Its a Secret...

chellie346

Does anyone else try to hide their weightloss life from their spouse or other people in their life. LIke I don't mind that people know I'm on a diet or making changes, but the part of me that puts things on MFP wants to be kept from them. I feel embarrassed that if they knew how much I struggled with food they would think less of me, or something. I put a lock on my phone just so my husband wouldn't get on there and see anything. He doesn't understand a struggle with food. He's not a big sweet eater or much of an eater. I feel safe on here, but then I feel bad that I try to keep this a secret.

diadojikohei

I haven't told my husband, hopefully he'll notice the difference (at some point!) but I don't want him to accuse me of being obsessive about what I'm eating because then it will put me off logging on. I log on at work and it helps me plan the whole family's food.
There are lots of things we don't discuss, not because it is a secret, just because it's not worth discussing! Also if I fail, he won't know either!

Amberonamission

My family (who live here) know. Kinda hard not to notice. But, Friends, and distant family have no idea. Nobody has questioned my fruit over cake choices, fish over burgers decisions. Not sure if they are clueless or too polite. Either way, I just don't want to talk about it with them.

tenaheff

I considered not telling my husband because I knew he would't believe the diet would last. Of course, it might last longer if her were more supportive. He actually does things to try to sabotage me and then says he is just trying to be polite.

Opening a bag of M&Ms, pouring them in a bowl and placing them on the coffee table in front of me when you know I am dieting is NOT being polite.

However, I knew I couldn't do this properly and be successful, if I didn't tell him. I am hoping he will become more supportive after I have stayed on program for a while. For now, I just remind him almost daily about my current weightloss so that he knows I am still dieting and that I am having success. I am not doing this for anyone but myself and I am not going to let anyone else interfere with my plans for success.

Tena

shyeban

My husband is amazing support, but I don't tell other people unless it really comes up. I don't like the "diet" mentality that people seem to assume and I hate giving weight to food by naming it good or bad. It's just food, what I do with it is what makes it good or bad. So I eat how I want to eat and I exercise how I want to exercise. But DH does make the odd "obsessive" comment, which I laugh off and we move on.

deviantcupcake

I hide it from my family. I'm sure they can see that I'm overweight, but if they knew I was weighing, measuring and logging everything they would really not approve. When I lived with my parents, I couldn't do things like that. I'd get told off and made to feel like I was being obsessive. I'd start to believe that I was developing an eating disorder. Likewise, I'd do a lot of exercise in secret because I didn't want them to know how much time/effort I was putting into it. Again, they'd have told me I was going OTT and didn't need to do all that.
That probably makes them sound awful. They're not.

My boyfriend, who I now live with, knows that I'm trying to lose. He's seen the scales come out when I'm making food and he doesn't say much about it now. He knows I plan what I'm going to eat in advance and that I'll refuse certain foods now, or at the end of the day will have run out of calories. He doesn't know that I'm on MFP and that I track every little thing on the app. I get a bit miffed when he throws away food packaging before I can scan the barcode or take down the NI, but I don't like to ask him not to because I'm (once again) afraid of being seen as obsessive.

skinnyskittles

This is a bit saddening sorry to hear you don't feel comfortable telling your husbands abut something so important

Maybe one day you can all work on opening up about it (whether it is a nice quiet chat or screaming at him until his ears bleed hehe)

tenaheff

It is sad that society (including many right here on this site) have such attitudes about weight that people who struggle to control their food feel ashamed. You suffer from an addiction. So do smokers and many drinkers. Your addiction is even harder to control because you cannot completely abstain from food. You have to learn to handle food responsibly even while continuing to consume it.

My entire life I was slender. Right up until my mid-40's. I am now close to 50 pounds heavier than I was 10 years ago. Some of it is a result of aging and some of it is a result of the effects my thyroid and my thyroid medication. That doesn't mean I didn't play a role. Of course, I did. I was the one who ate more than needed. However, for someone who has never had to struggle with their weight, they don't understand how hard it really can be. I know I didn't until I lived it.

I cannot believe your husband would feel any less about you if he understood how much you struggle with food. The real challenge will be for him to understand. I am not sure he really can. However, I know you can be successful.

