Husband wants me to wear sexier clothes but I just can't

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Replies

  • thelovelyLIZ
    thelovelyLIZ Posts: 1,227 Member
    If you wont do it, someone else will.... #foodforthought

    I'm actually kind of disgusted by this response. No woman should be pressured into doing things she's uncomfortable with for fear that her partner won't be faithful. That's just wrong on so many levels.

    OP, if he's truly disappointed in you for not losing weight, then I agree with irish_eyes... too damn bad for him. Your partner should love you for you and love you at ANY size. Our bodies change as we age. No matter what we do, we're never going to maintain our bodies for the rest of our lives. He needs to learn to love you body at every size, and so do you!

    Now, if you are interested in getting more in touch with your sensual side, I highly recommend taking some sort of fitness class, like pole fitness, belly dancing, chair dancing, stripper aerobics etc. Sensual fitness classes are really popular right now, so I bet you can find a class near you. I've always been uncomfortable with my body in a sexual way too, but taking some pole classes really helped make me more comfortable with it, and embrace it as a beautiful and sexy body. But I do NOT advocate doing this solely so you can dress up for your husband. Do it because you want to learn to love your body and get into touch with your sensual side.
  • MariFitBody
    MariFitBody Posts: 287 Member
    He should never make you feel like you have to do something you're not comfortable doing.

    The key to almost every relationship issue is communication.

    Let him know exactly how you feel. Let him know that you're working hard at being healthier, and that when you're comfortable you'll think about dressing up for him, on occasion.

    If you do this and he still pressures you, you may have a problem. If he wants to change how you dress/look overall, you may have a problem.

    It has nothing to do with being comfortable with yourself. If your husband or whatever he is loves u he will never make you feel uncomfortable. He would never sit there and tell you all the things hes telling you and you being a woman shouldn't put up with it.
  • Salvi30
    Salvi30 Posts: 196 Member
    Just keep working out, watch what you eat, and find a better place with yourself. Once everything comes together, then go buy some sexy clothes. You have to feel sexy in order for him to find you sexy. You can do it. =)
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    my boyfriend looks at me me the same way in sexy clothing as he does when im in sweats, no make up, and pimples. <3 this has continued even after 4 years together and two in the same house. he is the reason i have come to accept and love my body just how it is. i was a weak individual before. conforming to peer presure and the idea of the ideal body instilled on us throught the media. bassically i had bulimia and obsesivly exercised myself into a hospital for half a year. now im proud enough of it to strut around naked.no matter what i say, you will not understand how much this means to me. to be able to accept me and love me. i never thought i would be here in my life, and im happy to have someone who supports me and loves me for my inside not my outside. do you know what it feels like to look like crap, then see someone gazing at you with 'sexy eyes' anyways? like you're the only person in the world that matters. and that's how it should be. im not a 50 house wife. im not waiting at the door in a pretty skirt with a cocktail. im getting help making dinner and doing chores, i'm 100% respectful and open to his feelings as he is to mine, and if anyone commanded me to do anything- id be outa there in a second because i respect myself.

    if your hubs cant respect you for who you are and is trying to change you, you may want to decided whats more important to YOU. once again, this journey is about you.

    Having respect for yourself is a whole package of mind/body or mental/physical or thoughts/actions or words/deeds and hard to measure or separate.

    If you believe in concepts such as honor, integrity, and justice then carry those concepts into your everyday life you will have respect for yourself as well as others.

