Its a Secret...
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I have found that if you switch your mentality from "being on a diet" to "getting healthier" that a huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders. There should be no shame in trying to get healthy~ losing weight is just an amazing added bonus! Focus more on getting good foods and sources of nutrition in you and exercising to get "the bad stuff" out. Strive to learn more about the foods you eat. I find it kind of fun learning about new foods or trying new things. I think you'll find that so many more people will be supportive of a lifestyle change to live healthier than they'll be of a diet. Diets are meant to be a quick fix. My endocrinologist said something that really resonated with me. He ever so casually mentioned that getting healthier isn't just going to benefit me but also my future child(ren). The better shape you are in and better foods you are eating can only lead to a better start your child will have. My bf is completely supportive but was (and possibly still is) confused about some of the things I do. Instead of telling him "I need to balance my macros for the day", I'll tell him something like "I need a little more protein today but my carbs are right on point." Heck, I even catch him checking labels now!! lol I've even shared some inspirational stories of my MFP friends from time to time. Maybe your DH doesn't need to know every little detail of what you do but I'm sure he'd be 100% supportive of a healthy new you! Anyone else that asks me about losing weight, I just tell them that I use MFP to track everything and that I'm doing it the healthy way~ diet and exercise. Simple as that. Trust me on this, good habits rub off on others.
Best of luck in your healthy new lifestyle, weight loss and TTC!!! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0 -
The only people who know I do this are my immediate family and my husband. I do not make my food diary public though. I also don't share it with my friends or extended family because I don't want anyone to judge the fact I am logging food. Not a whole lot of people know how much I struggle with cravings and staying on an exercise regimen regularly because I am on the smaller side as it is. I have always been somewhat athletic, so most people don't see any problem with the way I look. But I am making lifestyle changes and it's not just about the way I look, it's about how I feel, how much energy I have, and how dedicated I can be to something. So many people jump to conclusions "Oh, she has an eating disorder because she OBSESSES about what she eats"...which is SOOOOO not the case. It is really upsetting sometimes, so I have just decided that this journey will be more of a private one
I never gave much thought to this before. One time I had a boss who was excessively thin. She was as thin as I was.....well......not thin :blushing: I made a remark to her one time about her always b!tching that her doc wanted her to gain. She replied to me, very open and honest, not nasty about how bad she felt when people made remarks like that because it was such an issue for her, much as my over weight issue was for me.
I never made that mistake again.
I would imagine it would be difficult in your case. For you and all the "small" people in this type of scenario........I apologize0 -
My husband is very supportive and my dad is as well, my inlaws dont know because they are judgemental and 2 faced, future sister in law is for all intensive purposes a lazy slut, she uses diet pills and stupid diets to lose weight... Yoyos from fat to thin and wihen shes thin she still jiggles with fat and flab but gets heaps of praise for losing the weight... Cant understand it!
Im dieting for myself but in a small way im looking forward to seeing the shock on their faces when I unveil my new figure and have no intention of telling them how I did it...0 -
I tell everybody that'll listen and even a few that wouldnt:drinker: You dont wanna hear it? Then GTFA from me. THIS IS ME NOW........
I have to do this for me. I may not do it how you'd like, or in the time frame, or with the tools you did or would or might et al......BUT im DOING IT!!!!
10 years ago I went on a walking kick......seriously. I walked 8 miles a night every single night of the year, thru rain and ice and snow. I lost 100 pounds in roughly 8 months and was maintaining it and loving it. 2 things happened. First....every S-o-B I knew accused me of being anoreix / bulimic and worked hard to convince my husband and mentor that I needed therapy. 2nd....I trashed my knees on black ice and a truck accident and tore the ACL in my right leg after 10 scopes it had to be replaced
In stepped my fu@king downfall. I was laid up in a hip to toe cast for months. POOOOOOOOOOOOF it happened and I swear it was over night. Anyway.....here I am....needing to lose in excess of 100 lbs...but yeah......50 is already gone.
Sticking with the original purpose of the thread. I DO NOT NOT NOT want any family or friends HERE at MFP. This place is MINE MINE MINE.....Im not sharing it. I want to be open and honest on my journey with absolute privacy. I dont want to feel embarrassed or disgusted or humiliated or any of the myriad of feelings we've all experienced in our weight loss journeys to new lasting lifestyles. I think my fiance' signed up here just after I did but I have no clue what his name is here nor he mine. AND IT WILL STAY THAT WAY.
I dont need any excuse or reason to fall. Not yet. Ive experienced them all at some point or another in the last 20 years of trying to lose weight. As my journey here continues I feel myself getting stronger and more determined. I have an inkling I could be OCD about things so I dont need any DIScouragement at the time
I hope to heaven that ALL of you are successful in this greatest journey on earth.....lifestyle change of weight loss.
