Newly divorced...
Replies
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Okay, as you may gather from the title, I'm divorced, waiting on papers to be finalized....I haven't been single in 10 years, aka since I've been an adult. How's the game work these days for a single 26 year old, nursing student with 2 kids?? lol...all advice, tips, pointers and HOT GUYS welcome haha!! And ladies, I know you all have some kinda advice
Take some time for yourself before dating. Your kids need you now more than ever.0 -
You're a jerk.the kids will make dating tough. Nobody really wants someone else's baggage. I was lucky to find a kid free 30 year old when I finally decided to settle down. We both agreed it is tough to find non-divorced and non-parents these days.
or he has different wants than you....0 -
Oh don't get me wrong. I didn't let kids get in the way of me sleeping with their moms. I just wasn't about to stick around and raise a Brady Bunch.
I am sure you can find some guy who will though.
I think what this guy is trying to say is.....it takes a man to take on a WOMAN and her CHILDREN. It takes a skeezy tool to fu*k a MOM with a BRADY BUNCH. I should make sure I don't find someone like him.
End lesson.0 -
well I am going thru the divorce process myself and the advice I have been getting is not to look, that I am not ready for a relationship, which really suck cause it is tough and it is lonely, and I have been going bat@#$% crazy. :P like the other advice that has been stated is get a hobby and sound like you have two little hobbies that make it all worth while, and what I have been told flirt, joke, be yourself but do not go from a bad releationship to a terrible relationship.0
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P.S Good Luck
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You're a jerk.the kids will make dating tough. Nobody really wants someone else's baggage. I was lucky to find a kid free 30 year old when I finally decided to settle down. We both agreed it is tough to find non-divorced and non-parents these days.
It's not tough whatsoever. You will find you may want to date someone with kids too. That person will understand your time constraints and how your kids come first better than anyone else. But I dated people without kids, and if they have a genuine interest in them, or want there own it is totally ok.
Kids are NOT baggage, they are a gift from god. An ex CAN be baggage if you let them. I am with a guy who has kids. I am around his ex, he is around mine. Everyone is cool. It doesn't have to be crazy, people make it that way. We have all moved on, so we can act like adults for our kids.0 -
going through the divorce process also. i have a 9 year old daughter and 14 year old step daughter. have been separated for about 6 months. have recently started seeing someone. you have to make the best decision for you and your kids. if the guy is worth it he will accept your kids as they are. if not his loss not yours. best of luck to you in the future !0
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Oh don't get me wrong. I didn't let kids get in the way of me sleeping with their moms. I just wasn't about to stick around and raise a Brady Bunch.
I am sure you can find some guy who will though.
I think what this guy is trying to say is.....it takes a man to take on a WOMAN and her CHILDREN. It takes a skeezy tool to fu*k a MOM with a BRADY BUNCH. I should make sure I don't find someone like him.
End lesson.
LOLOLOL Love this one girl! See you got what I got from that, except that I agree with you, but most guys truly aren't like that. You just have to make sure that they aren't before you let them get too close to your children. And if he seriously wants to have you sleep with him withing the first week, get away from him!0 -
Live your life the way you want to...the rest will fall into place. Good luck to you.0
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Don't rush into anything. When you've been married, it takes some time to get single again. You do not want to bring any previous "baggage" into something new. \
Even if you have lost something that may not have been good, it is still a loss and you have to deal with that psychologically. Your priority is keeping you and your children cared for and on a good path. Do not sacrifice your goals or your children's well-being for anyone or anything.0 -
Okay, as you may gather from the title, I'm divorced, waiting on papers to be finalized....I haven't been single in 10 years, aka since I've been an adult. How's the game work these days for a single 26 year old, nursing student with 2 kids?? lol...all advice, tips, pointers and HOT GUYS welcome haha!! And ladies, I know you all have some kinda advice
Feels like I wrote this lol. I'm divorced, waiting on papers to be finalized, haven't been single in about 11 years (not all one relationship, but consecutive it seemed) I"m also 26 and I have 2 kids. Unfortunately, my city feels like it's a cesspool for mutant men. It's really disheartening and discouraging. I don't even bother dating. I know that's not helpful at all, lol.....
I really don't know how to date? lol
weird... I am in the same boat. I have no advice, as I am JUST starting my new life.... as a single mom with an almost 12 yr old daughter, and I am about to go to school!0 -
Also, please do not bash the children's father (or father figure) in front of them or even if they are in the same house at the time.