    "Without self-respect there can be no genuine success. Success won at the cost of self-respect is not success ? for what shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own self-respect." - B. C. Forbes
  • SweetJoanne
    SweetJoanne Posts: 106 Member
    Hi, I am trying to hard to loose weight and like you have an injury so it is harder, I am trying very much. I have always liked to dress nice for my man and have no matter what size I have been worn sexy lingerie. It is for me. I like to feel good in it, and I take pride in trying to look nice no matter what the size. Try it I think you will feel better if you do it for him and yourself. He obviously thinks you are sexy show him you feel it too
  • lsapphire
    lsapphire Posts: 297 Member
    try a sexy silk short nightshirt in a pretty print or red. It could be a compromise that works for you both
  • niftyfifty47
    niftyfifty47 Posts: 87 Member
    Is your husband perfect? How dare any man treat any woman with such disrespect. If you love someone it's not about how they look. As for the comments about him finding it somewhere else if you don't bow to his demands.....well I despair to think that there are women in the 21st century thinking like Victorians. You do what you can to please YOU and remember beauty comes from withing. Sounds to me like your husband is totally undermining your self esteem. Tell him to wear the sexy underwear himself!!!
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
    Do whatever makes you comfortable.
    If he doesn't like it, too damn bad and that's the way I look at it.
    If he's going to be this upset over something as simple as not wanting to wear some sexy lingerie because you just don't feel sexy, there could be a problem. Tell him to take a hike.
    However, do keep in mind, that in order for him to do things for you, you have to do things for him.
    How about trying to meet in the middle?
    He wants sexy lingerie, fine. Tell him you want to lose ten pounds or so, and then you'll do it, but until then you'll find something else he'll enjoy equally so.

    SOOOOOOO TRUE!! I didn't feel sexy so didn't wear sexy things day or night. I covered up in tunic style tops, over sized shirts and tshirts to bed etc. Sure I'll would wear something sexy but only with the lights off. As I lost the weight I felt more comfortable and wore nicer more revealing things. I"m still not to my goal weight but I'm in a size 10 now and loving how I look and so is my husband. Now I want to wear sexy things and even undress in front of him, walk around naked and don't make him close his eyes anymore when I'm getting changed. Oh yeah I used to tell him to close his eyes or put the pillow over his face so he couldn't see me naked. I didn't even want to see myself let alone have him see me! Now I strut around like no ones business.

    Tell your DH what goes around comes around. If he wants to see you in sexy clothes then he can help you feel better about how you look and feel and then you'll gladly strut around for him in something sexy. In the mean time shop in a big girl store like lane bryant and get some nice nighties there. They are sexy without being too revealing. Sometimes its all about getting a good fit that makes the difference.
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
    Get yourself that sexy lingerie!!!!...if it makes you uncomfortable dressing up for your own husband roleplay and pretend you're someone else, someone who isn't uncomfortable. It's kind of unfair to your husband if you don't at least make an effort with your appearance x Who knows you might find yourself loving your new sexy you...Believe me, once you own sexy underwear you won't want to ever wear the less-sexy stuff again! I literally do not own any 'functional' underwear!!!
  • I have sooooo been in your position. I had weight loss surgery and lost over 100lbs. I still have 40 to go, but it took a very long time to feel sexy. The man I was with commented about my weight a lot, and it did nothing but make me feel terrible and eat more. Knowing you are being judged does not make you want to dress in lingerie. My advice for you is to dress up more in your clothing, hair and makeup. this will inspire you to keep working at your goal. Add me as a friend, I think we could relate on some things.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    If you wont do it, someone else will.... #foodforthought

    more like... if someone truly loves you they should listen to your concerns and not force anything on you that you dont want to do. certainly saying her husband is going to cheat on her isnt helping anything at all...

    and if you actually believe your husband would do that, then its time to move on. personally, i wouldn't put up with anyyyyyyy of this. i wear what i want when i want to make ME feel happy.
  • ktmmom189
    ktmmom189 Posts: 132 Member
    Whose got advice? And please, I didn't post this to start a man bash, so don't do it.

    First of all, thank you for that.

    Anyways, I've definitely been there, and still am there a lot of the time. My boyfriend doesn't ask me to dress like anything - he honestly doesn't care if I wear a potato sack or a sexy nurse outfit. However, I feel like he deserves a girl that looks better, and I've been trying to feel better about myself so I can make myself look better.

