Impossible to eat healthy when in debt
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After reading through more of your replies I'm pissed off with your wife. You really need to have a serious talk about priorities. She seems to have no concern for how you're feeling or the health of your kids, which is really sad. This is much more about your relationship than it is about your food budget.
I'm not trying to make my wife an enemy here. It's just important for people to see the resistance I'm getting. We both actually have valid points and good morals, but at the end of the day "health>debt-free" and she doesn't see that.0 -
on another note though, I don't understand how a parent would want to feed their child a diet of crap (fast food) rather than a nutritious (maybe not perfect but definately many steps above fast food) diet.
Only a person who cares more about the black ink at the end of the month would. My wife is an accountant by profession and she was raised by business minded parents who were emotionally disconnected to her and her siblings. They were also farmers who treated animals as food and not as pets. There is a complete lack of empathy I'm fighting here. And to think, she wants to be the one home so she can motivate the kids to do better at school.... A lot of good motivation is when they don't have the nutrition to be capable of doing the work without cognitive disorders or disruptions.
how can it be that all she cares about is the black ink, when eating out (even the dollar menu) costs more than making and eating food at home. Have your kids had a physical recently? blood pressure, A1C, lipid panel, etc. are they all where they're supposed to be or is their poor diet affecting them?
My wife doesn't look at the monthly or the annual budget, she looks at the weekly budget. If she knows that this week we only have $500 to spend on: gas, food, leisure, and clothes and the rest has to be stored for bills, then she will have her eye too tightly on the $500 goal and if she drives more than the planned (ie more gas is needed) she will take from the food fund instead of the leisure fund. She just can't see the big picture like I can. Sadly, I'm not allowed to touch the family financials because "she makes the money" which in woman language means "I don't trust you despite being with you for 11 years".... Never did understand the "unconditional love for children but keep your husband at arm's distance" mentality that some women have...
Kids don't have health issues, but that's because I'm a child advocate. I care more about children than I do about rules/policies/laws etc. I'm the perfect parent for a child who wants freedom and respect.0 -
I'm finding it difficult to eat healthy regardless. I have bills and they get paid. I try to buy frozen rather than canned veggies because fresh is too expensive. But it is cheaper to buy them $1.00 box of little debbies to snack on than it is to buy a $5.00 bag of apples. Leaner meats are also more expensive than just going for the cheaper and probably fattier kinds. Or frozen foods period. I have a family of 8 so that is alot of mouths to feed. Healthy habits on a tight budget with a big family is very hard.0
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I agree it's all about planning. But what do you do when you're in charge of the food planning, you've already figured your budget, and then someone takes money from you? Do you make half the food and make the person responsible for their irresponsible actions? Or do you substitute with UNHEALTHY options until funds become available again?
I'm half tempted to buy a gift card for my budget amount to my grocery store to make sure this doesn't happen again
From where are the funds for the unhealthy options coming, if the food budget disappeared? I would definitely do something because that's a whole separate issue from "how to eat healthy on a budget" to "my wife is stealing our grocery money."
Yeah, sucky title, I know. But too late to change it too.... I was also bad at writing titles to short stories I wrote too. Apparently you can't name a book "Secrets in the Well" if the well had no secrets...0 -
Funny. I'm eating very healthy, and I'm in debt too. Paying it off, and getting out of debt. Living debt free and healthy isn't hard if you sort it all out and make a budget. Cut costs in other places.0
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I'm finding it difficult to eat healthy regardless. I have bills and they get paid. I try to buy frozen rather than canned veggies because fresh is too expensive. But it is cheaper to buy them $1.00 box of little debbies to snack on than it is to buy a $5.00 bag of apples. Leaner meats are also more expensive than just going for the cheaper and probably fattier kinds. Or frozen foods period. I have a family of 8 so that is alot of mouths to feed. Healthy habits on a tight budget with a big family is very hard.
