How to be a Man or Woman in America
AdriAfterAll
Posts: 16 Member
in Chit-Chat
Just re-watched the Brene Brown TED talks on youtube, and was thinking about this bit. Researchers at Boston College asked the question below and got these answers.
What do women have to do or be to conform to female norms (in America)?
nice
thin
modest
use all avalable resources for appearance
"have it all, do it all, be it all- and never let 'em see you sweat"
What do men have to do or be to conform to male norms (in America)?
emotional control
work is first
pursue status
violence
"Never be perceived as weak."
As a woman, I know I feel the pressure of the Perfection beast like whoa, but do you all agree? That's who we have to be and how we're expected to organize our priorities?
Edit for clarity: The researchers weren't telling us what we're supposed to be, they only spit out what all the people polled said. It's what WE (Americans) feel/believe/said the expectations are...
Link to the talk:
http://youtu.be/psN1DORYYV0
It's about a lot. This was just a piece...
What do women have to do or be to conform to female norms (in America)?
nice
thin
modest
use all avalable resources for appearance
"have it all, do it all, be it all- and never let 'em see you sweat"
What do men have to do or be to conform to male norms (in America)?
emotional control
work is first
pursue status
violence
"Never be perceived as weak."
As a woman, I know I feel the pressure of the Perfection beast like whoa, but do you all agree? That's who we have to be and how we're expected to organize our priorities?
Edit for clarity: The researchers weren't telling us what we're supposed to be, they only spit out what all the people polled said. It's what WE (Americans) feel/believe/said the expectations are...
Link to the talk:
http://youtu.be/psN1DORYYV0It's about a lot. This was just a piece...
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Replies
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I dont think I've ever met a woman that was nice AND modest AND thin AND use all available resources for appearance
also, aren't "emotional control" and "violence" contradictory?0 -
I don't find any of those male qualities to be admirable. But then again, I'm not insecure. :ohwell:0
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Living to meet the expectations of the masses seems to me to be a formula for misery.
I have very little interest in what people think of me. Aside from my immediate family and close friends.
As for how I relate to the world, I try to live by the golden rule as I was taught when I was a child. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.0 -
Are you sure about that whole being nice thing....?0
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I'm glad I live in Canada.0
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Just re-watched the Brene Brown TED talks on youtube, and was thinking about this bit. Researchers at Boston College asked the question below and got these answers.
What do women have to do or be to conform to female norms (in America)?
nice
thin
modest
use all avalable resources for appearance
"have it all, do it all, be it all- and never let 'em see you sweat"
What do men have to do or be to conform to male norms (in America)?
emotional control
work is first
pursue status
violence
"Never be perceived as weak."
As a woman, I know I feel the pressure of the Perfection beast like whoa, but do you all agree? That's who we have to be and how we're expected to organize our priorities?
I am a grown *kitten* man with a beard, I don't need some researcher to tell me how I should act or should be. I believe in the law of return...what you give is what comes back to you.0 -
Those arent the real male qualities are they?0
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I'm doing my part to fight the status quoe. Societal norms and expectations are what has gotten us the point we're currently at. And no, that's not a good thing.0
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Violence?0
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work is first
LOL...did they poll (honest) married men?0 -
"use all avalable resources for appearance" = huge turnoff0
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I am glad that I don't let others define what I need to do to be a man. I have my own definitions. That definition didn't changed when I was in Asia. Not while I stayed in Europe. Didn't changed in America.
I know what I want. I give it all I got. If I am with a woman, I am her protector, even if she is capable of taking care of herself, I am still there for her. I work hard and keep my family first. I don't consider any job less than other as long as I work hard. Men who try to be something else they're not are weak. Men who pretend to be tough are weak. My father is a short, obese guy who have never in his life done any physical labor. But he's a hard worker and a better and stronger man than I, or my brothers combined will ever be.
What defines a man or a woman? YOU do0 -
Ah, I love TED talks
!
Fascinating results, even if expected (Probably because I see these stereotypes everyday, as an American.). It just makes me wonder what the results would be in every country around the world.0 -
Before y'all fly off the handle, this TED talk was based on a study Boston College did on what American men and women *perceived* (heavy emphasis) the definition of a man or a woman to be.
Perceptions rarely mirror reality folks.0 -
F**K THAT!!! If that's what an american should be, then our country is rather screwed up!0
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work is first
LOL...did they poll (honest) married men?