    Start off small - you dont need to go from t shirts to full on lingerie. Try putting on a little makeup, and see how you feel, do your hair, even if you're just staying in, wear a V neck shirt instead of a crew neck - stuff like that. Go to the store and buy slightly "sexier" underwear. You dont have to go straight for lacy thongs, maybe get boy shorts with lace trim or a cute print?

    Those are some things I have done.
    Hope it helps.

    Love this. My husband could care less. I was a 102 lbs when I met him and now am 158. Still loves me and still thinks I am sexy. me however not at all. Just recently am I trying to get out of the tshirts because truly I know they make me look bigger and I want to look nice. I want me to look nice. While I want to lose weight I also want me to love me for who I am now. I was 102 pounds due to an eating disorder so this has been all my life. I see women who are heavier and they are happy in their own skin and comfortable. I always think they look great in sexy clothes. I am aiming for that outlook while trying to get healthier. I agree start small hair, makeup, a new outfit.
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    Ok, I have been on MFP for over a year and I've stalled out a bit. Haven't lost any weight in months and re-injured an old back injury and am only now starting to get back on the workout track. Aerobics only, no weight training yet. I'm going slow because I couldn't work out at all for three months and I don't want that to happen again.

    But I'm still huge and feeling so fat and uckie. My husband wants me to get some sexy lingerie for big women. I am resisting that because I feel anything but sexy and just want to cover up. I know he's disappointed in me, he doesn't like heavy women and he makes that very clear to me all the time. I'm not trying to lose weight for him I'm doing it for me, and he doesn't make it easy, let me tell you. He's glad I'm working out and trying but since there haven't been lots of results I can tell he's very disappointed in me.

    He calls me a hippie because I don't like wearing a lot of makeup, and I tend not to wear sexy / skimpy clothes. He thinks it's because I was influenced as a child during the 60's and I don't like objectifying women. Well, I don't, but don't get me wrong, I do like to get dressed up when there's a reason to. There just hasn't been a reason to in a long time, and now when I try I'm just so gosh darn heavy I can't find anything that I can fit into let alone feel good in or even think I look good in when I do. I'll be realistic here, I'm never going to be the kind of girl who get's Jerseyfied, if you get my drift.

    But I just don't know how to feel good about myself. I can't look in the mirror without absolutely wanting to vomit. (Not bulemia, the old bod is just too disgusting.) Anything skimpy / sexy just shows all the parts I'm embarassed to show. I'd rather wear a big t-shirt then a see through anything, and don't even talk about thongs. And this has my husband saying, "Why won't you do anything for me?" I get that he would like it, he just doesn't get where I am about it, or maybe he does and doesn't care.

    Whose got advice? And please, I didn't post this to start a man bash, so don't do it.

    I totally understand what you mean by feeling disgusting. I have lost 28lbs and I still have 55lbs to go to hit my modest goal ( still 10lbs into *obese* according to BMI). Men are not always the greatest about supporting us in the way we NEED to feel supported. Maybe you can find ONE part, such as your chest, that isn't too gross and buy a few things to accentuate that part. That way you can cover the worst of your issues while still doing something for hubby. There is nothing wrong with buying a few pieces to wear in the privacy of the bedroom, or ONLY around the house...

    Believe me when I tell you that your hubby might be the first to discover that your body has changed. I had lost about 15lbs and was peeved because I had to TELL hubby that I had lost weight, he hadn't noticed :( About a week later we were in bed and he says "you have hip bones again!" and another time I started to get mad at him because he saw me without my shirt and he said "damn honey!" and I got mad 'cause I thought he meant "damn are you FAT honey", but he explained that he meant "damn honey, your love handles are smaller!"
  • BaconMD
    BaconMD Posts: 1,165 Member
    As a man, I have to put my two cents in. First, I'll say that men do not notice the little flaws that ladies do. The things that you hate about yourself, he may actually love. I don't want to say, get out of your comfort zone, he'll go elsewhere, etc. Because I wouldn't, and never have. Not all men are complete *kitten*. If yours would, then maybe it's time to just move on and find one who loves you for you, not for what you do or don't wear, or what number shows up on the scale. All that being said, I think you need to stop worrying so much about how your body looks. You're working on it, and I encourage you to not give up.
  • MariFitBody
    MariFitBody Posts: 287 Member

