Be called fat and can't stop crying :'(

bazfitness

I have mixed feelings about this. I can relate because I went through depression in my teens over what I can see in hindsight were silly issues. You are not fat whatsoever, let's make that clear! You do have self esteem issues, that can be changed and tbh one way of doing that is not to focus on yourself, we are all imperfect in one way or another, it's time to stop running away crying NOW - just let these comments insults go over your head, they have a lot more to do with the person making the comment than anything to do with ourselves!

On a serious note - your self esteem issues although they seem grave to you are really nothing - be thankful you have your health - there are people with real serious problems like cancer and other terminal issues, picture this what if you were told you might have some serious illness, only for a day or 2 later that no you don't you're in the clear, think of the relief that that situation would bring and now be STRONG and start making your own path in life and not be dictated by the whimsical comments of others!

LilEmm

I have mixed feelings about this. I can relate because I went through depression in my teens over what I can see in hindsight were silly issues. You are not fat whatsoever, let's make that clear! You do have self esteem issues, that can be changed and tbh one way of doing that is not to focus on yourself, we are all imperfect in one way or another, it's time to stop running away crying NOW - just let these comments insults go over your head, they have a lot more to do with the person making the comment than anything to do with ourselves!

On a serious note - your self esteem issues although they seem grave to you are really nothing - be thankful you have your health - there are people with real serious problems like cancer and other terminal issues, picture this what if you were told you might have some serious illness, only for a day or 2 later that no you don't you're in the clear, think of the relief that that situation would bring and now be STRONG and start making your own path in life and not be dictated by the whimsical comments of others!

YES!

Tickateeboo

So what did he actually say? Did he actually use the word 'fat'? Or is this your own interpretation of the situation.

Tell us his exact words...

BeautyFromPain

please can i get you to do something for me?
these videos absolutely changed my outlook on how i viewed myself.. please watch them!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdWdi8Hl2Tc&list=LLm5ciS1k3VvsLeoPX8Uf08g&feature=mh_lolz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ta6VKMWG9IU&feature=BFa&list=LLm5ciS1k3VvsLeoPX8Uf08g

yoyogirl68

Listen sweetheart, the trainer that said that to you today first of all was an *kitten*, second of all was probably only trying to get you to doubt yourself so you'd be interested in a private workout session with him/her. I'd love to be at your size 112 that would be my ideal weight. I want you to remember something life is going to be filled with nasty people who will most definitely knock you on your *kitten*. DO NOT LET THOSE PEOPLE DEFINE YOU. You had a good cry, now wipe your eyes and move forward.

Ditto. What an *kitten*. Find a new gym.

amycruse23

Thats rediculous, how can you be fat ??? i'd love to be your size!!!

http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/Healthyweightcalculator.aspx

This webite proves it!!

Dudagarcia

Listen sweetheart, the trainer that said that to you today first of all was an *kitten*, second of all was probably only trying to get you to doubt yourself so you'd be interested in a private workout session with him/her. I'd love to be at your size 112 that would be my ideal weight. I want you to remember something life is going to be filled with nasty people who will most definitely knock you on your *kitten*. DO NOT LET THOSE PEOPLE DEFINE YOU. You had a good cry, now wipe your eyes and move forward.

^^^ I agree

JesterMFP

Nobody is perfect, literally nobody. If you're constantly chasing perfection, you'll always be disappointed. You're an attractive woman, and at your height, you're a healthy weight (towards the low end of that range). You can't control what other people might say to you, and unfortunately there are plenty of a***holes out there with the potential to try and make you feel bad. All you can control is your reaction to them. Why give them the satisfaction of getting upset? You're not fat. That's fact, and somebody calling you fat doesn't make it so.

Did the trainer actually say the words "your stomach is still so fat"? If so, then he's an idiot. Obviously, he has a lot to learn about his job. Get a new trainer. You say people around you won't stop calling you fat. I would say, either you're surrounding yourself with the wrong people, and need to find more supportive friends, or maybe your self-esteem is so bad that your perception is kind of geared towards hearing the worst. People can be insensitive and clumsy with their words, it doesn't necessarily mean they're trying to put you down or that they think you're fat or unattractive. When you stop listening out for the criticism, you might stop hearing it so much.

If your self-esteem and self-worth is so dependent on being "perfect", or other people accepting you, then there is nothing that you can do to your body that's going to change that. You need to change it from within. You've been underweight, and you've been a bit bigger (130 lbs is still a healthy weight for 5'3"). So, there's been no magic number on the scale that has solved all your problems, has there? Honestly, I would stop trying to lose weight, focus on fitness if that makes you feel good, but try to work on your self-worth and confidence from the inside out.

hazelovesfood

Take no notice, some people are obssessed with being stick thin and not a ounce of fat on them, its people like that , that make us normal people develop probelms with food, always trying to be something we are not, screw him i say.

dlegros

Nobody is perfect, literally nobody. If you're constantly chasing perfection, you'll always be disappointed. You're an attractive woman, and at your height, you're a healthy weight (towards the low end of that range). You can't control what other people might say to you, and unfortunately there are plenty of a***holes out there with the potential to try and make you feel bad. All you can control is your reaction to them. Why give them the satisfaction of getting upset? You're not fat. That's fact, and somebody calling you fat doesn't make it so.

