you need this to be. Just me....but it's rude to speak in another language in front of someone who doesn't understand.
I could not agree more. It sounds like you would be much better off with your own trainer and at least you would get your money's worth out of it as well as the instruction you nee.
Good luck!0 -
Oh HECK no. If you're paying for half the trainer, you should be getting at LEAST half the time. Is this through a gym? Is there another trainer you can switch to?
And honestly? I'd drop her as a gym partner before she drops you as a friend. People start getting crazy about their weight loss journey and her path is obviously not your path.0 -
Sounds like too much drama. That is why I exercise along unless there are classes that I may attend. Pay your own trainer.
So your gym partner is your girlfriend? Did she get you trainer or you?0 -
Sounds like the trainer has a plan to chat up and have a romantic relationship with your Friend and TBH she seems keen, as she is not paying attention to training and her training partner but chatting to him in spanish so you don't know what they are chatting about. End the training contract and end the friendship, he is not providing the service you are paying for and she is not paying you the attention you need.0
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You're not being melodramatic. This is ridiculous. I wouldn't continue this gym partnership if this behavior continues. It's rude for them to not include you in the workout and very rude to converse in a language you don't understand. If you're not happy, you should just go and workout on your own. Don't let their selfishness affect your workout.0
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Need an opinion to understand if my exasperation and frustration in this situation is justified, or if I am being too melodramatic.
I am supposed to work out with my gym partner together. There was one time she became irate because I started a workout a few minutes before her. That is understandable to an extent. We are supposed to be a team, and I stepped out of bounds by doing that.
Eventually, she opts to get a trainer to work with both of us, so we use the machines properly. Naturally, there are too many problems for my own liking.
First, instead of working with us equally, the trainer (a male) focuses more on my partner. The trainer asks about how many calories she burned, how her heart rate is. Me? Nowhere near as often. If the trainer has to ask her about how I am doing, he is not doing his job! Plus there are many times where I am left exercising on my own.
Second, my partner and the trainer constantly talk to each other in Spanish, which makes me feel like an outsider. Close friends or relatives speak Spanish in front of me – no problem. Chances are it is not my concern. It is not okay when someone is providing a paid service to two people, one who is not a native speaker. That is unprofessional!
Third, the trainer suggests exercises that are not a good fit. It is clear from tests that my upper body strength cannot support half my weight, yet I am planking and side planking, which require upper body support! It is difficult to focus on the core and the abdominals to keep balance, when my arms are collapsing! I can do other core exercises more effectively, (and that burn) while I continue to build the upper body strength.
Fourth, there was a time when that the trainer told me to use arm machines, then run on the treadmill and focused all the attention on my partner. My partner berated me for not working out together and that the trainer said I left on my own. This one leaves me wanting to curse a lot.
Then yesterday, my partner is too sick to work out. Yet, she made the drive to the gym so I can work out. She and the trainer spoke near the entrance for over an hour while I was working out. You would think the trainer or her would at least check on me to see how I am doing. Not even once, and considering that she *****ed about us working as a team.
I flat out asked my gym partner if I am a third wheel. Based on the above thoughts, I believe that is a legit question. That question "ruined her day" and put me in the doghouse, while I do not want to talk to her, because she refused to listen to my thoughts above.
So do I have a right to be exasperated, or am I being melodramatic?
Your gym partner sounds melodramatic and the trainer isn't apparently your trainer. Get a new gym partner and a new trainer.0 -
this.He's a douche, she's a bitch....
tell them both to GTFO and go it on your own.
You're better than that, you don't need them.
i'd have dropped her as a partner when she got mad about you starting a few minutes before her. what is she like 8 and need someone to hold her hand0 -
I hate to break it to you, but you don't actually have a trainer. Your friend has a trainer,and you're subsidizing the cost.
Either go it alone, or get a trainer (one that's actually yours) and stop working out with your friend. Otherwise, you may not be friends with her that much longer (although given the drama, that may not be a bad thing :P )0 -
I would just ditch them both and work out by myself. I might tell a manager or owner about the trainer because he seems really unprofessional... clearly he is not doing his job at all. Do you need a trainer to go mess around with an arm machine and run on a treadmill? I don't think so. He is not training you at all.0
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I think you should just go at it alone. I too tired the whole buddy thing and it didn't go well. I workout for me and no one else so I go at it alone.0
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First of all, if you are paying half of the fee for the trainer then you are being ripped off I think. Are you being dramatic it sounds like internally yes. Unless you have had and outward explosion about this then no.
The unprofessional behavior needs to be reported to the appropriate owner/manager of your gym.
Your training partner has a different agenda then you do.
Drop both but keep it classy not trashy
This! I would drop both the trainer and the partner. Tell them both that you aren't getting what you need and feel you need to try something different.0 -
Plain and simple, if you are paying for part of this training, your trainer is responsible to equally coach you both. If that isn't happening, I wouldn't be paying. I would probably also make a formal complaint to the gym that he works out of, he seems very unprofessional. I can tell you this would never be tolerated at the gym I go to, don't put up with it!0
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Go through your gym partner's purse and get your balls back....and move on from both her and the trainer ASAP0
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From what you've described, it definitely sounds like you were left out of the loop. If you're training two people, shouldn't you give equal time to each client? Just a thought.0
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Why dont you just say you dont want the trainer anymore and do it on your own0
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Need an opinion to understand if my exasperation and frustration in this situation is justified, or if I am being too melodramatic.
I am supposed to work out with my gym partner together. There was one time she became irate because I started a workout a few minutes before her. That is understandable to an extent. We are supposed to be a team, and I stepped out of bounds by doing that.
Eventually, she opts to get a trainer to work with both of us, so we use the machines properly. Naturally, there are too many problems for my own liking.
First, instead of working with us equally, the trainer (a male) focuses more on my partner. The trainer asks about how many calories she burned, how her heart rate is. Me? Nowhere near as often. If the trainer has to ask her about how I am doing, he is not doing his job! Plus there are many times where I am left exercising on my own.
Second, my partner and the trainer constantly talk to each other in Spanish, which makes me feel like an outsider. Close friends or relatives speak Spanish in front of me – no problem. Chances are it is not my concern. It is not okay when someone is providing a paid service to two people, one who is not a native speaker. That is unprofessional!
Third, the trainer suggests exercises that are not a good fit. It is clear from tests that my upper body strength cannot support half my weight, yet I am planking and side planking, which require upper body support! It is difficult to focus on the core and the abdominals to keep balance, when my arms are collapsing! I can do other core exercises more effectively, (and that burn) while I continue to build the upper body strength.
Fourth, there was a time when that the trainer told me to use arm machines, then run on the treadmill and focused all the attention on my partner. My partner berated me for not working out together and that the trainer said I left on my own. This one leaves me wanting to curse a lot.
Then yesterday, my partner is too sick to work out. Yet, she made the drive to the gym so I can work out. She and the trainer spoke near the entrance for over an hour while I was working out. You would think the trainer or her would at least check on me to see how I am doing. Not even once, and considering that she *****ed about us working as a team.
I flat out asked my gym partner if I am a third wheel. Based on the above thoughts, I believe that is a legit question. That question "ruined her day" and put me in the doghouse, while I do not want to talk to her, because she refused to listen to my thoughts above.
So do I have a right to be exasperated, or am I being melodramatic?
Yes u have the right to be upset0 -
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