I am a child of two divorced parents who hated each other, and it caused me a lot of stress growing up being always stuck between two families that couldn't get along with each other. The backhanded comments my mom or dad would make about the other in front of me were the worst too. It always made me feel like maybe they felt like that about me, even if they said otherwise.
Be mindful of this.0 -
Read a book or two on how to handle the transition, here's a link to Amazon with search "divorce". With kids involved the transition gets a bit complicated. Wishing you, your family, and your ex happiness, a life fulfilled, and a fresh start.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias=aps&field-keywords=divorce&rh=i:aps,k:divorce0 -
I agree with the people that say take some time before dating again, I have been a subject to many rebound marriages and then divorces affecting my life in oh so wretched ways (both as a child and as the 'new' wife). You need to figure out who you are when you're alone - it's different. Heck my hubby travels 4 of 7 days a week and the life I lead when he's gone is a totalllllyy different one from when he's home. It's a girly house with loud music and just different from when he's home I digress...You need time to settle into your new life.
As for all the baggage comments....I would say that children from prevoius relationships can be both things...a blessing and baggage, at once! Of course I would never tell THEM that. However, I see how my stepsister and I affected a second marriage, how I affected another 2nd marriage and subsequent 3rd marriages. I also see how having a child not of your marriage (my daughter/step/adopted...it's complicated...) anyways I see how that would make for a non-ideal marriage from emotional, logistical as well as financial standpoints. When people say 'baggage' sometimes what they really mean is complicated...for instance if it works out between you guys where will you spend holidays? Will you be stuck never visiting family because the kids aren't allowed to travel on holidays? What about job offers? Can you move? What about if you have more children together, will they be treated differently? Will there be money left for the new children's college (a problem I believe my father may face in a few years with my youngest brothers.)
I'm just saying, If a man is looking to have certain things (a honeymoon period) and traditional family I can see them being turned off by there already being kids in the picture. It's not that he doesn't like kids, or that he doesn't like you! It's a tough situation and to say otherwise is rediculous.
I'm not saying there aren't men out there who are okay with this, but just don't assume that every guy not okay with it is a womanizing *kitten* (ie dude from earlier), they just may have a good idea of how they want their life to play out and the guts to go for it. (as always look out for the womanizing bastsards, many will *pretend* to be all for about the kids to get you into bed)0 -
Don't put us all into your category man. Not all of us take as long as you to figure out life a little.I would hope that you're not "most guys" ....
I would say every guy was at one point in time. Sure I am 100% devoted to my wife and kid now. However that took a lot of growing. 5 years ago I was devoted to myself, my career and my wallet. And as discussed before what I would get from others.0 -
Don't put us all into your category man. Not all of us take as long as you to figure out life a little.I would hope that you're not "most guys" ....
I would say every guy was at one point in time. Sure I am 100% devoted to my wife and kid now. However that took a lot of growing. 5 years ago I was devoted to myself, my career and my wallet. And as discussed before what I would get from others.
You tell it...lol. Don't worry, I won't let a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch 0 -
I've been there and done that twice. Here's my advice, no matter what you think or how you feel now, you need time alone. Lots of time alone; Like a couple years at least. What I learned from my first one is that the kids get set on the shelf when the parents immediately go out and hook up. New relationships require hard work, time and dedication. So do children. Speaking for myself, I can't do both. I don't have the money, time, or resources. So, while sometimes it sucks, I've made a decision this time to simply focus on raising my kids. Once they are older, like in college, I'll turn my attention to finding someone to hang out with. However, I am open to something happening, like if I meet 'the one', I'm going to listen to that and pursue it. But, until then, I'm not looking or trying at all...not interested. I do need a fling here and there, so that happens.
It's hard because there are times when I'd like a companion. But, overall, I feel like I'm doing the right thing.0 -
The number one rule for newly single mothers. You are still a woman and be one on the first date. The guy Isnt looking for a mother so turn the mom switch off. It's not that your kids aren't important and any decent guy understands the kids are your first priority. But he is dating you, not them. Now if it becomes serious, he is then pretty much dating the whole family. But before then, its you and him0
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I was pretty much where you are now, but it was 22 years ago. I was 23, newly divorce and had a toddler. Then I met my (now) husband. I told him from the beginning that my son and I were a package deal. He had no problem with that (he was 30). Matter of fact, he ended up being more of a father to my son than my ex-husband was.
