Is this normal now?!?!
Replies
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Whoever they are they deserve a slap in the face with a double decker bus!!
For what? For wanting someone who puts in the same amount of effort he/she does? Who appreciates the fact that we're only given one shot at existence as much as he/she does? For wanting someone who neither makes excuses nor accepts them? For wanting an equal?
Honey, I don't think this person is the issue, I think you are :flowerforyou:0 -
While I agree that you're not accruing wealth, and are basically hemorrhaging money.. its still technically not debt... its just not forward progress either.
It is funny cause I had a similar conversation a few years with a friend of mine that basically believed he was debt free because he was renting and did not have a mortgage and wanted to stay that way. So I gave him the scenario of what happens in 30 years when we both turn 60+ and we are in the retirement age. I have a house with a mortgage and he rents for 30 years. Which one of us will still be able to live in a home once we stop working and no longer bring in the income we have now? Once he did the “math” he came to an epiphany and is looking to buy a how now…haha.0 -
While I agree that you're not accruing wealth, and are basically hemorrhaging money.. its still technically not debt... its just not forward progress either.
It is funny cause I had a similar conversation a few years with a friend of mine that basically believed he was debt free because he was renting and did not have a mortgage and wanted to stay that way. So I gave him the scenario of what happens in 30 years when we both turn 60+ and we are in the retirement age. I have a house with a mortgage and he rents for 30 years. Which one of us will still be able to live in a home once we stop working and no longer bring in the income we have now? Once he did the “math” he came to an epiphany and is looking to buy a how now…haha.
Im not disagreeing with you there.
Bought house at 22.
Moved out of state. Sold it. (didnt want hassle of renting.. hindsight, should have.)
Disagreed about the 'value' of the homes here...
Now the bubble burst and.. tada. homes are worth what I consider 'normal'... but Im bouncing around locations too much to buy right now.
so I waste $500 a month.0 -
Hicksville has some problems.
My version of Hicksville used to have a population base of 100,000. Three high schools. Very low unemployment rate.
And then in 1980 the first factory shut down and moved south. By 2000 the process was complete.
These were jobs that were good jobs; you worked eight hours, plus you could pick up all the overtime you could handle, you had good healthcare coverage, generous sick leave and three weeks vacation a year. They paid a wage that let a person buy a decent house, run a couple cars, and either have some expensive toys or give their kids full rides to college, and you couldn't just get fired because you went to the wrong church.
Now the jobs in Hicksville are things like working for a big-box discount retailer. You get part time hours, and they aren't dependable or guaranteed. Smile at the wrong time or make the mistake of catching the flu, and you'll be down to one hour next week, if you don't lose the job altogether. You may be offered insurance if you make full time, but you never quite seem to get enough hours. And instead of your dad's $25 an hour, you're making $10. They'll shut the store if you even breathe the word "union". Sure, you can drive to The Big City and get a job paying $14, but you'll sit in traffic an hour and a half each way, and $250 off your check is going in the gas tank to get to work. At a certain point that's not profitable.
I agree that a lot of people make bad choices. But sometimes all the choices available are bad ones, and you just get to select which one you think is the least bad.0 -
Whoever they are they deserve a slap in the face with a double decker bus!!
For what? For wanting someone who puts in the same amount of effort he/she does? Who appreciates the fact that we're only given one shot at existence as much as he/she does? For wanting someone who neither makes excuses nor accepts them? For wanting an equal?
Honey, I don't think this person is the issue, I think you are :flowerforyou:
First of all, the only one with an issue here is you my dear. How quick you are to jump on a comment with sarcasm and insults. Does it make you feel big and clever? Because it makes you look like an idiot.
I was actually referring to the fact that the post makes it appear that because someone is not as slim as they are, they aren't an equal. I have dated someone with the view I was a lesser person because I weighed more. Honestly though darling you should message the person who wrote the message, you both have the same warped and ignorant attitude and you both like to bring other people down, unless of course it was you who wrote it in the first place in which case have a congratulatory w@nk over how perfect you are.
Oh and by the way, save your inner keyboard warrior from replying I won't be posting in this thread any more.0 -
I know that some may not agree, but my personal opinion:
Don't do it.
If you want to be in a relationship with a responsible adult I think they should have their own place and car and should certainly have a job.
Good luck in the dating world!!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Judging a person by what they have or where they live says a lot about you. There's a lot of perfectly valid reasons why a person may not have a job or a car or both. Simply disqualifying them on those criteria alone without knowing their circumstances or their background is petty.
Given that, if I were out of a job my first priority would not be dating.0 -
I think the REALLY interesting part is that it seems so many more men than women are in that group. Why is it that young women seem more interested in being independent than men of their same age? -- Fascinating.
Oh, and my girlfriends who are in their 30's and dating have definitely seen this trend, to answer your question. For my generation (I'm 49), there was still a responsibility gap back in the day -- men seemed more prone to under-employment, driving beater cars and living in crap apartments with 47 roommates than women were -- but we all had some sort of job and none of us were living with our parents for more than a couple of months as a stop-gap in a dire emergency. Still, the women I knew then were financially more stable at a younger age than their male counterparts. Seems that much hasn't changed.
