No one is supportive!
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I know for me, being the husband, I've watched my wife go from fad diet to fad diet and fleeting moments of exercise. I told her when she started something that was sustainable, real food and real exercise and kept it up as though she was serious, then I would be onboard. Well, she finally did, and she was doing it for herself and without "needing" my help, and when I realized she was serious this time, I jumped in with both feet.
Personally, my weight has never really bothered me enough to do anything about it. I didn't stay up nights crying because I was fat, and I never let my weight stop me from doing anything. It wasn't as important to me to lose the weight, however, now it is. Now I know I can't stop because I'm doing this to help myself (and I'm actually enjoying it) and to help my wife. She has already stuck with it longer than she has before and she's making real progress.
So, I would say just truck on. Do your thing, keep up with it, make progress for you and eventually the family will most likely join in when they realize you're serious enough to see this to the end, no matter what.
I can honestly say, if it wasn't for my wife making a serious effort to lose weight the right way, and for having some dedication to stick to her guns, then I wouldn't be down the 18 pounds I am now. And I know I have plenty more to go, and I'm eager to make that journey. I'm eating real food, and enjoying my exercise. I have a desire to run at some point...which has NEVER entered my mind before. I also have the Warrior Dash 5K planned for May...me...in a race...with like running and stuff....whodathunkit? I have my wife to thank for this!0 -
I have been where you are now. I did have a blow up of sorts and told my husband if he didnt want to improve his health that was one thing but ENOUGH was enough! I accepted that I was doing this for me not anyone else. I demanded respect and got it!!!! It wasnt easy but worth it in the end. My husband has had 3 heart attacks and now has a stent. Slowly he is getting on board he even hiked a mountain with me...twice...:) I started doing my own thing and he joined so we could spend time together. Junk is still in the house but not as much. I wish you the best but please do this for you. family should be supportive not enable you esp when you ask them not to.... You deserve respect from all family members and mostly respect yourself and do it for you...find your place of self control ...it wont be easy but you decide...you deserve to feel great and be happy......0
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My house is clean. Not a bad food in sight. If it gets brought in by my husband or daughter, it goes right down the disposal. Only took the second time before they realized they better eat their garbage before stepping through the door.
My friend brings by cookies, cakes and things when she stops by for coffee. I think of that as a gift and wait til the door closes before I grind that up too. I don't think she has noticed that I only have a small plate of fruit when she is here. I am really trying not to draw any attention to what I am doing to my circle of people who don't live here.
Anyway it took about 3 weeks for my husband and daughter to get on board. Olivia is down 5 lbs and she is thrilled at how easy it was. And my husband is down 6. He continues to drink, but this is not a weakness for me. So I do not mind it in the house.
I found that it is me who has to be the cheerleader (not part of my nature but I am learning). My control leads to their control.
And all blessings have lead me here to MFP. All the support I need is right here in these pages.
When my friends or family bring over cakes and sweets I hand it to them as they leave and explain they might as well take it home with them because no one in our house eats that stuff. My husband is hypoglycemic, our DD doesn't eat sweets period and our son might occasionally eat 1 cookie. They always try to say oh no please I can't take that home it will just go to my thighs. I tell them well it will just go bad here or into the trash so please take it with you. After a couple of times they quit bringing over the junk. We've always been that way with sweets here. My DH's biggest down fall is chocolate and big movie theater size boxes of mike n ikes. With his hypoglycemia that spells disaster. I won't buy it but if he wants to make himself sick and eat that stuff on his own I'm not going to lecture him about it either.0 -
I know for me, being the husband, I've watched my wife go from fad diet to fad diet and fleeting moments of exercise. I told her when she started something that was sustainable, real food and real exercise and kept it up as though she was serious, then I would be onboard. Well, she finally did, and she was doing it for herself and without "needing" my help, and when I realized she was serious this time, I jumped in with both feet.
