How do you react to MFP-friends, who eat way too few
healthinside
Posts: 17 Member
I just found out about the friend system here on MFP. And I love it!
But now I got some friend requests where I don't know how to deal with their eating habits...
I never eat under 1500 kcal and up to about 2100 kcal. I even think about going further up with my intake. So I also added girls, who seem to have not so healthy eating habits, as I think I could be a good example for a fit girl, who likes to eat and has no problems maintaing her weight through healthy eating and exercising.
But when I view their completed diaries and see intakes below 800 kcal + exercising, I really feel bad! Do you just ignore this, or do you comment on such entries.
And if you are somebody, who is eating really low on calories, what do you think about comments on your food?
But now I got some friend requests where I don't know how to deal with their eating habits...
I never eat under 1500 kcal and up to about 2100 kcal. I even think about going further up with my intake. So I also added girls, who seem to have not so healthy eating habits, as I think I could be a good example for a fit girl, who likes to eat and has no problems maintaing her weight through healthy eating and exercising.
But when I view their completed diaries and see intakes below 800 kcal + exercising, I really feel bad! Do you just ignore this, or do you comment on such entries.
And if you are somebody, who is eating really low on calories, what do you think about comments on your food?
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Replies
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I comment..by saying maybe a heathly snack would be good just to bump the calories up a bit? Think it's best to do that. If someone is eating way below 1200 cals a day frequently then you've got to yeah?
Can't be encouraging bad eating :noway:
I'm on 1200 cals but I exercise and almost nearly eat back cals burned but now and then I may be 30-40 cals under thev1200...but that's rare
Also I'm just 5ft nothing :laugh:0 -
Oh and welcome!!!0
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Oh and welcome!!!
Thx
I like your approach. A friendly reminder that somebody is notcing their bad eating habits shouldn't be too bad, no?0 -
Yes I think so?
Getting onto someone will just make them retreat so a little friendly nudge in the right direction works far better 0 -
I've got a friend who doesn't eat much, have said to them politely and tactfully the first few times that they really need to eat more (sometimes eating less than 500 cals but burning 1500!), but most of the time they still continue to eat little. I find I can't even comment on their diary anymore, as I am always saying eat more!
It's hard because even though you don't actually know these people, you worry about them!0 -
I wouldn't want you trying to impose your view of what is right on me. Unless you know all the circumstances you don't know if their food intake is appropriate. For all I know you're a compulsive overeater who can't relate to someone with control over their appetite and criticising a low intake is a way to feel better about your own gluttony.0
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I wouldn't want you trying to impose your view of what is right on me. Unless you know all the circumstances you don't know if their food intake is appropriate. For all I know you're a compulsive overeater who can't relate to someone with control over their appetite and criticising a low intake is a way to feel better about your own gluttony.
If you don't want people making comments though, make your diary private. The whole point of adding friends is to have other people in the same frame of mind as you who can spot your mistakes when you can't.0 -
remove them0
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i like the healthy snack suggestion, its letting them know youve noticed and what you think, but not being all ggrrrr, lecturey, and bossy
im going to be honest i dont very often look at food diaries... unless someone comments something interesting on then im just too nosey to resist 0:)
x0 -
Actually I'd like to say I have friends on here in recovery from ED and I know what their goals are so of course I keep them and support them.
Anyone else not looking after themselves and it's 'laters taters'0 -
A friendly reminder that somebody is notcing their bad eating habits shouldn't be too bad, no?
No, I think that's what friends are for! Although in the end it's their decision and I would never un-friend them because of that reason. 0 -
I just found out about the friend system here on MFP. And I love it!
But now I got some friend requests where I don't know how to deal with their eating habits...
I never eat under 1500 kcal and up to about 2100 kcal. I even think about going further up with my intake. So I also added girls, who seem to have not so healthy eating habits, as I think I could be a good example for a fit girl, who likes to eat and has no problems maintaing her weight through healthy eating and exercising.
