Dating vs. "going out"

angelicasmommy

And a pet peve of mine, is when guys ask me if they can come over and hang out with me and my daughter for the first meeting. This question comes after I say that I don't have a sitter until friday nights. No, you cannot come over to my house, I don't know you. Guys. Are. Dumb. (Sorry, I know not all guys are dumb, but I find myself banging my head against the wall saying this every time I get this question) Yes, it's my fault for being on an online dating site.

corn63

I don't dare what you call it but can we come up with words to replace boyfriend and girlfriend? I'm far too old for these terms.3 I also dislike friend because I'm more than that, lover because our moms are in their 60s and 70s, siginificant other because...well...just because, and partner because we're straight.

OK back to your originally scheduled thread.

We use Lady Friend and Man Friend.:)

Bentley2718

I called it "going out" in middle school. As an adult, I call it dating.

This. But I do make a distinction between going on a date, or even multiple dates, and "dating." If I say I'm "dating" someone, I mean that I am seeing them regularly, as part of a relationship--for many people this implies monogamy. Going on on a date (or dates) does not have the same implication, one can go out on dates with multiple people over the same time period, but most people do not "date" more than one person at a time.

dad106

I use the term going out.. mainly because I hate the term dating.

I will say "oh we went or are going on a date" but I don't think I'd ever say "Yes, we're dating".. I either say Yes we are seeing each other, or Yes we are going out.

I mean, as long as you know you feel about him and he knows how he feels about you, does it really matter what you call it?

Ephena

And a pet peeve of mine, is when guys ask me if they can come over and hang out with me and my daughter for the first meeting. This question comes after I say that I don't have a sitter until Friday nights. No, you cannot come over to my house, I don't know you. Guys. Are. Dumb. (Sorry, I know not all guys are dumb, but I find myself banging my head against the wall saying this every time I get this question) Yes, it's my fault for being on an online dating site.

I'm a single mom with two kids (8 & 6) and I get this one a lot. Like you I'm trying the online dating thing and yeah it's very annoying to have guys assume I want them to meet my kids straight away. Plus if I let them come over to my house on a first meeting they're likely to think we're gonna have sex and that's not exactly the basis for a good lasting relationship. I don't think guys are dumb but ones who aren't also single parents (usually with at least 50% custody) don't really get the struggle of balancing kids and dating (or going out).

taunto

And a pet peve of mine, is when guys ask me if they can come over and hang out with me and my daughter for the first meeting. This question comes after I say that I don't have a sitter until friday nights. No, you cannot come over to my house, I don't know you. Guys. Are. Dumb. (Sorry, I know not all guys are dumb, but I find myself banging my head against the wall saying this every time I get this question) Yes, it's my fault for being on an online dating site.

I have never asked to hangout with somebodys kids. I figured they'll ask me to come over and hangout when they see fitting but I let them know after I've been with them for a while that it'll be cool if they wanna bring the kid and we can go watch a movie or something.

But it is interesting to learn what you just said that it is a big no no

angelicasmommy

And a pet peeve of mine, is when guys ask me if they can come over and hang out with me and my daughter for the first meeting. This question comes after I say that I don't have a sitter until Friday nights. No, you cannot come over to my house, I don't know you. Guys. Are. Dumb. (Sorry, I know not all guys are dumb, but I find myself banging my head against the wall saying this every time I get this question) Yes, it's my fault for being on an online dating site.

I'm a single mom with two kids (8 & 6) and I get this one a lot. Like you I'm trying the online dating thing and yeah it's very annoying to have guys assume I want them to meet my kids straight away. Plus if I let them come over to my house on a first meeting they're likely to think we're gonna have sex and that's not exactly the basis for a good lasting relationship. I don't think guys are dumb but ones who aren't also single parents (usually with at least 50% custody) don't really get the struggle of balancing kids and dating (or going out).

Exactly. The guys who ask this, are the guys who assume that if they come over to my place, were gonna have sex. If a guy even brings up the subject of sex I pretty much go from "interested" to "no way" because I know that the only thing on their mind is sex, not a relationship.

angelicasmommy

And a pet peve of mine, is when guys ask me if they can come over and hang out with me and my daughter for the first meeting. This question comes after I say that I don't have a sitter until friday nights. No, you cannot come over to my house, I don't know you. Guys. Are. Dumb. (Sorry, I know not all guys are dumb, but I find myself banging my head against the wall saying this every time I get this question) Yes, it's my fault for being on an online dating site.

I have never asked to hangout with somebodys kids. I figured they'll ask me to come over and hangout when they see fitting but I let them know after I've been with them for a while that it'll be cool if they wanna bring the kid and we can go watch a movie or something.

But it is interesting to learn what you just said that it is a big no no

If I knew a guy well enough, yea I would probably bring my daughter for a kid friendly date or something if he suggested it, but I would not have a guy come over for a date with my daughter there unless it was serious and I knew him REALLY well.