Personally, my weight has never really bothered me enough to do anything about it. I didn't stay up nights crying because I was fat, and I never let my weight stop me from doing anything. It wasn't as important to me to lose the weight, however, now it is. Now I know I can't stop because I'm doing this to help myself (and I'm actually enjoying it) and to help my wife. She has already stuck with it longer than she has before and she's making real progress.
So, I would say just truck on. Do your thing, keep up with it, make progress for you and eventually the family will most likely join in when they realize you're serious enough to see this to the end, no matter what.
I can honestly say, if it wasn't for my wife making a serious effort to lose weight the right way, and for having some dedication to stick to her guns, then I wouldn't be down the 18 pounds I am now. And I know I have plenty more to go, and I'm eager to make that journey. I'm eating real food, and enjoying my exercise. I have a desire to run at some point...which has NEVER entered my mind before. I also have the Warrior Dash 5K planned for May...me...in a race...with like running and stuff....whodathunkit? I have my wife to thank for this!
This is such an inspiring, heartening post, it's exactly what I needed to read this a.m. It's such a great example of how one person can start by taking care of themselves and have a positive influence on those around them. I really commend you (and her). Thank you so much for sharing your story!0 -
I really understand your position. And respect it. But, I want them to be able to have their cookie with their coffee. Especially friends, whose choices are none of my business. They are very kind people and they see my big booty and think they are being so kind to bring me these things. It hurts me very much to say I do not want their offerings. It is in my control to not keep it once they leave.
Correct. It is rude as heck. But, this is my life. I want to keep it going for a long long time. I think for them to bring their diabetes, high blood pressure, life shortening crap into my space is rude too. It is all how you look at it.My house is clean. Not a bad food in sight. If it gets brought in by my husband or daughter, it goes right down the disposal. Only took the second time before they realized they better eat their garbage before stepping through the door.
My friend brings by cookies, cakes and things when she stops by for coffee. I think of that as a gift and wait til the door closes before I grind that up too. I don't think she has noticed that I only have a small plate of fruit when she is here. I am really trying not to draw any attention to what I am doing to my circle of people who don't live here.
Anyway it took about 3 weeks for my husband and daughter to get on board. Olivia is down 5 lbs and she is thrilled at how easy it was. And my husband is down 6. He continues to drink, but this is not a weakness for me. So I do not mind it in the house.
I found that it is me who has to be the cheerleader (not part of my nature but I am learning). My control leads to their control.
And all blessings have lead me here to MFP. All the support I need is right here in these pages.
That seems kind of rude. I would rather be politely asked to not bring round cookies etc than to have my gift (and money) chucked in the bin.
I want them to live long healthy lives too. If they don't want it, they can do it in the many hours they aren't here.
I really have a problem taking about my need for weightloss. Or even opening the door to them talking me out of it.
So just tell them that you'd rather they not bring the foods you don't have in the house, or have them take the food away with them so they can enjoy their diabetes etc. The waste of food and money to just bin it doesn't sit well with me. It's just the way I am.
Through numerous attempts at this weight loss thing I have found that the lack of support from my friends and family is my downfall. This time I promised myself I wouldn't draw any attention to it. I would do my thing, keep my house full of clean food. And dispose of anything I don't need. I hate thinking it is rude. But, it is the way I need it to be for my good health. So rude it will have to be for a while.
Hopefully later, when I am stronger in my resolve, I will have the conversation with them. For now, in the disposal it goes. Nobody but you all know. Thank goodness I have you all to tell.