But when I view their completed diaries and see intakes below 800 kcal + exercising, I really feel bad! Do you just ignore this, or do you comment on such entries.
And if you are somebody, who is eating really low on calories, what do you think about comments on your food?
I have been under-eating for a short while. My doctor put me on some tablets to treat my PCOS and those tablets DESTROYED my appetite. I stopped taking them, but by this time my body had gotten so used to me eating so little that i still wasn't hungry even after stopping them. I am trying really hard to get back to "normal" now though.
This is a bit of a bone of contention for me at the moment. I don't mind people commenting on my low calorie intake- as long as they are commenting to help me and not just to patronize me and as long as they are not making a snap judgement that i'm deliberately eating low in order to lose weight faster. Unfortunately i have encountered people who do just that and it frustrates me because they haven't taken the time to ask me in a friendly way why i eat so low and just jump straight into "it won't make you lose weight faster" etc. The phrase "eating disorder" has also been fired at me a few times!!!!!!!!!! Anyone who REALLY knows me knows i definitely do NOT have an eating disorder. It makes me feel really hurt that people don't stop and think before they make their comments when they have no idea about my life. :mad:
Sorry about the little rant there lol.
Jx 0 -
To be honest I never commonet on peoples calories, it's not something I do, but if their eating way too little then I think you should say something, I guess it's more a woman thing, cos most of my pals are blokes and it doesn't seem tobe an issue,0
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I wouldn't want you trying to impose your view of what is right on me. Unless you know all the circumstances you don't know if their food intake is appropriate. For all I know you're a compulsive overeater who can't relate to someone with control over their appetite and criticising a low intake is a way to feel better about your own gluttony.
I don't want to impose my view on somebody or tell somebody what is right. For me it would be more about showing, that there is somebody who bothers.
oh, and glad to be a compulsive overeater at a BMI of 19 0 -
If the person is eating say 400 calories and exercising loads then it is likely that they have an eating disorder and whatever nagging as nicely intended as you mean it is not going to fix this.
Alternatively if they are eating 1200 calories and it is working for them then they are in a safe number of calories and I don't see any problem with that. I myself would not eat 1500-2100 calories a day as I wouldn't lose any weight. (I've tried for long periods of time)
I think there is a lot of snobbery on here with people thinking there is only their way of doing things or nothing.
Just focus on your goal.0 -
If they aren't asking you for help or advice then they probably don't want it and won't be too pleased with you for criticising their life choices out of the blue. If you can't cope with seeing it then unfriend them, otherwise just let them get on with eating as many calories as they want. It is their life after all.
Last week I had a couple of days where I ate as little as 500 calories (but this was because I was ill and couldn't eat anymore) - I was quite irritated when someone criticised me for not eating enough. I was aware I wasn't eating enough but I hadn't publicised my illness to mfp because no-one needed to know.0 -
I have no idea how many calories my friends eat and tbh I don't really care. It's none of my business, I didn't make friends with them to monitor their eating, nor do I expect my eating to be monitored or commented on. There are so many judgmental ideologies on here about how people are supposed to eat, but people are entitled to choose their own way. If you are opposed to somebody's eating habits, then don't add them.0
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I think best way to tackle this is to look at the bigger picture.
i.e see what exercise they are doing and then you can comment on their food diary - after all it is a Fitness website.
I tend to over-eat and my diary has been criticised by my MFP friends, but if you exercise regulary then the goal can still be met.
That's what friends are for, to help one another.
If they are under-eating then that will not benefit them in the long run, losing weight too quickly, simply returns just as quick.
Good luck.0 -
I just found out about the friend system here on MFP. And I love it!
But now I got some friend requests where I don't know how to deal with their eating habits...
I never eat under 1500 kcal and up to about 2100 kcal. I even think about going further up with my intake. So I also added girls, who seem to have not so healthy eating habits, as I think I could be a good example for a fit girl, who likes to eat and has no problems maintaing her weight through healthy eating and exercising.
But when I view their completed diaries and see intakes below 800 kcal + exercising, I really feel bad! Do you just ignore this, or do you comment on such entries.