^This^
It is pathetic that we can buy a "Big Box" of Cosmic Brownies for $3 but a single Fuji Apple and jar of peanut butter is $6 (Extra $2 for the single ingredient pb - you know, the one good for you). But this is also a mentality issue too. The cosmic brownies and snack cakes are not only unbalanced foods, but they are also going to cause a sugar spike (read: ADHD-like hyperactivity moment) and depending on your body's sensitivity to sugar, it could wreck havoc on your mood for the rest of the day! So While the $6 option is A) more expensive and
less sugary, the point is the health benefits it has on your body/brain. 0 -
totally empathize with you. On a positive note I highly recommend two things to help. First is go to the public library and check out the book "all your worth". Second thing is to start using software to track your spending and make you and your wife a realistic budget based on your current situation. Lastly, plan your week ahead of time by making a menu for the week and only shop for food that is on your menu. It keeps you within budget and prevents buying things you dont need plus you never have to worry about throwing out food!0
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If you shop the over ripe sections at farmers markets/grocery stores you can get fresh produce for super cheap. I try to buy things in bulk and freeze them for later. I buy fish when it's on sale and freeze it for the long term which works very well for me. Also, dried beans and pea are cheap!0
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I agree it's all about planning. But what do you do when you're in charge of the food planning, you've already figured your budget, and then someone takes money from you? Do you make half the food and make the person responsible for their irresponsible actions? Or do you substitute with UNHEALTHY options until funds become available again?
I would be sitting down with my partner and discussing and forming a mutually agreeable compromise that suited everyone.
If that meant I ate takeout/fast food half the month I would cope, knowing that my partner was also compromising and eating healthy food half the month.
I found that slowly building up a stock cupboard of things helped, a jar of peanut butter may cost a bit as you say but its is not something you eat in one sitting, so perhaps it does last longer and give better over all. Good apples in the UK are expensive but when I look at the cost of other sweet snacks ie chocolate bars they are no more expensive. I could eat several chocolate bars but not many apples in one sitting.0 -
Sadly, I'm not allowed to touch the family financials because "she makes the money" which in woman language means "I don't trust you despite being with you for 11 years".... Never did understand the "unconditional love for children but keep your husband at arm's distance" mentality that some women have...
Looks like you have bigger issues than a budget if you're complaining about your significant other in a public forum.
Sorry, not complaining, *****ing about and insulting your relationship.0 -
Funny. I'm eating very healthy, and I'm in debt too. Paying it off, and getting out of debt. Living debt free and healthy isn't hard if you sort it all out and make a budget. Cut costs in other places.
You must also have realistic expectations too though for it to work. Do you vacation every month? Do you go out to eat once a week? Do you have friends 10 miles away that you want to see once a month? Do you buy everyone a $20 gift when it's their birthday? When your car makes the smallest sound, do you fix it? Imagine if you were committed to someone who did all those things and didn't care if it dipped in the food fund.0 -
Sadly, I'm not allowed to touch the family financials because "she makes the money" which in woman language means "I don't trust you despite being with you for 11 years".... Never did understand the "unconditional love for children but keep your husband at arm's distance" mentality that some women have...
Looks like you have bigger issues than a budget if you're complaining about your significant other in a public forum.
Everyone has their problems. And I'm also anonymous right now so it doesn't really matter. Everyone has their privacy levels; it just so happens mine is relatively low.0 -
Sadly, I'm not allowed to touch the family financials because "she makes the money" which in woman language means "I don't trust you despite being with you for 11 years".... Never did understand the "unconditional love for children but keep your husband at arm's distance" mentality that some women have...
Um, what? :huh: It sounds like you need to sit down and have a talk with your wife about your finances and the handling of them. How much do you put into each "fund"? You say she'll take from the food fund and not the gas fund. Are these funds clearly defined or are they one lump that you pull from? And if she doesn't let you any where near the finances then how do you know that she's taking from the food fund for the gas? If she is doing this then simply take from the leisure and add it to the food.
