Men/women I need your honest opinions please...

I'm talking and going out on dates with an ex of mine again...
We've had the relationship where we have been off and on... but strangely enough when we were "off" he was the only guy I thought about it and I found/find it very hard to get past him. I don't know what it is. I guess I cared for him more than I thought.

There were issues and I often thought we were not compatible.
There were times when I was in tears because of things between him and I ... truthfully when I look back I think why the hell am I talking to him.

So, like I said we are communicating again and things have been generally nice. When I'm around him it feels natural...
But I can't help but think back on the things that bothered me and the issues we had.

He seems different... like he cares a great deal more.
How do I know he's genuine? How do I know I'm not just someone who he thinks will always be there :brokenheart:
What do I do?
am I just desperate and lonely or could this ex of mine possibly be meant for me :S

Men please help me out
and women who have been in my shoes. I know exes don't usually work out... but maybe there is an exception? :indifferent:
I sound stupid.

Just some honest opinions please
«1

Replies

  • katamus
    katamus Posts: 2,363 Member
    I did this for like three years with my ex. I couldn't get past... His baby with another chick (that he impregnated while we were together). Oh, and all the other girls he did god knows what with during the same time period. Aside from that, he was just in general a selfish jerk who was a FANTASTIC smooth talker (among other things that wouldn't contribute to his personality, but definitely contributed to my desire to be with him).

    Only you can decide. I feel that an ex is an ex for a reason.. Wish I wouldn't have wasted SO much freaking time on the dude. If you're questioning it.. Well.. You probably should just run. Fast. Or maybe stick it out and take the chance. I don't know. Maybe he could be an exception, or maybe he's just a ticking time bomb.

    You didn't give a whole lot of detail.. There's issues that are extreme and there's issues that are petty. You have to figure out if those issues are going to resurface and if they do, what you're going to do about it.
  • PittShkr
    PittShkr Posts: 1,000 Member
    holeinabox.jpg
  • Vincentsz
    Vincentsz Posts: 407 Member
    He became an EX for a reason! old dogs new trick, not happening in the long run!
  • ravenchick
    ravenchick Posts: 345 Member
    You will never know for sure. You have to decide if he's worth taking the chance on. If you can forget the past and it feels right, go for it. If you can't, then move on.
  • zachatta
    zachatta Posts: 1,340 Member
    No.

    If he is an ex, he is done.

    You are probably missing the companionship more than the person.

    Need to go out and spend time with other guys, you will find one

    who will make you forget about your ex.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    You're only going to know if he's being genuine if you start down that path with him and find out that he's not. However, if you're going to attempt a relationship with him again, you'll need to let go of the past completely. And if you can't get over the past, it would probably be a good idea to not even try.
  • OBXbound4me
    OBXbound4me Posts: 245 Member
    It's called a break up cause it's broken...
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,294 Member
    <---- Just add bacon, as the shirt says bacon makes it better.
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
    Just break up.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    Just break up.
    YAAAAAAAAAY!!! now my day is complete.....\m/
  • DavidBenge
    DavidBenge Posts: 6 Member
    Just move on ..
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
    Yeah, been there...usually they don't change, they just like the chase. But so many of us women like the bad boy, like to think we'll be the one that will tame them. But once a *kitten*, always a *kitten*. Life it too short to make the same mistakes...go find a new *kitten* to make a mistake with...at least it gives you a fighting chance to get a different result.

    The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,689 Member
    If you've already had an on-again-off-again relationship, and this is a third or fourth try, that should probably tell you something. Also, time matters here--if you've been apart 2 months and he says he's changed (or seems to have changed) he probably hasn't, if it's been years, and there have been other major changes in his life, then it is *possible* he has changed.
  • PilotX
    PilotX Posts: 233 Member
    I'm talking and going out on dates with an ex of mine again...
    We've had the relationship where we have been off and on... but strangely enough when we were "off" he was the only guy I thought about it and I found/find it very hard to get past him. I don't know what it is. I guess I cared for him more than I thought.

    There were issues and I often thought we were not compatible.
    There were times when I was in tears because of things between him and I ... truthfully when I look back I think why the hell am I talking to him.

    So, like I said we are communicating again and things have been generally nice. When I'm around him it feels natural...
    But I can't help but think back on the things that bothered me and the issues we had.

    He seems different... like he cares a great deal more.
    How do I know he's genuine? How do I know I'm not just someone who he thinks will always be there :brokenheart:
    What do I do?
    am I just desperate and lonely or could this ex of mine possibly be meant for me :S

    Men please help me out
    and women who have been in my shoes. I know exes don't usually work out... but maybe there is an exception? :indifferent:
    I sound stupid.