    But I'm still huge and feeling so fat and uckie. My husband wants me to get some sexy lingerie for big women. I am resisting that because I feel anything but sexy and just want to cover up. I know he's disappointed in me, he doesn't like heavy women and he makes that very clear to me all the time. I'm not trying to lose weight for him I'm doing it for me, and he doesn't make it easy, let me tell you. He's glad I'm working out and trying but since there haven't been lots of results I can tell he's very disappointed in me.

    He calls me a hippie because I don't like wearing a lot of makeup, and I tend not to wear sexy / skimpy clothes. He thinks it's because I was influenced as a child during the 60's and I don't like objectifying women. Well, I don't, but don't get me wrong, I do like to get dressed up when there's a reason to. There just hasn't been a reason to in a long time, and now when I try I'm just so gosh darn heavy I can't find anything that I can fit into let alone feel good in or even think I look good in when I do. I'll be realistic here, I'm never going to be the kind of girl who get's Jerseyfied, if you get my drift.

    But I just don't know how to feel good about myself. I can't look in the mirror without absolutely wanting to vomit. (Not bulemia, the old bod is just too disgusting.) Anything skimpy / sexy just shows all the parts I'm embarrassed to show. I'd rather wear a big t-shirt then a see through anything, and don't even talk about thongs. And this has my husband saying, "Why won't you do anything for me?" I get that he would like it, he just doesn't get where I am about it, or maybe he does and doesn't care.

    Whose got advice? And please, I didn't post this to start a man bash, so don't do it.

    Wow! If your husband makes you feel this way I'm sorry but that's messed up! I dont think I could ever be with anybody that made me feel insecure about myself in any way shape or form.
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
    I'd suggest counseling for both of you. You shouldn't hate your body so much. He shouldn't constantly remind you of your weight.

    This....that much self loathing is distressing and obviously problematic for both of you.
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
    If you wont do it, someone else will.... #foodforthought

    Empathy at it's finest....smh

    I think in order to feel sexy for him, you have to feel sexy for you....you know? I completely understand your predicament. You'll get there though. You're on the right track. He needs to be more patient and more understanding. It's hard for a woman to feel sexy on the outside when she isn't comfortable in her own skin.

    This! I saw many other people saying you should do this for him, but he needs to do something for you first; like, ya know, not reiterate the fact that he doesn't like heavy women and be patient with your weight loss.
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
    I agree with the other lady here you must take care of your man, but I am over 50 and old fashioned I guess.

    You will feel better and gain confidence if you lose weight. I was in the same boat until I lost weight. Now it's like my husband has a new wife and he loves it and is the envy of all his friends. :)

    My success story and I hope it helps ---> http://www.venusindex.com/roberta-saums-venus-index-transformation/


    Well Said!!!!
  • Tickateeboo
    Tickateeboo Posts: 132 Member
    If you wont do it, someone else will.... #foodforthought

    I'm actually kind of disgusted by this response. No woman should be pressured into doing things she's uncomfortable with for fear that her partner won't be faithful. That's just wrong on so many levels.

    OP, if he's truly disappointed in you for not losing weight, then I agree with irish_eyes... too damn bad for him. Your partner should love you for you and love you at ANY size. Our bodies change as we age. No matter what we do, we're never going to maintain our bodies for the rest of our lives. He needs to learn to love you body at every size, and so do you!

