My crazy Ex.. Looking for drama anyone? lol
JessigirlJb
Posts: 656
in Chit-Chat
Ok so here is the deal. I have been with the same guy since i was 16.. we got married at 18.. im 24 now and we have 2 babies. things have been rocky for awhile.. i havent been happy, he is crazy jealous and controlling. and recently when talking to a few about how he talks to me they told me and showed me papers saying that he is mentally abusive.. i never thought of it like that i just always that thats him thats just how he is. so how we became seperated was my father was about to undergo serious brain surgery.. that brought to this very strange place.. i basically shut off most feeling and just lived like a robot. that drove him nuts so we started arguing.. blah blah blah.. were seperated i needed some space. then a couple days before the surgery he goes and tries to commit suicide. big cluster **** that was.. i didnt go to the hospital to see him nor have i talked to him since.. other then by test to communicate about the kids.. so last night im going out and he finds out im going with a guy and calls me.. well ya but hes gay.. doesnt matter he loses his ****ing mind.. so i turned my phone off and went to have fun. well i wake today to find out he and his brother argued and he shoved his brother so hard it broke his ankle.. and then slapped his sister in the face... all because they were telling him to chill out and had attitudes and told him they love me and i will always be apart of there lives.. so he has never laid a hand on me other then when i tried to leave a couple times he held me down... but should i be worried if i do see him to work out details about money and kids that he might get physical with me?? i dont know and my family is reallly worried about it but hes never hurt me physically before.. so any one with advice or experience let me know.
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Replies
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Advice would be, be careful and don't talk to him alone.0
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I think you should be worried. Guys like this get frustrated because they aren't getting what they want......and he REALLY wants you. I don't think you can afford to risk either getting hurt, or him taking your kids. I would be for you talking to him but for sure, have someone there as a third party. BE CAREFUL with your kids and do not let him be alone with them. Good luck.
p.s. I do have experience.0 -
Yikes! I'm really sorry. He sounds crazy. I say avoid him at all costs. Definitely don't let yourself or your kids be around him alone. Surround yourself with people you can trust (family and close friends) and if you feel threatened by him get a restraining order.
Also, just because he has never hit you doesn't mean he's not capable of being violent. He sounds violent to me by what he did to his brother and sister...0 -
Yeah I'd hit the panic button around now.0
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An acquaintance of mine was just shot and killed...same scenario as yours over the past 10-15 years...as if his aggressive, abusive tendencies weren't enough, it apparently took him shooting his entire family, including children, to put him in jail.0
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sounds to me like it's time to see a lawyer and do the talking about the money and kids with the lawyer present...to keep things calm and try to avoid him becoming violent...just be careful! you don't need that kind of problem in your life! i hope everything works out well and that you get full custody!!0
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Your husband is acting out in so many ways that I don't know how you can keep track of them. He is manipulative and will stop at nothing to get his way. Get yourself and your kids to safety, somewhere unknown to him. Get an order of protection. Do not see him alone. Limit your telephone contact to text. He hasn't abused you yet? He will if he gets the chance. You can bet your life on it. Good luck.0
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Sorry to hear that. I doubt you'll leave him but think of what type of environment those kids are growing up in. This is all the proof you need to get sole custody of the kids and never see him again. Hopefully you listen to all others and not become yet another sad statistic.0
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Advice would be, be careful and don't talk to him alone.
^this...he clearly has issues in the way he responds...if not handled through a third party, definitely do not engage him alone.0 -
Been there, lived through it & have moved on. Find a place that offers free legal advice & get some because you do NOT want to open that can of worms alone.0
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Your husband is acting out in so many ways that I don't know how you can keep track of them. He is manipulative and will stop at nothing to get his way. Get yourself and your kids to safety, somewhere unknown to him. Get an order of protection. Do not see him alone. Limit your telephone contact to text. He hasn't abused you yet? He will if he gets the chance. You can bet your life on it. Good luck.