EyeLikeTacos

And I see it backwards. I've gone out with a lot of guys, but I've dated a few. I see dating to be the long term word.

This is me too!

Me Three!

EyeLikeTacos

I mean, as long as you know you feel about him and he knows how he feels about you, does it really matter what you call it?

This is where things get dicey! Because it really doesn't matter what you call it...as long as you both have the same understanding of what you are doing....

I remember having this debate with a girlfriend of mine...What she called dating ...I called hanging out...and what she called in a committed relationship...I called dating...

Our first time hanging together was just a dinner and talking...she called that first time a date....

I then said to her if we never went out again...would you tell someone you dated me, or we went out once....

she froze and realized "Yea we just went out"

angelicasmommy

I mean, as long as you know you feel about him and he knows how he feels about you, does it really matter what you call it?

This is where things get dicey! Because it really doesn't matter what you call it...as long as you both have the same understanding of what you are doing....

I remember having this debate with a girlfriend of mine...What she called dating ...I called hanging out...and what she called in a committed relationship...I called dating...

Our first time hanging together was just a dinner and talking...she called that first time a date....

I then said to her if we never went out again...would you tell someone you dated me, or we went out once....

she froze and realized "Yea we just went out"

I would say "We went on a date"

Mercenary_

d

wolfpack77

going out = casual interest
dating = serious interest
married = lost interest

Ruthe8

Since you can go out with friends, it seems pretty silly to say that "going out" means a committed relationship.

EyeLikeTacos

I would say "We went on a date"

If you went out with a female friend would that be a date too?

so every guy you go out with is a date?

For me I have no problem with commitment...I have a problem of calling things more than it really is....

When I first go out with someone it is truly platonic and I am only checking if she is "dating material".

So check this scenario...Let's say I went out with a girl ONCE...didn't like her....and we happen to work in the same building...
She tells a coworker male friend we went on a date...He comes to me and say I heard you went on a date with such and such...my response would be..."Man, we hung out one time...I would not call that a date...there was no connection and no intamacy"

EyeLikeTacos

going out = casual interest
dating = serious interest
married = lost interest

me and this guy is on same page!

EyeLikeTacos

Since you can go out with friends, it seems pretty silly to say that "going out" means a committed relationship.

agreed!

Ruthe8

I would say "We went on a date"

If you went out with a female friend would that be a date too?

so every guy you go out with is a date?

For me I have no problem with commitment...I have a problem of calling things more than it really is....

When I first go out with someone it is truly platonic and I am only checking if she is "dating material".

So check this scenario...Let's say I went out with a girl ONCE...didn't like her....and we happen to work in the same building...
She tells a coworker male friend we went on a date...He comes to me and say I heard you went on a date with such and such...my response would be..."Man, we hung out one time...I would not call that a date...there was no connection and no intamacy"

I think you're assigning a very specific definition to the word "date", which is not universally understood. You can call it whatever you want, but you should realize that making up your own definition will cause confusion. A date is when you make plans to meet someone for an activity. It does not mean you have to have a connection or intimacy. You could have a date with your mom.

EyeLikeTacos

I would say "We went on a date"

If you went out with a female friend would that be a date too?

so every guy you go out with is a date?

For me I have no problem with commitment...I have a problem of calling things more than it really is....

When I first go out with someone it is truly platonic and I am only checking if she is "dating material".

So check this scenario...Let's say I went out with a girl ONCE...didn't like her....and we happen to work in the same building...
She tells a coworker male friend we went on a date...He comes to me and say I heard you went on a date with such and such...my response would be..."Man, we hung out one time...I would not call that a date...there was no connection and no intamacy"

I think you're assigning a very specific definition to the word "date", which is not universally understood. You can call it whatever you want, but you should realize that making up your own definition will cause confusion. A date is when you make plans to meet someone for an activity. It does not mean you have to have a connection or intimacy. You could have a date with your mom.

Exactly you are actually helping my arguement....Because GUYS don't go on DATES with their mom....We simply don't use that word until we are truly into a girl...

We take our mom out we don't call up mom and say let's go on a date...We just say.."Mom, I am taking you out"

We don't plan dates with our male friends...we say "Yo man...let's hang out"

Same with a girl....if I don't know her like that " I call her up and say let's hang out..no pressure...just have fun and laugh"

If we hit it off a few times...I MAY begin to DATE her

sakuragreenlily

So I'm going to geek out here for a second (because it's what I do best!) and say that you should really read excerpts, articles, or books on the sociological framework and history of "dating" and "courtship" in America. It's really fascinating how the semantics of the word(s) and action(s) have changed over the past 50 years!

Our generation (and I'm 25... so... you get the idea) seems to not like the idea of dating multiple people at once (or maybe that's just because I'm from Tennessee). But doing so didn't used to be that big of a deal a few generations back. Hints the cheesy term "going-steady." Some sociologist suggest that it's a backlash of 60's and 70's free love culture and others say it's more to do with the AIDS epidemic...

It's really interesting though. I'm. Done. And I apologize for being an uber geek