    Now, if you are interested in getting more in touch with your sensual side, I highly recommend taking some sort of fitness class, like pole fitness, belly dancing, chair dancing, stripper aerobics etc. Sensual fitness classes are really popular right now, so I bet you can find a class near you. I've always been uncomfortable with my body in a sexual way too, but taking some pole classes really helped make me more comfortable with it, and embrace it as a beautiful and sexy body. But I do NOT advocate doing this solely so you can dress up for your husband. Do it because you want to learn to love your body and get into touch with your sensual side.

    Couldn't have put it better myself!
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
    If you wont do it, someone else will.... #foodforthought

    By the way, this quote is so messed up. So we need to do everything our husbands request or they'll leave us for some one who will? What? If that were the case, let him go! Seriously.
  • tracieaturner
    tracieaturner Posts: 4 Member
    Men are funny and fairly simple. Often times I have found when a couple is in this state it is both parties fault. The woman for withdrawing emotionally and sexually. The man for losing empathy and compassion. I do not know your husband but I would bet that it’s not your weight he doesn’t like it’s your mental image of your weight. Sexier clothing, makeup and hair are ways women show the world what to think of them. Your husband wants this likely not because it makes you uncomfortable but because he is look for confidence and sexuality in you. I have to agree with the counseling suggestion since there is more than just pounds that need to be shed here.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    Ok, I have been on MFP for over a year and I've stalled out a bit. Haven't lost any weight in months and re-injured an old back injury and am only now starting to get back on the workout track. Aerobics only, no weight training yet. I'm going slow because I couldn't work out at all for three months and I don't want that to happen again.

    But I'm still huge and feeling so fat and uckie. My husband wants me to get some sexy lingerie for big women. I am resisting that because I feel anything but sexy and just want to cover up. I know he's disappointed in me, he doesn't like heavy women and he makes that very clear to me all the time. I'm not trying to lose weight for him I'm doing it for me, and he doesn't make it easy, let me tell you. He's glad I'm working out and trying but since there haven't been lots of results I can tell he's very disappointed in me.

    He calls me a hippie because I don't like wearing a lot of makeup, and I tend not to wear sexy / skimpy clothes. He thinks it's because I was influenced as a child during the 60's and I don't like objectifying women. Well, I don't, but don't get me wrong, I do like to get dressed up when there's a reason to. There just hasn't been a reason to in a long time, and now when I try I'm just so gosh darn heavy I can't find anything that I can fit into let alone feel good in or even think I look good in when I do. I'll be realistic here, I'm never going to be the kind of girl who get's Jerseyfied, if you get my drift.

    But I just don't know how to feel good about myself. I can't look in the mirror without absolutely wanting to vomit. (Not bulemia, the old bod is just too disgusting.) Anything skimpy / sexy just shows all the parts I'm embarassed to show. I'd rather wear a big t-shirt then a see through anything, and don't even talk about thongs. And this has my husband saying, "Why won't you do anything for me?" I get that he would like it, he just doesn't get where I am about it, or maybe he does and doesn't care.

    Whose got advice? And please, I didn't post this to start a man bash, so don't do it.
    Sorry!
    That sounds tough.
    Seems like there's lots of ways to approach the problem.
    The more you exercise, the more you will feel healthier, have normal hormones (and therefore drives), and generally feel better physically. Really, our female hormones can get whacked out!
    Good news is that they can normalize by just eating right, exercise, sleep, reducing stress, etc.
    As you continue to exercise and eat right, you'll feel better about yourself. You'll also feel happier when fit, and I think that's good for romantic moods, too!

    The good news is, it sounds like he just wants you to "give" yourself to him, if you don't mind my saying it that way.
    In otherwords, if you can set aside your current (and temporary!) imperfections long enough to meet his physical needs, it will be a step in the right direction. Let him know with your words and actions that you are working on things (your fitness), and ask him to be encouraging and supportive in return:)