That's what I'm saying. I know a lot of guys (and girls) who don't LIVE like this, but apparently, feel like they're supposed to...0 -
Just re-watched the Brene Brown TED talks on youtube, and was thinking about this bit. Researchers at Boston College asked the question below and got these answers.
What do women have to do or be to conform to female norms (in America)?
nice
thin
modest
use all avalable resources for appearance
"have it all, do it all, be it all- and never let 'em see you sweat"
What do men have to do or be to conform to male norms (in America)?
emotional control
work is first
pursue status
violence
"Never be perceived as weak."
As a woman, I know I feel the pressure of the Perfection beast like whoa, but do you all agree? That's who we have to be and how we're expected to organize our priorities?
I am a grown *kitten* man with a beard, I don't need some researcher to tell me how I should act or should be. I believe in the law of return...what you give is what comes back to you.
Agree!
As for that list. According to who's standards?
Because,
I show my emotions especially when "pissed off"
Family comes first! No matter what!
Could care less what others think! So much for status!
Violence! Only when absolutely necessary (family comes first covers that)
Never be perceived as weak well that's not a problem for me!
But it seems they have it mostly backwards!0 -
What do men have to do or be to conform to male norms (in America)?
emotional control
work is first
pursue status
violence
"Never be perceived as weak."
heh. I got this.
Calm. Collected.
Good job that gets done.
Good status, above others.
Train to fight 6x a week.
Step up or step back..
werd.0 -
oh, so this isn't a topic on cross dressing?
:grumble:
moving on...0 -
Lots of these terms contradict each other. How can a woman be modest AND use ALL resources available to look good? You'd have to be a vain person indeed to spend ALL your resources to be pretty. And of course, you can't be a stoic AND violent. Anyway, you want to be an awesome male? Teddy Roosevelt. 'Nuff said.0
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sounds like a load of BS to me0
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I am glad that I don't let others define what I need to do to be a man. I have my own definitions. That definition didn't changed when I was in Asia. Not while I stayed in Europe. Didn't changed in America.
I know what I want. I give it all I got. If I am with a woman, I am her protector, even if she is capable of taking care of herself, I am still there for her. I work hard and keep my family first. I don't consider any job less than other as long as I work hard. Men who try to be something else they're not are weak. Men who pretend to be tough are weak. My father is a short, obese guy who have never in his life done any physical labor. But he's a hard worker and a better and stronger man than I, or my brothers combined will ever be.
What defines a man or a woman? YOU do
Hi taunto0 -
Link to the TED talk?0
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What do men have to do or be to conform to male norms (in America)?
emotional control
work is first
pursue status
violence
"Never be perceived as weak."
Wasn't there a movie made about someone like this?
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0
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I think people need to keep in mind these are the preconceptions of norms in the US. I kinda agree with quite a few of these actaully for Men they are pretty spot on.
Emotional Control - Check Can't be breaking down and crying. That is sooo not manly.
Work Is First - Traditioanlly men are the bread winners/providers.
Pursue Status - This is also fairly common. Think about all the flashy cars people drive. No real purpose other then to be a status simbol. Same thing with a lot of other luxuries.
Violence - I agree with this one too. Who is expected to step up and fight. Men.
"Never to be perceived as weak" - Again accurate. Weakness isn't traditiaonlly a quality persued by men.0 -
You forgot married.0
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What do men have to do or be to conform to male norms (in America)?
emotional control
work is first
pursue status
violence
"Never be perceived as weak."
heh. I got this.
Calm. Collected.
Good job that gets done.
Good status, above others.
Train to fight 6x a week.
Step up or step back..
werd.
.....so hot0 -
Did they mention the ages of those surveyed? The answers received seem to be what very young people with no life experience would answer.0
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Again with the conceptiosn of women I think it's along fairly similar lines.. Well teh social expectations are anyway..
Nice - Pleasant, friendly not a total *****.
Thin - Definately in there. The conception that men prefer thin women is true.
Modest - I think this refers to in appearance and attitude. Being a lady as opposed to some saucy wench.
Use all resources for appearances - How many shoes do you ladies own? How many outfits? How much make up? How many of you won't leave the house unless your all together? Yeah I would say that one exists.
"have it all, do it all, be it all- and never let 'em see you sweat" - I think this is the perception of the modern woman. She's not some homemaker but a go getter who can have a career, family, successful relationship and look good doing it..
Keep in mind this isn't how things actually are but how people surveyed think they are.0
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