As far as keeping MFP secret, my husband knows I am using MFP, but I know he would never come online looking to see what I log. Besides, I have a secure password.

Good luck with your weighloss journey.

Tena

81Katz

Hi Chellie,
My DH knows I am on MFP, but that is the only person who knows. I haven't told anyone else in my life and I don't plan on telling them. Of course after a while people could see the weight come off and how different I look(ed). I started my plan on my own and only found MFP shortly after the New Year. Family and friends don't know I weigh food, measure food, log food, read nutrition labels, count calories, etc. One day my mom came by and I rushed to hide my food scale and take it off the kitchen counter. :blushing:

I just didn't want to explain myself. Also a drawer in my kitchen, funny really, it has a whole stockpile of various mixing cups, scoops, spoons, etc.

Of course my diet isn't perfect, I've had some food struggles, the worst being lately but I am realllllly trying to work on it and get it all sorted out. Nobody else knows about that, just my DH -- somewhat. I don't tell him everything about my food problems though. He has seen some of it and knows, because sometimes I tell him things but other things he does not know.

Hang in there. If you don't want to tell people, don't tell them.

Effpcos

I would never hide it from my husband, he's my biggest source of support. I initially told some of my family and friends and that back-fired big time on me with some of them. Some of them became very competitive and jealous, others decided it was then their job to scrutinise everything I ate.
So I've just not mentioned it again, most of them assume I've given up, though one friend in particular HAS to ask all the time how I'm going. She's the sort who tries a new fad diet every fortnight then gives up when it's been a whole two days and she hasn't seen results. She's super happy and supportive when I haven't lost anything, but silent and sullky if I have.
But I will just keep on doing what I'm doing regardless of what they think!

diet_bunny

One of the biggest mistakes I've made my whole dieting life has been trying to hide it. It makes it so much harder to say no to things offered because people cant understand why you are refusing something you would normally say yes to.

This time I've been open and told people what I'm doing, how I'm doing it and what I want to achieve. I've even told some of them my start weight. As a result I have struck to it far better and longer than ever before.

You don't have to tell your partner about mfp or share it with him but he is going to notice unfortunately. If he isn't supportive you always have all of us on mfp

Mrs_Winfrey

The only people who know I do this are my immediate family and my husband. I do not make my food diary public though. I also don't share it with my friends or extended family because I don't want anyone to judge the fact I am logging food. Not a whole lot of people know how much I struggle with cravings and staying on an exercise regimen regularly because I am on the smaller side as it is. I have always been somewhat athletic, so most people don't see any problem with the way I look. But I am making lifestyle changes and it's not just about the way I look, it's about how I feel, how much energy I have, and how dedicated I can be to something. So many people jump to conclusions "Oh, she has an eating disorder because she OBSESSES about what she eats"...which is SOOOOO not the case. It is really upsetting sometimes, so I have just decided that this journey will be more of a private one

Aventuria

Of course my spouse knows! Apart from that I only tell friends when the situation allows it, or if they ask me about my food choices.

My family does know, I'm losing weight, they just don't know that I am exercising a lot and purposefully try to loose weight. I live in Australia, they live in Germany, so they don't really see my whole body (only face on Skype).

It's either very motivating for people o let others know or it puts you under perssure and you prefer the online help here and doing it on your own. I'm one of those pressure people. :laugh:

danger_kitteh

All of my friends and family know I'm on a journey to be healthier. They know I run, they know I go to the gym, they know I don't eat certain food anymore, that I count macros, that I weigh my food if I need to. If they have a problem with it, well, it's their problem not mine. It's hard enough balancing my own life - I don't have the time or the energy to deal with someone else's hangup.