Honestly you need to sit down with your wife and talk about the priorities. You can eat healthy on a budget. Shop the sales. Lots of grocery stores have super deals like buy one get one or two free type deals on things like meat and vegetables. Go to a wholesale club and buy your food in bulk. Make a home made meal that you'll be able to eat for a few days or even freeze and pull out to eat in the future. Things like rice, beans, and pasta (gluten free pasta at that) aren't that expensive and you can buy them in large quantities so there's three things that you don't have to buy all the time. Meat can be frozen and there are stores out there that sell veggies for a reasonable price. There's a store next to my gym that I will go to for my fruits and veggies because they're half the price of the grocery store. There are a million ways that you can eat healthy on a budget. You need to sit down with your wife and go over the finances, figure out what you can eliminate -- you say she'd rather spend money on trips and the like however are you benefiting from these trips? Are they family vacations that you are all taking together? If that's the case then you really have no leg to stand on with your complaint about that.0 -
Funny. I'm eating very healthy, and I'm in debt too. Paying it off, and getting out of debt. Living debt free and healthy isn't hard if you sort it all out and make a budget. Cut costs in other places.
You must also have realistic expectations too though for it to work. Do you vacation every month? Do you go out to eat once a week? Do you have friends 10 miles away that you want to see once a month? Do you buy everyone a $20 gift when it's their birthday? When your car makes the smallest sound, do you fix it? Imagine if you were committed to someone who did all those things and didn't care if it dipped in the food fund.
Sounds like you have bigger issues then eating healthy when in debt. Sounds like there's a serious lack of communication in your household.0 -
I still think people who are eating healthy don't see just how easy it is to get food that's not good for you.
:::::: Opens Sale Ad ::::::::
Oh look, 3 bags of family size chips for $4
Oh and look here, apple pie for $2 (no apples used, all artificial flavoring)
Oh and you can't go without hot dogs! 2 for a $1! What a steal! (1st ingredient is pork byproduct)
Oh and you can't have hot dogs without buns! $1 white hot dog buns (no whole grains, loaded with sugar)
But I wanna be healthy so lets get the diet pop 2 liter for $0.69 (Has aspartame which has been linked to brain tumors)
I just spent $10 for two meals and an entire week of snacks/desserts for a family of 4.
But just wait what's this?
"Bananas, $0.42 per pound" - On a family of 4 that would be $2 for a meal; why not get an apple pie instead and feed two meals?
^^^^^I don't agree with the above logic, but this is how many people think, including my wife^^^^^0 -
I still think people who are eating healthy don't see just how easy it is to get food that's not good for you.
:::::: Opens Sale Ad ::::::::
Oh look, 3 bags of family size chips for $4
Oh and look here, apple pie for $2 (no apples used, all artificial flavoring)
Oh and you can't go without hot dogs! 2 for a $1! What a steal! (1st ingredient is pork byproduct)
Oh and you can't have hot dogs without buns! $1 white hot dog buns (no whole grains, loaded with sugar)
But I wanna be healthy so lets get the diet pop 2 liter for $0.69 (Has aspartame which has been linked to brain tumors)
I just spent $10 for two meals and an entire week of snacks/desserts for a family of 4.
But just wait what's this?
"Bananas, $0.42 per pound" - On a family of 4 that would be $2 for a meal; why not get an apple pie instead and feed two meals?
^^^^^I don't agree with the above logic, but this is how many people think, including my wife^^^^^
It is absolutely true but it is not an excuse for not eating healthy.
Frozen veggies are relatively inexpensive for big bags and they are almost always on sale
Canned veggies are great and inexpensive -- also usually on sale -- and you can actually get them without anything bad added
Hebrew National makes natural hot dogs that don't have any HFCS or anything horrible in them
Annies Organic Mac & Cheese is good - no crap ingredients
Whole wheat breads and buns don't cost much more than the white breads and buns
Do you go grocery shopping with your wife?0 -
Funny. I'm eating very healthy, and I'm in debt too. Paying it off, and getting out of debt. Living debt free and healthy isn't hard if you sort it all out and make a budget. Cut costs in other places.
You must also have realistic expectations too though for it to work. Do you vacation every month? Do you go out to eat once a week? Do you have friends 10 miles away that you want to see once a month? Do you buy everyone a $20 gift when it's their birthday? When your car makes the smallest sound, do you fix it? Imagine if you were committed to someone who did all those things and didn't care if it dipped in the food fund.
Sounds like you have bigger issues then eating healthy when in debt. Sounds like there's a serious lack of communication in your household.
^^ This.
Complaining about it here isn't going to solve anything, and the only things we can do are suggest you talk to your wife about it. It seems like this entire thread is just you *****ing and *****ing about your wife. How is that going to solve anything.
