Impossible to eat healthy when in debt

_Sara_A_

You all have dietary intolerances but can eat nasty burgers and garbage from a box?

Find a way and cook nutritious food at home. No excuses.

Look at what people in poor countrys eat. Legumes, rice, vegies, breads......... (Chicken as a protien is about the most bang for the buck at the stores I shop at.)

The turfallo burgers were home made. The gluten free buns I agree were terrible, look at the rest of the diary before you judge. I am a mostly clean eater. But you aren't even on subject! Did you read the heading and freak or did you read the details too?

WOW! Here's someone trying to be helpful and give you a suggestion about eating healthy, and you criticize them for helping you with something you asked for help with? Legumes and rice are cheap compared to other foods, and veggies can be grown in your garden making them inexpensive. If you don't have a garden, what about a balcony, and growing them there? No where in this person's comment did I read judgement or even think they were freaking on you. It actually sounds like you're the one who's judgmental and freaking because you don't like someone else's help.

yo_andi

No one is reading the post. Why are all of you so lazy? I was saying that we do have the money to eat healthy and each and everyone of you low attention span people seem to think I'm trying to say that we can't eat healthy when in debt. Sure my topic says that, but no one is doing what is necessary: READ THE DETAILS!

I was just saying that my wife controls the money and wants to control the diet too. She wants to eat extreme budget and convenience (McDonald $1 menu and Tacobell) so that way we can pay off our debt. Me on the other hand, I want to eat healthy (home cooked meals using REAL food and not artificially created or sodium/sugar loaded processed crap) and I could care less about our debt. We're 30 years old, the debt collectors will waith 30+ years to get their money, as long as they are getting it. But if we push off our health, we won't have 30+ years to enjoy after we're debt free!

It's all about priority. But regardless, you all are pulling the whole "TL;DR" thing on me so rather just have this thread locked because you all are lazy and won't read. I learned my lesson - get to the point faster and Don't title things excuses. Thanks interwebs for trolling me and showing me your low attention spans.

I found this post offensive in line with this post I posted previously on the same page, which was long, well-thought out and contained a range of advice, from financial, to marital.

You keep making passive-agressive comments your wife, you don't actually fully read our posts, you get angry at us for giving advice that *includes* advice on how to sway your wife with proper financial incentives, say that we should all stop giving you financial advice because you "have the money" when you are in debt (?) and then you back-track when we tell you it's a marital issue and says that it is, indeed, a financial issue.

“The problem is when she spends my grocery money on triple payments on bills or stashing it for family trips she has planned; this dips in the "eat healthy fund" and then we start to fight when I just charge it instead because I refuse to eat unhealthy.

This seems to be a financial issue that are intrinsically linked to some marital problems.

"Yeah I know... Just venting I guess. I can't control her, but she is being childish with her decision to eat out over eat at home... Plus, she limits my grocery buying capabilities to make double/triple payments on her debt causing us to have to eat on a REALLY tight budget... Again, le sigh."

If you didn't have crummy finances would the issue still be there? That's the question. The answer is; probably. Because although this is somewhat related to "financial" problems, it's really about a difference of opinion as to how to eat (and the unspoken issue of the lack of respect you have for her due to her unhealthy eating habits) and your inability to address your issues with your partner because of your lack of self esteem and fear of rejection (of your opinions, by her bulldozing you). So you revert to the singularly unhelpful method of being passive-agressive (which I do too and have done in my last two relationships. So I'm not trying to belittle you, I'm just seeing my own problems exhibited in you in a public thread). And you probably don't know how to address these issues, because you don't have the self confidence and the knowledge of how to deal with this issue to effectively address an issue with your wife.

She has bad eating habits, but you have bad habits when it comes to dealing with problems. As exhibited by the way you bullied other posters for not reading you and called us trolls, because you didn't like what we had to say. You take things too personally. That's why you can't address the issue with her. You martyr yourself with statements such as;

"Le sigh... All I want is to be healthy and pass down good morals; is it really that much to ask for"

But really, if you knew how to effectively communicate with your wife about this issue, all this negativity wouldn't have happened.

