How do you react to MFP-friends, who eat way too few
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Hmm, I do average between 850-1100 simply because at the moment I don't quite know WHAT to eat and I do not have more appetite!
Got some health issues, like Diabetes type 2 and living in the UK I am now almost 4 months waiting for the appointment with the dietician - it sucks! No matter how much I try to read upon...the more I read the more confused I get! Is not always a question of hitting the delete button...some people like me (hint hint lol) could need some serious help and pointers in the right direction to keep things going so that they can help themselves!
But I agree some others do think they need to starve themselves to skinny - that's definitely not the way to go!
Why don't you post maybe in "food and nutrition" and ask for some advice. You might get some differing advice but then you can take some of the ideas and research them yourself. You might also find some friends with similar issues.0 -
Mind your own business. If it upsets you or annoys you that much, delete them and add people with similar goals to you - that's what I do!
I wont comment on anyone because Im too busy trying to concentrate on my own health. I have enough medical problems that I am actively focusing on myself and no one else.
On the flip side though, I do work in healthcare and completely aware of what is considered healthy and what isnt - but that does not give me a free ticket to go spamming people who willingly make bad choices. I simply wont associate with people who do that.
I wont voluntarily offer help without being prompted. As I mentioned earlier, I have enough involved on my own that, to be honest, I really dont want to lose focus on my current goals so Im here, for me. And, its paying off slowly and gradually, the way it was meant to be.
I did though get a friend-request on someone who wanted some recipe ideas. Hey, that is awesome! I love to help someone if I can to get out of a culinary rut. But, when I accepted them and took a look at their profile, they were willingly making the choice to eat 850 calories per day. I immediately removed them from my friends list. I did not send them a message on why. If they message me back asking why, then I will be honest with them and say " I would rather associate with like-minded people who make better choices than the ones you are willingly making for yourself. Im sorry but I will never advocate netting below 1200 and from what I see on your profile, you are actively and willingly making the choice to eat well below 1200 and I just cant be connected with someone like that - I wish you the best"...
I truly do wish them the best, but I sure dont want to be like them or anyone doing what they are doing when it is truly a medically compromising situation.
I see that in the medical cases that come through my department - and its over 300+ physicians. I sit back and wonder how the hell Im going to get services approved for patients who have willingly committed this type of damage to theirselves when, in the long term picture, its because of their poor choices. Sometimes its not an easy battle with the medical insurances.0 -
Hmm, I do average between 850-1100 simply because at the moment I don't quite know WHAT to eat and I do not have more appetite!
Got some health issues, like Diabetes type 2 and living in the UK I am now almost 4 months waiting for the appointment with the dietician - it sucks! No matter how much I try to read upon...the more I read the more confused I get! Is not always a question of hitting the delete button...some people like me (hint hint lol) could need some serious help and pointers in the right direction to keep things going so that they can help themselves!
But I agree some others do think they need to starve themselves to skinny - that's definitely not the way to go!
Why don't you post maybe in "food and nutrition" and ask for some advice. You might get some differing advice but then you can take some of the ideas and research them yourself. You might also find some friends with similar issues.
Thanks!! Sounds like a plan x0 -
I just found out about the friend system here on MFP. And I love it!
But now I got some friend requests where I don't know how to deal with their eating habits...
I never eat under 1500 kcal and up to about 2100 kcal. I even think about going further up with my intake. So I also added girls, who seem to have not so healthy eating habits, as I think I could be a good example for a fit girl, who likes to eat and has no problems maintaing her weight through healthy eating and exercising.
But when I view their completed diaries and see intakes below 800 kcal + exercising, I really feel bad! Do you just ignore this, or do you comment on such entries.
And if you are somebody, who is eating really low on calories, what do you think about comments on your food?
Another in the MYOB camp.
If someone is deliberately limiting themselves to <800 it's not because they don't know a healthy snack would take them up to 1200. It's because they want to limit themselves to <800 and a stranger on the internet telling them it isn't healthy isn't going to make a blind bit of difference. You might be coming from a place of concern, but it will more than likely be taken as criticism.
And, has been pointed out, someone who eats <1200 calories isn't necessarily starving themselves. Everyone has different needs and even different goals. It stands to reason we'd have different diets, too. You can't tell the whole story from a food diary.
Yesterday, I ate horribly. I had two rashers of bacon for breakfast, didn't eat anything during the day and then had a box of takeaway mushroom pakora for dinner. But I *know* I ate horribly. I also know *why* I ate horribly.
If someone I know had sent me a message asking me if I wanted to talk about it, I would see their concern. If a stranger messaged me telling me what to do, lecturing me to eat three meals a day, more protein, more veg and definitely no take-out, I would have politely told them to eff off.0 -
I don't know why everybody is ranting about the 1200 kcal-thing. I never talked about this. The eating HABITS i feel concerned about are people who have NET kcal <500 on a REGULAR basis, that means for more than 7 days in a row.
I also never wrote, that I want to tell them what is wrong or write! I just asked how you deal with it and how people who are undereating feel about this. And I asked this, because I don't want to hurt somebodys feelings or impose my views.0 -
If I have a friend who has ate way under their calories for the day I just don't comment.0
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As someone who usually eats way too few, I KNOW I eat too few calories & I struggle from EDNOS. This means that comments about needing to eat more/differently are extremely unhelpful & unwelcome. Just assume you don't know everything about the person. Comment when it can be something positive & ignore the things you don't like.0
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I wouldn't want you trying to impose your view of what is right on me. Unless you know all the circumstances you don't know if their food intake is appropriate. For all I know you're a compulsive overeater who can't relate to someone with control over their appetite and criticising a low intake is a way to feel better about your own gluttony.
If you don't want people making comments though, make your diary private. The whole point of adding friends is to have other people in the same frame of mind as you who can spot your mistakes when you can't.
I don"t care if someone has too low of calories or even high for a certain day, I like to see what kinds of meals they prepare and get better ideas to change up my own vegetarian diet.0 -
This is such a great question and I struggle with it myself. Especially since I often don't complete my journals and it looks like I'm eating less than I do!
I know that for my body, my metabolism, and my lifestyle, shooting for 1200 - 1400 calories a day works for me to maintain my weight. I know that might shock some, but it is what works for me. Sometimes less. Sometimes more. I like to zig zag a bit to keep my metabolism guessing.
So I hesitate to judge others for their calorie choices. HOWEVER, if you see someone consistently eating under 1,000 calories and making self-depreciating comments, they may have an eating disorder and use the tool to supplement it. You should just unfriend people who don't mesh with your goals.0 -
I have had ppl comment on my eating habits, to which they received a colorful message detailing exactly what they can do with their opinions. Why? Because what I eat and what I do aren't anybody on MFP's business. It is highly likely that someone only eating 500 cals a day isn't logging everything they eat, or are eating little for a reason. Mind your own business. Don't like it? Unfriend.0
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Share your opinion, offer suggestion and be nice about but, honestly, why is your business what someone else puts into their bodies?? If you feel they have an eating disorder and feel you can help them, then, by all means, try to help them. But I say, people on here need to worry about themselves, offer encouragement, and keep your face in your own plate!!0
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This is a response from me, someone who is not on your friends list but under-eats.
I steadily eat between 1000-1150 cal/day for these reasons:
1. I am injured, and most days I am unable to get any activity in.
2. My injury is a direct result of excess weight putting too much pressure on my joints, so weight loss is still necessary with little to no exercise.
3. I have joined Weight Watchers in hopes that they;ll help me achieve my goals, and the points system usually only gets you to about 1000-1150 cals/day.
For me, it's a longer-term but still temporary measure. It may be for your friends, too. Talk to them, but understand that there could be many reasons and don't expect them to change just from your conversation.
I love MFP for its community. Seeing people's rants/raves/accomplishments/challenges, being a part of their journey and having them be a part of mine is what helps me stick to the plan, all stages of it.0 -
I wouldn't want you trying to impose your view of what is right on me. Unless you know all the circumstances you don't know if their food intake is appropriate. For all I know you're a compulsive overeater who can't relate to someone with control over their appetite and criticising a low intake is a way to feel better about your own gluttony.
If you don't want people making comments though, make your diary private. The whole point of adding friends is to have other people in the same frame of mind as you who can spot your mistakes when you can't.
I don"t care if someone has too low of calories or even high for a certain day, I like to see what kinds of meals they prepare and get better ideas to change up my own vegetarian diet.
This! This is the only reason I look at other people's diaries...to see what they eat to get ideas!0 -
bu mp0
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If you don't want people making comments though, make your diary private. The whole point of adding friends is to have other people in the same frame of mind as you who can spot your mistakes when you can't.
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Exactly!0 -
I say let it go. Do not friend people that do not share your views or goals. If anyone said anything about the way I eat, I'd probably delete them. Especially if I didn't ask for advice on my eating. My FL is constantly evolving. Some of them, I've really come to like. And I've been thinning out the list a bit so it's more focused ont the few that I have things in common with. Most of them make me laugh and support me when I'm weak. I like that. That's the point for me.0
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If the person is eating say 400 calories and exercising loads then it is likely that they have an eating disorder and whatever nagging as nicely intended as you mean it is not going to fix this.
Alternatively if they are eating 1200 calories and it is working for them then they are in a safe number of calories and I don't see any problem with that. I myself would not eat 1500-2100 calories a day as I wouldn't lose any weight. (I've tried for long periods of time)
I think there is a lot of snobbery on here with people thinking there is only their way of doing things or nothing.
Just focus on your goal.
AMEN! Everyone is different and has different nutritional needs. Age, muscle mass, activity levels, and genetics all affect how we gain or lose weight. Personally, I need to stay around 1200 and exercise regularly to be able to lose weight. But I am 49, and that's what happens to your metabolism at this age. Someone in their 20s can get away with eating a lot more. I would suggest that if someone's eating habits bother you, stop looking at their diary or take them off of your friend list. If it is a real life friend that obviously has an eating disorder, you can express your concern out of love for them. But please realize that everyone's body is not like yours, and it really aggravates those of us that are losing on 1200-1500, when someone jumps on us and tells us to eat more. And it makes us feel bad that we aren't able to eat as much as you are, so apparently there is something wrong with us, or we just aren't trying hard enough. That can really sabotage our weight loss efforts.0 -
I've been on both sides of the fence on this issue before. I learned to support and help those if they are in need of my help. I don't like to criticize or put anyone down because losing weight is a tough issue to deal with. Being helpful and there for someone is the best thing. We might have our own personal opinions on the matter but who are we to say what is best for them on their situation.0
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I don't know why everybody is ranting about the 1200 kcal-thing. I never talked about this. The eating HABITS i feel concerned about are people who have NET kcal <500 on a REGULAR basis, that means for more than 7 days in a row.
I also never wrote, that I want to tell them what is wrong or write! I just asked how you deal with it and how people who are undereating feel about this. And I asked this, because I don't want to hurt somebodys feelings or impose my views.
So, it's quite simple... don't say anything that will hurt someone's feelings and don't impose your views. You don't know what someone is going through and what their struggles are. Yesterday was National Suicide Awareness Day and the main purpose of that day is to recognize that different people handle different situations in totally different ways ... you never when something you say could be the last straw for someone. Just be encouraging and positive.0 -
I am also on the fence about this one. If the MFP friend who comments on my calorie intact is also a real-life friend, I would probably take to heart his/her advice, and by the same token I would also be more inclined to show some tough love if they need it. If the MFP friend who comments is not a real-life friend, I would not take their advice seriously, because they don't know me or my history. I currently have an MFP (not real-life) friend who has commented on my low caloric intake. She does it very nicely, without being rude, but she doesn't know me, and she doesn't know that I tried eating more calories, and I tried eating back my exercise calories, but when doing so my weight loss was at a complete standstill for months. For this reason I am sticking in the 1200 calorie neighborhood, where I was successful many years back.
Also, one of the flaws of this site is that when someone comments on your post, if you add a comment after them, there is no notification to them that you had a response. The only way to do that is to send them a private message, and frankly, I don't feel it's worth the effort. If someone says "Your calorie intake was low," there is no simple way for me to respond "Thanks for your concern, but that's what works for me."0 -
I try to get to know each of my friends on here. Always talk about how you are planning on self-destruct, either by eating too little or eating too much, and I will delete you - you need far more help than I can offer. Learning how to make healthier choices, and slowly bringing your intake up or down, and I will support and encourage you. I honestly try to find the best in every diary, make suggestions based on what has worked for me when I know you are trying to work on something specific. I have no issues when friends point out what I need to work on - I'm fully aware that I need to reduce my intake of some things, and it's a work in progress, so friends noticing that I've kept my intake of pop high for a few days helps.0
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When I see posts where people are asking for friends, I give them the heads-up that I'm a: 'cheerleader', a motivator, can be a "Mother Hen" because I care, but will also be a butt-kicker if they need it.
However, I also get to know them, what their plans are, how they eat. Some folks are entirely new to this lifestyle change and helpful suggestions, without nagging, does tend to help. Sometimes it's just a check-in to make sure they're okay, especially when you see a really low intake...it's a "you doin' okay? Or was it just an "off day" for food?" Even I have "meh" days or skip meals 'cause I just was 'bleh' on the thought of having to eat anything.
Oh! I also state that I'm big on accountability. I hold myself accountable and want others to remind me of my committment to myself. Ideally, I strive to encourage others to be committed to themselves as well. Hence I often write "Be good to you!"
Good luck...and Welcome to MFP!
Edited to include: Oh, for some of my pals who have closed diaries, all I can do is post a ":)" because at least they followed-through for themselves...beyond that, it's beyond my input...unless they post separately about their day...then I can give them appropriate "atta boy/atta girl" or inquire if they're doing okay.0 -
For this reason, I'm considering closing my diary. I try to eat somewhere between 1000-1200 cals a day. Sometimes I am over that but it all averages out to around 1200, yet the days where I have, for example, 200 cals spare, I am always bugged to eat more. I never ever go to bed with a hungry stomach. I never ever starve myself. I eat dinner, supper and dessert with maybe a snack earlier on in the day. I feel like I am eating a reasonable amount. We all have our own goals and ways of achieving them so leave the rest of us alone please and focus on your own path. ^__^0
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I don't comment on anyones eating habits - good or bad.
Not everyone on this site is a fitness nut and logs EVERYTHING they put in their mouth.
Many people here are here because they are trying to make a consience effort to lose weight
but, as I do quite often, I will fix lunch/dinner for my grandkids and find myself gobbling just
a COUPLE of french fries, or a little piece of leftover hotdog and not reporting it
(100 - 200 unlogged calories).
I know that my diary looks terrible (under-eating) but I feel great and I'm still losing weight.
My point is that not EVERYONE that is eating under their MFP calorie limit is going into
starvation mode because their log says so, but it's working for them in their own way and they
are still losing weight and getting healthier.
This site still provides great incentive and encouragement for them even though they are not quite as
honest with their logs as they should be.
PS: I'm on a cardiologist's care and have had EXTENSIVE bloodwork done every six months so
I really wouldn't listen to anyone here giving me advise on changing the way I do things.0 -
I used to be a moderator on another fitness board (primarily for women's fitness) for about 10 years (I began 13 years ago. Yes, I am a dinosaur). and I learned over the years that helpful advice will usually fall on deaf ears. The only thing that would happen is that I would spend crazy amounts of time doing what I thought would help people that obviously needed it. I got ZERO positive result. All of my time, energy and knowledge would go in one ear and come speeding out of the other without ever having time to soak into their brain.
I got quickly burned out and just ignored them. It was at this point that the most amazing thing happened. People who had a REAL DESIRE to change their lifestyles would seek me out and ask advice. They didn't always listen either, but I did plant a seed that often times would germinate and grow into something wonderful somewhere down the line. But many DID listen and chose to pursue a healthier path right from jump.
And for those that know they are under-eating and think that just because they are losing weight they are "getting healthier". They will eventually experience what we call rebounding when they starve away most of their calorie-burning lean mass along with some excess body fat and water weight. It's simple biology. Just look at all of the public figures who have done this. How many have we seen attain and maintain better health for even a decade? They are just as bad. They will also eventually burn out and fade away or maybe they will send up the white flag and seek a true path to better health and fitness... or not.
The fad dieters are also quite sad. You can talk till you are blue in the face. The have also convinced themselves that "this" or "that" is NOT a fad diet because it "is working for them." Yes, they are losing calorie-burning lean mass along with some excess body fat and water. They will also experience rebounding when they go back to eating "normal" food. And then they will fade back into the woodwork or try another fad or MAYBE they will seek out better health and fitness and ask for advice.
My advice? Just pretend you don't see it.0 -
I just found out about the friend system here on MFP. And I love it!
But now I got some friend requests where I don't know how to deal with their eating habits...
I never eat under 1500 kcal and up to about 2100 kcal. I even think about going further up with my intake. So I also added girls, who seem to have not so healthy eating habits, as I think I could be a good example for a fit girl, who likes to eat and has no problems maintaing her weight through healthy eating and exercising.
But when I view their completed diaries and see intakes below 800 kcal + exercising, I really feel bad! Do you just ignore this, or do you comment on such entries.
And if you are somebody, who is eating really low on calories, what do you think about comments on your food?
People who don't eat healthy get deleted off my list--I don't support unhealthy weight loss attempts. Simple as that.0 -
If I have a friend that is new on here eating low regularly, I will let them know that they do not have to be afraid to eat a little more. So many people who have struggled with weight for a long time are used to having to cut the calories back to lose weight. If they have been on here a while I don't feel it's my business to tell a grown adult how to eat. Especially if I don't know all their circumstances. Besides, if they think how they are eating is working for them, they are not going to listen to me. However, if they ask for advice, I will gladly suggest eating more.
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I would be more concerned about the person's goals than how much they eat. Do they want to have a BMI of 15 or less? If that's the case, then I just delete them. If they're trying to cut fat seriously fast, and they realize that's unsustainable, well, it'll depend on the person's specific situation.
I'm eating a very low amount for my size, but I'm not finding I'm having any specific issues with it. Every situation is unique. I know that, once I reach certain weights, I'll have to start losing weight slower, and eventually make my way back to my maintenance calories. As long as the user is aware of that, then I'm ok with it.0 -
As someone who is almost always under calories, I can tell you it is frustrating to have people point this out. I eat very nutritionally dense foods (lots of fruits and veggies) and snack all day long so I'm never hungry. My doctor is aware of my situation and we work together so while I do share my diary (it gives other people ideas of things to eat), my diet is what it is right now.
I really don't comment negatively on anyone's diary. If they ask for feedback, I give it. If I see a lot of people attacking someone or commenting that they aren't taking in enough cals, I recommend adding fruits and veggies.
Please just remember when commenting, we don't truly know each others' situations. Many people ARE under the care of a doctor. It isn't for us to judge (just like I don't comment on someone who over-ate by a huge amount- I just remind them of their progress or that tomorrow is another day).0 -
I don't necessarily focus on those that are eating too low. Sometimes you don't remember, or get to add in every little thing you eat. I know I don't! Especially on the weekends..
Plus, there are many people on there that are a bit scared to eat that much. They think that eating 1,800 cals in a day is crazy, and there's no way they can lose weight eating that much... even if they're exercising regularly.
I do make comments to those that continue to eat poorly, and fill their diets with foods that are horrible for them. I had one lady that *****ed constantly about not losing any weight, being tired all of the time, etc., but her diaries were riddled with foods that were high in fat, fast food, energy drinks full of sugar, cookies... and not a single bit of fruits, vegetables or healthy, lean proteins... nothing! If that's the way you want to eat it's fine.. but don't wonder why you aren't losing if you aren't going to put in the effort!
Needless to say.. I ended up un-friending that person..0
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