~~From me and Killer...w/love
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My mother inlaw loves to make everyone feel bad.. and now my husband is being trained by a family member and they didn't include me!! So I decided to do it for myself!!! It's on, screw them!!!0
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My boyfriend knows about my health/fitness and has even logged for me at times when I've been sick. His family doesn't know about my weightloss, only that I run.0
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My husband and my friends and selected coworkers all know that I track everything, they have noticed my weight loss and they all have made positive comments. Although my husband never said I was overweight or anything-- he does appreicate the new me...
Maybe not the shopping bills for all the new clothes though!! LOL!!0 -
I have always been active and workout quite a bit. My boyfriend knew that from the start. My username on a dating site was even my favorite-fitness related (tennis). I started a diet or healthier way of living food-wise a few days ago, and we talked about it for months. I could not keep it a secret from him, because he cooks most of our dinners. Luckily, he loves new recipes and eating healthier too - even though he doesn't need to lose weight. Occasionally, he'll make carbs for him and the kids, but I never go hungery since veggies are plenty good for me - along with protein.
I don't advertise this to others outside family and few friends though. If someone offers foods I don't eat (sugars, simple carbs), I may mention that I'm watching what I eat. That's it. I like the support of a small group.0 -
I kind of like keeping it private, not secret, from the people I see day-to-day because it's "my" thing. I can do it at my own pace, my own way, without anyone commenting, give unsolicited advice, judging when I choose to not be as conscientious, overdoing the praise when things ARE going well, because perversely that sets me up for failure. (If I've done well, despite "cheating," I think I can cheat more frequently; if I've done poorly I may say "screw it" and give up trying especially if I know people are watching to see what I'm doing. Or people might watch and say, "Oh, are you ALLOWED to eat that?"
Now, when people notice weight loss, or ask, I'll mention that I'm trying to watch what I'm eating, or trying to get a little more exercise, get healthier, get more fit, etc., etc.
My daughters know that I log food, but they're teenagers, so they're pretty much wrapped up in their own lives.
Some weeks I'm very focused, but other weeks, I decide (consciously or subconsciously) that I don't mind if it's a "maintenance" week, or low weight-loss week and I'm pretty lax about my eating habits, even while being good about logging. It's one of the reasons I keep my diary closed. (Last night, for example, I wanted some light ice cream and HAD it, even though I was close to my 1,200 for the day, so I went over -- but it just means, worst case scenario, that it may be a 1 lb.-loss week instead of a 2-lbs. loss week)0 -
I used to, and I wouldnt add personal friends here either. But recently Ive stepped out of my shell and very few limited people around me know what Im doing .... it's tough but it holds me accountable so I like it now0
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My husband found this website when we were talking about losing weight. So, of course, he knows about it and it is great because we can support each other. Pat each other on the back when we lose weight or workout.0
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I advertise! LOL All my friends, family and co-workers know about my lifestyle change. I've been doing it for a while now and I do not hesitate to help others, suggest things or even push good food on people. I have made a big point at work to ask people to bring in healthy food to celebrate things with and so far, so good at this point. I am on a mission to join family and friends in my health quest! The more you get it out there, the most support you have. And those that dont support me, have found a way out of my life. Its unfortunate but sometimes, that's what happens when you do positive things for yourself. 0
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Never share your dreams with anyone that can not or will not help you achieve them.
If they aren't actively on your side, they will tend to work against you.0 -
It is sad that society (including many right here on this site) have such attitudes about weight that people who struggle to control their food feel ashamed. You suffer from an addiction. So do smokers and many drinkers. Your addiction is even harder to control because you cannot completely abstain from food. You have to learn to handle food responsibly even while continuing to consume it.
My entire life I was slender. Right up until my mid-40's. I am now close to 50 pounds heavier than I was 10 years ago. Some of it is a result of aging and some of it is a result of the effects my thyroid and my thyroid medication. That doesn't mean I didn't play a role. Of course, I did. I was the one who ate more than needed. However, for someone who has never had to struggle with their weight, they don't understand how hard it really can be. I know I didn't until I lived it.
I cannot believe your husband would feel any less about you if he understood how much you struggle with food. The real challenge will be for him to understand. I am not sure he really can. However, I know you can be successful.
As far as keeping MFP secret, my husband knows I am using MFP, but I know he would never come online looking to see what I log. Besides, I have a secure password.
Good luck with your weighloss journey.