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My hubby and kids and friends all seem like they don't want me to get healthy...I think they don't like the healthier foods I'm making and I just don't have a clue what's wrong with my husband. He has diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol and continues to eat all the wrong things and refuses to exercise.I know he works hard at work and it's a physically demanding job but it's not exercise He will eventually die from this if he doesn't change..Much of our lives has revolved around food but it's time to change and it seems no one is on board except me. And the harder I try, the more everyone tries to get me to eat!!! My husband has actually brought home cheesecake (2!) when I was doing this last time. Or he will buy a gyros( my favorite but horrible) Maybe everyone misses the things we did that revolved around food but change is good. I don't know, at least I can get some support here
What I feel is that we cant give up the foods we love. If we do we will end up binge eating. SO eat it in moderation. You cant force someone to change their habits, you can only change yours, hopefully he will see how well your doing and want to change his as well. Continue to make healthy foods and he will have no choice but to eat healthy0 -
My wife feels like it is up to me only, she does not think her being supportive or not should make a difference. Her feeling is that if I want it bad enough i will do it for myself. I agree to an extent but I do feel a supportive wife or family member makes a big differnce on those tough days.
My husband is this exact same way. He doesn't feel that how he eats should effect me. But it does when he takes me to fast food because it's easier and more convenient-but then tells me to get a salad. Or makes pancakes and says I should only have 2. I guess in a way he's trying-but still.0 -
You can always find support in us, remember that! Also, I think maybe your husband may just be resistant to change as a lot people are. Change is something hard to do...and for some people they take it personally. You kids obviously will follow by example. If it helps, try healthy recipes like chili's or even pastas that you can mask as healthy for you kids and they won't feel like they're being pushed. But keep at it, you can be their inspiration!
Completely agree. It's really hard to get people to want to change, because they have to admit there is a problem first. I know that is the hardest part to do!
Have you tried sitting down with him and having a conversation about why you're trying to make these changes in your life? I had to do that with a friend of mine. It was hard to do, but it worked. I would hope that he'd understand that you're trying to improve your life, along with the life of your family!0 -
True story. A female friend of mine purposely went out and got a great insurance policy and showed it her husband and asked him to sign it in front of the kids. He asked "why do I need a new policy?" She stated "Because the way you're going, I'm gonna need some money to help me and kids survive once you're gone."
Then she said to the kids "Don't leave, I need you to sign one too.":laugh:
A week later, I'm training the whole family and as a whole they all lost a good amount of weight and became very active. This was about 4 years ago at my gym in VA.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
My house is clean. Not a bad food in sight. If it gets brought in by my husband or daughter, it goes right down the disposal. Only took the second time before they realized they better eat their garbage before stepping through the door.
My friend brings by cookies, cakes and things when she stops by for coffee. I think of that as a gift and wait til the door closes before I grind that up too. I don't think she has noticed that I only have a small plate of fruit when she is here. I am really trying not to draw any attention to what I am doing to my circle of people who don't live here.
Anyway it took about 3 weeks for my husband and daughter to get on board. Olivia is down 5 lbs and she is thrilled at how easy it was. And my husband is down 6. He continues to drink, but this is not a weakness for me. So I do not mind it in the house.
I found that it is me who has to be the cheerleader (not part of my nature but I am learning). My control leads to their control.
And all blessings have lead me here to MFP. All the support I need is right here in these pages.
I can see where this poster is coming from but would find it hard to actually trash stuff, though thinking about it - maybe I could 'trip' and things go in the bin?0 -
Don't forget you can always find support here. It might also help to connect with a group at work or at the gym who is also in to eating healthy; that way you have someone that you can turn to for support! Unfortunately you can't force your husband to do it with you; he's an adult. But you can find ways to focus on yourself and your own health, so that he doesn't sabotage your good habits.0
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Ultimately, you are the only one in charge of your body... And your body is the only one you're directly in charge of.
It sucks and I'm really sorry you don't have support at home, but it means willpower will have to be very strong. And you will have to tune them out as much as possible. In time, perhaps they will come around when they see the positive changes you have made. It's sometimes very difficult (for people you're close to) to accept that you are changing. They love you the way you are. Still, you should have the freedom to make changes and be the person YOU want to be, and I think that a lot of this freedom, for you, will come from separating yourself from the rest of your family in terms of what you eat. And mentally, allow their words of "go on, you can eat the gyro!" turn into white noise that doesn't influence your decisions0 -
Ignore the naysayers and do it for yourself and your kids. Your kids will develop their habits by watching you, how do you want them to grow up? The best thing you can do for your kids is take care of yourself
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It's not your husband or kids responsibility to get you healthy, that's all up to YOU! So he brings home cheesecake? Plan a small piece into your day if you really like it. If not, tell him thanks but no thanks, I don't want that right now.