Be careful not to stereotype by gender - what applies to one not necessarily to another. In my group of friends acquaintences it is quite the opposite.
Right. Though it should be obvious that I don't know everyone in the entire world, this is MY experience, with MY group of friends, over the course of MY adult life. Actual mileage may vary.0 -
No.
The answer is no.
If you are a "man", you need to have a job.
blaming the economy is a cop out plain and simple. Jobs are out there. They might be sucky jobs but, they are jobs nontheless.
Oh, and the only excuse for a man not knowing how to drive is ifhe was born and raised in New York city or on Gilligans Island.
Okay so yes a job is important, but I'm wondering if women (especially OP) would prefer a man who is actively lookign for something in his field or a 30yo working at McDonalds Both come with judgement! So no, the economy is not a cop out, it is real for some. and I emphasize "some" as many do use it as a cop out and a way not to work. But don't label all.
And..... why does "man" need a job??!! Is that all men or just single men??
all men, it is all men.0 -
1. Don't have a job
Maybe has been laid off and is looking. Having a job is important I agree, but knowing what they used to do and/or what they are lookign for may be just as important.
2. Don't have, or can't drive a car
Maybe they were born raised in the city and didn't need a car and used public transportaion (Taxi, Bus, Metro, Train, etc)
3. Still live at home with their parents
Many may still live at home to save and pay off debt or help with a family situation.
You need to delve in deeper to these reasons for not dating a guy. None of the above make a guy a loser. Now if he is 25, never had a job, never went to college and spends most of his time in his parents basement playing video games - that may be a different story. But again - get the whole story before making judgements against the poor guy!!
^I completely agree with this. This guy I recently met he has a job, has his own place but doesn't drive. I refuse to hold that against him. It's just a vehicle its not like he's some sort of criminal or felon. If he can get to work and get to stores by foot, more power to him.
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As someone in their 30s that fit 2 of the criteria, I guess it is the new norm... I agree with others who have stated that each situation is different though. In my case, I graduated from high school a year early, moved out of my parents house when I was 18 (and no I was not living in dorms), got 2 college degrees, lived in Europe (twice), and had multiple jobs (none of them were full time so I needed multiple). But then my fiancée dumped me and I had nowhere to go, so my parents were nice enough to let me temporarily move back in with them. And then I lost 1 job... then another... and another (not because of me, but because of the economy and those places going out of business). So now I have no job and still live with my parents because I have no money. I've been applying for jobs for over a year. I have gotten a couple phone interviews, but never any further. I've even applied for jobs where the only requirement is a high school diploma and didn't even get an interview. I think having 2 college degrees is actually a hinderance there. Anyway, my point is, I've had some bad luck lately, I would think it unjust if someone just presumed I'm some loser that's just been living off my parents forever rather than actually getting to know me first.0
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Did you go to college or do you have a professional career where you are surrounded and associate yourself with other highly-educated and hard-working professionals?
If so, then try asking them to hang out and maybe meet some friends (possible dates) through them.
Another option is to leave Hicksville...0 -
I'm handsome, I have a car, a house, I'm self sufficient, and have a steady income but haven't gotten any date offers. Could be I am only looking online right now and I have the unfortunate problem of being 43. I'd date you in a heartbeat. If these guys are in thier mid 30s they should have at least made some progress toward those goals. I agree that each persons situation is different but come on...
Too bad you don't live closer and 10 yrs younger... I actually do have a thing for beards. lol0 -
Did you go to college or do you have a professional career where you are surrounded and associate yourself with other highly-educated and hard-working professionals?
If so, then try asking them to hang out and maybe meet some friends (possible dates) through them.
Another option is to leave Hicksville...
I did go to college locally, but was working 30+ hrs a week on top of a full credit load so didn't have a lot of time to socialize outside of class... I work in an office with 3 other people... Sounds like leaving hicksville might be my best option... just wanted to check to see if things would be any better anywhere else before I decided to up and more 0 -
I intend to avoid this issue entirely, as well as stop being the female version of an unemployed basement dweller by moving to a country with good jobs and a strong economy.
I suggest everyone else do the same.0 -
No.
The answer is no.
If you are a "man", you need to have a job.
blaming the economy is a cop out plain and simple. Jobs are out there. They might be sucky jobs but, they are jobs nontheless.
Oh, and the only excuse for a man not knowing how to drive is ifhe was born and raised in New York city or on Gilligans Island.
Okay so yes a job is important, but I'm wondering if women (especially OP) would prefer a man who is actively lookign for something in his field or a 30yo working at McDonalds Both come with judgement! So no, the economy is not a cop out, it is real for some. and I emphasize "some" as many do use it as a cop out and a way not to work. But don't label all.
And..... why does "man" need a job??!! Is that all men or just single men??
all men, it is all men.
Disagree - it is *not* all men!!