jodi41086

I feel the same way. its embarrassing to me that I cant control my weight but before him and I started dating I was healthy and had no issues but now that I live in a house with two guys and my roomates girlfriend who doesn't care at all about her health. Its hard because I don't want to hurt any feelings so I sorta use MFP as my facebook lol. People on my facebook don't want to hear that im going to the gym, but I love to see how everyones doing on here. I think your feelings are natural and hiding it just shows you are trying to overcome it. Bob harper says we need to get healthy inside and out :O)

stacdjen

My close family know what all I am doing to become healthier. I don't broadcast on Facebook or anything like that and I try to be careful when I go out to dinner with friends or family. My reasoning is because they don't seem to care what they eat and how many calories they are consuming and I don't want to be that person to inform them without them asking first. And for a lot of my family, I was smaller than them before I even started this journey and I don't know I just feel like they are judging my decision. Not that they aren't happy for me but still that uneasy/tension when I won't eat what they are. Weightloss seems to be a touchy topic. Now get me with someone that understands the process and I can talk all night.

fit4lifeUcan2

I told my husband and children but didn't tell anyone else. Once I started to lose weight and it became obvious because I'm down over 40 lbs everyone started commenting on how great I look. Our kids are teenagers and all their friends noticed and commented. I get lots of hugs and high fives. Some even want to know how I did it and want tips to help lose a few pounds themselves. While I've lost more faster since joining WW I do still do the MFP so I've told them all to give MFP a try. They all have smart phones or ipods and computers and since its free its worth a try.

jadesign19

:flowerforyou: I hope my story helps you.
For twelve years now, I've done south beach, Atkins, weight watchers, and Jenny Craig. I've lost and regained more after each program. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in 2oo6 and then hashimotos in late 2011. With each of these experiences I've shared it with my spouse, friends and family. It got to the point where my spouse said "well you're doing good now but will yoube able to keep it up". It got to the point where every time we got together family and friends would watch what is on my plate and make comments here and there.
Back in march 2012 I hit bottom. I got a full physical and endocrinology work done. My Obgyn wanted to do surgery and I just snapped. I decided that I had to take control, no pill or plan was going to work. I read the Metabolism miracle book. This gave me a start to understand my thyroid issues. I didn't share any of my eatting or workout plans with anyone.
I continued to make the normal foods for my husband and kids but they never noticed that I wasn't eatting the pasta, bread, or cookies. I never brought it to their attention. At in laws house, I put the food on my plate and pushed it around, they never noticed. Going out to eat, I'd check out the menu online and order something that worked, I didn't discuss it with anyone ahead of time. I just. Logged logged and logged.
I started running. I did my first 5k and no one knew. I'm now running at 5:00 am and no ones awake. I've lost 20 lbs since April. My family never noticed (because they see me everyday) but friends I haven't seen for a while give nice compliments.
The point is I'm not doing it for them. I'm doing it for me. They don't know how to support me because of all the times I tried and failed. I put them on an emotional rollercoaster too and it wasn't fair.
I hope I helped you. You don't have to share your diet or workout with anyone. If you do, be prepared for criticism.
Good luck

KarensCanDoIt

It's not a secret, but I don't make a big deal about it either. I don't announce to everyone that I'm dieting. I think most of my family knows by now. My daughter is the one how led me to MFP, and my husband joined soon thereafter. Tracking my food was so eye-opening.

I used to blame everyone around me for my not being able to lose weight. Ultimately, it's me who decides what I eat and how much. This time I am taking control. I'm doing what feels right for me. So far, it's working. I'm down almost 50 pounds with about 25 to go. The nice thing is that I don't feel deprived. If I feel like eating something sweet, I have a little something. But, If someone offers me cake and I don't want cake, I don't eat it. Even if they offer it to me over and over again. I politely refuse. I feel that by not following a strict, rigid diet, I don't have that feeling of failure when I stray from it.

chellie346

what is DH

LoosingMyLast15

what is DH

darling husband.

my DH knows but it wasn't until i lost the 9lbs that i started to tell people. only a few people know i'm on mfp and no one knows my actual weight.

chellie346

my husband supports me in everything I do, there are just some things I don't think he would understand and think was weird. I like to use MFP as a facebook as well. It keeps my focus and thats why i wanted more people on here so I can see what they do and how well they are doing. To encourage and be encouraged. I think what makes me want to keep it a secret the most is that i have failed so many times. The doctors have told me that the reason I can't have a baby is because of my weight. When everyone around me is saying, when are you going to have a baby isn't it time for yall to have a baby, I feel ashamed, because a few of them know about my health issues and if I would just lose the weight, we could have a baby. So anytime I'm around any of them I feel like they are constantly observing what i eat and judging me. They may not be, but in my mind they are. For instance, last night I posted about the cookies and cupcakes at church. I really wanted one, but was going to fight that. If my husband and some of my friends seen that, I feel like they would laugh and be like "that's crazy you should eat one," or "why is it such a big deal"

kcmcd

My husband knows I'm working on it, because I need his backup with the kids. He is supportive of course. But I keep my numbers to myself.

tippett610

I considered not telling my husband because I knew he would't believe the diet would last. Of course, it might last longer if her were more supportive. He actually does things to try to sabotage me and then says he is just trying to be polite.