You also made this statement;

And no, I don't think I'm better than anyone. It's taken me 30 years to feel like I was worth anything more than dirt; do you really want to be that guy who knocks me off the little self confidence I have?”

Which may be true, and may explain your belittling, passive-agressive "blame game" behaviour. But it's an excuse. This whole thread is an excuse. Everything you say is an excuse. You want to be able to justify your self-pity, you don't actually want to hear our opinions or advice, you aren't going to take it. You don't even know how to take it. You lack those skills.

People who are stupid enough to ever even make the excuse that they are "too poor to eat healthy" **** me off. I think it reeks of ignorance, stupidity and a failure to take control or deal with the consequences of your own actions or inactions. When people say that I hear "I'm lazy and I have no self control. I want to keep doing what I'm doing, and I don't want to be educated about the consequences. I am happy being uneducated, mediocre and wilfully ignorant at this point in my life, and this is precisely the attitude that has kept me poor. Because this is an attitude that extends to my whole life."

The fact that you titled this thread that was enough for me to have to calm my eye roll and read on to give proper advice *based on what you said, not the thread title*. If I had given you advice based on the title of your thread. I would hope my advice wouldn't have existed at all. Because that would be throwing good money after bad.

I don't know what to tell you, because you need self confidence. There is a lot of good advice here on how people have dealt with spouses who don't share their attitudes towards food. I hope that you take it, as well as considering all the new knowledge about healthy eating that people have provided.

You need the confidence to address this issue with the wife and to be able to take advice and opinions less personally, but your lack of self confidence hinders your ability to gain self-confidence. When you go around passively-agressively attacking people they aren't exactly going to write you ballads. You've been armed with the knowledge here. You can choose to write it off or you can chose to listen. Maybe your wife really is the one causing your issues here, but the fact that you don't know how to easily compromise or address this issue with your wife over the simple issue of food reeks of marital issues.

I know you don't want no Dr. Phil all up in here. But seriously, when people see a black door they are going to say "look at that black door".
I'm seeing marital issues here. Go get that black door fixed.

QFT.

HappENEway

Dude, take it to a therapist. You are obviously angry and only looking to publicly bash your family rather to than find real solutions.

I feel sorry for your family, since you've clearly stated that you think you're so much better than them.

Maybe your wife is being ultra frugal because she can see the writing on the wall.

Don't psycho analyze me. People get angry and have to vent. And this is a legitimate problem that everyone has to face. Yes, this is a marriage problem more than a nutrition problem but finding out people are eating on a $80/week budget for a family of 4 is cheaper than me so maybe I'm being stubborn. The point is, don't push your opinion if you are going to be a d-bag about it. Show some respect would you?

EDIT: And no, I don't think I'm better than anyone. It's taken me 30 years to feel like I was worth anything more than dirt; do you really want to be that guy who knocks me off the little self confidence I have?

This person hit the nail on the head. It is not "impossible to eat healthy when in debt." You concur in your posts. You can afford to eat healthy, but you and your wife disagree on the fiscal priorities. You say you're "in debt" which means something more than just "having debt," which nearly all of us do. If you are in the hole, and your wife is the only one working, and you have a family of four, and she is trying really hard to get the family out of debt, you should be loving and supporting her, not trashing her publicly...especially if you're the one that, as you put it, "spends the money." You say it's "her" debt in another post, but after reading you, "charging it" because you will have your way, I'm betting she's on a hampster wheel trying to keep up financially.

Eating healthy is not your issue, Eccentric. Being a terrible partner is.



If you had an agreement to eat healthy in spite of the debt, than confront her about breaking the deal, but do so supportively and gently. If you had no agreement on the issue, you shouldn't be here trashing her.

misscrazO

I don't know why this irks my nerves so much but it does... I'm not trying to come off mean and annoying like a lot of other posters on here saying "my way or the highway" kind of deal.

