How much SHOULD a couple have in common

sijomial

Views on marriage & kids.

Well and if you're religious. You should share those values too.

I'm a complete atheist and my wife is very active in the local church (Church Warden etc etc..). Our next anniversary will be 30 years together. You can have the same moral values without the same religious beliefs.

bellydancer124

That's a hard question to answer and I think it varies by couple. My boyf and I are very different. We only have about one common interest. However, personality-wise, we're very similar.

It's not too bad though, since we're both independent. For example, I go on vacations without him, since he doesn't like to travel.

We've been together for just about 7 years now, so something must be working.

BAMFMeredith

I'm surprised how many people think you have to have the same political and religious leanings as your partner. I am borderline atheist, my husband is non-practicing Christian. I am extremely liberal, he is moderately conservative. As long as you respect each other you don't have to share a mind.

Now what we do have in common are interests that allow us to do things together. We both ride motorcycles. We both love to watch and attend sporting events. We play video games together. We both pursing weight lifting goals. We watch some tv shows together.

We also have our separate pursuits as well. I enjoy reading, crafting, and dancing, while he does things like golf, team sports, and mechanical modifications of our cars and bikes. We almost never want to see the same movies, so we alternate choice there. He is an extrovert and I am an introvert, so he gets me to socialize more than I would on my own, and I curb his partying and spending habits. It works for us.

In my opinion, one of the major problems with having drastically different religious and political views comes into play if you decide to have children down the line. Which parent has it right, and which parent doesn't (from the child's point of view) know what I mean?

Erienneb

I think that as long as your religious ideology, political affiliations, and views on marriage and children (whether or not to have them, and whether marriage is important to you or not) are on the same page, other differences keep things interesting.

I'm a conservative...my boyfriend is so democrat it hurts haha. It works, because we know how to debate and not "argue" over the differences.

cheerforsteelers

For me a similar sense of humor is important. An agreement on having children at some point is important as well as how to manage finances and such. Other things may apply too.

wolverine66

69%

DrMAvDPhD

I'm surprised how many people think you have to have the same political and religious leanings as your partner. I am borderline atheist, my husband is non-practicing Christian. I am extremely liberal, he is moderately conservative. As long as you respect each other you don't have to share a mind.

Now what we do have in common are interests that allow us to do things together. We both ride motorcycles. We both love to watch and attend sporting events. We play video games together. We both pursing weight lifting goals. We watch some tv shows together.

We also have our separate pursuits as well. I enjoy reading, crafting, and dancing, while he does things like golf, team sports, and mechanical modifications of our cars and bikes. We almost never want to see the same movies, so we alternate choice there. He is an extrovert and I am an introvert, so he gets me to socialize more than I would on my own, and I curb his partying and spending habits. It works for us.

In my opinion, one of the major problems with having drastically different religious and political views comes into play if you decide to have children down the line. Which parent has it right, and which parent doesn't (from the child's point of view) know what I mean?

Perhaps. I do not think I could have married an extremely rigorous Christian, not because I can't respect their views, but that they couldn't respect mine (haven't met a single devout Christian to date that could). If we had children (which I do agree is an important thing to agree on), and my husband wanted to raise them within a religion, I would agree to it. It clearly would mean more to him than me at that point. Like I said, it is about respect more than sharing a mind.

As for politics, I hope to instill enough good sense into any offspring of mine to realize that neither party is completely right or wrong, and that if there was a right answer there wouldn't be politics in the first place.

Shelbert79

My husband and I are very different and yet we mesh well together. He likes NERO, computer games, scifi movies and books, celtic music, etc. I hate computer games, usually don't care for scifi movies and love hip hop. I had never seen a Star Wars movie until we started dating (which is one of his favorite movies), I still haven't seen Superman. But we always have fun together and he's my best friend.

BAMFMeredith

I'm surprised how many people think you have to have the same political and religious leanings as your partner. I am borderline atheist, my husband is non-practicing Christian. I am extremely liberal, he is moderately conservative. As long as you respect each other you don't have to share a mind.

It seems you and your husband are fialry close, though, on the religious spectrum; though your beliefs differ, neither practices a religion.

With deeply held beliefs that are polar opposite it can make things very difficult, especially when it comes to how to raise children. If your moral and ethical beliefs don't align (which often influence or come from political and religious affiliation) you can have big problems.