And if you are somebody, who is eating really low on calories, what do you think about comments on your food?
Honestly I want to first say I admire your concern for your mfp friends. To be totally truthful I used to eat very few calories. I averaged around 400 calories a day. It's not because I was anorexic, it was simply because I didn't realize how horrible I was being to my body. I ate when I was hungry- I was just only hungry once a day. It took one day on here to realize how poorly I was treating myself.
Admittedly I still only average abour 1000-1200 calories per day before exercise... but then again I'm still trying to improve. It was a major jump for me to go from 400 calories (or one meal a day) to 1000 calories with three meals and at least one snack.
I have a very close friend on here- she's the one that brought me to mfp... She's expressed concern for my calorie intake. The way she did it was very sincere, and very honest at the same time. If I remember her words she said it something like this: "You're doing great but your calorie intake is still a little low. What you might want to do is eat something that's higher in calories but not saturated with bad fats" and she went on to suggest a few foods that I could try (nuts, peanut butter, eggs and olive oil I believe were some of her suggestions.)0 -
I'd be really upset if I got a message about my food diary (which is why I hardly ever log online- I use a notebook instead). I am small and only need about 1500 cals to maintain so I eat about 800 some days. I have a small appetite and I eat lots of low-calorie food as i eat paleo.
What I really dislike about this site and has annoyed me for a while is people preaching about eating higher calories, and acting like a lower calorie lifestyle is somehow unhealthy. I think its a totally individual thing- you know if you feel tired or run-down or not.
Also- people who have no appreciation that food is not pleasure to some people- they just don't get it. By passing up on a cake or chocolate or a glass of wine, or not eating HUGE portions- I'm not depriving myself or setting myself up for a binge, as these things generally mean nothing to me (unless its TOM lol!). I generally don't enjoy eating- I never have. Even as a child I would have to be dragged to the table to eat, take 1 hour to pick through it and return to playing. Its not an eating disorder, its just another way of being.
Thats why you'll hardly ever seeing me going on dinner dates- its boring. I'd much rather spend the night dancing than eatiing!
Sorry for the rant!0 -
I don't react unless asked for an opinion. I wouldn't tell someone they're not eating enough if they didn't ask the question, in which case, there would probably be doubt in their own mind anyway.
I have to admit that if I saw someone eating in a very restricted or disordered way I would probably take them off my friends list. That is for personal reasons, because I have experienced a close friend with an ED and also a family member. I'm not talking about people who follow MFP's 1200 cal prescription here, I'm talking about people I've seen on threads on here say they're netting 500 cals a day or something like that, or even actually netting close to nothing, and wanting validation for it. That's not a low calorie lifestyle, to me that's an ED, and seeing people I love go through the aftermath of that and try and recover, it's not something I could ever promote.
It might be fine for the first few weeks, months, I'm sure it feels great having that much control and losing the weight etc, but that's how my close friend and aunt started. That level of self-control and even self denial was something they got addicted to, and couldn't quit, they got addicted to not eating in the same way some people get addicted to food. To them at their worst times, someone who ate even 1200 calories a day was gluttony, and their ideal was basically to eat nothing - my friend in her worst period before she was hospitalised would try to net no calories, and it would be a major trauma if she felt she might have eaten one calorie more than she burned off.0 -
On my profile I clearly state what my opinions are about eating below 1000 cals. consistently. I also state that if you are doing that, I will not be commenting on your diary that day - I really can't say good job, etc. if I don't feel that way. If the person is sick - not a problem. This way, I am not imposing my views on anyone, they know how I feel up front, and I don't feel obligated to make a ridiculous comment on something I don't agree with. Problem solved. 0
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I agree with MFP's sub-1200 concern in principle, but the people who decide to preach it and beat others over the head with it drive me nuts. Let people work out what works for them, after all eating below 1200 calories makes it harder to get enough nutrition, but not impossible.