^^This. Be careful. He sounds desperate and that spells danger. I've been there. Do not see him alone (with or without your kids).0 -
I would not go alone seriously that are how some horror movies start. Bring someone you trust and meet somewhere safe such as a lawyers office so if he does go off you have it on record and you are protected. He does not sound stable and you do not want that to come back on you. Also you have to look at this for you kids too. What happens if he is upset around them. He already touched people that i bet never thought he would. So becareful and seek help legally.0
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Wow. And I thought I had a real gem. :huh:0
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I'm another one who has been there. See if your county has domestic abuse counselors/helps and do what they say to protect yourself and your kids. Don't make contact, and only accept contact in written or recorded form (email, text, voice mail - what you will have proof of later). Protect yourself, and protect your kids. Get help to be sure it doesn't go straight to family court without an advocate who knows how to deal with a violent person.0
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I have a few drunks in me, but he sounds like a keeper to me. a man who knows what he wants and how to get it.
actually I'm not really sure what your story is about.0 -
Restraining order, divorce lawyer. Cease all direct contact with him, do not even contact him to tell him you are seeking a divorce lawyer and police: only contact him through lawyers/police, from here out. I would call the police (non-emergency) immediately and explain the situation, that he is violent and suicidal, and that you're afraid of what he's going to do to yourself or others. Contact your local women's centre for similar advice on how to proceed, to keep yourself safe. Change your locks, get deadbolts and chains on every door, get a security system if you can afford it, and if you have any physically capable male friends or family that can come stay with you, or that you can stay with, until you can get further advice/protection from police, PLEASE do so. He HAS laid a hand on you, and physically restraining you is a form of violence/assault. Document these incidents, as you can probably build a case to press charges. If your brother and sister in-law love you and the kids, I would talk to them about pressing charges against their brother. It's a tough thing to do to their sibling, I'm sure, but it's for everyone's own good... and what he did to his brother's ankle surely involved medical documentation, and the siblings are each other's perfect witness. The police will no doubt take it seriously if this guy's own siblings are will to have him charged for assault.
It's in everyone's best interest, including your husband's, that he be locked up and receive intensive psychiatric help. Your husband is also too volatile to be having any visitations with his children, at this time, and this is another reason why you really must report his behaviour to law enforcement. He is a serious danger to you and his kids, and I wouldn't want to see this escalate to a murder-suicide, as it sounds like it very well could. He is possessive, and I easily see this turning into a rash "if I can't have them, no one can" decision, for him. Please do not chance it, for the sake of the kids.
Please remember that, when it comes to your husband being a danger to others, "in sickness and in health" no longer applies. You are not obligated to remain with him as his hostage, upon threat of suicide. You are not responsible any more, if he does succeed in this.0 -
Um...if he physically held you down to keep you from doing what you wanted to do, that is "laying a hand on you." For your own safety, I would stay away from him, especially from seeing him alone. If he's willing to get that violent with his siblings, he WILL, if pushed enough, be willing to get that violent with you. Please, protect yourself.0
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They aren't violent until they pick you up and throws you into a mirror, or comes after you through a sliding glass door. My sister has been in a relationship with this guy for about 15 years. It really doesn't get better...and while I always hold on to the hope that people can change, it doesn't really happen.
Best to protect yourself and your children. If your family is supportive, use them. Find a third party facility for visitation, preferably with guards, where you won't have to see him as you drop the kids for supervised visitation.
Save all emails, text messages, facebook posts, hospital and urgent care bills. Most of all bank statements showing the debit card transactions. Write down your story, and never white lie to the kids about daddy. I found that the truth is the best way to go.0 -
1. RUN
2. Dont meet with him w/out being in public or w/someone or protection (taser, knife, etc)
3. Do NOT let your kids be around him alone.
I know people are gonna bash me for this but, Ive been there as a child. When my mom left my dad and I had to go see him, by court order he tried to kill me, and I mean that literally. He chased me down an alley and held a knife to my throat and cut me. I got away and he jumped in his car and chased me and broke my ankle. All because my mom left him and he though that if he hurt me, she would come back to because she feared for my life.
Me and my dad alway had a great relationship, he never put his hands on me or my siblings, until my mom left him. He hurt me because I am the baby and the only girl. When people go thru separation and divorce, you think "oh they wont hurt the kids" Thats a dang lie and NEVER trust him w/the kids until he proves that he wont hurt them.
**This ^^ statement is NOT a reflection on all parents, just the unpredictable ones**0 -
1. RUN
2. Dont meet with him w/out being in public or w/someone or protection (taser, knife, etc)
3. Do NOT let your kids be around him alone.
I know people are gonna bash me for this but, Ive been there as a child. When my mom left my dad and I had to go see him, by court order he tried to kill me, and I mean that literally. He chased me down an alley and held a knife to my throat and cut me. I got away and he jumped in his car and chased me and broke my ankle. All because my mom left him and he though that if he hurt me, she would come back to because she feared for my life.
Me and my dad alway had a great relationship, he never put his hands on me or my siblings, until my mom left him. He hurt me because I am the baby and the only girl. When people go thru separation and divorce, you think "oh they wont hurt the kids" Thats a dang lie and NEVER trust him w/the kids until he proves that he wont hurt them.
