"just don't get THAT ripped"....

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T34418l3angel
T34418l3angel Posts: 474 Member
in Motivation and Support
Ok so the main reason I decided I need to get fit, or at least the pushing point was that I had found out my husband was talking *kitten* about my weight and how "fat" I've gotten. It really hurt but I decided I would get fit not because he thought I should but for me, to make myself feel better and more accomplished. I've been using mfp for about a month and a half and am loving the way my body is starting to look, I'm counting calories, doing different work outs (insanity, cardio, trx, deadlifts, squats, boxing, to name a few) and I'm loving it. Not only do I have more energy and feel healthy but I get a little "me" time away from my kids for once since they are now in school (kindergarten and first grade). I finally have gotten to where I forgave my husband for his idiotness (he seemed to have regretted it). then today when he picked me up from the gym he tells me that I shouldn't lift so heavy because it's not good for my muscles (not true and I know it). Then I think back to when he showed me deadlifts and he had made a stupid remark when I lifted 145 (instead of the 55 he said was the max I should do) "sure if you want to look like hulk. Then today he sends me a text with the picture below saying "just don't get that ripped". It's really pissing me off because first I was too fat (according to him), now I can't get to muscular.... I cant win. I'm not trying to bash my husband in any way, we have a great marriage but this is the only issue that he seems to constantly have foot in mouth syndrome about. ok rant over.

This is the pic he text:
7916642586_c2757aa02f.jpg
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  • T34418l3angel
    T34418l3angel Posts: 474 Member
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    Bump!!
  • T34418l3angel
    T34418l3angel Posts: 474 Member
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    Bump for advice!!!
  • 2hobbit1
    2hobbit1 Posts: 820 Member
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    He probably has a case of buyers remorse. Now that he showed you the gym and nudged you in that direction he may be afraid you will be hanging with the jocks and looking for greener pastures.
    He may be in need of some reassurance.
  • houseofcarpenter
    houseofcarpenter Posts: 127 Member
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    mmm not sure what to say... my first thought is "*kitten*" he shouldn't put you down for a) being bigger in the first place and then b) for doing something about it. but then my next thought is that men don't seem to have a connection from their brain to their mouth so he might not have meant it as mean as it sounded. you could just ignore him we both know the chances of you looking like the picture he sent you is unlikely unless your planning on your weightlifting taking over your life... so there wont be a problem in the long run anyway... may be you need to say to him that he needs to either support you in getting healthy or to not say anything until your looking fab in the little black dress and you can tell him that you told him you knew what you were doing in the first place!!! well done and keep going
  • houseofcarpenter
    houseofcarpenter Posts: 127 Member
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    more importantly whys he looking for pictures like that lol :laugh:
  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
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    Maybe you should tell him to worry about his own body and you are perfectly capable of handling how you look and what you do with yours.

    He sounds like he's worried, first he badmouths you about being fat, now that you are dedicated I think he's worried you are looking hot and you are attracting a lot of male attention.

    Honestly I think your hubby needs to keep his comments to himself, he's not helping..
  • T34418l3angel
    T34418l3angel Posts: 474 Member
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    more importantly whys he looking for pictures like that lol :laugh:

    Lol I know right!!
  • Shadowsan
    Shadowsan Posts: 365 Member
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    To be fair...

    The wife has said similar to me.

    I did tell her I used to be quite a muscular person and reasonably lean... But recently she came out in front of her friend with "If he gets really big i'd have to file for divorce" - referring to muscular guys.

    Her explanation was that she married me for who I was at the time and supposedly likes my more cuddly frame over where I wanted to get back to, which was lean again...

    It happens to everyone. Best way to explain it is find someone who you like the look of, find out their program and then show your husband and say "If I lift this much and control my calories, I won't look too far different to this" to put his mind at rest.

    However his total lack of tact and apparent pig-headedness might not accept that anyway.
  • T34418l3angel
    T34418l3angel Posts: 474 Member
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    Maybe you should tell him to worry about his own body and you are perfectly capable of handling how you look and what you do with yours.

    He sounds like he's worried, first he badmouths you about being fat, now that you are dedicated I think he's worried you are looking hot and you are attracting a lot of male attention.