But the whole "eating healthy is expensive" is a load of crap.
I'm a college student and am dirt poor. It's CHEAPER to eat healthy.
I just made a homemade soup with vegetable broth, spinach, mushrooms, and tomatoes that costed me a grand total of $8 to make. And that will last me 2 weeks worth of lunch or a snap. Doesn't even break 50 calories per serving.
It's making both healthy and fiscally responsible decisions.
You can eat healthy without going broke.
But beans in bulk.
Buy meat in bulk (just bought a bag of chicken from walmart that has 10+ breasts in it for $6)
etc, etc.

It is expensive. Maybe not for 1 person but try feeding a family. I feed 8-10 people at a time depending on if all of my kids are home and it is expensive. 1 bag of apples doesn't even give my family a snack. I am a very good shopper and my freezer is loaded from deals on meats I have gotten but eating healthy made our budget go to crap. I try and get fruits on sale but it is hard.

But can you feed them cheaper at the drive through? Rather than a bag of apples you can drive through a burger place and get each of them a burger(or order of fries) and you'll spend more than for the apples.

Feeding lots of people inexpensively is easier if you make large, filling meals. A pot of bean that feeds 10 people will cost you $2. Brown rice.....about the same. Roast 3 chickens and serve them at a meal...about $12. While the oven is hot and your roasting the chickens throw in some veggies (carrots, sweet potatos, celery, onions potatos....)to roast too costs another $6. If you have leftovers cool, more food for another purpose. Take the chicken carcass', put them in a pot of water and make stock for soup, stew or whatever costs nothing and feed those 10 people another dish or two. Eggs and oat meal for breakfast.............

Poor cultures around the world have eaten inexpensively for generations. It can be done unless you tell yourself "I can't do it".

Yes I can feed them cheaper at the drive through.. that is sad. I have been using the crockpot quit a bit lately and it is helping but the prices I am seeing quoted isn't in my small town. A bag of apples here is $5 for 3 pounds.. on sale $2.99 and I load up when I can. Alot of the problem is my family won't just eat beans. I haev tons of those in my cabinet. I haev been adding them in to meals to get them used them. Now if I add meat and all the extras yeah. I bought chicken quarters last month for .39 a pound. I bought every package they had. lol

RunsOnEspresso

When I was struggling to pay all my bills, I would sit down every pay day and plan. I'd look at my net pay, my bills and budget myself $50 (or so) for food for the next two weeks (I lived alone at the time). I'd pull out the free fresh & easy and frys ad that came in the mailers. I'd find out what meat, fruits and veggies were on sale and plan my meals accordingly.

It's hard work but you can pay off debt and eat healthy. You may have to give up on some more expensive items but it can be done. Or consider those treat items you get once a month, not all the time.

If you and your wife have different monetary views, maybe you should keep your money separate. My SO and I have separate accounts and we share a spreadsheet with the required monthly bills. When he is paid, he looks at the spreadsheet, sends me a check and can do whatever he wants with the rest of his money. You gotta find a system that works for you and your wife. There's lots of books, websites etc that can help with financial advice and/or ways to save money. Look at them together.

grassette

This is what we do to eat well, but cheap.

1. Invest in a freezer.
2. Grow a garden in the back yard. It is amazing what you get for a few seeds. Freeze your crop for winter use. Buy seeds from catalogue companies. They are fresher and have a better germination rate than the seed you find in stores. Start seedlings early if you want to save on buying bedding plants.
3. Right now the farmer's markets are full of beets, carrots, potatoes, onions, things that will keep for a long time if you have the right storage conditions.
4. Shop the supermarket specials. Use the freezer to build up an inventory of cheap chicken, beef, and fish.
5. Look at canned veggies. These have a high rate of vitamins because they go from field to can quickly.
6. Invest in a breakmaker. They are a popular garage sale item, so you can pick them up cheaply. Make bread daily for the family.
7. Buy beans, rice, and legumes in bulk. Flour by the 100 lb bag at Costco.
8. Cook from scratch.