For example, I can't see ever dating/marrying a conservative, devout catholic as I'm a (very) liberal atheist. I have huge moral and ethical issues with the catholic church as an institution and I'd never allow children of mine to be indoctrinated into all that. And they'd likely find me a heathen. lol.

I agree with this. I am a moderate Christian (I really can't identify with either political party), and I don't think I could be in a relationship with an Atheist, for similar reasons (well, not so much moral or ethical reasons, anybody of any faith/non faith can be moral or totally immoral) and I have had my child baptized and plan to raise him in a religious household. That's just not something I am willing to compromise on. Political views, I'm a little more open to simply because I am so middle of the road, but I couldn't be compatible with someone who was on either extreme end of the political spectrum. A little right leaning or a little left leaning, I can work with that and agree to disagree, but I can only "agree to disagree" on so much.

I've got plenty of friends of all different faiths, political affiliations, whatever, and I respect every single one of em, but as far as somebody who I'd partner with for my life and have a family with, there are just some things I won't compromise on.

BAMFMeredith

I'm surprised how many people think you have to have the same political and religious leanings as your partner. I am borderline atheist, my husband is non-practicing Christian. I am extremely liberal, he is moderately conservative. As long as you respect each other you don't have to share a mind.

Now what we do have in common are interests that allow us to do things together. We both ride motorcycles. We both love to watch and attend sporting events. We play video games together. We both pursing weight lifting goals. We watch some tv shows together.

We also have our separate pursuits as well. I enjoy reading, crafting, and dancing, while he does things like golf, team sports, and mechanical modifications of our cars and bikes. We almost never want to see the same movies, so we alternate choice there. He is an extrovert and I am an introvert, so he gets me to socialize more than I would on my own, and I curb his partying and spending habits. It works for us.

In my opinion, one of the major problems with having drastically different religious and political views comes into play if you decide to have children down the line. Which parent has it right, and which parent doesn't (from the child's point of view) know what I mean?

Perhaps. I do not think I could have married an extremely rigorous Christian, not because I can't respect their views, but that they couldn't respect mine (haven't met a single devout Christian to date that could). If we had children (which I do agree is an important thing to agree on), and my husband wanted to raise them within a religion, I would agree to it. It clearly would mean more to him than me at that point. Like I said, it is about respect more than sharing a mind.

As for politics, I hope to instill enough good sense into any offspring of mine to realize that neither party is completely right or wrong, and that if there was a right answer there wouldn't be politics in the first place.

It's unfortunate that has been your experience with Christians, because I consider myself to be pretty strong in my faith, but I totally understand and respect that not everybody believes what I do. I figure as long as a person is kind, compassionate, not hurting anybody, and treats other people with respect, they're fine by me!

Drop_it_Like_Its_Hawt

I'm surprised how many people think you have to have the same political and religious leanings as your partner. I am borderline atheist, my husband is non-practicing Christian. I am extremely liberal, he is moderately conservative. As long as you respect each other you don't have to share a mind.

Now what we do have in common are interests that allow us to do things together. We both ride motorcycles. We both love to watch and attend sporting events. We play video games together. We both pursing weight lifting goals. We watch some tv shows together.

We also have our separate pursuits as well. I enjoy reading, crafting, and dancing, while he does things like golf, team sports, and mechanical modifications of our cars and bikes. We almost never want to see the same movies, so we alternate choice there. He is an extrovert and I am an introvert, so he gets me to socialize more than I would on my own, and I curb his partying and spending habits. It works for us.

In my opinion, one of the major problems with having drastically different religious and political views comes into play if you decide to have children down the line. Which parent has it right, and which parent doesn't (from the child's point of view) know what I mean?

Perhaps. I do not think I could have married an extremely rigorous Christian, not because I can't respect their views, but that they couldn't respect mine (haven't met a single devout Christian to date that could). If we had children (which I do agree is an important thing to agree on), and my husband wanted to raise them within a religion, I would agree to it. It clearly would mean more to him than me at that point. Like I said, it is about respect more than sharing a mind.

As for politics, I hope to instill enough good sense into any offspring of mine to realize that neither party is completely right or wrong, and that if there was a right answer there wouldn't be politics in the first place.