There are plenty of good guys out there. Good luck!0 -
Okay, as you may gather from the title, I'm divorced, waiting on papers to be finalized....I haven't been single in 10 years, aka since I've been an adult. How's the game work these days for a single 26 year old, nursing student with 2 kids?? lol...all advice, tips, pointers and HOT GUYS welcome haha!! And ladies, I know you all have some kinda advice
Yes! Fresh meat :laugh:0 -
Okay, as you may gather from the title, I'm divorced, waiting on papers to be finalized....I haven't been single in 10 years, aka since I've been an adult. How's the game work these days for a single 26 year old, nursing student with 2 kids?? lol...all advice, tips, pointers and HOT GUYS welcome haha!! And ladies, I know you all have some kinda advice
Its weird honestly. I was married for 9 years and was with her since I was a teenager. Needless to say it was a big change. After the shock, it was a lot of soul searching. Dating involves a lot of games unfortunately. It can be fun, but really frustrating.
And yes, you're hot so you'll have no problems with a good selection of guys. 0 -
Okay, as you may gather from the title, I'm divorced, waiting on papers to be finalized....I haven't been single in 10 years, aka since I've been an adult. How's the game work these days for a single 26 year old, nursing student with 2 kids?? lol...all advice, tips, pointers and HOT GUYS welcome haha!! And ladies, I know you all have some kinda advice
Its weird honestly. I was married for 9 years and was with her since I was a teenager. Needless to say it was a big change. After the shock, it was a lot of soul searching. Dating involves a lot of games unfortunately. It can be fun, but really frustrating.
And yes, you're hot so you'll have no problems with a good selection of guys.
Well thanks for the compliment, but I live in a small town. So there's a bad selection haha...maybe when I move to finish college, I'll find a new batch to work with! For now, it's me and the girls coming first. And a little harmless flirting/oogling mens pics of six packs on MFP is good for a girl0 -
Tough situation, but I'm sure you'll be OK.
Just be aware that some single guys will be OK with dating a mother of two.. and others won't.
Some guys will also just use single mothers because they know (deep down) that they aren't interested in the kids, they'll just express interest for the sole reason of hopping into bed with you, because you are attractive.
Beware of those guys.0 -
You know, it should always be "you and the girls" first.
Don't worry about going begging for a man in your life. Wait till you find one worth letting it.
Beautiful girls you have there too by the way.0 -
All that I can say to you is to be patient & don't rush into dating. When you are ready, you will find the right guy. I still consider myself recently divorced (was officially divorced in 2010 after 13 yrs of being married). I have 2 wonderful kids who I'm enjoying the time with them. Soon enough, my baby girl (she 10) will be a teenager & want nothing to do with me.
Thats when I'll start dating again. Granted, I'm 42 so I may have a different outlook than some. For now, I'm happy being a single Dad. If I meet someone in the next year or 2...great. If I don't...great..it just meant mre time with my kids.0 -
Find love on MFP.0
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I got divorced after 20 years of marriage, not by choice. Takes some getting used to but it is one less person to cook and clean for.
You will be fine and dating will come naturally when you are ready.0 -
Oh don't get me wrong. I didn't let kids get in the way of me sleeping with their moms. I just wasn't about to stick around and raise a Brady Bunch.
I am sure you can find some guy who will though.
Not doing the males of the species proud here man.
And, kids aren't baggage.
I can't see how you all can come down on this guy. He's being honest. He's not saying ALL guys are like this and he's not saying HE'S like this now. It's just how he was THEN. I can tell you, my hubby was definately a wild child prior to us hooking up. He had no shortage of girlfriends or "female companionship", he had no desire for kids, etc. But once we hooked up, he has completely changed. That was 12 years ago. Next week we'll be married 10 years and have 2 kids. There's nothing wrong with a bit of brutal honesty when one is talking about oneself.0 -
Yes, be a woman/be yourself on dates, but never forget that you and the kids are a package deal. When I was divorced, I dated a man who was totally into me, but really wary of getting serious with me because he wasn't fond of kids. There was a bit of on-again-off-again between us for a while, but he kept coming back because he knew I was awesome. As he got to know the kids, he realized that they're awesome, too, and now it's 8 years later, we're married, and he adores the kids, worries over them, and spoils them as if they were always his from the beginning.
You'll know the good ones when you find them...just be careful of caving into the bad ones with HOPES that maaaybe they're actually good after all. :flowerforyou:0 -
You know, it should always be "you and the girls" first.
Don't worry about going begging for a man in your life. Wait till you find one worth letting it.
Beautiful girls you have there too by the way.
They take after momma lol 0
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