Are you one of "Those" ex fatties!?
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Sometimes I really don't mean to preach. Like when you gently decline someone offering you some chocolate or a chip and they get all mad at you, or somehow think you not wanting one means they should stop eating them! Because I've changed my lifestyle I'm eating clean and training hard every week, I've been trying to get my Mum (a huuuge coffee drinker) to get more water into her system every day because I know she's getting dehydrated and tired and crabby all the time.
It's even worse when people ASK you health related questions, like, "Is this good for you?" and you obviously reply with what they don't want to hear and they get all mean and rude with you for telling the truth that what they're eating is essentially junk and nice as a treat but not great to eat on a daily basis. I don't want to be one of those pompous, my-lifestyle-is-better-than-you types but I think honestly people just say things like that to get you down and to feel bad about yourself when really they're just feeling a little guilty about what they're doing to their own bodies.0 -
Sometimes I get worried that I'm one of 'those'.
Eg, I was at the shops earlier and saw quite a large woman eating a mound of McDonalds. And all I thought was "That's not right." I was pretty disgusted with myself, what right do I have to judge? And when my extremely large friend orders KFC and soft drink, I feel as if I should say something.0 -
Sometimes I get worried that I'm one of 'those'.
Eg, I was at the shops earlier and saw quite a large woman eating a mound of McDonalds. And all I thought was "That's not right." I was pretty disgusted with myself, what right do I have to judge? And when my extremely large friend orders KFC and soft drink, I feel as if I should say something.
I have to admit I do that! Ooops. And when i see parents feeding their young kids junk it upsets me. I saw a boy about 3 (the same age as my son) sitting in his stroller eating Mcdonalds fries. Firstly I was wondering why on earth he was in a stroller at that age, and secondly wondering why he had fries. I'm not a perfect parent, but my kids don't eat fast food!
Most people are pretty good with me though, and although I get a lot of 'wow, you've lost weight' comments, no-one is rude. People who know me know I've had 2 children quite close together so know I put on weight when I was pregnant, and since I lost weight after baby no. 1 they're not surprised as they've seen me do it before.
A couple of my colleagues eat the smallest bit of salad for lunch, and I feel like telling them they need a bit of protein, and perhaps if they ate a bit more and did some exercise they might lose some weight! I never would though.0 -
Sometimes I get worried that I'm one of 'those'.
Eg, I was at the shops earlier and saw quite a large woman eating a mound of McDonalds. And all I thought was "That's not right." I was pretty disgusted with myself, what right do I have to judge? And when my extremely large friend orders KFC and soft drink, I feel as if I should say something.
I have to admit I do that! Ooops. And when i see parents feeding their young kids junk it upsets me. I saw a boy about 3 (the same age as my son) sitting in his stroller eating Mcdonalds fries. Firstly I was wondering why on earth he was in a stroller at that age, and secondly wondering why he had fries. I'm not a perfect parent, but my kids don't eat fast food!
Most people are pretty good with me though, and although I get a lot of 'wow, you've lost weight' comments, no-one is rude. People who know me know I've had 2 children quite close together so know I put on weight when I was pregnant, and since I lost weight after baby no. 1 they're not surprised as they've seen me do it before.
A couple of my colleagues eat the smallest bit of salad for lunch, and I feel like telling them they need a bit of protein, and perhaps if they ate a bit more and did some exercise they might lose some weight! I never would though.
When parents do it to their kids, it upsets me too. Especially when I see soft drink in a bottle. That stuff rots the teeth out of your head
And I usually feel like saying something (I never do) when friends complain abpout their weight over a McDonalds meal >.<0 -
work colleague "oh I could never depreive myself like you do, you know live once, you know"
me "yeah exactly, you only live once."
LOVE ^^0 -
I guess I would find it odd if someone bought doughnuts for everyone and didn't have one himself - not in a bad way, but I'd just find it surprising. When I buy snacks for everyone at work, I purposely buy things that I like too, because it would feel a bit odd sharing a snack that I don't like. And my colleagues also bring snacks that they like.
So maybe the guy was commenting just out of surprise - it doesn't sound like he thinks you're 'one of those ex-fatties'. Just that he's commenting with a possible reason for why you didn't take one of the doughnuts. Did you used to buy snacks that you ate too? Or have you always bought snacks and not had any yourself? And lots of people assume everyone likes sweet snacks like doughnuts, so unless you'd already established you don't like doughnuts, he might not think you really dislike them.
I'm not 'one of those ex fatties', but I often decline snacks that colleagues have brought in, because I don't like a lot of sweet snacks - never have. I like salty snacks. When I first started my job, one colleague would make comments that I never ate, and try to urge me to eat the cookies and cakes she brought. It took quite a while to convince her that yes, I do eat (I'd eaten breakfast and had a packed lunch that I was going to eat at lunch time, and would eat an evening meal after work!) but that I really don't like cake and cookies. I do find that people often assume that everyone likes sweet snacks, and if you decline, they think you're purposely restricting yourself from a treat!0 -
Its hard not to want better for your firends when what you have done works for you..especially if they question why they can't lose weight(UM could have been the m&m's, skittles, crackers inbetween eating?) I find it hard to keep my mouth shut. lol
At any rate, getting back to your senario.