I'm from Northern Alberta, so don't tell me that you can't grow food in Michigan. You live in the banana belt compared to us, and your growing season is way longer too.

And if your wife wants to eat at McDonald's, cook like a chef! If you eat gourmet for pennies at home, you wife won't want to pay for meals that don't taste as good elsewhere. But make sure that supper is on the table when she gets home. That way you have pre-empted the eating out option.

If she won't give you cash for groceries, you have a bigger problem than the food bill.

Gramps251

The OP states in his profile that he is ADHD. Most likely he's lost interest in this thread days ago and move on to something else.

rosekittie

My husband and I have a budget of $40 a week for groceries. We get a large bag of frozen chicken breasts, some pasta, canned tomato paste and diced tomatoes for sauce, my lunch at work is $2 healthy choice lunch express and a small bag of another snack, we don't drink soda, lots of tuna, milk, cereal, oatmeal, and that's about it. None of what I stated above is unhealthy and some is easy to grab and go. You've just got to figure it out.

rodneyderrick

Beans, brown rice, can vegetables, and chicken are usually pretty cheap.

Matt_Wild

Dieting can be very cheap if you are careful. I'm currently cutting on the following and its cheap as chips:

-35 eggs per week - £2.91 (when bought at £1.25 per pack of 15)
-700g whey per week - £6.25 (when bought in a tub at £25, £6.25 per week)
-350g rolled oats - £0.25 per week (when bought in 1kg back at 75p)
-3kg chicken per week - £15 per week (when bought at £5/kg)
-910g peanut butter per week - £5 per week (when bought at £5/kg)
-35 rice cakes - £3 per week (when bought in packs of 12 for £1)
-1kg bag of frozen spinach (when bought for £1 per bag)
-1kg bag of frozen broccoli (when bought for £1 per bag)
-350g block of cheese £2 (when bought at £2 or so per block)

Total average weekly spend is £36.41 for me per week. Hardly anything and I've diet right down to the below and need more calories so for the average man or woman the spend would be less. Dieting is NOT expensive!

Irish_eyes75

I'm calling bullshat on this one! I'm in debt, don't make a lot of money (at all) and I'm doing just fine.

Crisitunity

Hopefully someone's already linked you to this website by now, but http://budgetbytes.blogspot.ca/!

christine_lisel

I eat healty.. and per 1 person a day i usually spend 2-4€ (3-6$)

calamity71

Everything is easier with a plan. Diet and budget! I really recommend reading Dave Ramsey, Listening to his FPU, and getting on a budget. If you have bill collectors, you are in need of this. You have kids and want your kids to learn to eat healthy right? that is important. I know that is one of my goals.

BTW, feel free to Friend me. I am trying to both get healthy, and debt free!

mrsgigandet

I understand how hard it is to eat healthy in debt. I'm struggling to get myself through college while working a job that doesn't pay much. It really ISN'T easy, but it is possible. Make sure you always by the off-brands of canned veggies: Great Value, Best Choice, etc. The savings really add up. I can't even find quinoa around here (we only have Walmart, really) so I stick to just getting whole grain rice, which is still very healthy. That Budget Bytes website looks like a great resource Don't worry about organic - to me that really is a luxury. It's great if some people can afford it, but some of us just CAN'T.

Melolicious

I spend less money eating clean and choosing organic than I did beore. Definately not what I expected!

