My crazy Ex.. Looking for drama anyone? lol

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JessigirlJb
JessigirlJb Posts: 656
in Chit-Chat
Ok so here is the deal. I have been with the same guy since i was 16.. we got married at 18.. im 24 now and we have 2 babies. things have been rocky for awhile.. i havent been happy, he is crazy jealous and controlling. and recently when talking to a few about how he talks to me they told me and showed me papers saying that he is mentally abusive.. i never thought of it like that i just always that thats him thats just how he is. so how we became seperated was my father was about to undergo serious brain surgery.. that brought to this very strange place.. i basically shut off most feeling and just lived like a robot. that drove him nuts so we started arguing.. blah blah blah.. were seperated i needed some space. then a couple days before the surgery he goes and tries to commit suicide. big cluster **** that was.. i didnt go to the hospital to see him nor have i talked to him since.. other then by test to communicate about the kids.. so last night im going out and he finds out im going with a guy and calls me.. well ya but hes gay.. doesnt matter he loses his ****ing mind.. so i turned my phone off and went to have fun. well i wake today to find out he and his brother argued and he shoved his brother so hard it broke his ankle.. and then slapped his sister in the face... all because they were telling him to chill out and had attitudes and told him they love me and i will always be apart of there lives.. so he has never laid a hand on me other then when i tried to leave a couple times he held me down... but should i be worried if i do see him to work out details about money and kids that he might get physical with me?? i dont know and my family is reallly worried about it but hes never hurt me physically before.. so any one with advice or experience let me know.
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  • oceanbigwater
    oceanbigwater Posts: 100
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    Advice would be, be careful and don't talk to him alone.
  • chrlslove7
    chrlslove7 Posts: 136 Member
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    I think you should be worried. Guys like this get frustrated because they aren't getting what they want......and he REALLY wants you. I don't think you can afford to risk either getting hurt, or him taking your kids. I would be for you talking to him but for sure, have someone there as a third party. BE CAREFUL with your kids and do not let him be alone with them. Good luck.

    p.s. I do have experience.
  • Laura_Suzie
    Laura_Suzie Posts: 1,288 Member
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    Yikes! I'm really sorry. He sounds crazy. I say avoid him at all costs. Definitely don't let yourself or your kids be around him alone. Surround yourself with people you can trust (family and close friends) and if you feel threatened by him get a restraining order.

    Also, just because he has never hit you doesn't mean he's not capable of being violent. He sounds violent to me by what he did to his brother and sister...
  • SideSteel
    SideSteel Posts: 11,068 Member
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    Yeah I'd hit the panic button around now.
  • eddysuchydvm
    eddysuchydvm Posts: 110 Member
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    An acquaintance of mine was just shot and killed...same scenario as yours over the past 10-15 years...as if his aggressive, abusive tendencies weren't enough, it apparently took him shooting his entire family, including children, to put him in jail.
  • lyndyb88
    lyndyb88 Posts: 123 Member
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    sounds to me like it's time to see a lawyer and do the talking about the money and kids with the lawyer present...to keep things calm and try to avoid him becoming violent...just be careful! you don't need that kind of problem in your life! i hope everything works out well and that you get full custody!!
  • toomanycurves
    toomanycurves Posts: 110 Member
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    Your husband is acting out in so many ways that I don't know how you can keep track of them. He is manipulative and will stop at nothing to get his way. Get yourself and your kids to safety, somewhere unknown to him. Get an order of protection. Do not see him alone. Limit your telephone contact to text. He hasn't abused you yet? He will if he gets the chance. You can bet your life on it. Good luck.
  • avir8
    avir8 Posts: 671 Member
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    Sorry to hear that. I doubt you'll leave him but think of what type of environment those kids are growing up in. This is all the proof you need to get sole custody of the kids and never see him again. Hopefully you listen to all others and not become yet another sad statistic.
  • MrDangerSass
    MrDangerSass Posts: 99
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    Advice would be, be careful and don't talk to him alone.

    ^this...he clearly has issues in the way he responds...if not handled through a third party, definitely do not engage him alone.
  • Tennessee2019
    Tennessee2019 Posts: 676 Member
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    Been there, lived through it & have moved on. Find a place that offers free legal advice & get some because you do NOT want to open that can of worms alone.
  • Momma_Grizz
    Momma_Grizz Posts: 294 Member
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    Your husband is acting out in so many ways that I don't know how you can keep track of them. He is manipulative and will stop at nothing to get his way. Get yourself and your kids to safety, somewhere unknown to him. Get an order of protection. Do not see him alone. Limit your telephone contact to text. He hasn't abused you yet? He will if he gets the chance. You can bet your life on it. Good luck.