    It's nice that you're understanding toward your husband.
    It would be nice if he could approach this problem in a more loving way.
    But why escalate frustration by getting upset about it? you're doing a good job at that.
  • Lillabet76
    Lillabet76 Posts: 16 Member
    Wow! There are some seriously unhelpful replies on here!
    There is also the odd gem, limesublime is the best one I have read so far.
    My husband loves me whatever size I am and finds me sexy however big I am; he only ever worries about my size for my mental and physical health. I would suggest perhaps you need to sit down and talk to him (coolly and calmly) about how his criticism makes you feel and how to go forward with this and that it needs compromise on both sides.
    It has taken me a long time to come around to the sexy lingerie thing and even then I don't do the thong thing (I do not want floss up my crack!), I do shorties or bigger knickers that are lacy - means I look and feel sexy without being uncomfy!
    If you really want go for serious structural engineering, try (the very 50s - there were some seriously sexy and glam women in that era) girdles, suspender belts, bustiers, stockings kind of thing. Go the whole hog and get a really good corset :) They can be very sexy, hide a lot of wobbly bits and make you feel fab and glam; just go to a good company such as http://www.secretsinlace.com/category/Bettie_Page_Vintage_Lingerie_Collection . Charge it to his credit card, he can't complain ;) My husband will spend money on nice lingerie/corsetry without complaint as long as he gets to see it once in a while :D
    Hope everything gets better for you both.
  • WaterBunnie
    WaterBunnie Posts: 1,371 Member
    I can sympathise, it's very difficult to dress sexy for someone when you don't believe he sees you that way. It can feel like donning someone else's persona rather than being yourself, whereas with someone who can't keep their hands off you, you'd have the confidence to do anything. Size has nothing to do with it when someone is totally accepting of you.
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
    If you husband can't accept and love you the way you are then he doesn't deseve you at all. Wear what you're comfortable wearing and don't change yourself for the amusment of someone else.

    And should he just accept that his wife won't try something to make him happy? There are two people in a relationship, surely the man deserves to be happy too...Is it really that tough to put on lingerie in your own bedroom, he's not asking for whips and chains and 3somes with models! Besides, he is obviously attracted to you or he wouldn't even be asking you to dress up for him in the first place! Compromise, it doesn't have to be a thong or some fishnet bodystocking...just a little tasteful black lace would probably do the trick!

    ETA: The man just wants a little something hot from his wife...it's totally normal. I guarantee if you do it he'll be a bit more supportive of you losing weight in the hope that you'll do it again ;)
  • EBFNP
    EBFNP Posts: 529 Member
    Well if someone else will, run fast. However, I think he needs to be patient. Make a compromise with him to do it slowly. You should do something that will make you doubt yourself and not make you uncomfortable.
  • sappyoldlady
    sappyoldlady Posts: 49 Member
    Suggestion: Lane Bryant has some really cute things...but with that being said....perhaps your husband is a big part of the problem why you don't feel sexy.....I divorced my last husband...he was always putting me down...talking about my weight....he was nothing to brag about I assure you....he just got off on making me feel bad about myself....if he constantly talks about your weight, how can you feel good about yourself? Perhaps, you need to have a heart to heart with him.....I'm sure he has something about him that is not appealing as well...everyone does usually...with that being said...sure if you don't take care of him he may stray....but what the HECK....women who take care of their men still stray....so that's no guarantee.. but it is part of marriage and relationships I feel to care about making the other person happy....perhaps, you should have a date night out...rent a cabin in the woods or something...you take control of the situation...as you get older, I think hormones along with jobs and duties take a toll....just saying....check out Lane Bryant...they have cute sexy stuff and online stores are too numerous to list....good luck!!
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    screw him.

    it is your body, don't ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

    if he keeps pushing, that's just abuse, plain and simple.
  • aftergypsies
    aftergypsies Posts: 248 Member
    I'm sorry, I disagree with everyone here.

    If you don't do it, he'll go somewhere else? REALLY?
    Is he a total *kitten*?

    We all go through phases in life, different stages, different times....if every time we were in a slump we thought....well, if i don't get out of this and FAST, he's going to find a happier person with less drama. REALLY? Whatever happened to through thick and thin, until death do us part.

