9 16 oz Beers

sz8soon

**VENTING**

Woke up the other morning and there were 9 (that I could count with out moving things around) beer cans on the top of the garbage. WTF??? I don't even know if there was more, I guess there could have been.

Back story.... Husband works weird and long hours sometimes (16 hour days)- he says a couple of beers helps him relax when he gets home late and helps him sleep. I'm not a big drinker so I take his word for it. But FFS- 9, 16 ounce beers by yourself on a Saturday night? (No work- its the weekend)

This has been a hot topic of conversation before- he seems to go in spurts. Lots of drinking for awhile then slows it down. It drives me freaking crazy. He's never been a hard alcohol drinker- thank goodness because he turns in to a complete jerk. But I discovered he had finished an entire fifth of Fireball by himself over the course of 2 weeks (thats with the beer drinking too). I felt like a parent monitoring the level of liquor in the cabinet.

He grew up with people having a drink or two every night- it's not weird to him. I grew up with alcohol being served on holidays and special occasions. He thinks I'm weird. I enjoy a glass of wine or a beer here and there- but never to that extent by myself.

Looking for other perspectives here? Major concern- am I just being a bishy wife? Over concerned? If you've got questions let me know I'm happy to answer. I'm curious what other people think.

sz8soon

Nobody?

sandiki

I can understand the cpl of beers to unwind.. but agree that solitary drinking in excess consumption might have underlying reasons. Sure after a cpl.. one or two more might go down just as smooth when alone..but 9 plus ..and solo.. I'd find out what's really the issue.

Dan112358

**VENTING**

beer cans on the top of the garbage.

Husband works weird and long hours sometimes (16 hour days)- he says a couple of beers helps him relax when he gets home late and helps him sleep.

Lots of drinking for awhile then slows it down. He's never been a hard alcohol drinker

I felt like a parent monitoring the level of liquor in the cabinet.

He grew up with people having a drink or two every night- it's not weird to him.

I enjoy a glass of wine or a beer here and there.

being a bishy wife Over concerned

Just cleaned that up for you. Let the poor *kitten* have a beer.

kelseyhere

yeah, 9 is a lot. i also grew up in a family where it's normal to drink everyday. my dad would get home from work and drink 3-4 beers as he worked on his truck or in the yard. he's been consistent about this for years though, and has never really upped the amount. if you feel like your husband is consuming more and more, something might be going on. but if it's consistent, i'd be less worried.

talk to him about it but approach very calmly and don't blame. those 9 beers might not of even been his. i always pick up empty beer bottles and cans on my walks and toss them in the first trash i see. could have been some neighborhood kids or something.

MsNewBooty83

http://www.medicinenet.com/alcohol_abuse_and_alcoholism/article.htm

i found this, dont know if it helps, but it might give you a better idea of where he stands with it. i think that if its not negatively affecting any other part of his life (including yur marriage) then its not too big of a problem. im a binge drinker, which apparently classifies me as an alchol abuser and i do use it as a release. its not a problem for me, but according to the definition, i have a problem. also the first enry on my most often used 'foods' is 10oz smirnoff vodka, lol. not funny right now, i know. just thought the article could help put things into perspective a little

Lesa_Sass

Hi, my name is Lesa and I am an alcoholic. I will have five years sober on Thursday, so I understand exactly what you are going through.

The only thing you can do about his drinking is change your reaction to it You do this by attending Alanon. You can not help him but that program will help you change you.

I think a lot of people are confused as to what the true definition of an alcoholic is. They come in many different forms, but one thing that is constant, an alcoholic drinks, even when concern is shown and asked not to. They can not stop with out wanting to and many times help.

I was not an every day drinker but when I did drink ,it was on. Trust me when I say, a normal person does not drink that much beer "just because". And there is a very good chance that more was consumed, but the empties hidden, as this is something we do to hide how much we are drinking.

If you call your local AA office they should be able to send you an Alanon meeting schedule. And it is very important for you to understand, this is a family problem and you can not expect him to get help if you refuse to do it yourself.

Good luck and God bless. This issue tears apart thousands and thousands of families each and every year. I hope he realized the problem before it is too late.

AllTehBeers

Lol. 9 beers on your weekend? I'm a chick and yesterday for football day, I put down a 12 pack by myself. Now, it was over the course of 6 or so hours, but when I party, I can drink a fifth of liquor (READ: in the same night, let alone over two weeks). Leave the man alone and let him have some drinks.

sz8soon

I don't care if he has a beer or two or three for that matter. I'm not trying to say drinking is bad. Like I said I enjoy a few too. It's the knocking so many back your getting buzzed and drunk by yourself, that's the part I'm struggling with.