Oh, and my parents live over 200 km away. I go see them every month. I also buy my friends birthday gifts, and if I do hear a little squeak in my car, I do fix it because if I don't, it'll get worse. I also live in an apartment that's more expensive than most in the area. I don't vacation once a month because I work and it doesn't allow for that.
Yet, I still save 20% of my income, and eat healthy. It all depends on where you are willing to make sacrifices.
Again, *****ing about it here isn't going to solve anything. Go talk to your wife, or suck it up. We don't want to hear about how horrible your wife is.0 -
Thankfully I only need to worry about feeding myself and my BF and not a family of 4... but we are still on a budget when it comes to food. I save money buying frozen fruits and veggies when I can. Frozen foods have pretty much the same nutritional value as fresh and also are pretty sparse on the preservatives too. If I'm putting them in a smoothie, or a casserole, who is going to know the difference? I also buy the cheapest whole grains I can find. Brand-X whole grain pasta has the same nutritional value as Barilla® whole grain pasta but costs less.0
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ok, the question has to be asked....what are you getting out of this marriage? you have a wife who has no respect for you and makes the rules because she makes the money. why do you put up with that?0
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Funny. I'm eating very healthy, and I'm in debt too. Paying it off, and getting out of debt. Living debt free and healthy isn't hard if you sort it all out and make a budget. Cut costs in other places.
You must also have realistic expectations too though for it to work. Do you vacation every month? Do you go out to eat once a week? Do you have friends 10 miles away that you want to see once a month? Do you buy everyone a $20 gift when it's their birthday? When your car makes the smallest sound, do you fix it? Imagine if you were committed to someone who did all those things and didn't care if it dipped in the food fund.
Sounds like you have bigger issues then eating healthy when in debt. Sounds like there's a serious lack of communication in your household.
^^ This.
Complaining about it here isn't going to solve anything, and the only things we can do are suggest you talk to your wife about it. It seems like this entire thread is just you *****ing and *****ing about your wife. How is that going to solve anything.
Oh, and my parents live over 200 km away. I go see them every month. I also buy my friends birthday gifts, and if I do hear a little squeak in my car, I do fix it because if I don't, it'll get worse. I also live in an apartment that's more expensive than most in the area. I don't vacation once a month because I work and it doesn't allow for that.
Yet, I still save 20% of my income, and eat healthy. It all depends on where you are willing to make sacrifices.
Again, *****ing about it here isn't going to solve anything. Go talk to your wife, or suck it up. We don't want to hear about how horrible your wife is.
Look, I'm only using examples so I can either debate or agree with other people's point of view. I'm sorry that you can't see my point of view (though admittedly you haven't tried have you?). I think it's absolutely great that you control your finances and no one can tell you what to do with your money because you are responsible enough to budget it properly. But this thread is about a marriage where there is a check & balance in place and it goes terribly wrong. I am the food spender, she is the food budgeter. This situation happens ALL THE TIME in American marriages (I say it that way because I can't speak for anyone from the UK).
The fact is, most marriages are in a power struggle with their spouse, and I started this thread to get some empathy from people who have to deal with someone ELSE controlling the money and giving you less than you need to do a vital function for the family - prepare healthy meals. A lot of people have stated great survival techniques to "get by" but "getting by" is unacceptable to me. I don't want to "survive" and have my kids feel like they are hanging on a thread; I want to be and feel healthy. Even my finance controlling wife deserves a better life than hanging on a thread!
Again, what would YOU do if your food budget was cut in half? Would you eat dirty/unhealthy foods? Or would you eat healthy and hope to make ends meet? The reality of the matter is, a person could lose their high paying job any minute of the day; what do you do when that happens? A person isn't going to find a new job on the "hanging on a thread" nutrition are they?
As far as my "stabs" about my wife (as you perceive them to be), they are just me expressing my difficulties. Again, all I'm asking for is empathy. You can be empathetic without being sympathetic. My problems are big for me. Sure they may look like small petty things to you; but to me, and to my temperament, they are REAL. So if you don't like what you're reading, move along! I tried to kill this thread 3 times now, but it keeps coming back!0
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