TEENAGERS
Replies
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Im so there with my teenager as well. He is 14 and his most recent complaint is "Why can't I say cuss words" and I tell him, when you are 18 and move out you can do whatever the heck you want. This was after I busted him for using the *F* word on facebook, in private messages of course.
We have tried taking away every privledge known to man but nothing seems to phase him.
Sometimes I really feel at a loss as to what Im doing with that child.
I also have an almost 12 year old diva drama queen in training. Oy Vey!!!
Can someone hand me the vodka and valium??? :drinker:0 -
Strip him of all technology and fun (games, phone, computer) and take his door off the hinges... Oh man, my daughter is gonna hate me
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OH. MY. GOODNESS. believe me, it's no better with girls... except include makeup smears, glitter, nail polish spills, & massive amounts of laundry to the mess... & trust me, mine has been disciplined- some things never get through their heads! temporarily, maybe but they sloooowly revert back to some things.
HANG IN THERE. that's all we can do!
YEP! My youngest daughter and I live in a house with only ONE bathroom and no counter space! Talk about messy!
I can only tell you you'll live. Mine know to clean up after themselves, yet don't. I lecture each and every day how I don't like cleaning up after her and I still do most every day. Today on the other hand wasn't so bad.... I bribed her to clean the kitchen for me 0 -
Ohhhh I totally need to do this
) 0 -
All I can say is good luck. Nothing I did made a dent in emo boy's attitude for two years. Then he became Mr. I'm A Man and it was all downhill until he graduated. He's now out of the house on his own and realizing it ain't all sunshine and rainbows, lol. Mama loves her boy, but damn kid worked a nerve for years.0
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I have 5 children 14-4 years.I am going crazy.. He is almost 15 and everywhere he walks leaves a mess behind him... I have ALWAYS gotten on his case and gave him chores and payed allowance and made him clean up so it is not something new but it is driving me nuts and I am under enough stress... What can I do to make him at least clean up after himself.....
I know when they are younger, it's all about constant reminders and eventually they get mature enough that they do those expected things on their own.
At age 15, he should definitely be there already, so I can see why you are frustrated.
If it were me.....
this is what I would do.
First of all, our family's operative definition of Responsibility=knowing and doing what is expected of you.
Get clear with him on what are those responsibilities.
How is he spending his time?
What is his attitude?
An excellent attitude must accompany him. The atmosphere of your home is very important.
Work with him on the basics of a schedule that allows him to get things done, while having time for fun things.
It's all about time management, and you may need to review that skill with him
Let him know it is for his success and happiness, and is a requirement in your home.
Cut out any privileges until he has demonstrated himself reliably.
A side note, it may be that he is the type of personality that functions very well even with everything a physical mess.....like he has the ability to organize things mentally and is not thrown off when there's chaos.
Let him know that you really need him to help you keep things neat and tidy so that you don't feel frustrated/overwhelmed or whatever emotion:)0 -
Im so there with my teenager as well. He is 14 and his most recent complaint is "Why can't I say cuss words" and I tell him, when you are 18 and move out you can do whatever the heck you want. This was after I busted him for using the *F* word on facebook, in private messages of course.
We have tried taking away every privledge known to man but nothing seems to phase him.
Sometimes I really feel at a loss as to what Im doing with that child.
I also have an almost 12 year old diva drama queen in training. Oy Vey!!!
Can someone hand me the vodka and valium??? :drinker:
my daughter is 12 as well and the same ... what the heck.. she lives with their dad though and I have our son.. we were blessed with two HUGE hand fulls for kids... LOL0 -
I completely agree with everyone on here, you just have to find what works for you and your son. I have a 17 year old son who seems to think I was put on this earth to pick up after him. I simply ask him to come back into the kitchen/living room which ever room his stuff is laying around in, ask him to get put his stuff up. I check back after a while and if it isnt done to my satisfaction, I call him back to the same room and ask him what he forgot to do...I don't point out what he forgot, I wait him out until he figures it out. I like to think I am helping him think things through or learn problem solving skills. At first it seemed to take forever for him to figure it out! But he is gradually getting there. I have noticed that he is picking up after himself a lot better!0
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Oh I am sure it could... but still I am a clean freak and messes stress me out beyond belief...
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How did you cope when he was a toddler?
I've got a 28 month old who does NOTHING but make a mess that I constantly clean up & I'm a clean freak too so yeah, stresses me out but that's all part of having kids that I just have to deal with :frown:
Ship him off to the navy or something :laugh:0 -
Do you have a gas powered leaf blower? If you do, bring it in the house, start it up and blow all of his mess into his room or out the door to the street.