Certain ways people were brought up was that food got people together as friends, family to share the experience as being the same level.. It showed hospitality and love, bonding in a sense with food. All sharing and swaping conversations during the experience. I think, this fella felt put down cause you didn't share that time with them by eating with them as a gesture of good will or part of the "gang". He now felt you thought you were "too good" or better than them to be part of the bonding time. You DID buy them to share but didn't partake in the good intensions.
Perhaps next time you bring them, figure in your cals ahead of time and bring a mixture of good choices and the doughnuts. they pick the doughnuts, you pick the healthier choice, That way you are still "partaking" With the gang as being part of the bonding time and no one will be the wiser..:flowerforyou:0 -
He was just jealous. Don't let someone's thoughtless remark make you feel bad about yourself. It's good to be introspective, but don't let others define you.0
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I have been fit most my life. Got hurt, got LAZY gained weight. I stayed "Fat" for about 4 years. I found MFP thru a friend and have been slowly losing the weight. I am very close to my goal weight and LOTS of people have been noticing. I usually just say "thanks" and IF they ask how I let them know about this site and how I got back on the road to fitness.
I was at a meeting this morning and I brought Donuts for the crew. One of the guys asked which one I wanted and I said "I don't really eat those" which is true! I never have been a huge donut guy. He went off and said "OH! NOW you're Johnny fitness, but you were FAT a few months ago" I had to really think about it, am I one of "THOSE" ex-fatties, like the ex-smokers who get all preachy and have to bring it up in every conversation, but I like to think I'm not. I rarely talk about fitness or diet except on MFP. I don't even post "Going to the Gym" on Facebook lol!, even though I see many folks doing it. I have always been quiet about my personal life and fitness but it did make me think. I really don't want to be one of "THOSE".
SO, how do you handle the "How did you do it?" questions AND do you think you are one of "THOSE"
The ones I get the most from people are "If I looked like you I could eat whatever I wanted."
and "Look at all this healthy food, eat some junk once in a while."
Having been both over and under weight in my life, those comments ignite me and turns me into one of 'those' types. I wasn't severely over weight, or under, but enough to show me I didn't want to be either way and went for a more healthy approach to life. I indulge regularly, my mother and I go out to eat once or twice a week and we usually split something we both agree on (which is NOT the healthy option, trust me lol.)
In the future, just smile and walk away.:]
Edited for grammar. lol.0 -
Sometimes I get worried that I'm one of 'those'.
Eg, I was at the shops earlier and saw quite a large woman eating a mound of McDonalds. And all I thought was "That's not right." I was pretty disgusted with myself, what right do I have to judge? And when my extremely large friend orders KFC and soft drink, I feel as if I should say something.
I wait tables. Recently I waited on three women that were, quite honestly, moderately to severely over weight. The heaviest was also the youngest, and looked in my age group. She ordered a coke, a burger with cheddar cheese and bacon with mayo, french fries, and french onion soup as a starter. She got FOUR refills on her coke, for a total of five huge glasses of coke. I was sad, and a little sickened at the same time. Her companions were probably her mother, who had the same burger, fries, and french onion soup but a diet coke, and her grandma- who got a smoked salmon sandwich we offer and fries and a root beer, refilled twice.
Yes, who am I to judge? But at the same time... no words.
Edited: the point was supposed to be the youngest of the three. I didn't really clarify that.0 -
dont like donuts?
Hmmmmmmmmmm......
dont like donuts?
BLASPHEME!!!!
SACRILEGIOUS!!!
:drinker:0 -
That was really, really, really mean of him! You don't have anything to worry about in this situation about your actions.0
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Just a friendly reminder that we can’t assume we know everything by looking at someone.
Yes, we can tell if the woman who ordered a bacon cheeseburger is overweight, but we don’t know why. We don’t know if she’s perfectly comfortable with her body, or if she’s struggling with her weight. We don’t know if this is the first burger she’s had in a month, or if she’s suffering from a medical condition, etc.
In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with having a burger and soda (all things in moderation). It’s a shame that if you’re overweight, you get looked at differently if you choose to eat one “bad” meal.
As for parents who feed their kids junk, let’s just hope that it’s a once in a while thing. I know my daughter hasn’t gone her whole life without eating McDonald’s, but it’s definitely not the cornerstone of her diet.
To the original poster, I would have smiled and told the guy, “Yes, I was fat, but it wasn’t from donuts, so have at ‘em!” The fact that you are aware your success and new lifestyle might make others feel uncomfortable is proof enough for me that you’re not one of “those” people. Congrats on your weight loss and fitness success. You look great!
