"just don't get THAT ripped"....
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"we have a great marriage...." :huh:
Doesn't sound like it's too great if he's constantly criticizing your body, your behavior and your choices..[/b]
Why worry so much about what he says? To do it for you is one thing, to do it for another will not make YOU happy, like now, all he is doing is criticizing. If you truly were doing it for you it wouldn't matter much what his thoughts were, it's your body, not his!:noway:
Yeah, sounds like a great marriage
yea, because having ONE problem constitutes divorce *rolls eyes*.
One problem, if it's big enough, can be.
He's insulting you and controlling you. These are common signs of an abusive relationship. If it hurts your feelings you really need to be honest and have a talk with him.
] I agree, a controlling partner is a sign of bigger things to come, nothing to "roll your eyes" about. It's as if you brought up his behavior and are now trying to defend that same behavior by recanting that's he's a great guy and the marriage is all that and a bag of chips..
Perhaps I missed something but I don't recall seeing the poster several quotes up even bringing up divorce, in fact no one has.
I forgot my sarcasm doesn't read very well via text. So in laymen's terms I'd like to say that these few statements that I am talking about in this very post are the only bad, rude, mean, or hurtful things that he's ever said to me. I don't see how three hurtful (and rather sarcastic) comments equals a bad marriage. I'm not defending his actions, but I'm not going to say my husband is being abusive either because that's far from the truth.... Idiotic yes, abusive not even close.0 -
Yeah, sounds like a great marriage
yea, because having ONE problem constitutes divorce *rolls eyes*.
But excessive control and body shame aren't a positive... Especially if you're turning to MFP forums, not talking to him o_O0 -
This is about you. You get as ripped as you want. He can get on board with you or get over it.
As for being "that" ripped...it's not impossible but it's unlikely. It's difficult to get there. It sound like you are heading in the right direction for fat loss and sculpting a lean, firm body but not "ripped".
Your hubby needs to keep his opinions to himself and be supportive of your goals.0 -
Do whatever make you happy. I believe that in a marriage, compromise is important.... except in this instance. Your body and your health is a place where being selfish is a good morning thing.0
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My guess is that he wants burlesque, not brawn!!
Next time he goes into idiot mode, do the pec flex and say 'Hulk Smash'! LOL!0 -
My guess is that he wants burlesque, not brawn!!
Next time he goes into idiot mode, do the pec flex and say 'Hulk Smash'! LOL!
Hahaha!! I love this! Lol0 -
My guess is that he wants burlesque, not brawn!!
Next time he goes into idiot mode, do the pec flex and say 'Hulk Smash'! LOL!
I think that`s it, too. I know no military people, but my impression is that they might prefer the look of a `traditionally`female woman.0 -
My guess is that he wants burlesque, not brawn!!
Next time he goes into idiot mode, do the pec flex and say 'Hulk Smash'! LOL!
Haha, I like this. Being "That ripped" just means that he doesn't want your body fat to go too low, which is a lot of work to do and maintain.
Now I am singing this in my head: "You've got the brawn, I've got the brains.
Let's make lots of money"0 -
Well, dont know what to say about your husband that everyone else hasn't already said, but THANK YOU for posting that picture. Its Hawtness & I loves it! (saved to desktop)0
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Two things seem odd to me. That these are isolated comments. The only time he has commented on your body are these two times? The too fat comment and the too buff comment? Did he never care before how you looked? Also it seems odd you feel like you have to come here for support. I'm not saying that I don't. I very often come here for support. I'm just hoping that if you are really hurt by these comments that you have other people you can talk to about it. Or maybe you just like the anonymous forum here?0
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People like different things . My personal goal is not those pics . ( not that it's even possible) . I'm not sure how healthy that extreme is . .. . I agree with the other posts that he's probably a little nervous . My Fiancé is not normally jealous but he's had a strange reaction to MFP . Change is hard for everyone . Even our spouses0
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Two things seem odd to me. That these are isolated comments. The only time he has commented on your body are these two times? The too fat comment and the too buff comment? Did he never care before how you looked? Also it seems odd you feel like you have to come here for support. I'm not saying that I don't. I very often come here for support. I'm just hoping that if you are really hurt by these comments that you have other people you can talk to about it. Or maybe you just like the anonymous forum here?