That might at least get his attention.0 -
Im so there with my teenager as well. He is 14 and his most recent complaint is "Why can't I say cuss words" and I tell him, when you are 18 and move out you can do whatever the heck you want. This was after I busted him for using the *F* word on facebook, in private messages of course.
We have tried taking away every privledge known to man but nothing seems to phase him.
Sometimes I really feel at a loss as to what Im doing with that child.
I also have an almost 12 year old diva drama queen in training. Oy Vey!!!
Can someone hand me the vodka and valium??? :drinker:
my daughter is 12 as well and the same ... what the heck.. she lives with their dad though and I have our son.. we were blessed with two HUGE hand fulls for kids... LOL
It's funny, when I was 22 and had an emergency c-section/hysterectomy I couldn't understand why God planned this for me, I wanted at least 4 kids. Now I know exactly why he planned it for me, it was so I wouldn't end up in a padded room. :huh:0 -
make a sheet of what chore he has to do example clean his room. and put tabs on it (like when they have those rip off numbers)
say cleaning his room for a week ears him $10 thn have 10 tabs. hang it in his room or wherever you post up his chores. then DONT SAY ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!
everytime he doesn't clean his room, rip off a tab. so if three times he doesnt clean his room, then that's $3 he lost in allowance. it motivates him because he wants his money and if he doesnt then you have extra money in your pocket at the end of the week
NOTE: cleaning the room and the $10 was an example. the chores are whatever you decide and the amout of money is what you decide0 -
Oh I am sure it could... but still I am a clean freak and messes stress me out beyond belief...
How did you cope when he was a toddler?
I've got a 28 month old who does NOTHING but make a mess that I constantly clean up & I'm a clean freak too so yeah, stresses me out but that's all part of having kids that I just have to deal with :frown:
Ship him off to the navy or something :laugh:
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hahahah I was a stay at home mom and tried VERY hard to play clean up games with stupid songs that NEVER got into his brain.. SO I cleaned up most of it with his help but man what stress0 -
Do you have a gas powered leaf blower? If you do, bring it in the house, start it up and blow all of his mess into his room or out the door to the street.
That might at least get his attention.
bahahahah great idea!! nope wish I did though0 -
Im so there with my teenager as well. He is 14 and his most recent complaint is "Why can't I say cuss words" and I tell him, when you are 18 and move out you can do whatever the heck you want. This was after I busted him for using the *F* word on facebook, in private messages of course.
We have tried taking away every privledge known to man but nothing seems to phase him.
Sometimes I really feel at a loss as to what Im doing with that child.
I also have an almost 12 year old diva drama queen in training. Oy Vey!!!
Can someone hand me the vodka and valium??? :drinker:
my daughter is 12 as well and the same ... what the heck.. she lives with their dad though and I have our son.. we were blessed with two HUGE hand fulls for kids... LOL
It's funny, when I was 22 and had an emergency c-section/hysterectomy I couldn't understand why God planned this for me, I wanted at least 4 kids. Now I know exactly why he planned it for me, it was so I wouldn't end up in a padded room. :huh:
YEP!!!!! I love them both with all of my heart but they are such a handful ...0 -
I don't change passwords daily but they have to come to me to put in the password daily.0
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My stance:
If you make me clean up your mess (if its HIS stuff) it'll go in the trash bag.
If it's MY stuff he is leaving in a mess, he loses permission to use it. Dishes, cups, don't care.
If it's his clothing. Trash bag it.
I started mine young (7) so they got it early that mom didn't appreciate cleaning their messes.
Consistency is the point. Since yours is so much older you could go on a limb and approach them like
you would someone else's nearly adult child. A bit of respect, make it a request instead of an order,
and follow up with "I may be asking, but it is an expectation and I would be very appreciative."
Or just trash bag it all.0 -
Yeah but if you don't show him who's the boss then he won't probably do what you ask him to do. Don't let your child own you. You're the parent, he should obey your rules. It's like "you live under my roof, so you live by my rules or get out."
That's the perfect recipe to alienate a teenager from his/her parents. Authoritarian parenting serves no purpose other than increase resentment in the kid and make him/her want to act out more.
As if mollycoddling and indulging their every whim has worked so well..........parents need to re-learn what being a parent means ....setting limits, saying no at times and helping them mature (which includes learning the idea that actions have consequences). I despair for the current rudderless generation :huh: :huh:0 -
You could rent or borrow one.
Note that this actually has been done and does work.
They will think you are crazy, ,but this is a good thing.0 -
People are subconsciously marking their territory by leaving items behind. So the question is, how do you deal with a territorial animal? Well, you could: 1) get your teenager fixed, 2) show dominance to the teenager, or 3) punish the behavior.
I don't think social workers like no. 1.
For no. 2, you could go in his room to fart, or maybe have sex on his bed while he's not around. Start using his toothbrush or comb. Let him know that everything in the house belongs to you.