**This ^^ statement is NOT a reflection on all parents, just the unpredictable ones**
The longer he's not shown that his behaviour will not be tolerated the longer and further he will go. Desperate people will do desperate things.
I second the advice above. He has already given you examples of why he is unsafe and you should not be questioning your gut instinct.
He is unhinged and should not be trusted alone. Start your support network now and always have a back up plan.
I don't want to scare you but always have a bag packed and ready in case you have to get the foobah outta there! Keep in contact with local women's shelters and protection. Even if you don't need them they are a wealth of information and are good places to be safe if you ever need to be.
Contact should always be supervised. Do not contact verbally without it being recorded (your phone might be able to do this if he ever calls so make sure) and get an order. Don't wait, every minute that goes by is a minute you are not protected.
My ex was mentally abusive. I am glad I did not stay and have children with him. He is a manipulator and I would have been stuck for so much longer.0 -
i would be very worried and not trust him even with the kids. document everything!0
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My first BF was similar -at the first sign of controlling and abuse i left.
Couple of months ago my brother was visiting, he got drunk and really aggressive (also recently broke up with his gf, my guess is he did to her what he tried to do to me - hit her because she dared to tell him to take off his tie, shoes not to be so loud, to go throw up in the bathroom, asked if he was ok...).
I called the cops on him, told my parents (he still lives at home, 24 yr old), told everyone in our family and to all our friends (i'm done playing my moms "let's hide this form the world, he's a good boy he doesn't mean it" game) which eventually got him to start going to therapy.
(Funny thing after I started to talk everyone else started to talk and we were baffled with what we found out.)
I am sick of them behaving like two year old and I have no sympathy or understanding for them. Whatever they do to themselves/happens to them they brought it on themselves.
Get a restraining order, cut him out of your life, your kids don't need that kind of father. Sometimes no father is a lot better than any father.0 -
Neither you nor your children should ever be alone in his company. .0
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I've been there before. When I left my insane ex-boyfriend:
When I said, "I'm leaving, my grandma will be here to pick me up in a bit," My ex told me he was going to commit suicide and I had to wrestle a knife from him (dumb, dumb, dumb idea). I grabbed it, and locked myself in the bathroom (it had no windows) and had no way out. He started banging and punching the door like a madman, and when he said, "Your grandma is here." I thought he was lying. He wasn't, and he described her to me (he had never seen her before so this was the only way I knew it was true). I cautiously came out of the bathroom and was terrified that he might hurt her. But he went from an enraged madman to complete gentlemen in less than 30 seconds. He became suddenly polite and helped load my bags to leave.
THAT is a master manipulator, and I believe that is what you have on your hands. My ex was never physically violent until I told him we were through. Before I told him, "It's over." he was constantly putting me down, looking at other girls and saying things like "If I weren't with you, I'd hit that up." or he'd command me do do something and threaten to kick me out if I didn't do it, right then and there.
I don't know what your ex has been saying to you so your circumstances may not have started out so dire like mine did, but it looks like it's turning in that direction considering your ex's attempted suicide and willingness to hit his own family.
Keep yourself away from him. Keep your KIDS away from him. Don't EVER go over to see him alone. Have a witness to every in-person conversation so in case he makes any threats, you have someone to A. Protect you, and B. Confirm any threatening statements. This man has issues, don't give him an opportunity to hurt you or your children. If he hurt his own brother and sister, who knows who else he is willing to hurt?0 -
Honey, i feel for you ... it's so easy to love someone even when they hurt you, physically or mentally.
You deserve so much better. Think about yourself and your kids selfishly.
You have asked for advice, and it seems to me that a broad spectrum of people of all ages and backgrounds agree. You need to get away ...0 -
Been there, done this, got hit by a car by my ex for walking away from him.
My advise, get out and get out now. Take the kids and call the police to file a report against him. The police report will be a big help to you later on when you go for custody. Also, sit down and write down everything he's done and when.
I know it's hard. I was with my ex for years and the abuse started before we moved in together. In one of his tirades, he hit me so bad that I lost his child that I was carrying. After that, he convinced me to move from PA to FL so we could have a 'fresh' start. 8 months after that I called my Mom in NJ and told her that I was almost in Georgia and on my way home. I left a note in the kitchen for him for him to see when he got back from work.
It's going to be a long, hard road, but for your safety and the safety of your children, you have to find the courage to do it.