He also sees no problem in doing this when he is home alone with the kids.

I plan on talking to him about it, I just wanted to get other opinions so I don't go into it so narrow minded. I have my thoughts on it, but I'm not about trying to make a big deal out of something that for the most part is normal for some. It's just not what is normal for me.

(no chance it's the neighbors, definitely all his)

Thanks you guys!

sz8soon

Lol. 9 beers on your weekend? I'm a chick and yesterday for football day, I put down a 12 pack by myself. Now, it was over the course of 6 or so hours, but when I party, I can drink a fifth of liquor (READ: in the same night, let alone over two weeks). Leave the man alone and let him have some drinks.

Ok, I can see where that could seem weird by the way I worded it. Party and social drinking is nothing I have any concern over! But sitting with your wife and two kids watching a movie is another. then continuing to drink by yourself after everyone has gone to bed.

Lesa_Sass

I don't care if he has a beer or two or three for that matter. I'm not trying to say drinking is bad. Like I said I enjoy a few too. It's the knocking so many back your getting buzzed and drunk by yourself, that's the part I'm struggling with.

He also sees no problem in doing this when he is home alone with the kids.

I plan on talking to him about it, I just wanted to get other opinions so I don't go into it so narrow minded. I have my thoughts on it, but I'm not about trying to make a big deal out of something that for the most part is normal for some. It's just not what is normal for me.

(no chance it's the neighbors, definitely all his)

Thanks you guys!

Okay, do it your way but when you get tired of beating your head against the wall, there is help.

Trust me, you can not make him drink the way you want him to drink, it does not happen that way.

I really hope you are not one of those people that does not want him to stop and get sober because you like drinking too.

An alcoholic does not plan on drinking that much, we just can not help it. We will start out telling ourselves we want one or two but then we can not stop.

You must understand the disease before you can do anything else. This is not going to change because you want it to, trust me, there are millions of women that wished that were true, little kids too.

AllTehBeers

I don't care if he has a beer or two or three for that matter. I'm not trying to say drinking is bad. Like I said I enjoy a few too. It's the knocking so many back your getting buzzed and drunk by yourself, that's the part I'm struggling with.

He also sees no problem in doing this when he is home alone with the kids.

I plan on talking to him about it, I just wanted to get other opinions so I don't go into it so narrow minded. I have my thoughts on it, but I'm not about trying to make a big deal out of something that for the most part is normal for some. It's just not what is normal for me.

(no chance it's the neighbors, definitely all his)

Thanks you guys!

First, I have to ask how old the kids are. If they are old enough to play in the toy room while daddy has a few, I don't see the problem. If there is a baby, I might have to say something.

Second, your man is staying home, watching the kids and having some beers. My father does the same and has since we were little kids. It's actually perfectly normal. You could have a man that is going to the bars with his buddies, smashing down drinks then driving home.

Third, you have to understand as someone who drinks relatively often, 9 beers probably isn't enough to make him too buzzed, let alone any kind of drunk. As long as he is not driving anywhere, I don't see the issue with that. What may make you feel three sheets might just be a nice buzz to him.

To him, it's normal and keeping an open mind when you talk to him will give you the best chance of coming to a compromise. If he starts doing things that puts him or the kids in danger, then you need to step in. Otherwise, in my opinion, give him a bit of space and go from there. :flowerforyou:

RobynMWilson

Go with your gut...if you think there is a problem then there probably is. It's not up to your MFP friends to determine whether your husband has a drinking problem. The fact that you're concerned enough to post it here already gives you your answer. I'm a recovered alcoholic with 12+ year sober and also divorced because my ex husband "relapsed". I know too well about codendency and counting beer cans and being afraid to ask but the most important thing I learned is that my gut told me everything I needed to know well before I would even admit to myself that he was drinking and using again...

AllTehBeers

Lol. 9 beers on your weekend? I'm a chick and yesterday for football day, I put down a 12 pack by myself. Now, it was over the course of 6 or so hours, but when I party, I can drink a fifth of liquor (READ: in the same night, let alone over two weeks). Leave the man alone and let him have some drinks.

Ok, I can see where that could seem weird by the way I worded it. Party and social drinking is nothing I have any concern over! But sitting with your wife and two kids watching a movie is another. then continuing to drink by yourself after everyone has gone to bed.