I know a few stay at home fathers and see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Single men (and women) should have jobs or be actively looking for one. And I agree with a few others that if I was out of a job my first priority would not be dating.0 -
No.
The answer is no.
If you are a "man", you need to have a job.
blaming the economy is a cop out plain and simple. Jobs are out there. They might be sucky jobs but, they are jobs nontheless.
Oh, and the only excuse for a man not knowing how to drive is ifhe was born and raised in New York city or on Gilligans Island.
Okay so yes a job is important, but I'm wondering if women (especially OP) would prefer a man who is actively lookign for something in his field or a 30yo working at McDonalds Both come with judgement! So no, the economy is not a cop out, it is real for some. and I emphasize "some" as many do use it as a cop out and a way not to work. But don't label all.
And..... why does "man" need a job??!! Is that all men or just single men??
all men, it is all men.
Disagree - it is *not* all men!!
I know a few stay at home fathers and see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Single men (and women) should have jobs or be actively looking for one. And I agree with a few others that if I was out of a job my first priority would not be dating.
so are you saying that being a stay at home father is not a job??
Also, Im curious what normal scenario you're going to come up with where a stay-at-home father doesnt have a job and is depending on someone else for income, but is also actively searching to date.0 -
Anyone else out there still in the dating world? How about online dating?
Probably 80% of the guys I meet/chat with either.
1. Don't have a job
2. Don't have, or can't drive a car
3. Still live at home with their parents
or a combination thereof...
Most of the guys I'm dating are early 30s... I'm not going after 22 year olds fresh out of college here. Plus I live in the midwest... cost of living is really not terrible... The average 1bdrm apt costs about $400/mo.
I'm not saying that you need to be C.E.O of a major corporation here... and I'm really not trying to be hard on those people who really did recently get laid off and are a little hard on their luck... but come on, am I being unreasonable to expect them to be able to function on their own as a normal adult at this point in their lives?
Has anyone else noticed this to be the rule rather than the exception lately? or is it just guys in my area?
You are dating the upper end of Generation Y (approx birth years 1980-1994). No age cohort has been more decimated by the worst economy since the Great Depression than Generation Y. Unemployment is pretty normal, and males have taken the brunt of the recession worst than females. Unemployed people tend to live at home with parents. As for the car thing, I'm not sure about that since public transportation isn't a big deal in your area.0 -
No.
The answer is no.
If you are a "man", you need to have a job.
blaming the economy is a cop out plain and simple. Jobs are out there. They might be sucky jobs but, they are jobs nontheless.
Oh, and the only excuse for a man not knowing how to drive is ifhe was born and raised in New York city or on Gilligans Island.
Okay so yes a job is important, but I'm wondering if women (especially OP) would prefer a man who is actively lookign for something in his field or a 30yo working at McDonalds Both come with judgement! So no, the economy is not a cop out, it is real for some. and I emphasize "some" as many do use it as a cop out and a way not to work. But don't label all.
And..... why does "man" need a job??!! Is that all men or just single men??
all men, it is all men.
Disagree - it is *not* all men!!
I know a few stay at home fathers and see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Single men (and women) should have jobs or be actively looking for one. And I agree with a few others that if I was out of a job my first priority would not be dating.
so are you saying that being a stay at home father is not a job??
Also, Im curious what normal scenario you're going to come up with where a stay-at-home father doesnt have a job and is depending on someone else for income, but is also actively searching to date.
In the sense of OP's judgement - no a SAHD does not have a income producing job. (of course I think being a SAHD is working.)
And I was quoting the person who stated that ALL men needed a job. My point was that not ALL men need a job (bringing in income). But I agree with the fact that all *single* men (and women) should have employement or be actively serarching. It wasn't to all be lumped into one "normal scenario".0 -
*bangs head on desk*
Lower your standards, problem solved.
Oh and be less judgemental.
*eyeroll*0 -
*bangs head on desk*
Lower your standards, problem solved.
Oh and be less judgemental.
*eyeroll*
::clubs wits over head.. and drags to cave::
yep! problem solved!0 -
Alot of the single guys my age still live at home with their parents. I own my house and I just could never see myself ever dating anyone who lived at home still at this age.. obviously depending on circumstances etc but if they just never bothered to fly the nest it would worry me lol. Yeah they'd really need to have their own car (I'm no chauffer...) and have a job. It's not a lot to ask... have a job, have a car and not live at home..0
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I still live at home, and honestly unless i was co-renting or in a relationship i wouldn't care too much about moving out ATM. Living alone would just be horribly depressing for me0
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I still live at home, and honestly unless i was co-renting or in a relationship i wouldn't care too much about moving out ATM. Living alone would just be horribly depressing for me
That's fair enough! Do you have a job and a car?0 -
I have a moped and a job
Not much use having a car where i live, would do more harm then good 0 -
I have a moped and a job Not much use having a car where i live, would do more harm then good
See that's fine. I just couldn't be arsed with anyone who would need me to pick them up of drop them off or anything 0
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