Sadly I don't have other females to talk to about this sort of thing. odd but true. Being that my husband is in the military we move often and we just moved to Oklahoma a few months ago, it's hard to make real connections when you know you will be moving again soon, I have met people but as far as putting my business out to the army wives of the people my husband works with isn't the best idea. And I never said those were the only comments he's made to me, he does compliment me allot, those are just the only idiotic ones. Yes since we moved here I did gain weight, feeling alone and away from everything I know gets depressing. This was the only time that I've ever been over weight, so comments on my weight have never happened before this. Honestly I wanted to rant and get it out so I don't over react and bite his head off, now that I've done that I'm over it. Thanks everyone for the support!0 -
Two things seem odd to me. That these are isolated comments. The only time he has commented on your body are these two times? The too fat comment and the too buff comment? Did he never care before how you looked? Also it seems odd you feel like you have to come here for support. I'm not saying that I don't. I very often come here for support. I'm just hoping that if you are really hurt by these comments that you have other people you can talk to about it. Or maybe you just like the anonymous forum here?
Sadly I don't have other females to talk to about this sort of thing. odd but true. Being that my husband is in the military we move often and we just moved to Oklahoma a few months ago, it's hard to make real connections when you know you will be moving again soon, I have met people but as far as putting my business out to the army wives of the people my husband works with isn't the best idea. And I never said those were the only comments he's made to me, he does compliment me allot, those are just the only idiotic ones. Yes since we moved here I did gain weight, feeling alone and away from everything I know gets depressing. This was the only time that I've ever been over weight, so comments on my weight have never happened before this. Honestly I wanted to rant and get it out so I don't over react and bite his head off, now that I've done that I'm over it. Thanks everyone for the support!
I'm thinking that it's coming across to us in a different light than it was dished. Men can say some really dumb and hurtful things unintentionally to their wives. They make entire comedy shows about it sometimes! LOL. My point is, I think he just made a few comments that he didn't think about. Of course he should be able to be honest with you if you're at an unhealthy point (but then he should be either healthy or trying to be healthy as well), but being rude is never the key.
I think it's beyond any of us to recommend marriage counseling or divorce for you guys, lol. Being a military wife myself, I understand how you can't talk to other local military wives, and often don't have local girl friends. So all I see is a wife venting about some stupid comments her husband made. Sounds like he just needed a good slap on the head LOL0 -
I think those girls in the pic are hot hahaha seriously. You look great now, and any changes you make should be yours and yours alone. If it makes you feel good, by all means
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Maybe you should tell him he ought to work on his own self image, and stop concerning himself with yours. He shouldn't love you any more or less, no matter what you look like. He especially shouldn't be saying hurtful things about you behind your back... WTF is that? Confidence, and a positive attitude can make anyone beautiful. With that said... Your husband seems to be quite un-attractive; hence... insecurity. Something only he can address... sounds like he's trying to manipulate you into whatever he is comfortable with... Not too hot, not too fat. Just thin enough for him to still be physically attracted to you... yet not too attractive, that he doesn't have to actually TRY to keep you. Sounds like an *kitten* to me... if my boyfriend tried to alter my self image, to his own means.... Well... He'd find himself pretty lonely pretty quickly. Assert yourself....and realize when your are being down right manipulated.0
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You'd probably make him feel inadequate if you got that fit. Self conscious? Can't think of the correct word, but you catch my drift.