    Just some honest opinions please



    move on start fresh with someone else no need to live in the past
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,689 Member
    The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

    Let me introduce you to a little thing called a stochastic process, life is full of them.
  • PeachyKeene
    PeachyKeene Posts: 1,645 Member
    You should only listen to your heart. But, if you do decided to give him another chance, you need to forgive him for the things in the past. It will never work if you don't.
  • LMP18
    LMP18 Posts: 81 Member
    Move forward. NEVER go back...there is a reason he is an ex - and you need to remember EVERY single reason he gave you to be done with him. He hasnt changed - he is just nice now but remember you saw his true self and that is who he is. RUN AWAY and do it quickly. You are sticking around because it is comfortable - but ask yourself if you deserve someone like him. The answer is NO - no woman deserves a man like that...the unfortunate thing is you are probably looking for someone to validate the fact that you are going to date him again. Once a douche always a douche...
  • CoachSamB
    CoachSamB Posts: 40 Member
    You're only going to know if he's being genuine if you start down that path with him and find out that he's not. However, if you're going to attempt a relationship with him again, you'll need to let go of the past completely. And if you can't get over the past, it would probably be a good idea to not even try.

    VERY good advice. VERY good.
  • Dustinryan24
    Dustinryan24 Posts: 233 Member
    just end it.
    youre thinking about the GOOD times only.. remember why he is an ex..
  • eyestylemom
    eyestylemom Posts: 107 Member
    Sometimes people do change. I married a man...divorced him 7 years later and a year after that remarried him. We just celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary. You didn't list many details, so its really up to you to decide if its worth your time to see if its good or not. No one will know but you. Good luck.
  • PeachyKeene
    PeachyKeene Posts: 1,645 Member

    The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

    Do you own a copy of Supreme 90 day?
  • bugtrain
    bugtrain Posts: 251 Member
    Good relationships aren't hard to be in
  • Louisianababy93
    Louisianababy93 Posts: 1,709 Member
    Been in this situation!
    Girl, don't do it, it's not worth it!!
    It may seems like he's changed,for a little while.
    Then bam, your in the same boat again crying and not knowing what to do!
  • melsmith612
    melsmith612 Posts: 727 Member
    History tends to repeat itself when we don't learn from it.

    Find someone new and start over. Exes are exes for a reason.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
    You're only going to know if he's being genuine if you start down that path with him and find out that he's not. However, if you're going to attempt a relationship with him again, you'll need to let go of the past completely. And if you can't get over the past, it would probably be a good idea to not even try.

    THIS.

    Although, I feel your icon is quite appropriate...take a deep breath and let go. There is a reason he is your ex several times over.
  • carriem73
    carriem73 Posts: 333 Member
    I did this fo YEARS with an ex.

    After 10 years of on again, off again, I realized that I wasn't giving anyone else a real chance- I was comparing every new relationship to the one I had with Mr, X... Then one day it suddenly hit me- I realized no one would ever live u-p to Mr. X ... of course new guy didn't know me as well asMr. xx, I'd only been on 3 dates with him, of course new guy doesn't automatically know what drinks to order me, or what my favorite moves were... it was totally unfair to compare any new guys to Mr. X, because he had all those years of experience on them-

    Finally, on the day this hit me, as painful as it was (when we weren't dating, we were still very close friends)... one day I sat Mr. X down and told him that I knew I would never be open to a relationship with anyone else as long as he was in my life. That was the last time I ever spoke to him.

    It was hard, it sucked for a log time, but, in the end it was the best decision I ever made. About a year later, I met my future husband- we are about to hit our 3 year wedding anniversay, and I have never even ONCE been sorry I shut the door on my friendship and relationship with Mr. X.
  • NatashaShen
    NatashaShen Posts: 295 Member
    I did this for like three years with my ex. I couldn't get past... His baby with another chick (that he impregnated while we were together). Oh, and all the other girls he did god knows what with during the same time period. Aside from that, he was just in general a selfish jerk who was a FANTASTIC smooth talker (among other things that wouldn't contribute to his personality, but definitely contributed to my desire to be with him).

    I think we dated the same guy...
  • sijomial
    sijomial Posts: 19,809 Member
    We split. We got back together. We celebrate our 30 year anniversary next year.
    There are no rules, you have to work it out for yourself I'm afraid.
  • joe7880
    joe7880 Posts: 92 Member
    <---- Just add bacon, as the shirt says bacon makes it better.

    Hard to argue this one =)
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
    I never understand how women can do this to themselves.

    Just get rid of him, cut all cords, and never, ever, ever talk to him again.

    End of story.