    Honestly I think your hubby needs to keep his comments to himself, he's not helping..

    Yea my reply to his text was that if I decide to look like the dude from 300 then that's my problem not his. Lol. Obviously that's not my goal but his comments are just so idiotic and hurtful.
  • savageman69
    savageman69 Posts: 339 Member
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    your husband doesnt seem real helpful.....i agree its probably hes scared youill leave.

    Side not those ladies in that photo are AMAZING looking i dont care what anyone says wow
  • T34418l3angel
    T34418l3angel Posts: 474 Member
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    your husband doesnt seem real helpful.....i agree its probably hes scared youill leave.

    Side not those ladies in that photo are AMAZING looking i dont care what anyone says wow

    I totally agree those girls are HOT! But he says they look "manly".
    Honestly I don't think it's jealousy and if it is it's retarded because when we first got together I was a Bartender in Vegas, in good shape and my uniform was nothing but a little dress, he's in the military and was gone allot and was never jealous then, now that we live in a little city in Oklahoma and i don't dress in such skimpy outfits it seems unlikely that the jealousy would start now.
  • Sarah_Wins
    Sarah_Wins Posts: 936 Member
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    Yeah, sounds like a great marriage
  • T34418l3angel
    T34418l3angel Posts: 474 Member
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    Yeah, sounds like a great marriage

    yea, because having ONE problem constitutes divorce *rolls eyes*.
  • itsuki
    itsuki Posts: 520 Member
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    Yeah, sounds like a great marriage

    yea, because having ONE problem constitutes divorce *rolls eyes*.

    One problem, if it's big enough, can be.

    He's insulting you and controlling you. These are common signs of an abusive relationship. If it hurts your feelings you really need to be honest and have a talk with him.
  • Shadowsan
    Shadowsan Posts: 365 Member
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    Lets not go overboard here stating an abusive relationship etc - we don't know the ins/outs and we have no right to make assumptions.

    All I can say is try to alleviate his fears by showing him an example of how you want to look vs what exercises it takes to get there. If he doesn't listen at that point, it's time to crack out the "It's my goddamn body and i'll do what I want with it" statement - because he's obviously too pig-headed to listen.
  • Hendrix7
    Hendrix7 Posts: 1,903 Member
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    Im not sure what you are asking but I can assure you you won't suddenly wake up one day extremely muscular.

    In b4 "omg what a *kitten* you should get a divorce" etc etc etc
  • T34418l3angel
    T34418l3angel Posts: 474 Member
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    Yeah, sounds like a great marriage

    yea, because having ONE problem constitutes divorce *rolls eyes*.

    One problem, if it's big enoUgh, can be.

    He's insulting you and controlling you. These are common signs of an abusive relationship. If it hurts your feelings you really need to be honest and have a talk with him.
    I understand the concern in that aspect but he isn't abusive at all. I will have a talk with him about it though. honestly I think it's because the fact he is in the military he doesn't want to get deployed and come back to a woman that is completely different, I get that, but I also feel that he could definitely say it in a better way and be more supportive of the progress that I'm making.
  • kris10cass
    kris10cass Posts: 47 Member
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    It's like he wants you to lose weight, but not "too much" that other guys might notice you more.... ohhhh men..
  • T34418l3angel
    T34418l3angel Posts: 474 Member
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    Lets not go overboard here stating an abusive relationship etc - we don't know the ins/outs and we have no right to make assumptions.

    All I can say is try to alleviate his fears by showing him an example of how you want to look vs what exercises it takes to get there. If he doesn't listen at that point, it's time to crack out the "It's my goddamn body and i'll do what I want with it" statement - because he's obviously too pig-headed to listen.

    Thank you! I'm gonna look for some pictures of my goal body to show him and if that don't change his mind from thinking I'm gonna turn out "manly" then I'm definitely using the "it's my goddamn body..." bit! Lol
  • Sarabeth1980
    Sarabeth1980 Posts: 62 Member
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    My husband does the same. Not the fat comment, he says he likes me how I am. I want to lose a few more lbs and gain back my lost muscle mass. he always says, don't get muscular it looks gross. I think muscular women are hot. I just have to find a balance.

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