I shop at Costco - a 1kg bag of organic quinoa is less than $10. Same for sprouted brown rice. Cheapest place in town for me to buy produce. Granted some items cost more but then I don't buy any processed food anymore and that is way less money overall. Looking back, probably half my food bill was on processed crap we no longer eat. Maybe you need to think bulk, specially since you are cooking for a family and staples like quinoa and rice don't spoil so bulk isn't an issue. I buy the majority of my meat from a local butchershop that is all producers from my region and I get the better cuts of meat for about the same price as the basic cuts in our grocery stores. I think you need to stick to your guns with the healthy eating, dollar menu foods are cheap but cost your health in the long run. Maybe you need to try a different store(s)? The options are out there, I hope your town has enough to make it work for you.

HypersonicFitNess

You can do both. Oh and by the way...is a bigger health care bill going to get you out of debt? I would rather pay up for groceries and eat healthier on the front end then pay an even higher price on the back end for medical bills and more prescriptions because I'm so ill. The number of health problems that disappear once you eat a healthier diet is astounding....my best friend has been on heart medications, diabetes meds and a bunch of other crap for years and years. She recently (last 6-8 months) started eating healthier, getting more exercise; she lost 65 lbs and wha-la! She's off all those meds...it's AMAZING!! Her doctor bills and prescription drug budget just disappeared. I have co-workers that choose not to eat right and they don't exercise...they're out sick all the time or at the doctor every other week....I'm rarely out sick, I go to the doctor for a check up once a year.

....just saying you're going to be paying for it somewhere.....make your choice

Topsking2010

Lots of great tips on eating healthy at a reasonable cost!!

clowdusc

I don't think you're looking at this at the right point of view. You can still eat healthy on a budget. I've done it and I'm still doing it. However, if you're use to spending so much and you have to cut back, there will always be things you have to give up.
My boyfriend and I live on about 80-100 a month for food because we HAVE to. I realize this is impossible with a family, but you gotta do what you gotta do. What I do is take the percentage of how much we're supposed to be eating of the food groups and apply it to our budget (ex: we have to eat 15 percent fruits, so I set aside 15 percent of our budget for just fruits).
Home made meals make a huge difference as well.
Also realize that you can get some nutrients from not-so-obvious, and sometimes healthier, sources. I find that protein is the hardest thing to budget in, because it seems to be so expensive. But I had to remember that eggs, peanut butter, beans, whole grain breads, and milk contain protein - so is there really a need to spend that much on actual meat? Meat tends to have a higher fat content anyway, so I usually skip buying meat unless we end up having a little extra. Over half of those things are considered essential in our household anyway. We're not vegetarian by any means, but this was the best example I could think of.
Growing your own food helps a ton. While these things I just listed are sometimes difficult to "grow" at home, you can still save a ton by growing your own fruits and vegetables, and being a college student with no free time, I find it still possible to do so.
Another issue I have when cooking is the bland factor, but that was quickly overcome by learning how to cook with spices (which you can grow very easily for very, very cheap- even in your window seal) and doing research on new yet simple recipes so that we weren't eating the same thing every day.

I hope this helps some, I certainly have to keep these things in mind as my boyfriend and I struggle financially. Hope you and your spouse can come to an agreement.

FlaxMilk

You've gotten a lot of respect and help in this thread, even after calling people lazy, trolls, and knocking attention spans. If you want respect, give respect. I'm the healthy eater in our household and I'd balk at my husband wanting us to eat regular $15 meals. I agree with those who suggest compromise--and since you are the one who wants the change, you'll likely be the one who has to make the bigger swallow of pride. My family can't afford $300 a week on groceries, and we have two incomes.

"Honey, I've been thinking--we haven't been hearing each other about what we each want, and neither one of us has been willing to budge. I want us to be able to travel, and I want us to eat healthfully in the meantime. Can we make a plan where we can meet both of those goals?"

You wouldn't sound judgmental. Not knowing your wife at all, my instincts are ringing that she feels secretly judged or criticized, which is making her dig her heels in deeper. I also suspect she worries that if she gives in, she won't see her dreams at all. There is a middle ground. (I suspect these things because your frustration reads here as deep unhappiness with her and her wants, and because I know how I'd react about expensive meals most of the time.)