Most of the men in my parents family do this, so to me, it doesn't seem odd at all.

ETA: I also have a few beers at my house by myself watching a movie or something. It's relaxing and gives me time to myself. Maybe it's just his way of having his own time.

RobynMWilson

I don't care if he has a beer or two or three for that matter. I'm not trying to say drinking is bad. Like I said I enjoy a few too. It's the knocking so many back your getting buzzed and drunk by yourself, that's the part I'm struggling with.

He also sees no problem in doing this when he is home alone with the kids.

I plan on talking to him about it, I just wanted to get other opinions so I don't go into it so narrow minded. I have my thoughts on it, but I'm not about trying to make a big deal out of something that for the most part is normal for some. It's just not what is normal for me.

(no chance it's the neighbors, definitely all his)

Thanks you guys!

Okay, do it your way but when you get tired of beating your head against the wall, there is help.

Trust me, you can not make him drink the way you want him to drink, it does not happen that way.

I really hope you are not one of those people that does not want him to stop and get sober because you like drinking too.

An alcoholic does not plan on drinking that much, we just can not help it. We will start out telling ourselves we want one or two but then we can not stop.

You must understand the disease before you can do anything else. This is not going to change because you want it to, trust me, there are millions of women that wished that were true, little kids too.

^^^ she's right...

nikinyx6

My fiance works VERY hard everyday, and drinks almost everyday when he gets home from work. I have no problem with this, regardless of the amount he drinks, until it starts to have an effect on the quality of his life, or the quality of our relationhsip. To each their own I guess

spade117

I mostly agree with what Rachel has posted.

:goes off to make another drink:

AllTehBeers

I mostly agree with what Rachel has posted.

:goes off to make another drink:

Mostly?? Thats solid advice there! hehe
:comes with you for drinks:

Kara52217

I don't care if he has a beer or two or three for that matter. I'm not trying to say drinking is bad. Like I said I enjoy a few too. It's the knocking so many back your getting buzzed and drunk by yourself, that's the part I'm struggling with.

He also sees no problem in doing this when he is home alone with the kids.

I plan on talking to him about it, I just wanted to get other opinions so I don't go into it so narrow minded. I have my thoughts on it, but I'm not about trying to make a big deal out of something that for the most part is normal for some. It's just not what is normal for me.

(no chance it's the neighbors, definitely all his)

Thanks you guys!

Okay, do it your way but when you get tired of beating your head against the wall, there is help.

Trust me, you can not make him drink the way you want him to drink, it does not happen that way.

I really hope you are not one of those people that does not want him to stop and get sober because you like drinking too.

An alcoholic does not plan on drinking that much, we just can not help it. We will start out telling ourselves we want one or two but then we can not stop.

You must understand the disease before you can do anything else. This is not going to change because you want it to, trust me, there are millions of women that wished that were true, little kids too.

^^^ she's right...

I agree with this poster.
He may not be an alcholic necessairly but my husband suffers from anxiety and depression and he would drink daily to help mask his issues which helped when and only when he was drinking ... the after effects were anxiety and depression that were 10x worse than if he hadn't been drinking.

I also have a friend whose mom was considered an alcoholic but in the last few years they learned she is Bi-Polar and would drink to help herself deal with the issues she was dealing with during a manic state.

So I guess I am just saying there may be things going on that you don't realize. And he is drinking freequently to help himself mask the symptons.

Good Luck

mavrick7

I don't care if he has a beer or two or three for that matter. I'm not trying to say drinking is bad. Like I said I enjoy a few too. It's the knocking so many back your getting buzzed and drunk by yourself, that's the part I'm struggling with.

He also sees no problem in doing this when he is home alone with the kids.

I plan on talking to him about it, I just wanted to get other opinions so I don't go into it so narrow minded. I have my thoughts on it, but I'm not about trying to make a big deal out of something that for the most part is normal for some. It's just not what is normal for me.

(no chance it's the neighbors, definitely all his)


Thanks you guys!

Okay, do it your way but when you get tired of beating your head against the wall, there is help.

Trust me, you can not make him drink the way you want him to drink, it does not happen that way.

I really hope you are not one of those people that does not want him to stop and get sober because you like drinking too.

An alcoholic does not plan on drinking that much, we just can not help it. We will start out telling ourselves we want one or two but then we can not stop.