Tena
I can not agree that all the people on this site have a food addiction - you might but many other here do not - I feel you are being a bit sweeping with your judgements0 -
I didn't tell my husband for the first little bit. I was embarrassed, mainly about how far I had let myself go. But I shouldn't have worried. He's been my biggest supporter ever since I told him. Even though he never noticed as I was gaining weight, and told me 30 pounds ago he thought I looked great and needed to stop losing soon, he has always been positive about the changes I've made and my desire to be fitter and healthier.0
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I read somewhere that if you're serious about losing weight, you shouldn't tell anyone for two reasons: 1) a lot of people will have emotional reactions to it (you're trying to be better than me, what's wrong with the way you are, etc.) and try to sabotage your efforts, and 2) by telling someone you're going to lose weight and people saying "oh good for you!" you already feel rewarded and don't really try. I know both of those things vary a lot from person to person, but I agree with the idea that you shouldn't tell anyone until you're already feeling confident and secure about your weight loss efforts. The last time I started this up, I waited until I was logging every day and had dropped a couple of pounds before I told anyone what I was doing to ensure I'd stick with it, no matter if people praised me or objected to my goals. Now everyone knows, and they're generally supportive.0
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I told my husband. I am uncomfortable keeping secrets from him because I feel that if I have to hide something from him, that means I'm doing something wrong. And if he thinks that staying healthy is wrong, then I married the wrong person for me. Sure, he thinks meeting friends on here is odd and leaving supportive messages to strangers is out of his realm of experience, but he supports me in everything I do. He knows that even if he doesn't completely understand, it's important to me, so he will support me. He is even interested when I tell him random nutrition facts I've learned and encourages my progress even if I know he doesn't really get it. Best. Husband. Ever. I need to tell HIM this more often instead of bragging to invisible strangers, I suppose.0
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OP, i know exactly what you mean. I have a friend on here who is also a real-world close friend. I've noticed since we became friends on here my behaviour for logging has changed. I'm not as truthful with my logging and yet i know the only person i'm cheating is myself and the scales won't lie to me. I'm just so ashamed by my total inability to control myself with food. I did really well up to the beginning of August and then for one reason or another its just been downhill from there and because of this particular friend (who i love dearly) i'm not even admitting it and being held accountable. Like you said, I don't want them to think badly of me or think differently about me.
Most of the people in my life know i'm trying to change my lifestyle and what i eat, but i keep the exact details to myself.
And now i just need to get back on track with stick to calorie goals and get away from mindless eating again.
EDIT: the reason it feels differentis she is already quite slim and looking just to lose about 3 kilos, whereas i'm about half her size again.
If you don't share your diary, she will never know what you log.0 -
I think my husband knows but I haven't told him directly. One day I was feeling down and he was trying to tell me I was beautiful and I didn't agree and I told him I feel large and not in charge. He was super sweet and non judgmental about it and told me that I should be in charge and I need to figure out how to do that. I know he see's me on here and asked me what it was and I simply told him it was a food diary. I am honestly embarrassed knowing I weigh more than him and don't want him to know that.
I haven't flat out said to friends or family, I am trying to lose 50 lbs. Only my MFP know my current weight and weight goal and I intend to keep it that way. Mainly I don't want people constantly watching me and judging.
I am doing this for me and that is why I keep it mostly to myself.0 -
I can not agree that all the people on this site have a food addiction - you might but many other here do not - I feel you are being a bit sweeping with your judgements
I was addressing the OP. I do not have a food addiction, personally. It sounds to me like she does. So, you shouldn't take offense since I wasn't trying to imply you or anyone else, specifically, other than the OP did.
Sorry for the confusion.0 -
I have told everyone that is close to me and my co-workers. At work we switch off buying lunch and when making choices I want them to know of my food preferences. The exception to this is my latest girlfriend. We've only been dating a few months but she eats healthy and excercises regularly. We eat healthy together so it's not a real change when we're out.0
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OP, i know exactly what you mean. I have a friend on here who is also a real-world close friend. I've noticed since we became friends on here my behaviour for logging has changed. I'm not as truthful with my logging and yet i know the only person i'm cheating is myself and the scales won't lie to me. I'm just so ashamed by my total inability to control myself with food. I did really well up to the beginning of August and then for one reason or another its just been downhill from there and because of this particular friend (who i love dearly) i'm not even admitting it and being held accountable. Like you said, I don't want them to think badly of me or think differently about me.
Most of the people in my life know i'm trying to change my lifestyle and what i eat, but i keep the exact details to myself.
And now i just need to get back on track with stick to calorie goals and get away from mindless eating again.
EDIT: the reason it feels differentis she is already quite slim and looking just to lose about 3 kilos, whereas i'm about half her size again.
If you don't share your diary, she will never know what you log.
I know. As a result of this thread I've de-friended her here and explained why I've done it. I think what was said a few posts back about this being for me and not sharing it might be true in my case. So hopefully it will help. Ultimately, i can make every excuse, but its my mindset that will change things.0 -
I can't believe all the responses on this thread! I love all the input. I hope that one day we can all be confident enough in ourselves to be true to who we are and not hide anything. I'm too much of a people pleaser and care about what people think about me.0
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Just wanted to say that I have opened up to my husband a little bit about this journey and he told me today that he was impressed by how great i'm doing. Made me smile so big inside!!!0
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I don't like telling people (even family), because then they start to analize everything you eat. I hate being asked "should you be eating that?" especially when I am sure my counts allow for it.0
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