If I were you, get as fit as you want. Better fit than fat. :P0 -
I think I could handle being that ripped! Lol better than being squishy and fluffy! I think you look great! Keep it up and tell him to zip his lips!0
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My boyfriend has said the exact same thing to me! Actually, this is sad, but my biceps are bigger than his, just because he doesn't ever work out so he's extremely underweight for his height( he's like 6'2 and 130 lbs). But honestly, your husband should feel lucky that you take such good care of yourself! Do what you want to do, be healthy, and get as muscular as you want to get. Chances are, your husband will still think you are attractive no matter how ripped you are.0
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Dear OP:
I don't know how long you've been married, but it sounds as though it has been under 10 years. Why do I guess this? Well, after being married for 30+ years, you learn that the best of marriages happened because each partner learned to ignore all the dumb @$$ comments or attitudes or remarks made over the years. I am NOT defending any stupid hurtful remark. I AM suggesting you just go forward with how YOU want to live your life, and if he chooses to be included in it, he will accept and love you for who you are or become. You cannot control what others do or say. You can only control how you react or respond to them.
YOU choose to be whatever size or shape you want and he will just have to deal with it. :flowerforyou:
See ya at the gym!0 -
They're enough to drive you crazy eh.
If you're losing the weight for you try not to dwell on his hurtful comments, but I do agree that telling him he's being a bit of an *kitten* is a good idea. Nice like
Other thing is: it may be "buyers remorse" it may not, I know my hubby has recently become obsessed with the idea I'm going to get "stronger" than him (like that would ever happen :laugh:). Honestly, what goes through their heads.....lol. May be a comparative thing: becoming worried you'll look more ripped than him - obvs I don't know your hubby so just guessing here 0 -
Two things seem odd to me. That these are isolated comments. The only time he has commented on your body are these two times? The too fat comment and the too buff comment? Did he never care before how you looked? Also it seems odd you feel like you have to come here for support. I'm not saying that I don't. I very often come here for support. I'm just hoping that if you are really hurt by these comments that you have other people you can talk to about it. Or maybe you just like the anonymous forum here?
Sadly I don't have other females to talk to about this sort of thing. odd but true. Being that my husband is in the military we move often and we just moved to Oklahoma a few months ago, it's hard to make real connections when you know you will be moving again soon, I have met people but as far as putting my business out to the army wives of the people my husband works with isn't the best idea. And I never said those were the only comments he's made to me, he does compliment me allot, those are just the only idiotic ones. Yes since we moved here I did gain weight, feeling alone and away from everything I know gets depressing. This was the only time that I've ever been over weight, so comments on my weight have never happened before this. Honestly I wanted to rant and get it out so I don't over react and bite his head off, now that I've done that I'm over it. Thanks everyone for the support!
It sucks that you are lonely and I'm sorry to hear that! I am glad you have the forums here for support. I can see how moving often would make it easy to isolate yourself. I'm not even sure what a good solution is. An online support group for military wives? Does such a thing exist? A way to make friendships you can maintain from any location. People who understand but aren't local and connected to your husbands job. I hope that this has all helped you to feel listened to and supported.0 -
Doesn't seem like too much to be worried about. He might be a little insecure that his wife could end up physically stronger than him. And you're not going to look like the girl in the picture if you lift. Just seems like one of those little things couples have tension over. Not a big deal.0
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As a married guy, my observations:
First off, get fit for you and hit your goals. He should be supportive and encouraging. By definition a healthy couple makes for a longer marriage that both partners are able to better enjoy.
Second, when you are married, your definition of hot/attractive/beautiful/etc is your spouse. End of discussion. Your definition of what is attractive changes as they change. If he doesn't get it, tell him I said that's the way it is.0 -
Those women are hot. My hubby wouldn't want me to look like that either. However if it's what I want to do with my body then he would learn to deal with it.0
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I am having a hard time imagining a circumstance where this
and this..I had found out my husband was talking *kitten* about my weight and how "fat" I've gotten.
are simultaneously true...we have a great marriage...0 -
I'm glad you are feeling better about things. Everyone says stupid stuff sometimes. This is one of those times I would say, "okay honey, I'll make sure not to look like that" and smile and move along and do my own thing. It's not like you will wake up one day and be ripped like that anyway! I'm sure you look great.0
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