You must understand the disease before you can do anything else. This is not going to change because you want it to, trust me, there are millions of women that wished that were true, little kids too.

This is great advice! Thank you for sharing this view point. I agree with the recommendations, it sounds like he using alcohol as a way to escape from his problems or stress. It is not a social thing and may become a bigger problem.

Jenni129

I say let the man drink his beer. He's at home unwinding and relaxing. :drinker: I say have a few with him! haha :laugh:

dinosnopro

**VENTING**

Woke up the other morning and there were 9 (that I could count with out moving things around) beer cans on the top of the garbage. WTF??? I don't even know if there was more, I guess there could have been.

Back story.... Husband works weird and long hours sometimes (16 hour days)- he says a couple of beers helps him relax when he gets home late and helps him sleep. I'm not a big drinker so I take his word for it. But FFS- 9, 16 ounce beers by yourself on a Saturday night? (No work- its the weekend)

This has been a hot topic of conversation before- he seems to go in spurts. Lots of drinking for awhile then slows it down. It drives me freaking crazy. He's never been a hard alcohol drinker- thank goodness because he turns in to a complete jerk. But I discovered he had finished an entire fifth of Fireball by himself over the course of 2 weeks (thats with the beer drinking too). I felt like a parent monitoring the level of liquor in the cabinet.

He grew up with people having a drink or two every night- it's not weird to him. I grew up with alcohol being served on holidays and special occasions. He thinks I'm weird. I enjoy a glass of wine or a beer here and there- but never to that extent by myself.

Looking for other perspectives here? Major concern- am I just being a bishy wife? Over concerned? If you've got questions let me know I'm happy to answer. I'm curious what other people think.

This used to be my every night....now when you start finding naked midgets, then you have a problem.

sz8soon

I'm not trying to get mfp to diagnose my husband as an alcoholic, this is an extremely varied cross section of the population, I grew up in a bubble. I needed/wanted other peoples opinion so I could better assess where my own feelings are.

I do appreciate everyone's responses thus far, no matter how varied they might be.

ntarrence

He might be hiding it because he knows your not ok with it and does not want to hear the lecture. I am a pretty regular drinker~ not an alcoholic but have drank I guess for enough years that 9 beers is nothing. If it changes his personality and if is effecting your marriage...maybe there is an issue. If he just likes to drink on the weekend and obviously the only reason you knew he was drinking them is you found the cans...then it must have not changed his personality too much...I wouldn't worry about it and maybe just accept that you like different things?

sz8soon

This used to be my every night....now when you start finding naked midgets, then you have a problem.

Uh oh! lol, I'll keep my eye out!

jasondcooper

I'm surprised by some of the responses to this question. Drinking alone and using alcohol to "help" with sleep are two big red flags. I think the original poster is right to be concerned. The question is not if the OPs husband is an alcoholic, it's more about whether there is a pattern of problematic drinking.

We can rationalize excessive drinking all we want, but nine drinks is a lot. Unless the consumption occurred over a period of a whole day, it's probably binge drinking.

One pattern I see on this thread is that "I do it," or "so-and-so-that-I-know does it, so we don't see this behavior as abnormal." Binge drinking is VERY common, and it leads to a wide variety of health problems and other consequences. Keep in mind that according to the CDC, "most people who binge drink are not alcohol dependent or alcoholics."

Bottom line: We don't need to have a label for your significant other for there to be an alcohol problem. if you're concerned about his drinking, then you have a family problem. Frankly, I would be surprised if there aren't other warning signs that you didn't share with us here as these problems don't just pop up overnight.

There are a lot of community and online resources to help with these sorts of problems.

Lesa_Sass

I'm surprised by some of the responses to this question. Drinking alone and using alcohol to "help" with sleep are two big red flags. I think the original poster is right to be concerned. The question is not if the OPs husband is an alcoholic, it's more about whether there is a pattern of problematic drinking.

We can rationalize excessive drinking all we want, but nine drinks is a lot. Unless the consumption occurred over a period of a whole day, it's probably binge drinking.

One pattern I see on this thread is that "I do it," or "so-and-so-that-I-know does it, so we don't see this behavior as abnormal." Binge drinking is VERY common, and it leads to a wide variety of health problems and other consequences. Keep in mind that according to the CDC, "most people who binge drink are not alcohol dependent or alcoholics."

Bottom line: We don't need to have a label for your significant other for there to be an alcohol problem. if you're concerned about his drinking, then you have a family problem. Frankly, I would be surprised if there aren't other warning signs that you didn't share with us here as these problems don't just pop up overnight.