I also must say that Beachlover has a good way to manage it, let your opinion be know, but don't say anything about it after that.0 -
Mind your own business. If it upsets you or annoys you that much, delete them and add people with similar goals to you - that's what I do!0
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i have a friend on here who has a very low cal (800ish) day every so often, and i always comment to ask why... i am starting to think if it happens again i will just get rid of her! i am a firm believer in fueling your body when you are losing weight, not just going for a VLCD, but its each to their own really!0
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I'm divided on this... I think it would be nice to know someone was concerned if I was eating far too little, but at the same time, my MFP profile has recommended I have maximum 1,200 cals per day, so that is normal for me. I just have a lower BMR so need less to function, and therefore need less calories to lose weight (combined with a healthy balanced diet and exercise of course!)
As other people have mentioned, I think different people have different requirements, as some will struggle with energy on anything less than 2,500 cals (dependant on persons metabolic rate and height, weight, etc) but anything consistently sub 800 is a worry.
If you want to show you care, I agree with a healthy snack suggestion at first, then see how they react. I’d also consider putting it in a private message first in case it is a sensitive issue.
Just my opinion… :-)0 -
Everyone is different and their are so many different reason.
If your going to delete people who underway are you also goin to delete people who overeats..
Both are unhealthy but I think it's a but unrealistic to expect everyone to be perfect all the time.
As for the question it depends if it's a regular thing
It annoys me a bit if some one makes a big comment that I've eaten way under if it's just a one of and the majority of my days are closer to target.
Some people can be really harsh without having a clue about the circumstances
*however if your concerned for someone I think a friendly comment is a good thing 0 -
I'm divided on this... I think it would be nice to know someone was concerned if I was eating far too little, but at the same time, my MFP profile has recommended I have maximum 1,200 cals per day, so that is normal for me. I just have a lower BMR so need less to function, and therefore need less calories to lose weight (combined with a healthy balanced diet and exercise of course!)
As other people have mentioned, I think different people have different requirements, as some will struggle with energy on anything less than 2,500 cals (dependant on persons metabolic rate and height, weight, etc) but anything consistently sub 800 is a worry.
If you want to show you care, I agree with a healthy snack suggestion at first, then see how they react. I’d also consider putting it in a private message first in case it is a sensitive issue.
Just my opinion… :-)
I like the private message idea.
I think try the approach I asking questions rather than lecturing.0 -
On my profile I clearly state what my opinions are about eating below 1000 cals. consistently. I also state that if you are doing that, I will not be commenting on your diary that day - I really can't say good job, etc. if I don't feel that way. If the person is sick - not a problem. This way, I am not imposing my views on anyone, they know how I feel up front, and I don't feel obligated to make a ridiculous comment on something I don't agree with. Problem solved.
I am the opposite of a stress eater, so when I am very stressed I have a hard time eating. My goal is 1600 cals. Some of my friends congratulate me on stress days when I'm hovering around 1,200 telling me what a great day it was. Some of my friends don't have their diary open so I never comment on their "and was under their calorie goal" because I have no clue what I would be encouraging. I had one friend who consistently ate total junk and was most often under. I tried encouraging healthier a couple of times, and I saw others of her friends trying that as well. But it didn't work. She seems to have quit. Or maybe she found another site where she wasn't annoyed by people trying to tell her how to eat. I dunno. Bottom line is, the person has to want to do this and be committed to getting healthier and being open to learning, whatever form that takes for them, eating more, eating less, eating healthier foods, exercising, whatever.0 -
Hmm, I do average between 850-1100 simply because at the moment I don't quite know WHAT to eat and I do not have more appetite!
Got some health issues, like Diabetes type 2 and living in the UK I am now almost 4 months waiting for the appointment with the dietician - it sucks! No matter how much I try to read upon...the more I read the more confused I get! Is not always a question of hitting the delete button...some people like me (hint hint lol) could need some serious help and pointers in the right direction to keep things going so that they can help themselves!
But I agree some others do think they need to starve themselves to skinny - that's definitely not the way to go!0
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