    Nobody should make ANYONE feel guilty and as if he will leave because it's something THEY didn't do.

    IF a man leaves over something like this, or finds it elsewhere....point blank, he's a total DOUCHE. When you love someone, you go through the ups and the DOWNS with them....you don't move on to someone else who isn't going through a down at that particular moment.

    Yeah, all of THIS.

    If he's going to leave you because you won't wear sexier things for him, he's a douche and you need to divorce him. You should never feel pressured into doing something you are UNCOMFORTABLE with. Especially just to "please your man". Yuck.
  • tashaa1992
    tashaa1992 Posts: 658 Member
    Ok, I have been on MFP for over a year and I've stalled out a bit. Haven't lost any weight in months and re-injured an old back injury and am only now starting to get back on the workout track. Aerobics only, no weight training yet. I'm going slow because I couldn't work out at all for three months and I don't want that to happen again.

    But I'm still huge and feeling so fat and uckie. My husband wants me to get some sexy lingerie for big women. I am resisting that because I feel anything but sexy and just want to cover up. I know he's disappointed in me, he doesn't like heavy women and he makes that very clear to me all the time. I'm not trying to lose weight for him I'm doing it for me, and he doesn't make it easy, let me tell you. He's glad I'm working out and trying but since there haven't been lots of results I can tell he's very disappointed in me.

    He calls me a hippie because I don't like wearing a lot of makeup, and I tend not to wear sexy / skimpy clothes. He thinks it's because I was influenced as a child during the 60's and I don't like objectifying women. Well, I don't, but don't get me wrong, I do like to get dressed up when there's a reason to. There just hasn't been a reason to in a long time, and now when I try I'm just so gosh darn heavy I can't find anything that I can fit into let alone feel good in or even think I look good in when I do. I'll be realistic here, I'm never going to be the kind of girl who get's Jerseyfied, if you get my drift.

    But I just don't know how to feel good about myself. I can't look in the mirror without absolutely wanting to vomit. (Not bulemia, the old bod is just too disgusting.) Anything skimpy / sexy just shows all the parts I'm embarassed to show. I'd rather wear a big t-shirt then a see through anything, and don't even talk about thongs. And this has my husband saying, "Why won't you do anything for me?" I get that he would like it, he just doesn't get where I am about it, or maybe he does and doesn't care.

    Whose got advice? And please, I didn't post this to start a man bash, so don't do it.
    I've been in this situation, well sort of, we weren't married and I'm not 'big' by doctors standards, but I have anorexia so it's how I see myself. My ex kept pushing me into doing things I didn't want to, I did it because I didn't want to lose him but it made me feel more self conscious about myself. People will give you different opinions on this and I can only give you mine from my experience, my ex had alot of control over me and still does, and I did what he wanted but he still cheated, if someone doesn't love you for you now, they won't love you when you've lost the weight. Attraction is completely different to love, this is my opinion and I get alot of people won't agree with me but oh well, love is everlasting and it's unconditional, like I still love my ex even after everything he put me through, I can't help it, but when you're attracted to someone you like them for their looks.

    I was still speaking to my ex (he told me he loves me still) and last week I basically poured my heart out to him yet again, I didn't think I would get the response I wanted but I didn't think he would say what he said, he asked if I wanted to meet up for sex, I said no and I haven't heard from him since. I'm not saying all guys are like him but I'm just saying he asked, didn't get what he wanted, has cut me off and he apparently loves me? No, he just wanted sex. If he loved me like he said he did a)he wouldn't have cheated, b) he would've accepted me as I am and wouldn't have tried to change me and c) he would still be talking to me now even after I said no to hooking up. If I'm going to change for whatever reason, I'm going to change for me, not him or anyone else and if someone can't accept me for who I am then they're not worth my time and they don't really love me. And as for your body issues, I have body dismorphia and the only thing that has really helped is counselling, sometimes hearing what a stranger thinks of you is really helpful xxx