There are a lot of community and online resources to help with these sorts of problems.

Thank you very much with this response. I, too, was rather bothered by all the comments that 9 beers are nothing, really? Would you put a child in the car with you and drive after 9 beers.

Lets also keep in mind that these are 9 SIXTEEN ounce beers, not 12 ounce beers.

Anyone that feels they have to continuously have more than 2 drinks a night to relax, may want to consider what in the world is in your life that is so freaking stressful that you are poisoning your liver to deal with it.

Like I said before, I am an alcoholic, I know the signs as well as the lies we tell ourselves to justify our drinking the way we do.

And please spare me the I drink a bottle of wine a night and I do not have a problem speech. I really do not care, but if this post really gets under your skin and feel the need to defend your drinking, that is something you may want to think about. And btw, people that do not have a problem with alcohol do not have a problem giving it up. :happy:

Kerri_is_so_very

You know what??? It doesn't matter if anyone else has a problem with his drinking...if YOU have a problem with how much he is drinking...there is a problem. What you have described is a binge drinker...still an alcholic. You pretty much described my ex. He could blow through an 18 pk in one day on a weekend and then need to get more. Week nights after work to "unwind" that would start on thursdays he'd buy a 12 pk and most would be gone by morning. He too turned in to a "jerk" after the 6pk threshold. There is no comprimising with an alcholic. I also can tell you that if he doesn't see eye to eye with you on this it is only going to get worse.

Lesasass seems to have the best advice here. How you react to what he does is what you need to learn to address....you cannot "monitor" behavior in to him. It is up to you how long or how much you can tolerate.

BeeElMarvin

... never mind ... :drinker:

bcf7683

Lol. 9 beers on your weekend? I'm a chick and yesterday for football day, I put down a 12 pack by myself. Now, it was over the course of 6 or so hours, but when I party, I can drink a fifth of liquor (READ: in the same night, let alone over two weeks). Leave the man alone and let him have some drinks.

Ok, I can see where that could seem weird by the way I worded it. Party and social drinking is nothing I have any concern over! But sitting with your wife and two kids watching a movie is another. then continuing to drink by yourself after everyone has gone to bed.

Most of the men in my parents family do this, so to me, it doesn't seem odd at all.

ETA: I also have a few beers at my house by myself watching a movie or something. It's relaxing and gives me time to myself. Maybe it's just his way of having his own time.

^^ I agree. After a long day at work (which happens a lot...) I like to come home and unwind a little by having a few beers or a few glasses of wine. I also downed quite a few cold ones for this past football Sunday (Damn Steelers... but that's another story....) As long as he doesn't down the 9 beers then hop in the mini van for a tour around town I wouldn't consider it a huge problem. If he grew up around a family who incorporated alcohol then it's what he's used to. I can understand how being a person where alcohol is only brought around for special occasions may think it odd, but I don't think there is a serious problem. Perhaps if he starts doing this everyday and it interferes with work, your family, or his health- then it'd be a problem.

_Calvin_

Lol. 9 beers on your weekend? I'm a chick and yesterday for football day, I put down a 12 pack by myself. Now, it was over the course of 6 or so hours, but when I party, I can drink a fifth of liquor (READ: in the same night, let alone over two weeks). Leave the man alone and let him have some drinks.

Ok, I can see where that could seem weird by the way I worded it. Party and social drinking is nothing I have any concern over! But sitting with your wife and two kids watching a movie is another. then continuing to drink by yourself after everyone has gone to bed.

Most of the men in my parents family do this, so to me, it doesn't seem odd at all.

ETA: I also have a few beers at my house by myself watching a movie or something. It's relaxing and gives me time to myself. Maybe it's just his way of having his own time.

^^ I agree. After a long day at work (which happens a lot...) I like to come home and unwind a little by having a few beers or a few glasses of wine. I also downed quite a few cold ones for this past football Sunday (Damn Steelers... but that's another story....) As long as he doesn't down the 9 beers then hop in the mini van for a tour around town I wouldn't consider it a huge problem. If he grew up around a family who incorporated alcohol then it's what he's used to. I can understand how being a person where alcohol is only brought around for special occasions may think it odd, but I don't think there is a serious problem. Perhaps if he starts doing this everyday and it interferes with work, your family, or his health- then it'd be a problem.

^^^ I agree, damn Steelers. Still drinking.