It's unfortunate that has been your experience with Christians, because I consider myself to be pretty strong in my faith, but I totally understand and respect that not everybody believes what I do. I figure as long as a person is kind, compassionate, not hurting anybody, and treats other people with respect, they're fine by me!

I have many devout Christian friends, but it has been my experience that the mutual respect we have for each others differences can change, when you enter a serious relationship. I knew a guy that was deeply religious in high school, and we were always cool with each other...until we started dating. Within a month, he was asking me to attend his church, convert to his faith, and change my dress to long skirts/long sleeves to conform to what his family would consider "more appropriate" for a woman he would date. I broke up with him at that point. Then there's my parents, an athiest dad and Catholic mother. She was so set on raising us in the family religion that she took us to Catholic school, baptised us and took us to church without him, and I didn't even KNOW how my dad felt about God until my adult years, because she didn't want him turning us against it. This made him angry, and I think greatly led to some of the tension that led to their eventual divorce (although there were a helluva lot of other differences there).

I don't assume, however, that ALL devoutly religious people act that way - it's just often a factor, from what I've seen. And while my husband and I do believe in the same God, we don't always necessarily have the same views on afterlife and other details - but because we mutually respect those differences, we don't try to force the other person to change for us - and honestly tell our kids what each of us feels about it, allowing them to make their own decisions on what to believe.

thelaurameister

I agree with others in the sense that your core beliefs and what you want out of life should be somewhat similar...Like for example, if you are set on having 4 kids and your boyfriend doesn't want any kids at all or if you're a devoted Christian dating an Atheist, it's pretty safe to say that the relationship probably won't work out in the long run.

On the other hand, though, I do think opposites attract. My boyfriend and I have very similar personalities, but generally speaking, our interests differ. He is a World of Warcraft and Magic playing nerd who is kind of a hermit, I'm obsessed with going out and socializing, being on Facebook and knowing what everybody is up to. A "social butterfly", if you will. Being together has made me calm down, and has made him more adventurous. I would poke fun at the table of kids that play Magic and WoW in high school. He made me try it once with the premise of "If you don't like it, that's fine, but you should at least try", come to find out it's actually pretty fun. On the other hand, he is a very shy person (as am I, just not with my friends) who doesn't really like meeting new people. He likes his routine and he sticks with it. I pushed him to at least try going out with me sometime, and while he still doesn't "like" it necessarily, he knows that it's not so bad. He gets social anxiety so going out and doing something is sometimes a big deal for him. I've noticed, over the 2 and a half years we have been together, he become less and less resistant to going out with me when I ask him. To start out, though, we didn't see eye to eye as far as habits go. If it weren't for the honeymoon phase of the relationship (where you're just ga-ga goo-goo over them when you first get together regardless of the circumstances) I wonder if we would have worked out. In the long run, we help each other grow into more well-rounded human beings

DrMAvDPhD

It's unfortunate that has been your experience with Christians, because I consider myself to be pretty strong in my faith, but I totally understand and respect that not everybody believes what I do. I figure as long as a person is kind, compassionate, not hurting anybody, and treats other people with respect, they're fine by me!

Well like someone said already, they are usually fine to be casually friends with, but once you get close to them the pressure starts. I am no longer friends with my best friend from ages 10-18 because when I started to express my atheism instead of just quietly sitting out certain conversations, she began to pressure me to convert and condemn my behaviors.

LifeChangingExp8512

I feel like my SO is my twin...we're too much alike.

That's so weird cuz I feel like my SO is my twin .. WE'RE too much alike as well ... Do I know you?:flowerforyou: :smokin:

hbrittingham

They SHOULD share core values. Other than that, as long as they have fun, it's all good!

I agree with this totally and completely. Matter of fact, that's what save my marriage. We had 22 years invested and had really drifted apart. The fact that we shared so many core values is what pulled us back together (with the help of marriage counseling).

Oh, and he's an extrovert and I'm an introvert. That works really well for us in public situations.

AlotOfSweatAndPain

I feel like my SO is my twin...we're too much alike.

That's so weird cuz I feel like my SO is my twin .. WE'RE too much alike as well ... Do I know you?:flowerforyou: :smokin:

Awww there's my twin!!!:blushing: