Weight related relationship advice...

paintlisapurple

I do understand that its difficult not to let things like this bother you; but all you can really do is be the "best you" that you can be and know that he is with you because he loves you. We do all notice other people that are "attractive", but there comes a point where it feels disrespectful to the partner. Trust me, I've been through a loooooot of these issues with my husband. I can relate to the way that you must feel. Friend me if you need to talk, I'll listen and commiserate.
Take care! :flowerforyou:

Becoming_A_Butterfly

My partner is normally only attracted to women who are thin enough to be on the side of unhealthy. I'm approximately 140 lbs overweight... How do I handle my insecurities?

It doesn't matter that "he's with me" because people often stay with people they're NOT attracted to for a variety of reasons. I'm not asking for reassurance that he is attracted to me. I'm more wondering if this has happened to any of you & how can I deal with it, without being neurotic & self-conscious?

Have you just asked him what attracts him to you? I don't look anything like my boyfriend's exes, but it doesn't bother me because we talk pretty freely and tell each other what we like about each other. I am attracted to him for much more than his appearance, and vice versa.

OK_Girl

I am sorry you are feeling insecure right now. I know that my husband was more attracted to me when I was 30lbs lighter, because he told me so.

If he really does prefer those type of women, why is he with you?
Do you need to worry about losing him to a thinner woman?
These are questions you need to be asking him. Part of being in a relationship is being able to talk about issues. You are feeling insecure about your parnters attraction to you- and you need to tell him that. Tell him that.

If you find yourself unable to ask your partner about this, or you find your partner unable to reassure you that he loves you, and is attracted to you, and provide a multitude of reasons, then you have bigger issues here, and I would suspect that the insecurity you are feeling stems from something else, and is manifesting itself in the weight issue.

Having said that0 of you love him, stick by him but love yourself, too. And if things don't work out, remember- the best part of being in a loving relationship, is that people love you for YOU. For who you are right now- not for who they hope you might be, or can become- but if someone loves you- they accept you for what and who you are right now and support the cnage you are trying to make- but don't love you any less for needing to make that change. Hope that made sense.

DrMAvDPhD

regardless of what all those skinny *****es look like or dress like, you are an amazing person with so much more to offer then any of them.

Being skinny makes the b****es and less of a person? :noway:

sizzle92

If he's normally only attracted to women that are on the side on unhealthy and he chose you -- at 140lbs overweight. He must've seen something in you that he didn't see in those girls.


Maybe you're wrong about what he finds attractive.

He & I knew each other casually for awhile before dating, & we had discussed our types. His own words were "tall, thin girls that look like boys". I'm willing to believe that he sees something in me he loves, I mean he must have, but it doesn't mean I'm visually pleasing to him, you know?

:noway: Look like boys? I'd have bolt right then and there.

sizzle92

I understand that you should be loved for you and not your appearance.....but I also know that as humans we are attracted by appearance and have preferences. It's not always something that is in our control.

carriempls

That’s a tough one.

My bf and I have been together for 2.5 years. We’ve been talking marriage for the last year and a half. We plan to be officially engaged soon. He recently revealed to me that he’s worried about me gaining weight after we get married.

It crushed me. Seriously. I’ve had weight issues my whole life. At my high weight I was wearing a size 18-20. I was down 50 pounds and maintained for a few years before I met him, wearing a size 14. He was always complimentary of my looks and my body. His being so attracted to me helped me get over a lot of my insecurities about my body. Even if I wasn’t happy with how I looked, he was and I loved that.

Since we’ve been together I’ve gained a bit and lost it again. I’m actually down to a size 12 now. Until he said something, I had no idea the thought would have even concerned him. I know I don’t want to gain weight, but since it’s a struggle for me and always has been, I can’t make any promises. And the added pressure of him losing attraction makes it seem almost overwhelming to me.

So yeah, not sure I have any advice. Just to say I kinda know what you’re feeling.

Honey, if he is worried you will gain weight after you get married, RUN. RUN FAR AWAY FROM HIM. HE IS NOT MARRIAGE MATERIAL.

Marriage is for life. It's not just for "in your 20's-40's when you still look great". It continues when you are grey haired, wrinkled, losing your shape, getting sick and dying.

Any man (or woman) who is concerned that your appearance might change (in any way, be it weight, hairstyle, natural aging) is not someone you want to settle down with. What will he/she do if you get sick and put on the pounds or lose your hair from chemo? What will he/she do if you get in an accident and lose a limb? Life happens. If the person you are spending your life with isn't ready to accept that then quite frankly, it's time to let them go.

It’s not as if he would leave me if I did, it was just his way of expressing his wish that I wouldn’t. He felt terrible about saying it out loud and acknowledged what a horrible thing it is. But he had been thinking it all the same. Perhaps he was being “too” honest.

This is one small issue we can talk through (we have and will continue to). One of the things I love about my relationship is that we CAN talk through stuff just like this. Rest assured, he is most certainly marriage material, for all kinds of reasons.

theCarlton

regardless of what all those skinny *****es look like or dress like, you are an amazing person with so much more to offer then any of them.

Being skinny makes them b****es and less of a person? :noway:

word.