Opening a bag of M&Ms, pouring them in a bowl and placing them on the coffee table in front of me when you know I am dieting is NOT being polite.

However, I knew I couldn't do this properly and be successful, if I didn't tell him. I am hoping he will become more supportive after I have stayed on program for a while. For now, I just remind him almost daily about my current weightloss so that he knows I am still dieting and that I am having success. I am not doing this for anyone but myself and I am not going to let anyone else interfere with my plans for success.

Tena

My husband is the same way...except with miniture reese's peanut butter cups...

P90XBowler

..to everyone (if you get the reference you ROCK)

tlcAK

I just want to giv eyou a big huh! My husband and family members are so supportive of my weightloss journey. Its hard sometimes because my husband can eat whatever he wants and my mom makes very yummy food. But they give me a look or they will do something different just for me. Its so important to have a support group. MFP is life my family too. Everyone is so supportive. I'm very thankful for my friends here.

orangesmartie

OP, i know exactly what you mean. I have a friend on here who is also a real-world close friend. I've noticed since we became friends on here my behaviour for logging has changed. I'm not as truthful with my logging and yet i know the only person i'm cheating is myself and the scales won't lie to me. I'm just so ashamed by my total inability to control myself with food. I did really well up to the beginning of August and then for one reason or another its just been downhill from there and because of this particular friend (who i love dearly) i'm not even admitting it and being held accountable. Like you said, I don't want them to think badly of me or think differently about me.

Most of the people in my life know i'm trying to change my lifestyle and what i eat, but i keep the exact details to myself.

And now i just need to get back on track with stick to calorie goals and get away from mindless eating again.

EDIT: the reason it feels differentis she is already quite slim and looking just to lose about 3 kilos, whereas i'm about half her size again.

3LittleMonkeyMom

I have told my husband and my parents. They and my MFP friends are a great support to me.
Nobody else knows. Most of my friends don't. This is going to sound silly, but I have a friend who I think would really benefit from this and I really want to have serious results where she asks "What have you done?" so I can say "Look, I have done MFP, and exercise, and it REALLY WORKS!". I want to give her incentive to get healthier. Right now she won't listen to anybody. She is where we've all been, very defensive. We don't see each other very often, so I'm gonna push it out another month or so.

mandersatx

My SO and family know. I'm trying to get everyone involved because we could all honestly use the weightloss and support. That being said, I will not let my SO know how much I weigh until it is substantially less than his weight. My quirk, but it works for me. Seeing my friends and family doing well encourages me to do well, too. I like having a network of people that know me, know my struggles, and want to see my succeed. It also makes it easier to find social things to do when we're all trying to make better decisions about what we put in our bodies.

schicksa

Part of the success of programs like this and weight watchers is the "group" mentality. Having others know helps build your support group and keep you motivated! Maybe start slow and quiet if you aren't ready to talk to your husband about it yet....tell a really close friend or just participate more on these boards. Then once you see that people are really supportive of you being healthy, maybe you'll feel more confident about it.

sicilysclover

I definitely told my husband because well, we live together and I don't want to hide the fact that I am making big changes. We grocery shop together and eat dinner together every day so I can't hide the fact that my meals are radically different. He is greatly supportive of me though, I can't imagine hiding any aspect of my life from him. When people notice my weight loss and ask me what i'm doing, i'll mention MFP and how much I love it. My cousin and my friend joined b/c they saw my success so far, so it's been a positive experience for me to come out of the MFP closet LOL. I wish you guys had the same support system in your life - but that being said this is for YOU. Do whatever makes you comfortable.