Husband wants me to wear sexier clothes but I just can't

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  • randysbombshellgirl
    randysbombshellgirl Posts: 338 Member
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    As a man, I have to put my two cents in. First, I'll say that men do not notice the little flaws that ladies do. The things that you hate about yourself, he may actually love. I don't want to say, get out of your comfort zone, he'll go elsewhere, etc. Because I wouldn't, and never have. Not all men are complete *kitten*. If yours would, then maybe it's time to just move on and find one who loves you for you, not for what you do or don't wear, or what number shows up on the scale. All that being said, I think you need to stop worrying so much about how your body looks. You're working on it, and I encourage you to not give up.
    Nice to hear a intelligent male response. I think you have some really good points. To the original poster stay true to yourself don't give up and you will get where you want to go. Good luck.
  • Gaelle00Uk
    Gaelle00Uk Posts: 1
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    If you wont do it, someone else will.... #foodforthought

    Sorry I did not read the whole thread but I read this and thought: some people really like to project their own problems on other people....
  • v_woolf
    v_woolf Posts: 33 Member
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    Leave the husband, find a counselor or therapist who will help you to love your body.

    And don't give up! You can do it, and you can do it for YOU.
  • victoriadw84
    victoriadw84 Posts: 77 Member
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    I dont even know where to begin. I appreciate some of the users honesty however if a man is going to "look somewhere else" if you dont wear lingerie that is incredibly selfish and shallow. I completely agree with the suggestions of working on it together. If you are working hard a trying to achieve your goals yet your husband is disappointed it takes great strength for me to bite my tongue to not post what I wish to say about that. I met my husband and I was 65lbs lighter, not even a year after we were married I had gotten ill, was put on a number of medications all at different doses and gained weight so quickly. I was ashamed, insecure, disgusted and my husband knew it but he never made me feel any less of a person than the first day we were together. He knew I was very unhappy but continued to support me and was so very patient with me. I am very lucky to say that he understood how I was feeling and why and never tried to make me do something that was out of my comfort zone. Like the one poster said, I tried doing small things like hair, makeup, and the boy shorts with nice lace trim with a cute tank top. I also then asked my husband to come to the gym with me in which he signed up right away and we met everyday. When I had my down times and would cry and ask my husband why was he with me and how could he love me the same he always said I never married the # on the scale its who I married. His commitment to me and support made me want to work harder. I had done ALOT of research as I wasnt getting any results....the past year I have changed my life dramatically. My first mission was to try to get off as much of the medication that I could, recently I just got done to taking only one medication at a low dosage! We again have increased our activity, I can stay awake the whole day instead of being extremely exhausted and I changed what I was taking in for food/the times of day I would eat/snacks etc. So far within the last month and a half I have lost 7lbs, it was a slow start but now being more consistant. WIth it working this way I am feeling much more better, I am happy that I am finally seeing results which then makes me happier in my relationship and my husband is happy for me. He has said before his vows were said for a reason and will quote the in sickness and in health part. True love should be this way and I know you didnt want anyone man bashing, I understand but he should be supporting you in a more positive way and not making you feel worse about yourself. Do this for you and not for him, your own determination and hard work will make you succeed. Husband or not this is your body and your feelings. Make yourself happy and feel worth it lingerie or not. Good luck!
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    I haven't read the whole thread, so maybe this has been said, but maybe you could explain to him that he can't express disappointment in you, make it known that he doesn't like heavy women and finds you to be heavy, AND expect you to flaunt yourself to him. If he is truly expressing his distaste to you, and it's not just you being insecure and reading his mind, then you are in a double bind and won't win anytime soon.
  • Frozen300
    Frozen300 Posts: 223 Member
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    He enjoys his woman in sexy clothing? He wants her to put in effort and try to stay in shape? He has an opinion about his woman that doesn't parrot her opinion?

    The audacity!!
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    My wife andI love the show "What not to wear". Have you ever seen that? I realize its easier said than done, but don't cheat yourself AND don't cheat your husband either.

    I litle grooming goes a long way.

    Best to you.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    He enjoys his woman in sexy clothing? He wants her to put in effort and try to stay in shape? He has an opinion about his woman that doesn't parrot her opinion?

    The audacity!!

    No, if he is acting as OP says he is, he is telling her he doesn't like her body as it is now and then wanting her to show it off to him. That's the audacity.

    Like a woman expressing to her man that she wishes he didn't have moobs and a beer gut and then *****ing that he never walks around topless.
  • Jipples
    Jipples Posts: 663 Member
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    Awww....don't sweat it babe. His girlfriend will. Don't put undue pressure on yourself.

    Yes, because pressuring a woman into doing something she's uncomfortable with is DEFINITELY the best option. Way to be a flaming *kitten*.

    Please note, the OP never said she had a problem having sex, she's just uncomfortable putting on something sexy and strutting her stuff, which frankly, is a really nerve-wracking thing to do.

    There are compromises in this scenario. It's not "wear lingerie or get cheated on" and suggesting that those are the only options is short sighted, chauvinistic, and narrow sighted. The OP needs to chat with her husband about her concerns, his feelings on the subject, and how they can meet each other halfway. Communication is the basis of any good relationship.

    Wow...a flaming *kitten*....that hurts. :sad:

    Please tell me you don't REALLY think I'm hoping her husband cheats on her. While most of you are running to her defense, I don't see anything wrong with her husband asking her to step a little out of her comfort zone....who knows, maybe it'll help her feel sexy. She's not even trying. He's not asking her to bang a donkey, he's just asking her to try some sexy lingerie in the privacy of her their own home. Apparently he likes the new her with the weight she's lost.....heaven forbid that he want to share his excitement with her. Yeah, def better for her to stay in her shell.
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
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    Yeah, all of THIS.