I was beaten to it here...

You can never be perfect, I can never be perfect - in fact, what the heck IS perfect?

One person's ideal is completely different to the next.

All you can be is honest with yourself and be the best you that you can be.

We all have days when we look in the mirror and feel a wide range of emotions - I have certainly felt shame, disgust, self-loathing and all-sorts, but taking control of your life and your body helps with that.

I would add to the growing voice that you should speak to the gym manager about the trainer, that was way out of order.

Don't listen to the voices of doubters and people that want to fill you with negativity - just come on here instead.

Don't :sad: be :laugh:

katie070563

What an insensitive and unprofessional trainer you have....ditch him/her!!! You have done amazingly well so far, especially in light of having eating disorder, so give yourself a huge pat on the back!!

Keep positive, believe in yourself, and remember there is really no such thing as perfection!

rachgarm

Your biggest struggle will be the one inside yourself. You have to learn to love YOU not the size you are.

My aunt was a little overweight, not obese just "chunky" as everyone called her. They teased her constantly just because it got her so riled up. She became anorexic, refusing to eat anything. This went on for years, and her body image kept her from ever living a normal life.

The anorexia killed her. No dramatics there, she is no longer living because of how she felt about herself. No heart attack, no stroke, no bus, just hated herself right into the ground. The day she died she was 6'2" and 65 lbs. and that very morning she was seen looking in the mirror trying to pinch her stomach fat and hating how she looked. She STILL saw herself as big, no matter how small she got because it was stuck in her head that she would never be perfect.

Don't let others do this to you, you are beautiful, you are capable, and you are alive.

lizchristine

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle. You are totally at a healthy weight and like the other posters said, toward the low end of the healthy range. I'm wondering if meeting with a therapist to work on your self-esteem might be helpful? Therapy can be a great place for learning about yourself and becoming the person you want to be. Just a suggestion based on my own personal experience.

Gizziemoto

First off you are not fat and agree the trainer is an *kitten*!!! You are beautiful inside and out! Secondly, I applaud your wanting to become healthy and overcome your eating disorder.

Stay strong and embrace yourself for who you are, where you are going, and getting healthy! Tell all those others to kiss off!!!

Soloflyergirl2

Dearie..... I'm much older.... and will share this advice. Love yourself...... Love yourself... like you would love a baby...... Now..... if you are 112 pounds... you are not fat ........ end of discussion... I wish you could have the confidence at 20 that I have acquired .. now 62. Tell that trainer guy... to step off..... You should hold your head high... look as beautiful as you are.... and don't pay attention to anyone who calls you fat when you are not.. You have other fish to fry.... Maintain your beauty... in a healthy way.... set some other goals.... like a career move..... or fundraising, helping others.... and let the world be your oyster...... Don't be afraid to have friends in ALL age groups.... because life experiences will vary and can help you. One thing about bullies..... they love to see you cry.......Laugh at the bully and the bully cries....... :flowerforyou:

tigerpenguin

Sounds like you need to move.

Aquarian

It is horrible to think that at 112 lbs, 5'3", you would be called "fat." But honestly, if they see that as fat, their perception has serious issues! Don't you cry over a trainer who doesn't have enough intelligence to warrant your tears over anything he says... Go over and complain to the gym manager, and if it doesn't bring about an apology from the trainer, change your gym.

As for multiple people calling you fat - how about telling them you are at a healthy weight? Don't accept what people tell you. Respond to them, and accept only what you know to be true. Wipe your tears, dress up and feel pretty!

nellyett

What an *kitten*!! Use this person's insensitivity to STRENGTHEN you...not weaken you!!

Instead of focusing on the negative, feelings of inadequacy, and trying to please everyone else, shift your self-talk and attitude to
POWER! STRENGTH! FITNESS!

Eat healthy to fuel your body, lift heavy and build those muscles, strength train and some cardio....try some different classes for agility, flexibility, health and power! YOU are the master of YOUR house and NOBODY can take that away from you!!

There will always be people who are jealous of others' successes, mostly because they wish they can do the same for themselves, but that is THEIR problem, not yours! If they really wanted it, they'd go out and GET IT! Just like YOU ARE!!

Keep going and do what works for YOU and nobody else! NO ONE can ever take this away from you!!

debdelilah

The gym guy was utterly insensitive, but maybe he doesnt know your story and was trying to help.

But if she's 112 lbs at 5'3, she's at the lower end of the heathly weight scale...at 5'3, she would have to weigh over 140 lbs before she would be overweight by a doctor's judgement. She was a healthy weight even at 130. So for a trainer - who should have gone through extensive training to get the certification for that job - to tell someone who ISN'T overweight, and could gain 25 lbs and STILL not be overweight that she is fat is unheard of.

But given the history of anorexia and the weight-focus that goes with it, is it possible that he was either 1) being facetious in response to something she said, like her expressing a concern about being overweight, and him seeing that she obviously isn't, saying the opposite of what he means - a sarcastic comment, in otherwords or 2) said something else, and with the background noise of running on the treadmill and other people in the gym, she misinterpreted it to reflect the anxiety already on her mind.

fishgutzy

That trainer should be fired and have his/her certification revoked. Trainers are supposed to help and inspire.
My trainer looks like a shorter version Michael Clark Duncan. Never once has he been anything but helpful and motivating.