My husband doesn't have a weight problem and I don't expect him to diet with me. I cook one dinner but add more to his--potatoes, stuffing, dessert, etc. I eat what I want and lose weight, everyone's happy.
Stop expecting your family to be on your diet. It's not about them, it's about you. Take control of what goes in your mouth and stop blaming others.
This is how I have to do it. My OH is thin thin thin. I can't even so much as bring 'diet' food in the house without him having a fit - which is fine. That just means I have to learn to eat less regular food instead of tricking myself thinking I can eat more because its 'low cal'. I cook the same things as I have always cooked and just eat less of them or make small changes to the recipes to make them a little better, I give him all the potato and rice and just eat the veggies.If he brings food in the house (he loves his coke and natcho chips) I have to learn to ignore it or plan to eat it.
It's not like we're all going to be able to avoid bad foods everywhere we go - unless you plan to stay in the house forever and be hermits - at some point we all will have to deal with making choices regarding what to eat. I'd rather learn right from the beginning instead of panicking every time I go out or someone brings sweets over.0 -
Have you tried having some sort of movie night, or something like that.. but instead of buttery popcorn switch it out with kettle corn, or something w/o salt and butter.. and then try replacing the soda in the fridge with flavored waters.. or even diet. You can be sneaky and start replacing random things with fat free/ low cal versions ;D Like the dressings you might use! If they start to not notice then start bringing in slight bigger changes!
Good luck!0 -
This happens a lot to everyone. I have a friends who Is a size -0 and when I try to be healthy she tried to eat twinkies , cake and fast food in front of me and says oh i never gain a pound i get skinner i have to stop working out . I HATE HER. I just remind her that I dont pop diet pill like she does. They are the ones that make you hot and you sweat and I swear she said she has shakes cause she also tops it with crystal light (aspertame nightmare) energy. just try to keep going and when the see results they either join or go away you cant force them to join.0
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Well Said!!!!0
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What a great post on how to take control of your own life. :flowerforyou:0
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My hubby and kids and friends all seem like they don't want me to get healthy...I think they don't like the healthier foods I'm making and I just don't have a clue what's wrong with my husband. He has diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol and continues to eat all the wrong things and refuses to exercise.I know he works hard at work and it's a physically demanding job but it's not exercise He will eventually die from this if he doesn't change..Much of our lives has revolved around food but it's time to change and it seems no one is on board except me. And the harder I try, the more everyone tries to get me to eat!!! My husband has actually brought home cheesecake (2!) when I was doing this last time. Or he will buy a gyros( my favorite but horrible) Maybe everyone misses the things we did that revolved around food but change is good. I don't know, at least I can get some support here
You weren't ready to do it until you were ready to do it. Just because you are now ready doesn't mean they are. You do them no favors by trying to force a change they are not ready for on them. Would that have worked for you in the past? If they don't like the healthier foods you are preparing, invite their feedback, but don't change what you are doing for you. If they want other foods they should get them for themselves. If your children are minors, they don't have much say. You might try gradual changes with them, that don't seem so drastic. But the point is, just because you have reached your turnaround point doesn't mean they have.0 -
I'm sure it is partly envy. You're trying to live a healthier life and they view it as a reproach. As it's your family, you should try to talk to them (again) or educate them, or maybe schedule something like a family health counseling therapy session but you've got to take care of yourself.
You're not imaging the burden of the negativity. But are you really going to cave in and deny yourself the rewards of feeling healthier and looking better because some people are unenlightened or stubborn?0
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