And no going back to him after he's 'reformed.' Me leaving my ex was his wake up call. He got help and now he's a completely changed man. He's gotten married and has a little girl. We talk occasionally now, and that only started because his wife told him that he had to atone or she was gone. She made him grow up and apologize.0 -
Hon,
If he is willing to abuse his brother and sister he will do it to you. I have been there an done that and when I read your story it was like reading details of my first marriage. So do not try to take him back. it sounds like he has to have all the attention on him all the time and when he doesn't he has to create drama so that it is. You son't need someone like that. And if he is anything like my ex he will not stop at abusing you the kids will be next.
So please think of your family, you and those two babies and stay the ...away from this guy.0 -
Restraining order, divorce lawyer. Cease all direct contact with him, do not even contact him to tell him you are seeking a divorce lawyer and police: only contact him through lawyers/police, from here out. I would call the police (non-emergency) immediately and explain the situation, that he is violent and suicidal, and that you're afraid of what he's going to do to yourself or others. Contact your local women's centre for similar advice on how to proceed, to keep yourself safe. Change your locks, get deadbolts and chains on every door, get a security system if you can afford it, and if you have any physically capable male friends or family that can come stay with you, or that you can stay with, until you can get further advice/protection from police, PLEASE do so. He HAS laid a hand on you, and physically restraining you is a form of violence/assault. Document these incidents, as you can probably build a case to press charges. If your brother and sister in-law love you and the kids, I would talk to them about pressing charges against their brother. It's a tough thing to do to their sibling, I'm sure, but it's for everyone's own good... and what he did to his brother's ankle surely involved medical documentation, and the siblings are each other's perfect witness. The police will no doubt take it seriously if this guy's own siblings are will to have him charged for assault.
It's in everyone's best interest, including your husband's, that he be locked up and receive intensive psychiatric help. Your husband is also too volatile to be having any visitations with his children, at this time, and this is another reason why you really must report his behaviour to law enforcement. He is a serious danger to you and his kids, and I wouldn't want to see this escalate to a murder-suicide, as it sounds like it very well could. He is possessive, and I easily see this turning into a rash "if I can't have them, no one can" decision, for him. Please do not chance it, for the sake of the kids.
Please remember that, when it comes to your husband being a danger to others, "in sickness and in health" no longer applies. You are not obligated to remain with him as his hostage, upon threat of suicide. You are not responsible any more, if he does succeed in this.
^^^^^^This^^^^^^
Get connected to you local domestic abuse services, notify the police, get a domestic abuse lawyer, cut contact with him, find a safehouse. You and your children are in danger. Do not delay, a few hours or days can make a horrible difference.
Thoughts and prayers coming your way.0 -
My sister has gone through a similar relationship. Shes now divorced from the man but guess what?? When you marry someone and have kids with them they are a part of your life at least till the kids are grown. People on here have spoken about how he shouldnt be around your kids. Well right now barring a court order he has the right to see his kids and the police will not remove the kids from him if he should happen to get ahold of them. Despite what we think on here...men do not automatically lose the right to their children because they show verbal or physical violence towards others. Even if they are lashing out at their wife or family members. You need to sit down and write out every physical incident that he has been involved in with not just you but anyone else. You need to get signed statements from those people as well as any existing police records. If possible get his sister and brother to go with you to the magistrates office and request an emergency protective order....not just for you but also include your children. Then get to a lawyer as fast as you can so that they can determine whats the best action for a custody filing. As someone else mentioned on here your husband needs mental help...but that doesnt mean he will get it. You have to be an immediate danger to yourself or others to be forced into a mental evaluation. In most states that means a 72 hour hold at a hospital...as soon as he acts like he is fine they will most likely let him out. Alot of what goes on in your situation is dependent on cops and court officials views and experience with domestic violence. Yes they bring their own bias into it...even though they shouldnt. Pushing and restraining that doesnt leave bruises is very common and the most ignored of domestic violence complaints. Please get legal advice now....from more then one lawyer if possible. Seek out help from your local domestic violence shelter...even if you dont need to stay there they have resources within your community!!0
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I'd make the moves to protect yourself and your kids. Don't sit idly by as he continues to become more and more violent; be proactive. I have been in that situation with my daughter's father and to this day there's these little "pockets of psycho" pop up whenever he's not getting his way (she turned 11 on Friday) . If he's suicidal, do not allow the kids around him. Period. Go to the courthouse and seek full custody and ask for him to seek court-mandated counseling. Not saying that it'll work because 9 times out of ten, these guys never calm down, but this pattern can turn into violent events... fast. God knows that I know. Guys like him dwell on the negative and let it consume them until it turns to blind fury.
Protect yourself and your kids immediately.0
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