Your funniest quote.

2

Replies

  • khara2012
    khara2012 Posts: 1,051 Member
    WARNING: Approach with caution. This person has not reached high enough caffeine levels for human to human contact.
  • zaph0d
    zaph0d Posts: 1,172 Member
    Can you rephrase that in the form of a cupcake?
  • RapunzelsWish
    RapunzelsWish Posts: 6 Member
    You can pick your friends, but you cant pick your friends nose.


    Too funny!! ...Here's how I've heard this one told -

    You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose. ;)
  • gayje
    gayje Posts: 230 Member
    When someone states the obvious in conversation with me I like to say, "So, you didn't win the Pulitzer Prize, did you?"

    And I got to use it last night on my bf. He walks into the bedroom and I'm CLEARLY in sleep mode. He asks me, "I guess it's sleepy time and not play time tonight?" My response...read above.
  • apocalypsepwnie
    apocalypsepwnie Posts: 373
    Anxiety girl - able to leap to the worst conclusion in a single bound!

    'You aint no dolphin and this aint no seaworld'
  • waronmyfat
    waronmyfat Posts: 322 Member
    I'm no glass of milk baby but i still do your body good :)
  • lilawolf
    lilawolf Posts: 1,690 Member
    Semantics:
    Pessimists see the cup as half empty, optimists see it as half full... Either way, it's not going to be enough coffee.

    http://cdn.motinetwork.net/motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/1102/semantics-coffee-cup-demotivational-posters-1297601565.jpg
  • KxCoyote
    KxCoyote Posts: 122 Member
    Does the grown man scream like a little girl? Or does the little girl scream like a grown man.
  • CATindeeHAT
    CATindeeHAT Posts: 332 Member
    Apparently, I made this one on my 21st birthday, however I have no recollection of it:

    "I have a perma-smile and it hurts..."

    Sometimes I run into random people and they say this to me, even though I've never seen them in my life. It was quite the night.
  • BelindaDuvessa
    BelindaDuvessa Posts: 1,014 Member
    Stupid never sleeps.
  • FitFlipRunner
    FitFlipRunner Posts: 66 Member
    Why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it...
  • xSophia19
    xSophia19 Posts: 1,536 Member
    I dont skinny dip, i chunky dunk!
  • 7bel0
    7bel0 Posts: 192 Member
    saw this online and thought it was pretty funny

    "If gas prices keep going up, I'm going to cut holes in the floor of my car and Flinstone that b****!"
  • khara2012
    khara2012 Posts: 1,051 Member
    People say that drinking coffee every day is dangerous. But I say the bigger risk to your health is standing between me and my sweet cup of caffeinated joy! :devil:
  • KCoolBeanz
    KCoolBeanz Posts: 813 Member
    A couple of my favorites are:

    I was busier than a one legged man in an *kitten* kicking contest!

    Hotter than a ten cent hooker on dime night!
  • MissC787
    MissC787 Posts: 175 Member
    God made mud, God made dirt, God made boys so girls can flirt.

    Dear Guys Wearing Skinny Jeans, I...Can't...Breathe! Sincerely, Your B*lls....lmfao!!

    You've never realized how weird your friends are until you have to describe them to someone else.

    Sometimes I'm being annoying to you because I like you.

    Shh.... Be pretty.
  • khara2012
    khara2012 Posts: 1,051 Member
    God made mud, God made dirt, God made boys so girls can flirt.

    Dear Guys Wearing Skinny Jeans, I...Can't...Breathe! Sincerely, Your B*lls....lmfao!!

    You've never realized how weird your friends are until you have to describe them to someone else.

    Sometimes I'm being annoying to you because I like you.

    Shh.... Be pretty.

    These are sooooo funny!!
  • khara2012
    khara2012 Posts: 1,051 Member
    Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts.Others come into our lives & make us want to leave footprints on their face. :devil:
  • KCoolBeanz
    KCoolBeanz Posts: 813 Member
    Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
  • Danika6676
    Danika6676 Posts: 13 Member
    Calories.....those are the little buggers that sneak into my closet at night and sew my clothes tighter.
  • Danika6676
    Danika6676 Posts: 13 Member
    Hold on....nobody move.....I lost my mind! If you find it please don't straighten it out....it has taken me years to get it that twisted!
  • khara2012
    khara2012 Posts: 1,051 Member
    If you won't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!
  • shaleasymphony
    shaleasymphony Posts: 172 Member
    they say women love a man in uniform....but when i go to the club in my mcdonald's uniform no one even looks at me!
  • shaleasymphony
    shaleasymphony Posts: 172 Member
    that awkward moment when you go to hug someone sexy as hell and you hit the mirror
  • chelovik
    chelovik Posts: 200 Member
    You are as worthless as tits on a bull
  • Tapemymouthshutplease
    Tapemymouthshutplease Posts: 101
    Silence is golden, duct tape is silver : )
  • cheshirequeen
    cheshirequeen Posts: 1,324 Member
    i see says the blind man talking to the deaf man on the phone.
  • cheshirequeen
    cheshirequeen Posts: 1,324 Member
    May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who
    screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
  • snowmaniac
    snowmaniac Posts: 600 Member
    I've upped my fiber intake. Up yours!

    Some people are like Slinkies.They aren't really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to my face when I push them down a flight of stairs.
  • SunshineDay76
    SunshineDay76 Posts: 94
    Don't sweat the petty things, and definitely never pet the sweaty things.
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