    ^^This. Be careful. He sounds desperate and that spells danger. I've been there. Do not see him alone (with or without your kids).
  • dub101
    dub101 Posts: 325
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    I would not go alone seriously that are how some horror movies start. Bring someone you trust and meet somewhere safe such as a lawyers office so if he does go off you have it on record and you are protected. He does not sound stable and you do not want that to come back on you. Also you have to look at this for you kids too. What happens if he is upset around them. He already touched people that i bet never thought he would. So becareful and seek help legally.
  • pooleekylie
    pooleekylie Posts: 103
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    Wow. And I thought I had a real gem. :huh:
  • quietlywinning
    quietlywinning Posts: 889 Member
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    I'm another one who has been there. See if your county has domestic abuse counselors/helps and do what they say to protect yourself and your kids. Don't make contact, and only accept contact in written or recorded form (email, text, voice mail - what you will have proof of later). Protect yourself, and protect your kids. Get help to be sure it doesn't go straight to family court without an advocate who knows how to deal with a violent person.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    I have a few drunks in me, but he sounds like a keeper to me. a man who knows what he wants and how to get it.
    actually I'm not really sure what your story is about.
  • LinaBo
    LinaBo Posts: 342 Member
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    Restraining order, divorce lawyer. Cease all direct contact with him, do not even contact him to tell him you are seeking a divorce lawyer and police: only contact him through lawyers/police, from here out. I would call the police (non-emergency) immediately and explain the situation, that he is violent and suicidal, and that you're afraid of what he's going to do to yourself or others. Contact your local women's centre for similar advice on how to proceed, to keep yourself safe. Change your locks, get deadbolts and chains on every door, get a security system if you can afford it, and if you have any physically capable male friends or family that can come stay with you, or that you can stay with, until you can get further advice/protection from police, PLEASE do so. He HAS laid a hand on you, and physically restraining you is a form of violence/assault. Document these incidents, as you can probably build a case to press charges. If your brother and sister in-law love you and the kids, I would talk to them about pressing charges against their brother. It's a tough thing to do to their sibling, I'm sure, but it's for everyone's own good... and what he did to his brother's ankle surely involved medical documentation, and the siblings are each other's perfect witness. The police will no doubt take it seriously if this guy's own siblings are will to have him charged for assault.

    It's in everyone's best interest, including your husband's, that he be locked up and receive intensive psychiatric help. Your husband is also too volatile to be having any visitations with his children, at this time, and this is another reason why you really must report his behaviour to law enforcement. He is a serious danger to you and his kids, and I wouldn't want to see this escalate to a murder-suicide, as it sounds like it very well could. He is possessive, and I easily see this turning into a rash "if I can't have them, no one can" decision, for him. Please do not chance it, for the sake of the kids.

    Please remember that, when it comes to your husband being a danger to others, "in sickness and in health" no longer applies. You are not obligated to remain with him as his hostage, upon threat of suicide. You are not responsible any more, if he does succeed in this.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    Um...if he physically held you down to keep you from doing what you wanted to do, that is "laying a hand on you." For your own safety, I would stay away from him, especially from seeing him alone. If he's willing to get that violent with his siblings, he WILL, if pushed enough, be willing to get that violent with you. Please, protect yourself.
  • Amy911Gray
    Amy911Gray Posts: 685 Member
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    They aren't violent until they pick you up and throws you into a mirror, or comes after you through a sliding glass door. My sister has been in a relationship with this guy for about 15 years. It really doesn't get better...and while I always hold on to the hope that people can change, it doesn't really happen.

    Best to protect yourself and your children. If your family is supportive, use them. Find a third party facility for visitation, preferably with guards, where you won't have to see him as you drop the kids for supervised visitation.

    Save all emails, text messages, facebook posts, hospital and urgent care bills. Most of all bank statements showing the debit card transactions. Write down your story, and never white lie to the kids about daddy. I found that the truth is the best way to go.
  • NoMoreJellyRolls
    NoMoreJellyRolls Posts: 142
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    1. RUN
    2. Dont meet with him w/out being in public or w/someone or protection (taser, knife, etc)
    3. Do NOT let your kids be around him alone.
    I know people are gonna bash me for this but, Ive been there as a child. When my mom left my dad and I had to go see him, by court order he tried to kill me, and I mean that literally. He chased me down an alley and held a knife to my throat and cut me. I got away and he jumped in his car and chased me and broke my ankle. All because my mom left him and he though that if he hurt me, she would come back to because she feared for my life.
    Me and my dad alway had a great relationship, he never put his hands on me or my siblings, until my mom left him. He hurt me because I am the baby and the only girl. When people go thru separation and divorce, you think "oh they wont hurt the kids" Thats a dang lie and NEVER trust him w/the kids until he proves that he wont hurt them.
    **This ^^ statement is NOT a reflection on all parents, just the unpredictable ones**
  • apocalypsepwnie
    apocalypsepwnie Posts: 373
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    1. RUN
    2. Dont meet with him w/out being in public or w/someone or protection (taser, knife, etc)
    3. Do NOT let your kids be around him alone.
    I know people are gonna bash me for this but, Ive been there as a child. When my mom left my dad and I had to go see him, by court order he tried to kill me, and I mean that literally. He chased me down an alley and held a knife to my throat and cut me. I got away and he jumped in his car and chased me and broke my ankle. All because my mom left him and he though that if he hurt me, she would come back to because she feared for my life.
    Me and my dad alway had a great relationship, he never put his hands on me or my siblings, until my mom left him. He hurt me because I am the baby and the only girl. When people go thru separation and divorce, you think "oh they wont hurt the kids" Thats a dang lie and NEVER trust him w/the kids until he proves that he wont hurt them.
    **This ^^ statement is NOT a reflection on all parents, just the unpredictable ones**

    The longer he's not shown that his behaviour will not be tolerated the longer and further he will go. Desperate people will do desperate things.
    I second the advice above. He has already given you examples of why he is unsafe and you should not be questioning your gut instinct.
    He is unhinged and should not be trusted alone. Start your support network now and always have a back up plan.
    I don't want to scare you but always have a bag packed and ready in case you have to get the foobah outta there! Keep in contact with local women's shelters and protection. Even if you don't need them they are a wealth of information and are good places to be safe if you ever need to be.
    Contact should always be supervised. Do not contact verbally without it being recorded (your phone might be able to do this if he ever calls so make sure) and get an order. Don't wait, every minute that goes by is a minute you are not protected.

    My ex was mentally abusive. I am glad I did not stay and have children with him. He is a manipulator and I would have been stuck for so much longer.

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