EDIT: I say the above because I have a friend who is overweight, who isn’t necessarily comfortable in her skin. She went grocery shopping, and among her cart full of mostly healthy items, she picked up a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. A mother and daughter in line in front of her began to whisper, until the mother turned to my friend and said while pointing to the ice cream, ‘You know, you’re not really doing yourself any favors with that.’
It’s bad enough that the woman assumed things about a total stranger, but worse that she chose to act on her assumptions and not only embarrass my friend, but set a poor example for her daughter. Encouragement, when it’s asked for, is welcome and can be a great motivator, but heckling and judging will usually only make people feel worse. /endrant0 -
I am a loud mouthed smart *kitten*, so I doubt the way I would respond would be at all helpful. :bigsmile:
However, I probably wouldn't have brought doughnuts in the first place. I'd have opted for a fruit bowl or something.0 -
Just a friendly reminder that we can’t assume we know everything by looking at someone.
Yes, we can tell if the woman who ordered a bacon cheeseburger is overweight, but we don’t know why. We don’t know if she’s perfectly comfortable with her body, or if she’s struggling with her weight. We don’t know if this is the first burger she’s had in a month, or if she’s suffering from a medical condition, etc.
In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with having a burger and soda (all things in moderation). It’s a shame that if you’re overweight, you get looked at differently if you choose to eat one “bad” meal.
OK, you said it yourself, moderation. A bacon cheddar burger, french fries, a huge bowl of french onion soup and FIVE huge glasses of coke is NOT moderation. Her companions ordered similar, or the same way. Where I work, I see a *lot* of over weight families. I stress *lot.*
I work in a setting that's been tailored to the lazy, dependent American. It's not unusual to wait on the same family/group several times over their course of their stay in the area.
Considering that I waited on this woman's companions the next morning, and neither of them were health conscious in the slightest (and when I asked where the younger of the three was they said she was still in bed) I'm going to feel confident in my belief that none of this was medical. All THREE of them were medically inclined to be moderately to severely over weight? And eating they way that they were had no impact on it whatsoever? I doubt that.
Whats a shame is that we're not allowed to think our private thoughts.0 -
I don't think you can be one of "them" if you're buying that type of food in the first place. One of "them" would have brought in cucumber sandwiches or something lame, and then told everyone about how they brought in a healthy snack for everyone to "enjoy".
I'm neither one of "those" ex-fatties or ex-smokers, thankfully. It's kind of hard, when someone asks, to not get caught up in talking about that stuff, but that's on them, they asked and can't expect you to not mention eating right and exercise as a big part of it.0 -
I am in between... I am now educated on how my body reacts to different foods and I choose which to include and which to exclude from my diet. I'm what is known as a "feeder" - someone who bakes cakes and cookies for others, but doesn't indulge. I am the first to offer an opinion when asked, but if not, it's each to their own.
What I don't like is when others feel the need to give THEIR opinions to me when not requested. If I wanted a piece of cake, I would have it... not having it does not make me anorexic and it doesn't make me one of "those" ex-fatties.
It's either jealousy due to your loss, or fear because they don't want to be fat. Congratulations on your loss and keep doing what you're doing!0 -
I had a similar situation happen to me with Cheese cake, when I got called out for not wanted to try it. I did a **** move and said I was showing symptoms of diabetes, so the guy felt really bad.0
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the office I work in has a lot of treat days / snack days / pot lucks etc. I finally gave up participating at all because ALL they bring is chocolate candy, chocolate chip cookies, cakes, bars, chips, dip. I just bring my healthy lunch of an Apple, cheese stick, cucumber slices and maybe a beef stick and stay at my desk. Every SINGLE time this happens 90% of them will come and ask me why Im not "enjoying to FOOD"?? WTF. I suspect Im the only diabetic in the department. But Ive been there 14 years now, wouldnt you think they'd learn? I mean comeon now.......they have the time or inclination to know I bring fruit and vegies every day, they remark on it at least weekly.
One day I had brought in an apple, an orange, 2 small tomatoes, a beef stick and a cheese stick. I was working 12 hours a day then. This woman Id known since just after she started came up to my desk, looked around, and then asked in an absurdly snotty tone "Are you gonna eat ALL that today?" I had a yellow tomato one time and this same woman came up and asked me if she could taste it. EEEEEEEEK
I just tell em now No thanks, Id love to have some but had better not. It works.0 -
Unfortunately I do think I have "those" tendencies. Whilst I would never deliberately be preachy, fitness and health is such a huge part of my life (and of friends' acquired through my lifestyle changes) that I can see how it comes across. I think enthusiasm, particularly to someone who is unhappy with their weight or lifestyle, can certainly come across as sickening. I'm like the Pollyanna of exercise.
It's never done with any ill intent or superiority. I have been told on several occasions that I've spurred people into making their own lifestyle changes, and if the price of that is coming across as a Typical Ex-Fatty then so be it.0
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