    If he's going to leave you because you won't wear sexier things for him, he's a douche and you need to divorce him. You should never feel pressured into doing something you are UNCOMFORTABLE with. Especially just to "please your man". Yuck.
    Oh sure, DIVORCE him just because he wants you to wear sexier clothes... That's rational. People wonder why there is so much divorce.... :/ *rolls eyes*

    K, never did I say divorce him because he wants her to wear sexier clothes. I said "If he's GOING TO LEAVE YOU because you won't comply with his uncomfortable demands then he is a DOUCHE and she should leave him" because that is wrong. If he cheats because she won't be sexy for him, she should stay? You need to read before commenting. Just saying...

    K, never did the OP say that he was going to leave her if she didn't dress up in lingerie, that was added by a previous poster. Perhaps you ought to read the entire thread before posting. Also, I don't take advice from people who say 'just saying' to underline the fact that they're just saying something, just saying, because I know you're just saying it, just saying, because you just said it.
  • penniemh
    penniemh Posts: 124 Member
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    I'm sorry, I disagree with everyone here.

    If you don't do it, he'll go somewhere else? REALLY?
    Is he a total *kitten*?

    We all go through phases in life, different stages, different times....if every time we were in a slump we thought....well, if i don't get out of this and FAST, he's going to find a happier person with less drama. REALLY? Whatever happened to through thick and thin, until death do us part.

    Nobody should make ANYONE feel guilty and as if he will leave because it's something THEY didn't do.

    IF a man leaves over something like this, or finds it elsewhere....point blank, he's a total DOUCHE. When you love someone, you go through the ups and the DOWNS with them....you don't move on to someone else who isn't going through a down at that particular moment.

    ^^this
  • 2MarcoFlores
    2MarcoFlores Posts: 5
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    dont wear it until you feel sexy!
    achieve and then reward yourself if not
    i find it that you will stop before you finish the "race"
  • cherylhirons
    cherylhirons Posts: 37 Member
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    Is he worth it? If so (because mine is) then compromise. My husband just wants me to be healthy but likes the lingerie. I feel yuck as well so he doesn't get it often. Best lingerie for us larger women is the netted body suit. It hides many flaws and that is the only time makeup goes on my face. Then maybe the next day have a talk with him about your feelings and they are hurting. My husband is aware so when he gets me dressed up he appreciates it. Both members of the relationship need to bend a bit. :)
  • penniemh
    penniemh Posts: 124 Member
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    Is your husband perfect? How dare any man treat any woman with such disrespect. If you love someone it's not about how they look. As for the comments about him finding it somewhere else if you don't bow to his demands.....well I despair to think that there are women in the 21st century thinking like Victorians. You do what you can to please YOU and remember beauty comes from withing. Sounds to me like your husband is totally undermining your self esteem. Tell him to wear the sexy underwear himself!!!

    I just *had* to *say* "I love this reply."
  • victoriadw84
    victoriadw84 Posts: 77 Member
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    Is your husband perfect? How dare any man treat any woman with such disrespect. If you love someone it's not about how they look. As for the comments about him finding it somewhere else if you don't bow to his demands.....well I despair to think that there are women in the 21st century thinking like Victorians. You do what you can to please YOU and remember beauty comes from withing. Sounds to me like your husband is totally undermining your self esteem. Tell him to wear the sexy underwear himself!!!

    I just *had* to *say* "I love this reply."

    Totally agree :)
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
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    Is your husband perfect? How dare any man treat any woman with such disrespect. If you love someone it's not about how they look. As for the comments about him finding it somewhere else if you don't bow to his demands.....well I despair to think that there are women in the 21st century thinking like Victorians. You do what you can to please YOU and remember beauty comes from withing. Sounds to me like your husband is totally undermining your self esteem. Tell him to wear the sexy underwear himself!!!

    I just *had* to *say* "I love this reply."

    If you only want to please 'YOU' and only are willing to 'do what you want to please YOU' then you should not be in a relationship.
  • penniemh
    penniemh Posts: 124 Member
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    Something occurred to me, reflecting on this as I was reading all the replies...perhaps he doesn't mean "sexy" perhaps he mean a bit more feminine...I used to wear the most god-awful huge t-shirts to sleep in and wore sweats and or mens' flannel pj pants...even when I was thinner...One day I looked down my front and thought..."something pretty would be nice" So, I bought a very pretty nightgown with flowers on it, I was very pleased with how it looked and more importantly how I *felt.* I now only wear mens' flannel pj's when I cannot find very pretty women's flannel pj's and ALL of my night things are feminine/flowery and trust me when I say, I am NOT a 'froo froo' girl. I think we own to ourselves to look the best we can look. And believe me, I love my sloppy shorts/pants and t-shirts as much as anyone.

    Best to you,
    -Pennie
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Is your husband perfect? How dare any man treat any woman with such disrespect. If you love someone it's not about how they look. As for the comments about him finding it somewhere else if you don't bow to his demands.....well I despair to think that there are women in the 21st century thinking like Victorians. You do what you can to please YOU and remember beauty comes from withing. Sounds to me like your husband is totally undermining your self esteem. Tell him to wear the sexy underwear himself!!!

    I just *had* to *say* "I love this reply."

    If you only want to please 'YOU' and only are willing to 'do what you want to please YOU' then you should not be in a relationship.

    THIS THIS THIS
  • LifeChangingExp8512
    LifeChangingExp8512 Posts: 184
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    I would so go for it!! He thinks ur sexyy!! thats hot.. drink some wine or smoke something (take the edge off) and DO IT lol
  • LifeChangingExp8512
    LifeChangingExp8512 Posts: 184
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    Id wear ANYTHING my man asked me to wear... :love: :heart:

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