For no. 3, well you could try shoving his nose in the mess he leaves behind. Not sure what child protection thinks about this. Hmmm....0 -
Don't send him to his room, really punish him and make him go to your room!!0
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I have locked my kids out of their fb accounts (they can't check it at school)
taken away their cell phones
No TV /video
and they get crap dinner if they *really* piss me off.
crying helps, too. really.
Over the summer it got to a point where they got their own food, and they had to prep it and eat it alone. It was nice to have quiet dinners.
If you give them an inch. stop giving them inches and follow through on every punishment they dole out.
Also, if he has a tv/computer/game system in his bedroom, he won't care if you ground him, there is no incentive to come out of his room.
**Also, if you're going through a rough relationship problem, chances are, he's suffering from it also.0 -
I agree with you 100 percent. It gets on my nerves when my children leave a mess and I throw a fit every now and then, but its not that important. It's one of those small things in life that is not worth sweating about.0
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I am 18 and a senior in high school living under my parents roof. I have not ever in my life gotten any sort of allowance and never expect to get allowance, but I am expected to do chores. Maybe you should take away his allowance to show him that you don't have to pay him for cleaning up after himself. I have no idea how other teens think they can get away with talking to their parents any kind of way or treating their house like it's a pig pen. My parents would kill me! lol Maybe you should stop cleaning up after him too. He only does certain things because he knows he can get away with it.
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I am 18 and a senior in high school living under my parents roof. I have not ever in my life gotten any sort of allowance and never expect to get allowance, but I am expected to do chores. Maybe you should take away his allowance to show him that you don't have to pay him for cleaning up after himself. I have no idea how other teens think they can get away with talking to their parents any kind of way or treating their house like it's a pig pen. My parents would kill me! lol Maybe you should stop cleaning up after him too. He only does certain things because he knows he can get away with it.
Ya we never did growing up (allowance) so I wanted to give it to my kids.. Lots of work raising kids haha0 -
Ya we never did growing up (allowance) so I wanted to give it to my kids.. Lots of work raising kids haha
It seems how it goes-- we always do things differently thann our parents-- they did it different than their parents, and so on... and it's always hard. I guess there is no right way, it is just way too many choices and opinions and a never ennding balancing act...::sigh:::
Hope it works out for you.0 -
I like that idea. Also, When I was a little kid, my mom would give me a few chances to clean my room, then she'd do it for me. That happened ONCE -- because her way involved everything going into garbage bags and me never seeing it again. It worked...but I wasn't a teenage boy, so who knows?Take the game system controllers into your room each night. He cannot earn them back until he has completed chores and homework for the day and you have inspected it.
My mom did the garbage bag clean up too when I wouldn't clean my room even when I was a teenager. I learned my lesson quick after that.0 -
Indeed!Yeah but if you don't show him who's the boss then he won't probably do what you ask him to do. Don't let your child own you. You're the parent, he should obey your rules. It's like "you live under my roof, so you live by my rules or get out."
That's the perfect recipe to alienate a teenager from his/her parents. Authoritarian parenting serves no purpose other than increase resentment in the kid and make him/her want to act out more.
As if mollycoddling and indulging their every whim has worked so well..........parents need to re-learn what being a parent means ....setting limits, saying no at times and helping them mature (which includes learning the idea that actions have consequences). I despair for the current rudderless generation :huh: :huh:
True.
They need, love, guidance wisdom, boundaries, and a steady education on good character!0 -
cry?
LOL That's what I usually do ... just kidding, my teen is 17 so geez do I know what you are going thru. and it's not just the mess but the smell! GAWD the SMELLL!!!!! :sick:
My friend suggested making a chore chart and each chore has a cash value. the 1st one to do the chore ( you included) gets the cash for it. if he wants allowance, then he'd better get to it before you do.:laugh: if he doesn't get to it before you, then you take the cash he would have earned and flaunt it as u buy yourself little rewards with "his" money... btw this SEEMS to be working so far for us... Knocks on wood
wishing you all the best!!!0 -
I am going crazy.. He is almost 15 and everywhere he walks leaves a mess behind him... I have ALWAYS gotten on his case and gave him chores and payed allowance and made him clean up so it is not something new but it is driving me nuts and I am under enough stress... What can I do to make him at least clean up after himself.....
Give him a smack on the head when he doesn't clean up his mess.
ya right . even if I was the type to do that he is bigger than me and knows it to.
even if he's bigger,youe the momma! you make the rules! ha,my brother, he's that age and TEXAS FOOTBALL PLAYER HUGE! and he know's better than to pop off or not to be told to do somethin more than twice too,momma cause momma dont care how big/old he is.lol.0
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